Thanks as always to Mari for her support, encouragement and her invaluable help with the jersey-isms.
Thanks to everyone for their kind reviews.
This one is for those of you who said I shouldn't worry about going long.
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Danny wandered absentmindedly around his drab, cookie-cutter hotel room fidgeting nervously with the assorted tourist information pamphlets, local restaurant menus, and a laminated sheet of paper detailing the rather limited slate of entertainment offerings in the hotel lounge.
'Are there still a lot of people clamoring to see a KISS cover band at this point,' he wondered aloud, let alone see them EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT as the dayglo orange paper proudly proclaimed.
He unstacked and restacked the plastic water glasses. Twice. He turned the ice bucket upside down, then right side up again. He peered out the curtains to the quiet parking lot below for the tenth time in the last hour.
Finally he gave up and flopped down on the bed. He removed his shoes before stretching his legs out in front of him, even though he didn't think any dirt that might be lingering on his soles could possibly make the tacky floral bedspread look any worse.
He grabbed the remote from the nightstand, turned on the tv and began mindlessly flipping through the channels. He stopped when he saw a man with a toothy smile reciting the college basketball scores.
He always found it disconcerting watching the local news broadcast in a strange city. The anchors always seemed….off somehow. A little too serious…..or too perky….or too plastic. He supposed it had to do with every locality having a personality all its own. It had taken him forever to get used to watching the news in Hawaii. The laid-back island nature of it was the complete antithesis of what he was used to seeing back in New Jersey. He listened for a minute to the talking heads drone on about local politicians he'd never heard of involved in a public works scandal he didn't understand, then began scanning the channels again.
He thought back to watching television as a child. In the Williams household his father always retained full control of the remote. If his father wasn't at home that duty fell to his mother. But rare was the occasion when Danny got to decide what to watch. He used to dream of the day he held the power to choose. He was sure it would be nearly impossible to decide between all the exciting options. Now, as he flipped through the channels waiting for something, anything, to catch his attention, he wondered how he could have 500 channels to pick from and yet there was nothing he found worth watching on any of them.
He wasn't sure what had him so out of sorts tonight. But out of sorts he was. With that terrible feeling of impending trouble in the pit of his stomach. His family called it agitato stomaco. He used to roll his eyes as a child when his mother and grandmother would fret over bad news coming based on nothing more than a vague feeling, but as adult he had learned the hard way to trust that feeling.
Ignoring it didn't make the bad news go away.
He knew Grace was ok, so that wasn't it. She was next door with Rachel, in an equally uninspiring hotel room, most likely sound asleep. She got so excited when she found out she was coming to Los Angeles for a cheer competition Danny was certain she hadn't managed a full night's sleep all week. Add in the plane trip and the longer than usual practices with her squad and she'd been just about ready to drop when she came to his room an hour earlier to say goodnight.
Besides, one of the first things Danny learned after he became a father was that the feeling you get when your child is in danger is something…..different. It's very distinct and identifiable. A kind of parent intuition. And this….whatever it was that was bothering him tonight…was not that kind of feeling.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked again to see if he had somehow missed a call or text.
Nothing.
Everything had been relatively quiet at work when he left Hawaii. Of course they could easily have caught a case the minute his flight took off, but he assumed if it was anything big Steve would call.
He'd talked to mother a few hours ago when she called to wish Grace good luck and she hadn't mentioned anything going on with the family.
Still, he couldn't the shake the feeling.
He toyed momentarily with the idea of calling Steve, or his folks, or both, just to check and see how things were going, but he decided against it. The thing about agitato stomaco was that it could be contagious. If he started calling around checking on people it might make them nervous. Or it might make them think he was crazy. Either way….he decided to just keep the feeling to himself.
Whatever was going to happen would reveal itself soon enough.
It always did.
###############################################################
"You're not gonna die today. Do you hear me? Do you hear me?"
Catherine did a quick field assessment of Billy's injuries. He'd taken a shot directly to the stomach and was bleeding badly. She knew she needed to get him to a hospital as quickly as possible. There was no time to wait for an ambulance to arrive.
But she'd seen people survive worse than this.
