November 18th …November 18th…. November 18th
Puck sighed heavily. He could never forget this day. Every detail of it etched in his mind. It wasn't a birthday or a death of someone close to him, those he could forget if he wanted to. But this day, no matter how he tried to, it stayed with him. He doesn't even think he wants to forget. Puck laid in bed for a few moments, remembering.
With another sigh, he lifted himself off his bed and showered quickly and dressed for school. He grabbed his leather jacket and wore it over his grey thermal. He always wore this type of outfit on this day. Before going out the door, he stared at the leather bracelet that was tied to his bedpost. Attached to the bracelet was a small, flat rock. Upon closer inspection was a jagged L carved onto it.
Puck grabbed it and wrapped it around his wrist. He always wore this bracelet on November 18th. He bounded down the stairs to the small kitchen. His mother was already sitting at the kitchen table, her ratty pink bathrobe wrapped around her. She had an air of sadness about her today.
"Morning," Puck drawled, kissing the top of her mother's head. He caught sight of what was in her coffee mug. He frowned slightly. It wasn't coffee in there, it was scotch. But he understood. It was November 18th. "Look, I think I'm gonna be home a little later than usual. I'm going to be at Shelby's tonight with Quinn. We're gonna be taking care of Beth."
"Oh really? Again? 3rd time this week you've gone babysitting with her. Are you sure you're not fornicating behind my back?" Mrs. Puckerman asked testily, taking a sip of her scotch.
"Mom," Puck began. Dread was rising in his chest.
"Oh I understand Noah. I really do." Her voiced softened as she moved away from the kitchen table. She touched his cheek and said, "Just be careful, okay?"
"Always mom." Puck said hugging her. They weren't usually like this but when it's November 18th, it was always like this. Mrs. Puckerman drained her scotch filled coffee mug and treaded upstairs. Sarah walked into the kitchen, still rubbing her eyes. "Today's the day huh?" Eight-year-old Sarah frowned.
"Yeah it is." Puck handed Sarah her milk. "Come on, finish up. I'll walk you to school." He couldn't deny but feel that sense of dread and nostalgia ass he felt the small stone bump lightly against his wrist. His mom was too emotionally drained to drive Sarah and today just felt like one of those days when you just wanted to take it slow.
The weather was colder than Puck had anticipated. He thought about going back to his house and taking his truck to school but he didn't feel like going back anyway. Puck walked hand in hand with Sarah to school today. Both of them were quiet and didn't feel like talking much but both of them knew that something had to be said.
They were a block away from Sarah's school now. He heard Sarah sigh beside him and then, "Noah?"
Puck looked down at his sister. She had dark brown hair, hazel eyes and chubby chipmunk cheeks. There was a spray of freckles on the bridge of her nose and she was slightly bucktoothed although that made her cuter. Sarah was always really talkative on a normal day but today wasn't a normal day. At least, for the both of them it wasn't. "When are we going to get over this?" His sister asked. Puck swallowed hard, his mind reeling. Even he didn't know the answer to that question. He wasn't entirely sure if he ever wanted to get over it although there was a part of him that he wished he just would.
"I don't know. I honestly don't know."
"It's been eleven years. "
"I know Sarah. It's been eleven long years. I guess that it's just going to take a while longer."
"But I just want to get over it. Right. Now."
Puck stayed silent for a moment. They didn't say anything for the rest of the walk to Sarah's school. "You be good okay Sarah?" He hugged his little sister. "Go straight home after school and don't talk to strangers."
Sarah pulled away. "I know, I know. Hey, are you going to see Beth tonight?"
"Yeah I am. Want me to say hi to her?"
Sarah beamed at his words and nodded vigorously. "Yes, yes! And to Quinn too. I miss her, she never calls anymore."
Puck smiled slightly. "I will, I will." He said goodbye to Sarah and walked past her school toward McKinley. His hands were balled in his leather jacket, the cold air making the hair at the back of his neck stand up. He wished he'd gotten a scarf or something. He passed familiar stores and saw the park, the only park in Lima. It wasn't much to most people, just a place where teenagers hung out after school hours to smoke and drink. There was a worn down playground but most of the equipment were rusty and broken down. The only thing that was of any worth there was the swing, which was still in pretty good shape considering everything in that playground looked like shit.
