Goodbye, Twilight, Goodbye, a twilight fanfic

GOODBYE, TWILIGHT, GOODBYE

Easily my longest, toughest anti-Twilight song to date. This one here was a real doozy. I wanted something to the tune of Don McLean's "American Pie" (yes, I dared to undertake such a project), and it was extremely difficult coming up with suitable lyrics to last the entire length of the song. I must've spent two days on this. Now that I'm finally finished, I am ready to drop dead.

Original Music © Don McLean

Twilight © Stephenie Meyer

Lyrics © unicorn-skydancer08

Not so long ago,
Maybe yesterday, or so
There came this new thing they called "Twilight"
They said it had thrills and romance
So I thought I'd give it a chance
I figured, at the least, it'd be all right

But this book, it just didn't please me
All that it did was make me queasy
The writing was beastly
The characters were sleazy

What a most unpleasant surprise
Had to use Windex to clean my eyes
And I made a vow, there and then,
To never read Twilight again

So, bye-bye
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye
See you later, alligator
You are out of my life
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds
I say, this will be the day the craze dies
This will be the day the craze dies

Tell me, Stephenie Meyer,
What is it with these sparkling vampires?
That just sounds completely dumb
Anybody with half a mind
Knows these guys don't sparkle and shine
They just sizzle to a crisp in the sun

And why should a girl be called Bella?
Why should she fall for some dead fella?
Seems such a tragic waste
Oh, some people just have no taste

There's a hard-earned twenty bucks down the drain
And three hours, which I'll never get back again
And this is all I've left to say:
I'll never read Twilight again

I started singing—
Bye-bye
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye
See you later, alligator
You are out of my life
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds
I say, this will be the day the craze dies
This will be the day the craze dies

Now, I've been a sucker for true love
Love is a gift from heaven above
But this ain't how love ought to be
A dead guy roping in a brain-dead girl
He's the center of her puny world
Without him, she'd forget how to breathe

Oh, and while the girl's just seventeen,
He's well over a century
A corpse in love with a kid—
Oh, man, heaven forbid

On top of that, this book glorifies
Self-interest and suicide
This, my friends, is precisely why
I'll never read Twilight again

We were singing—
Bye-bye
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye
See you later, alligator
You are out of my life
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds
I say, this will be the day the craze dies
This will be the day the craze dies

In every bookstore across the nation
This thing's affecting our generation
I swear it's the gospel truth
Two small kids got nailed last week
Just because they said Edward's a freak
We've got a serious problem with our youth

These loony fans will launch World War Three
'Cause they can't agree to disagree
Is there no end in sight?
Oh, no solution to this fight?

Who'd have thought things would get this crazy?
I'm set to lose my sanity
We must convince humanity
To never read Twilight again

We started singing—
Bye-bye
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye
See you later, alligator
You are out of my life
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds
I say, this will be the day the craze dies
This will be the day the craze dies

I started to hope Twilight was done
But my troubles had just begun
Now the book is a hit movie
Now Edward's face glitters on the big screen
To the delight of swooning teens
In every theater across the country

Oh, and now there's a constant dispute
Of whether Ed or Jake's more cute
It's like that, night and day
Man, I can't get away

It's a nightmare literally come true
I don't know what more I can do
If you people know what's good for you,
Don't ever read Twilight again

Hear me singing—
Bye-bye
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye
See you later, alligator
You are out of my life
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds
I say, this will be the day the craze dies
This will be the day the craze dies

I've never had a moment's peace
Since this rubbish was released
I only wish it'd go away
Nothing is the same anymore
It feels like I'm in a losing war
A game I no longer have the heart to play

Miss Meyer, I hope you're satisfied
Your influence has spread worldwide
You have put vampires to shame
You've soiled Dracula's good name

Oh, we may be down, but we're not out
Some fighters are still scattered about
Together, we give one clear shout:
"We'll never read Twilight again!"

And I was singing—
Bye-bye
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye
See you later, alligator
You are out of my life
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds
We say, this will be the day the craze dies
This will be the day the craze dies

We were singing—
Bye-bye
Goodbye, Twilight, goodbye
See you later, alligator
You are out of my life
We don't need you to pollute innocent young minds
We say, this will be the day the craze dies