She forced herself to breathe deep and remain calm. This wasn't her first emergency. Far from it. This was exactly the kind of situation her years of relentless Navy training had prepared her for. Except, she realized this time it felt completely different. This time there was no operations center to call, no back-up waiting to step in if needed. No one to offer aid or advice. She'd never fully understood the secure feeling that came with knowing the entire US Navy had your back…..until it was gone.
She only had one teammate now and he was laying on the ground in front of her bleeding profusely and growing paler by the minute.
Suddenly she felt very alone.
"You hang on, Billy. I'm just gonna go inside and check on Cutler. I'll be right back. You hang on, you hear me?"
"I hear you," he said, his breathing growing more and more shallow.
Catherine darted into the house and made her way across the living to where John Cutler lay on the floor. She knew by the volume of blood spatter on the wall behind him that his injuries were massive. She stepped over a broken lamp and reached down to feel for a pulse.
Nothing. He was dead. There was nothing she could do for him. She'd call HPD from the van. Right now she was focused on one thing. Getting Billy the help he needed.
She ran back outside and knelt beside her wounded partner. "You still with me, Billy?"
"I'm still with you," he said, attempting a smile. "How's Cutler?"
"Dead. We'll deal with that later. Let's get you into the van and get you to a hospital."
"Sounds like a plan."
Catherine pulled Billy's arm across her shoulders and used all the leverage she could muster to get him into a semi-standing position. He helped as much as he could but his strength was waning and it was taking everything he had just to remain conscious. Through the sheer force of her will, and years of training with sailors twice her size, she got him across the lawn and into the passenger's seat of the surveillance van.
She jumped in through the sliding side door and slipped into the driver's seat. She was practically on auto-pilot as she started the van and took off towards the hospital.
"Hey, Billy, stay with me," she encouraged him.
"I'm not goin anywhere. You wanted more excitement, right?"
"This isn't exactly what I had in mind."
The pain in her arm was getting more intense. Her ears were ringing and she was starting to feel a little bit foggy. She pushed all of that down and concentrated on her driving. Billy was still conscious but he was fading fast. She knew every second mattered at this stage.
She began blowing the van's horn as she approached the Emergency Room entrance. Luckily it had the desired affect and by the time she had Billy out of the van there was a trauma team coming towards them.
She helped him onto the gurney and made sure the doctors knew his blood type. There was no doubt in her mind he'd be needing multiple transfusions. He'd been able to stand on his own during the transfer to the gurney though and Catherine chose to believe that was a good sign.
One of the doctors commented on her injury but she waved it off. She wasn't the one that needed attention right now. Billy was.
Once he was in the capable hands of the doctors, Catherine knew she had to make some calls. She had to call HPD so they could get out to the cabin and start processing the evidence. She had call Billy's family and let them know what had happened.
But she had to call Steve first so that he got the news about the shooting from her. She knew how much it sucked to get bad news about someone you care about from a stranger over the phone. She didn't want to put him through that. She remembered her phone was in the back of the van.
That was her last clear thought before everything went black.
#####################################################################
Steve knew, as he stood on the beach talking to Joe, that there was something his old friend wasn't telling him. He wasn't sure if was something Joe knew, or just something he suspected, but there was definitely something.
He hated having to go through other people to reach his own mother but he'd tried everything he could think of over the past several weeks to get in touch with her with absolutely no luck. He needed to talk to her and at this point he was willing to do almost anything to make that happen.
"Do you know something you're not telling me, Joe?"
"I'm just reminding you your mother is a complicated woman."
Steve most definitely didn't need to be reminded of that. Complicated was an understatement when it came to Doris. He'd learned a lot of things since her reappearance in his life but he was fully aware that there were many, many more things he knew nothing about. Chief among them the details of her relationship with Wo Fat. She'd promised him answers before she took off on that freighter with Adam and Kono and he intended to hold her to that promise. As soon as he found her.
The ringing of his phone brought him out of his reverie.
"McGarrett."
"Mr. McGarrett" a dispassionate voice asked, "do you know a Catherine Rollins and a William Harrington?"
As soon as Steve heard those words his heart started to race.
He'd grown accustomed to late night calls over the years so his senses didn't immediately go on high alert when the phone rang 'after hours'. He expected HPD on the other end of the line calling them in on a case. Or the governor's secretary summoning him to a meeting. On the odd occasion it might even be someone from Pearl with a question or concern.