And of course the small pond near the edge. He sighed remembering that place so vividly in his head.
Puck's eyes were stinging with tears. His face felt hot and his body felt worn. He's been crying for more than a few hours and yet his mom and dad were still arguing. Furniture had been broken; harsh words have been exchanged and more than a few painful blows have rang out. It was more than an eleven year old can take. He felt most sorry for Sarah who had been wailing in her crib. He felt guilty because as much as he wanted to go to his little sister's room, it was locked. Puck suspected that his father had the keys.
Puck was in his room, buried his face in his pillows, screaming and crying for them to stop but to no avail. He wanted nothing more than for them to shut up. The words his father threw at his mother were hurtful to hear and the words fired back at his father were no less cruel. How can two people that love each other so much, hate each other so much? But the thing that hurt the most was when he saw his father slap his mother across the face. It rang, deafening in his ears and a new wave of tears fell from his eyes. His mother fell down on the floor, shock, hurt and anger all rolled into one. He begged for his mother to get up until he saw his father's face, contorted in blinding rage. He threatened Puck that if he ever went near his mother, he would beat him to a pulp. And with that he slapped Puck across the face too.
Puck squirmed away and locked himself in his room, scared out of his wits. His body was trembling. He has never been so scared in his life. After crying for a little more than an hour, anger soon replaced his sadness. He marched to his closet, taking out his shirts, pairs of pants and shorts, socks, fresh underwear and any comic book in his reach and stuffed them in his duffel bag. He rolled up his sleeping bag and tent and grabbed his flashlight from his drawer. Puck counted his saving and the money he had now, 89 dollars. Not bad. He grabbed his guitar and slipped through his window.
He has run away. "Teenagers do it all the time. Why can't I?" Puck thought angrily.
He walked away from his house, forming fists and stuffing them into his pockets. Tears were still streaming down his face but he stubbornly wiped them away. He walked away from the neighborhood and into town, wondering where it would be a good place to set up camp. The afternoon was spent look for a place in the park when he soon settled on a nearby pond. The ground was springy enough to sleep on. He set up his tent and rolled out his sleeping bag. He did it. He finally did it. He ran away.
He enjoyed the rest of the afternoon playing his guitar, earning extra cash and ate at Burger King by himself for the first time. The feeling of independence was scary at first but it excited him at the thought of going away and doing whatever he wanted. He thought of spending half of his money at the arcade tomorrow.
It was almost sunset as Puck walked back to his campsite when he saw an unfamiliar figure standing peering inside his tent. "Hey! You can't go in there! That's my tent!"
She whipped back to face him, her face full of surprise and embarrassment. "I'm so sorry. I was just having a look around."
"Yeah? Well get lost."
"You're really mean." She scowled, crossing her arms. Puck rolled his eyes. "Beat it! Scram!" Puck told her. "Or can't you understand English?"
"I can understand English just fine."
"Well move it. You're in my way." Puck didn't mean to sound so mean but he's had a really crappy day. The girl looked really hurt. The girl sidestepped away but Puck didn't move. He felt really guilty. "I'm sorry, really. I didn't want to be mean to you at all. I just had a really crappy day. I'm sorry." Puck opened the zipper at the front of his tent and sat down in front of it. He offered her a seat next to him, which she took.
The girl seemed to brighten at those words. "It's okay. I guess I can understand. I've had a really awful day too."
Puck raised his eyebrows. "Really? Why?" Puck took the opportunity to study the girl a little more The girl had frizzy brown hair, freckles, braces and big hazel eyes. She wore a light pink sweater over her brown coat, the kind they sell at stores for rich people. She had big dorky glasses on and it slipped down her nose every time she would speak. She seemed a little chubby for her age but otherwise she didn't look like she cared what people called her. "Well it's because of my parents. They had this huge fight and…" Her voice cracked and a tear rolled down her cheek. Puck didn't know what to say. He felt a pang in his chest, knowing what this girl was going through. Her glasses slipped down again and she pushed them back up.
"Let's just say it got ugly." She finished, wrapping her arms around herself. "I understand. That's why I ran away." Puck told her.
The girl looked at him, her face full of pity and understanding. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay."