A stranger's voice asking if he knew Catherine was the last thing he'd been expecting.
"Yes."
"They were injured tonight in a shooting…."
Steve cut her off. "Where are they?"
He knew from experience he wouldn't be able to get any more information over the phone. In fact, it was very likely the person calling had no further information to give. It was strictly a notification call. He'd made similar calls in the past. He knew the procedure. He didn't want to waste one more second than he needed to on the phone.
He just wanted to get to wherever she was. He started moving as soon as he got the information he needed.
"I'll be right there," he said as he disconnected the phone and headed towards the house with Joe on his heels.
"What's going on, Steve?"
"Catherine and Billy, they were injured in a shooting. I have to get to the hospital."
"How bad?"
"I don't know," Steve said as he entered the back door. He wouldn't allow his mind to start spinning out worst case scenarios. He couldn't be of any help to anyone, especially Catherine, if he didn't keep his head in the game.
He made his way across the room to the stairs and took them two at a time. He entered the master bedroom and emerged a few seconds later pulling a sweat shirt over his dirty white t-shirt. He came back down the stairs the same way he had gone up-quickly-grabbed his truck keys off the table and was out the door.
"Are you ok to drive?" Joe asked as he followed Steve up the sidewalk towards their parked vehicles.
"Yep."
Steve was laser focused and there was nothing that was going to deter him from getting to the hospital as quickly as possible.
"Ok, I'll take my car and meet you there."
##################################################################
Those first moments, when he didn't know anything about her condition, were absolutely brutal. The caller's words echoed in his head.
'Do you know a Catherine Rollins…..injured in a shooting'
He barely remembered the drive to the hospital, though he did recall turning on the lights and sirens even though the streets very mostly empty. He vaguely remembered grabbing the go bag she kept in the back of the truck, and rushing into the ER.
The first nurse he spoke to insisted on knowing if he was family. She was adamant she couldn't release any information about Catherine if he wasn't. He automatically reached towards his waist to grab his badge but realized he hadn't picked it up on the way out of the house. He'd been in too much of a hurry to get to Catherine.
"Someone from this hospital called me. They told me Catherine Rollins and Billy Harrington had been brought in after a shooting." Steve's hands balled into fists as he fought to keep his emotions under control.
"I can't release any information…."
"Then find me someone who can," he growled, his voice holding a dangerous edge.
"If you'll just have a seat in the waiting room I'll try to find someone to help you."
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his contacts trying to decide who was in the best position to get him what he wanted RIGHT NOW. He'd met the hospital chairman a few times at various events but decided the Governor was probably his quickest route to the access and information he needed. Just as he was about to dial the governor's private line one of the other nurses recognized him from previous visits.
"Commander McGarrett?"
"Yes..hi….Nurse…." Steve glanced at her name tag, "….Karen. Can you help me please? I got a call that Catherine Rollins was brought in earlier with a gunshot wound. She came in with another victim. William Harrington."
"Right. They came in about an hour ago. They didn't come in on an ambulance though. Apparently Ms. Rollins drove them here herself. The van is outside. Security moved it out of the ambulance lane and called the police. You know…on account of the gunshot wounds."
Steve breathed a small sigh of relief. If Catherine had driven them both the hospital maybe her injuries weren't too severe.
"Please just tell me how she is," he implored. "How they are."
The young nurse pulled him to the side, away from the prying eyes of her disapproving colleague behind the check-in desk.
"Ms. Rollins lost consciousness outside in the parking lot shortly after arrival. The doctor is with her now. She suffered a minor gunshot wound to the arm that won't require surgery. She's been unconscious since she came in though so we're checking for a possible head injury."
Steve's mind was trying to process all the new information.
"She's stable, Commander. Her injuries do not appear to be life threatening."
The nurse took a beat, waiting for her words to cut through the fog of panic she could see on his face.
"Can I see her?"
"As soon as the doctors are through assessing her injuries."
"But you're sure she's gonna be ok?"
"She'll be fine, Commander. Just give the doctors some time. As soon as they get her fixed up and in a room you can see her."
"What about Billy Harrington?" Steve knew he'd found a sympathetic ear and decided to press her for information on Billy's condition as well.
"I'm afraid the news on him isn't quite as good. He has a serious stomach wound and has lost a lot of blood. He's in surgery as we speak."
Steve had no idea what could possibly have happened tonight, but he knew that if Billy ended up dead Catherine would have a hard time forgiving herself.
"What are his chances?"
"I have no idea, Commander."
"Ok. Thank you. Can you let me know as soon as I can see Catherine. I'll be right here."
"I'll come find you as soon as I know anything."
"Thank you."
"No problem." She turned back towards the examining rooms.
"Actually," Steve said as she got a few steps away, "I have to make a few calls. So if I'm not right here….I'll be just outside."
"Ok."
"Make sure you come get me. Or I can give you my number and you can call me. But I won't be any farther than right outside the door."
"I'll come find you as soon as there's any news, Commander. You have my word," Karen smiled reassuringly.
"Thanks."
Steve felt like he could breathe freely again for the first time since he got the call about the shooting. He just needed to talk to Catherine, to see for himself that she was alright, and to find out what the hell had happened on that stakeout.
########################################################################
Danny's phone vibrated on the hotel nightstand and he was instantly awake. He checked the time and saw that it was just after 2 o'clock.
'Damn,' he thought to himself. 'I was really hoping my stomach was wrong this time.'
When he saw Steve's name and number on the screen he did a quick calculation and realized it was just after midnight in Hawaii. It certainly wasn't outside the realm of possibility that Steve might just have a question. Maybe he picked up the phone without thinking about the time zone difference. Late night calls from his partner weren't exactly rare but ….coupled with his earlier agitato stomaco, Danny knew that whatever Steve was calling for…it wasn't good news.
He snatched up the phone and answered it, unable to keep the edge of worry out of his voice. "Steve, what's wrong?"
"It's Catherine."
Danny's voice caught in his throat.
He had no idea what he'd expected Steve to say….he wouldn't have been surprised to hear that Steve had gotten into some kind of scrape and ended up in the hospital himself, or that they'd caught a big case and Danny needed to come back, or even that there was bad news about Adam and Kono….but it had not crossed his mind for one second that it might be about Catherine.
"What happened to Catherine?" Danny was out of bed now, getting dressed. Even though he wasn't on the island his instincts had him springing into action.
"She and Billy were injured in a shooting."
"How bad is it? Is she ok?"
"I think so. They haven't let me see her yet. The nurse said she was stable."
"Stable is good."
Danny took a deep breath in a futile effort to calm his pounding heart.
"I know. She has a gunshot wound to the arm. But she's unconscious and they're not sure why. They're checking for a head injury."
"That's probably just their standard procedure, Steve. They're checking everything. That's what you want, right? You want them to be thorough."
"I know, you're right. I just need her to wake up. I want to talk to her, see her for myself, ya know?"
"I know. And you will, babe, soon. But you gotta be patient and let the doctors do their thing."
"I'm trying."
"What about Billy?"
"He's in surgery. Apparently he's in pretty bad shape."
Danny bit his lip and tried not to think about all the terrible things he'd thought, and said, about Billy in the last few weeks. He still believed every word was true, that Billy was trying to steal Catherine away from Steve, but….considering the current situation he couldn't help but feel a little bad about it.
He pushed those thoughts aside. All he could think of now was Catherine. And how very badly he needed her to be ok.
For Steve's sake. And for his own.
Danny realized very early on in his friendship with Steve what an integral part of his partner's happiness and well-being Catherine was. But the flip-side of that, as much as Danny hated to think about it, is what a gaping hole would be left if anything ever happened to her.
"Do you know what happened?"
"I know they were on a stakeout. Something about a cheating husband."
"I remember Catherine mentioning that. Do you think the guy caught on to the fact that he was being followed and started shooting? Or maybe this has to do with the wife?"
"I have no idea. We don't even have a crime scene at this point because I don't even know where the shooting happened. Catherine drove them both to the Emergency Room. "
Danny couldn't help but smile. That sounded like Catherine. Never one to play the damsel in distress and wait for someone else to come and save her when she had the power to save herself.
Danny knew Grace had been looking forward to having him with her at the competition, but he also knew she would understand why he needed to go back to Hawaii. This wasn't just any case. This was about Catherine, who Grace adored and Uncle Steve…who Grace would do anything for.