"Is that what happened to your face?" She asked innocently, looking at the small bruise on his cheek. Puck felt his face sting at the spot where his father hit him, like his father hit him again. "Did they hit you?" The girl continued to ask. "They could go to jail for that. It's wrong and it's pathetic and it's violence." He could tell this girl was smart, just by the way she spoke. He let her ramble on for a while about how they could send "them" to jail and for all the possible things that could happen.
"Has anyone tried to call the police at your place?"
"No, I don't think so. Not yet." Puck admitted. "I think the neighbors are used to them screaming at each other all the time."
"That's terrible." The girl looked at the pile of rocks beneath her feet and started kicking them idly. "I would call the police if my parents ever went that far."
"Well this is the farthest they've ever gone but I don't think anyone's noticed yet." Puck felt his tears starting to fall again and he didn't want to look like a wuss in front of a girl he just met. His parents should be looking for him now but it doesn't seem too likely. Or his parents just don't care about him. He wanted to go home if he was really honest but running away was a viable option and he needed to stick to his choice. He was stubborn that way. He grabbed a stone and threw it at the pond, making an audible splash.
The girl looked at him and touched his arm. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. You didn't do anything." Puck said, gritting his teeth. "It's my stupid parents' fault. They're the ones to blame. I just don't see why they'd argue about the same old stupid things again and again."
"They probably argue about those stupid things because they don't have anything else to do with their lives." The girl said. Puck thought about this for a while. His father was just fired from another job and no one was really hiring. Mom was busy taking care of Sarah to leave the house and Puck was too young to work. Or maybe his father was just too much of a man whore; he sleeps with his boss' wives or daughters.
Puck didn't say anything.
"My mommy and daddy are always so busy. We keep moving from town to town. I mean, this is the fifth town I've lived in and I just found out that we're moving to California next summer. It's so rare for us to sit at the dinner table without one of us absent. Sometimes I'd have dinner by myself. My sister goes on sleepovers most of the time and I don't think my parents ever noticed. I'm always alone. Even at school, I have no friends. Kids make fun of me all the time and I hate it. They call me names. No one's ever nice to me except maybe when they want their homework done."
"Maybe they'd be nicer to you if they know what you've been going through at home. They'd understand."
"I don't know. Maybe they'll think I'm a lonely freak." The girl replied sadly. "I hear kids behind my back calling me Fiona, you know, from Shrek. I know I'm not the prettiest person on the planet but that doesn't mean I'm a monster."
"Well actually, Fiona isn't a monster. She's an ogre like Shrek. But even when she was an ogre, she's probably the most understanding and kindest ogre out of all the Shrek characters. I don't think Fiona's ugly at all. She used to be a princess."
"She used to." The girl sniffed.
"But if I had to choose between those Disney princesses and Fiona, I'd pick Fiona."
"Why?"
"Because she can take care of herself. Plus, she can kick some serious ass." Puck froze instantly. "I mean, butt."
The girl laughed. "I guess so. You do have point. Those Disney princesses can't take care of themselves. They always need a man to rescue them. That must be really hard work for the guys. Must be really tiring."
Puck smiled. "So it's really sort of a compliment they're giving you, you see? If you're Fiona, you can kick their asses – I mean butts." The girl snorted. "You don't have to apologize you know. It's okay. I've heard worse things." She smiled slightly.
"I don't think you're ugly at all. I've seen worse." He laughed. The girl punched him playfully on the shoulder. Puck felt warmth rise in his chest, suddenly feeling butterflies as the girl smiled at him. For a moment, he forgot all his anger and resentment as he stared at her. Puck felt himself blush and he quickly stood up. "Enough of this sentimental crap." He picked up a flat stone near his foot and flung it at the pond. It skipped a couple times before sinking in the murky waters.
The girl stood up and attempted the same thing but it landed with an unsuccessful splash. She laughed at her own failed attempt to skip the stone. "I never knew how to do this."
"Well you're doing it wrong." Puck remarked.
"Show me then."
Puck sighed and searched for a flat stone in the dying light. That's when he noticed it was already sundown. The sun was sinking beneath the low-rise buildings of Lima, the golden light touching their edges and coloring the sky a burnt golden orange. It brushed against the oranges and reds and yellows of the fall trees, making everything seem like it was glowing.