He tossed his suitcase onto the bed and began repacking the few things he'd brought with him. He knew where he needed to be right now.
"I'm gonna fly back," he said. "I'll get the first flight out in the morning. Should put me back in Hawaii by lunchtime if I have the time zone thing straight."
"I hate ask you to come back, Danny. I know how much you and Grace were looking forward to this trip. I just…"
"You're not asking….I'm offering."
"But Grace….."
"….will understand."
"Thanks. I really appreciate it."
"Don't mention it. I'm on my way. You just take care of Catherine…and yourself…till I get there."
"I'll try."
"Call me if you hear anything…..anything at all…..about Catherine's condition before I get back."
"Will do. Thanks, Danny."
"Yep. See you soon."
Steve hung up and turned to look through the glass doors for any sign of Karen. When he didn't see her he dialed another number.
"Kelly."
"Hey, Chin. I need your help. Can you come down here to the hospital as quick as you can, please?"
Steve made his way across the parking lot to where the CSU team was going over the surveillance van. He knew the ER personnel had called them in as a matter of course in a shooting. He wanted to make sure 5-0 was kept informed about whatever evidence they found.
"Are you ok?"
Steve's stomach rolled as he looked in the front seat and saw blood smeared everywhere. On the seats, the console, the dashboard. He closed his eyes and tried not to picture Catherine injured and bloody.
"Steve," Chin's voice took on a new urgency. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah. I'm fine." Steve moved his eyes to the back section of the van. "Catherine and Billy were involved in a shooting tonight."
"Are they ok?"
"Billy's in surgery. He's in bad shape. The doctors are with Catherine. They say she's stable and her injuries aren't life threatening but I haven't see her yet. I just want see her, you know?"
"I'm sure you will, Steve. Very soon."
"I don't know what happened, Chin. Catherine drove them here to the ER after…..the shooting. I don't even know where…or who….. but the CSU team is going over the van and I need you here. I need to make sure we get looped in on everything."
"I'm on my way, brah. I'll take care of it."
"Thanks. Let me know what you find out."
"I will. Let me take care of it. You just concentrate on Catherine right now."
"Thanks."
Steve disconnected the phone as his eyes landed on a familiar item in the back compartment of the van.
Catherine's phone.
He snagged a latex glove from one of the technicians and picked it up. There were no recent calls or unusual activity that might hint at what had gone so terribly wrong.
The last text she sent was to him.
'Ugh. Cheating husband surveillance sucks. Some men are such pigs.'
'Think of it as practicing your surveillance skills,' he'd answered.
'When did you become Mr. Glass Half-Full,' she'd teased back.
'Must be your positive influence.'
He replaced the phone where he'd found it and headed back inside. He didn't know the details of what happened and right now he didn't really care. He needed one thing. To see Catherine right away. No matter what it took he was going to find someone who could make that happen.
#########################################################################
Steve headed back inside to the ER. Patience was not his strong suit and he'd just about reached his limit. He didn't relish the thought of dealing with the stonewalling reception desk nurse again but Karen was nowhere in sight and he needed information. Just as he was about to approach the counter he saw Joe walking through the doors that lead out to the rest of the hospital.
He could tell immediately something was wrong. The older man's face wore a grim expression and his hands were clasped tightly behind him.
"What is it, Joe? What happened?" Steve tried not to panic. He knew Karen would have come to find him if something happened to Catherine. Still, Joe clearly had bad news.
"Billy didn't make it."
"What?" Steve was stunned.
"He coded on the table. They did everything they could but the damage was just too extensive. He lost too much blood. They couldn't save him."
Steve fought against rising nausea. "What the hell happened out there tonight?"
He knew this news would devastate Catherine. She and Billy were working hard on rebuilding their friendship and creating a new partnership. He recognized how nervous she'd been about leaving the Navy, but at the same time how excited she was at the thought of this new challenge in her life. Now it had all come crashing down before it really even got a chance to get started.
"Any news on Catherine? " Joe asked.
"Not yet. I was just coming to find somebody to get me in to see her."
"She's the only one who's gonna be able to tell us what happened."
"I know. As soon as she's up to it."
"Are you too close to this one, Steve? Maybe you should let HPD handle it?"
"I'm fine. Chin is working with HPD to go over the van and Danny's on his way back from LA."
"She's gonna have to be told about Billy."
"I know. I'll do it."
"I put a call in to an old contact to get the phone number for his family. Someone needs to call them."
Steve knew it would be better for Billy's family to hear the awful news first from someone who'd known him, and cared about him, rather than from a stranger. Obviously the hospital would make a death notification, with the help of HPD, that was standard procedure. And Steve was sure they'd handle it with sensitivity. But they didn't know Billy, and what kind of man he was, and how honorable his service to his country had been.
Whatever uncomfortableness had been between them since Billy offered Catherine the job, Steve knew the former SEAL was a good man and a good soldier. He deserved every bit of respect and dignity available to him in death.
"Can you call them, Joe? I'm not sure I'd handle it very well right now. I really can't concentrate on anything till I see Catherine."
"I'll take care of it," Joe assured him. Unfortunately, he'd had to make similar calls many times over the years. They never got easier but he considered it his duty and, in a strange way, his honor.
Thanks," Steve said as he looked up and saw Karen, the nurse who had helped him earlier, approaching.
"Commander McGarrett. We've moved Ms. Rollins upstairs to a room. She's still unconscious but you can sit with her now till she wakes up if you'd like."
"Thank you," Steve said. "Thank you."
He felt bad about Billy, and wanted to know what had happened, how a simple stakeout had turned deadly, but all he could concentrate on right now was the fact that he was finally going to be able to see Catherine.
##############################################################
Steve pulled a chair next to Catherine's hospital bed and sat down to wait. He had no intention of going anywhere until she woke up and he could see for himself that she was alright. Karen assured him again when she brought him up to the room that there was nothing to worry about. That it was just a matter of time until Catherine regained consciousness. And so he waited.
For most of his adult life Steve had been an early riser. He'd slip out of bed at what Danny liked to call the 'butt crack of dawn' and go for a run, or a swim. It gave him time to clear his head and get his thoughts together if things were going well. Or to brood privately if they weren't. No matter the weather, or how little sleep he may have gotten, he slipped eagerly out of bed, ready for the endorphin rush only a tough workout could bring.
But it was always different on the mornings he woke up with Catherine. On those mornings, it was harder to get out of bed.
In the early days of their relationship, when their separations were long and their mornings together were rare, he'd told himself he was just savoring every moment. Since Catherine had moved in with him, however, spending a few minutes watching her sleep had become a morning ritual that trumped his workout. Hair splayed out across the pillow, features relaxed, totally at peace.
The image centered him.
Which was why he couldn't bring himself to look at her as she lay there on that sterile hospital bed, features creased with tension, small wires protruding from the top of her gown, hooked to a machine monitoring her vital signs. The machine beeped steadily and yet she didn't wake up.
This image was too painful, and took his mind to dark places he never wanted to go. So he looked at the floor, at the bed, at his lap….anywhere but at her face.
Every nurse who came in to check her assured him that everything looked good and she should be waking up very soon. But still she didn't.
He just wanted her to wake up.
He knew when she took the job with Billy there would be a certain amount of risk involved. It was the nature of the business. It was why he encouraged her to build a strong friendship and partnership with her ex. It was essential that when the chips were down they could count on each other.
He never expected she'd be in danger on a simple cheating husband stakeout though. In fact, he teased her when she was getting ready to go, about hiding in the bushes spying on cheaters. She laughed and told him that at least she wasn't hiding in a foxhole spying on the enemy.
That comment led to an energetic round of the foxhole fantasy thing that resulted in her not being quite ready when Billy arrived to pick her up.
"She'll be right down. We lost track of time," Steve smirked when he answered Billy's knock on the front door.
His mind began replaying the last few weeks since Billy had reappeared in their lives. He'd had some not-so-nice thoughts about his former teammate during that time, but Catherine was so sure everything was going to work itself out, and that Billy would move past wanting her back, that Steve actually started to believe that at some point they'd all be able to sit on the beach, drink a few beers and laugh about the whole situation.
Now Billy was dead and they'd never have that chance. Less than a week after this new adventure started, it was over.