Puck admired the view for a while, forgetting what he was doing for a moment. He turned his head to see the girl doing the same except she was closing her eyes as if she was remembering something or feeling some sort of wind that only she can feel. The golden rays touched her skin, face and hair. Puck sucked in his breath and shook his head slightly. He bent down and picked up another flat stone and skipped it across the pond. He smiled at his accomplishment. He turned around to look at her again, to see if she had seen what he'd done but she still had her eyes closed.
Puck wondered what she was thinking about. He didn't want to say anything to disturb her but he wanted to ask if she was alright. The girl opened her eyes and looked at him. "I'm sorry if that creeped out you. It's just a habit of mine."
"It's nothing." Puck skipped another stone. A sharp wind blew through the park, making the fall leaves swirl around them.
"I like feeling the sun and its warmth. It makes me feel…" She bit her lower lip with a pensive look on her face. "Human." She finished, nodding. Puck was thoroughly impressed with her and her brain. He didn't think he's met anybody this smart that was his age. Or at least had an air of wisdom of them at least. Everyone around him lived their miserable lives, using alcohol and drugs as a way for them to escape. But now, looking at this girl whom he's known for over at least half an hour, she was his escape. It made him feel hopeful and alive. It sort of scared him actually.
Puck sat down and said, "What's your name?"
"Lucy."
"Pretty name."
"And what's yours?"
"I'm not telling you." Puck smirked.
"What? Why not?"
"Because it's a secret. Guess." Puck said. In truth, he didn't like his name. Or his nickname. He didn't like saying it. It felt weird saying his own name. In truth, he felt like it didn't suit him. She thought hard. "I'm going to say…Julie."
"But that's a girl's name." Puck protested.
"I know. You look like a Julie though for some reason." She chuckled. "So it's Julie?"
"No. I'm not a girl." Puck told her, crossing his arms.
"You do whine like one." Lucy joked. "I'm kidding. Umm…I don't know really. I can't put my finger on it."
"Well it's not Julie." Puck said. Puck looked around for something along the pond bed and grabbed a small flat stone, no bigger than the pad of his thumb. "What are you doing?" Lucy asked.
"Wait here." Puck jogged around the campsite and found a piece of glass from a broken beer bottle. He began carving something into it. He walked back to Lucy, giving the stone to her.
"N? Is that your name? It starts with N?" Lucy brushed her fingers over the stone. Puck nodded.
"I'm taking a wild guess and say it's Nate." Lucy beamed triumphantly at him as if she just found the cure to cancer. Puck smiled. He liked it. It could be a new name for him. He felt like it suited him more than his own name. "Yeah, it is."
"Well Nate," Lucy picked up a stone similar to hers. She held out her hand and Puck gave her the piece of glass. She carved a jagged L onto it. "I'm Lucy." She handed it to him. Puck looked at it, feeling like this was something more than just a rock now.
"How come I've never seen you before? Around town and stuff. Lima's a small place. I think I've seen everyone in this town." Puck noticed, pocketing the small stone. Luck clucked her tongue. "I go to the private school up the hill, St. Francis?"
"Ohhh, that explains it." Puck felt a little stupid. "We're friends, right Lucy?"
Lucy nodded. "Of course, why?"
"We won't see each other again. You said you'd be moving to California and you go to a private school. It's nice to know that I've made a friend at least." Puck said, suddenly feeling sad at the thought of never seeing her again. Lucy nodded and holding out her pinkie. "You have a point Nate. Promise me that you'll wear your stone so if ever I'm back from Cali to visit you, you'll know it's me because I'll be wearing mine too. Promise me we will only wear it on this day, November 18th so we'll know about this day for the rest of our lives."
Puck smiled as they locked their pinkies. "Promise."
Puck sighed again for the nth time today as he walked toward Shelby's house. He wonders if he'll ever see Lucy again. He could never forget that day or Lucy. She gave him something in a time when everything was shit. She gave him hope. A wave of sadness hit him and he just felt that if he never saw her again at one point in his life, he could never thank her for what she's done for him. He wonders if she was thinking about him now. He wonders if she's wearing her stone. He wonders if she's forgotten about him.
He knocked on Shelby's front door. Shelby still hasn't given him keys to her house so he can visit Beth if ever he wanted to. Puck suspected that she was afraid he might steal something. On the third knock, the door opened. Quinn opened the door and let him in. She looked slightly annoyed and flustered. Beth was playing with her sock monkey in her crib.