Steve worried that Catherine's professional life, which for so many years had been all about the order and discipline the Navy provided, demanded even, was about to be plunged into a state of instability she wasn't prepared for. First there would be Billy's death to deal with. Then he knew she wouldn't be able to put what happened behind her until she fully deconstructed the entire operation and figured out what went wrong. Then finally she would be faced with the question of where her professional life goes from here.
But all of that could wait for another time. Right now all he wanted was for her to wake up.
He offered up yet another silent prayer.
Suddenly he felt her jerk awake. His head snapped up and for the first time since he entered the room he fully looked at her. He'd never been happier to see her brown eyes looking back at him. He grasped her hand, a look of complete relief on his face.
Whatever questions might be coming in the future would have to wait. For right now she was awake and that's all that mattered.
###########################################################################
Steve watched anxiously from his perch beside Catherine on the bed as she removed her IV and unhooked the machine monitoring her vital signs.
"What are you doing? You can't pull that out. Wait a minute."
"Listen to me. I checked Cutler's pulse before I got Billy into the van….."
Steve took a deep breath and tried to control his frustration as he watched her slide out of bed.
He knew exactly what she was doing.
She allowed herself a few minutes to cry over Billy's death, but only a few minutes. Then she dried her tears, straightened her back, and immediately started analyzing the operation, trying to figure out what went wrong.
It wasn't the healthiest course of action. At least not from an emotional standpoint. She forced her feelings about Billy's death down and replaced them with a raw determination to find out who killed him.
Steve recognized all the classic signs of avoidance. Mostly because he'd engaged in it himself more than once. Which is how he knew for sure that while it might be a good short term coping device, in the long term it didn't fix anything. In fact it usually made things worse.
All he wanted right now was for her to get back in the bed and stay there. Away from the outside world and any danger that was lurking. Until he knew exactly what happened that led to shootout that took Billy's life, he wasn't going to relax and assume she was safe.
"You need to stay here and you need to rest. Do you understand? OK. I'm gonna call Duke, I'll call HPD and get CSU out to the cabin."
He knew what was going on. She was looking for a diversion and the investigation was something constructive she could concentrate on. He was happy to start the ball rolling for her by getting Duke and his team working at the cabin. But they could do that without Catherine's presence.
The doctors still hadn't been able to fully explain her hours of unconsciousness. And as Danny was always reminding him—your body gives you signals and when you don't listen bad things happen. Catherine's body was clearly signaling it wanted to rest.
"OK, good, but I'm going too."
"No, Catherine, you're not going. You've been shot."
Steve was starting to lose the battle with his emotions. Why couldn't she just stay here where she was safe? And could get some rest. Why was she being so stubborn?
'Do you know a Catherine Rollins…..injured in a shooting' . The words kept echoing in his head. The fear of those initial moments before he knew she was going to be ok.
"Steve, Billy's killer is out there, ok, and I can't be in here. And you of all people should understand that."
They locked eyes and hers begged him to understand. She had to get out there and help find whoever did this. She needed to do something. She couldn't just sit still. It would drive her crazy.
And he understood that about her.
But still there was a part of him that wanted to wrap her in bubble wrap and tie her to the hospital bed for the next few days.
Finally he relented. Mostly because she was right. He did understand. She was doing exactly what he would be doing in the same situation.
"Ok."
But that didn't mean he had to like it.
##############################################################################
Danny pulled his buzzing phone from his pocket as he waited to board the early morning Hawaiian Airlines flight that would take him back to Oahu. When he saw Steve's name he sent up a silent prayer for good news.
"Hey. How's Catherine?"
"Impossible."
"What?" Danny's whole body tensed. "I thought the doctors said…."
"She refuses to stay at the hospital and rest," Steve spat out. "She insisted on leaving and going out to the cabin where the shooting took place. I told her she needs to rest but there's absolutely no reasoning with her."
Danny smiled and allowed himself to relax a little. "Someday you're gonna see the irony in this situation."
"Maybe. But that day won't be today."
"I know. But she's ok then?"
"I guess so. She was unconscious for quite a while, Danny. That has to mean something. You're the one always telling me about the body sending signals."
"I know."
"So how do I convince her she needs to relax?"