"What took you so long?" Quinn said, sitting on the couch.
"I walked." Puck walked to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. "Where's Shelby?"
Quinn just shrugged. "She's probably out coaching the girls." Puck remembered that Shelby was the coach of the Troubletones. Puck walked over to Beth's crib, warmth and his "Daddy Puck" persona taking over him. "Hey monkey face," Puck said grinning at his daughter, still busy beating up her sock monkey. Puck spent a few moments admiring how cute their daughter was. Beth turned around her crib, ignoring her sock monkey and Puck picked her up and held her in his arms.
Puck saw Quinn's sad smile as she walked over to her and wiggled her fingers at her. "Hey baby," her voice was sweet as honey. "Hey, mommy and daddy are here." Beth raised her eyebrow at her, something she definitely picked up from her mom. Puck couldn't help but laugh. Quinn shook her head, as if dismissing something silly.
"Can I hold her?" Quinn asked him after a few moments. Beth proceeded to attempt shoving her tiny baby hands in Puck's nostrils.
"Wait for a few minutes. I gotta get monkey face here to stop shoving her hands in my nose." Puck's attention was all on Beth, tickling her and blowing bubbles and snuggling her. Quinn admired the view from afar. It was actually kind of cute, seeing how Puck was playing with a baby. The fact that it was their baby made it all the cuter. Puck began lifting Beth up in the air.
Quinn's motherly instinct kicked in. "Be careful, you'll drop her!"
"I won't drop her." Puck insisted.
"No Puck, stop that." Quinn didn't know whether she should interfere. Beth was laughing and was enjoying it. "What if you hit her head on the ceiling?"
"I won't." Puck said lifting Beth up again.
"Come on Puck."
"Fine." Puck stopped and tickled Beth once she was back in his arms. Puck then held Beth out. "Do you wanna hold her?"
"I don't know." Quinn said, suddenly reluctant. "What if she starts crying again?"
"Well you were here with her alone before I came in. Look, just ease into it okay?" Puck said.
Quinn held out her arms, trying to stop them from shaking so much. "Wait, what if I drop her?"
"You won't. Would you really drop our daughter? Get real Quinn." Puck said, laughing slightly. Puck eased Beth into her arms. "I trust you." Puck assured Quinn. A new sense of confidence returned to Quinn as Puck handed Beth to her. At first, Beth looked puzzled. "Hey, hey, it's me. It's me, your mommy."
"Call her monkey face." Puck said, grinning from ear to ear.
"I'm not calling our daughter monkey face." Quinn argued.
Beth squirmed a little, resisting at Quinn's touch. "Puck help me." Quinn was panicking.
"I told her, call her monkey face."
Quinn rolled her eyes and began toying with her and making faces. Beth didn't seem to be liking it. "It's not working."
"That's because you didn't call her monkey face."
Quinn turned to Beth again and said, "Hey, hey, monkey face." Beth smiled at the recognition of her nickname and pressed her hands against Quinn's face. Puck grinned triumphantly. "See, told you."
"It's hard to speak with her hands in my face." Quinn said. Beth then began to speak in incoherent words which made Puck and Quinn laugh. Puck's eyes met hers and for a moment he felt something good and pure and simple and he was taken back to November 18th again. Suddenly Puck's phone rang.
Puck took the call. "Hello?"
"Puck it's late and I'm coming home. Do you mind putting Beth to sleep?" Shelby asked. "I'm ten minutes away now."
"Okay Shelby." Puck replied and hung up. Puck gestured Quinn to put Beth back her crib. Once Beth was in her crib, Puck sang 'Til Kingdom Come by Coldplay for Beth. It wasn't long until Beth fell asleep. Quinn always liked it when Puck played the daddy role. She thought how good a father Puck could be when he had kids. Soon Shelby arrived and Quinn and Puck left the house. Quinn forgot how cold it was outside when she stepped out. The cold air stung her face and she wrapped herself in her coat.
"Hey, you did really good today." Puck said, catching up to Quinn.
Quinn smiled. "Couldn't have done it without your help."
They began walking in the same direction for a few minutes, admiring how quiet the neighborhood was but all Puck could think about was how cold it was. Winter was coming.
"Don't you have a car?" Puck asked.
"I felt like walking today." Quinn said. "And besides, isn't your house that way?"
"Yeah but I can't let you walk alone in the middle of the night. There might be rapists or something."
"Gee, I feel so safe already." Quinn joked. "But seriously Puck, you should go."
"It's okay Quinn. Seriously. We had a baby together. Don't tell me walking with you to your house is harder." Puck chuckled. She was always so stubborn. In some ways, it is, Quinn thought. But she decided she would let him, just this once.
They walked in silence for a few more minutes until a cold wind blew through them. They both stopped to bundle themselves up. Once the wind stopped, they continued walking. Puck wrapped his arm around Quinn, regretting that he only brought his leather jacket. Quinn shook his arm off. "Puck," Quinn warned.
"Babe, it's cold and I only brought my jacket. Cut me some slack here." Puck whined.
"You whine like a girl." Quinn said, rolling her eyes.
That brought him back to that day again but he quickly snapped out of it. "Come on Q, please. I know for a fact that you're shivering under there too. You're going to be doing both of us a favor here." Puck begged. He did have a point. Despite her coat, Quinn still felt cold.
"Fine. But if you touch my boob, you'll regret it."
Puck laughed. "I won't touch your boob. I promise." Puck wrapped his arm around Quinn's shoulders, feeling the familiar contours of her body against his. Quinn instantly felt warm again and she felt herself relax at his touch. They walked in silence for a few quiet minutes, enjoying each other's warmth. They were nearing her house now and Quinn was looking out for her nosy neighbors.
Quinn suddenly noticed the leather bracelet wrapped around his left wrist. A familiar flat stone dangling from it. She stopped dead her tracks, her mind reeling. "Hey, where did you get that?"
"What?" Puck asked, turning to face her.
"That! Where did you get it?" She pointed to his wrist.
He looked down his leather bracelet. "I've had it for a really long time."
"When?" Quinn was starting to look weird.
"Wait, what's gotten into you Q?"
"Just tell me. When did you get it?"
"What? Why? What the hell's going on with you?"
Quinn shook her head, emotion flooding her face. She pulled back the left sleeve of her coat to reveal a similar leather strap with a stone attached to it. The stone was somehow flat and no bigger than the pad of a child's thumb.
Puck took a step back, feeling somehow lightheaded. A wave of nostalgia and emotion flooded him. It was hard to believe. He didn't think it was possible. The whole world seemed to spin.
"Say something. Please," Quinn said under her breath.
"It was you? The whole time?" Puck still couldn't believe. He could think of so many things to say but it was all stuck in his throat.
"I could say the same to you. Just when things couldn't get more complicated between us." Quinn felt like everything she's known came to weigh on her shoulders.
"It was always complicated between us." Puck said out loud. Puck moved closer to Quinn. "Wow. This is…I don't know. Weird?"
"I feel weird. But in a good way."
Puck took her hand and ran his hand over the stone. "Quinn, Lucy…I should've put two and two together. God, I'm so stupid."
Quinn pressed her hand to his cheek. "We've been in front of each other this whole time. We always were, Nate."
Puck laughed.
"Why didn't you tell me your real name?"
"Because I liked that name better, big deal."
"Doesn't explain why you had to lie to me."
"Well you assumed it was Nate. You know, when the cops took us away from there I thought we would see each other again. Turns out I was sort of right?" Puck smirked. "For a while I thought it was Lauren. I thought she changed her name but then I realized it wasn't her. I should've known it was you. You know, the way we always go back to each other at one point or another."
"I guess so."
"Through the years I thought about Lucy…I mean you. And if you ever forgot about me. I figured you did. A girl like you deserves to be out in the real world. So I just wore this ever November 18th just to remember."
Quinn still couldn't say anything so she let him go on. "Thank you. I remember that day as a defining moment in my life. The good and the bad and you. You gave me hope that day when I thought everything in my life was hopeless. Thank you."
Quinn just couldn't. She just couldn't say anything so she pulled him down and pressed her lips to his. He quickly caught on and pulled her close to him. She sighed against his lips, feeling the relief and excitement flooding her body. She wasn't sure where their relationship was going to go next but she was sure they were never going back to that pitfall where they barely even acknowledged each other. They have become important roles in each other's lives, whether they knew it or not at the time and it created a bond they both knew couldn't be unbroken.