"You can't , Steve. Any more than I'm ever able to convince you. All you can do is keep a close eye on her. Be there if she needs you. But try not to be too much of a mother hen."
Steve smiled a small smile. "Someday you'll see the irony in that comment."
"Touché. Listen, just keep an eye on her, try to get her to eat, and rest if you can, and I'll be back soon. Maybe we can tag team her."
"Oh yeah. That'll go over well I'm sure."
"Look, Steve, the fact that Catherine is not the shrinking violet type is not news to you."
"I know. I just….I'm just….."
"Worried? I know. But if there's one thing you know how to do better than anything else it's be there for Catherine."
"Yeah. I guess."
"Look they just called my flight. I gotta go. I'll call you as soon as we land."
"OK, have a good flight." Steve disconnected the call and slid his phone back in his pocket.
"Who's having a good flight," Catherine asked as she entered the kitchen, towel drying her hair.
"Danny."
"He's coming back? He doesn't need to do that."
"He wanted to. Where's your sling?"
"I'll put it back on when we're ready to leave."
Steve knew he had to pick his battles carefully and decided the sling wasn't one worth fighting right now. "I'm gonna jump in the shower. Why don't you grab something to eat while I'm doing that then we'll head out to the cabin."
"I'm not really hungry."
"Maybe not, but you need to keep your strength up. Have an energy bar at least," he called over his shoulder as he left the kitchen and headed upstairs.
Catherine knew he was just trying to help. That he wanted her to stay at the hospital not because he thought she was weak or incapable but because he was worried about her. And she appreciated that.
She just couldn't be clucked over and pitied right now. The emotion was still too raw. If she gave into it she would end up in bed crying all day and that wouldn't do anyone any good. She owed it to Billy to find out who killed him and bring them to justice. He was her partner. He had trusted her to have his back.
And yet here she stood and he was dead.
She needed to understand why.
Debriefing after an unsuccessful op was always the worst part of the job for Catherine. She'd watched many people struggle to come to grips with a mission gone wrong, and the role they played in it. She'd even been through it herself a number of times. It never felt good, but it was necessary.
She needed to find out what happened and why. Then she'd have time to sit down and deal with the repercussions.
##############################################################################
Steve and Catherine's ride to the cabin was spent mostly in silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts. He was determined to let her do what she needed to do in terms of the investigation, but only to a point. If he felt she was doing herself more harm than good he would step in, no matter how angry it made her.
For her part, Catherine replayed every minute of the previous night over and over in her mind, trying to think of how she could have changed the outcome. She wondered if there was any way she could have anticipated what happened.
They were both shaken from their thoughts when they pulled up to the crime scene and saw Duke and the CSU team waiting outside.
"Duke, what's going on? Why isn't your team inside processing?"
"Better you see for yourself."
Steve followed Catherine as she turned on her heel and walked determinedly towards the cabin. She couldn't think of any reason HPD wouldn't have already started to collect evidence. She'd been inside the crime scene herself just a few hours ago and knew there was plenty of blood evidence, and bullet casings, that would hopefully give them a clue as to who wanted John Cutler dead.
As they stepped inside and looked around, Catherine couldn't believe her eyes. It looked nothing like it had the last time she saw it. The house was absolutely spotless. Nothing out of place. It looked as if no one had been there in days let alone someone murdered in the living room the previous night.
She didn't understand what was happening. She looked at the spot where she'd seen John Cutler's dead body. The floor was clean. The walls were clean. There was no sign of a broken lamp or any overturned pottery.
"Steve, there was blood here. This doesn't make any sense."
Steve had no idea what to make of what he was looking at. It certainly didn't appear any crime had taken place. Yet Catherine was so sure. He began to worry once again about the possibility she'd suffered some sort of head injury. At the very least he thought it was proof she shouldn't have left the hospital, let alone be working on the investigation in any way.
"Look, you've been through a lot. Is there any chance you got the address wrong?"
He was grasping at straws.
"I was unconscious for hours. Someone came back here during that time and scrubbed this place."
"Catherine." He couldn't hide how ridiculous he thought the idea was. Dead bodies, and any proof of their existence, don't just disappear in a matter of hours. John Cutler was no one special as far as Steve could tell. He was a cheating husband with a suspicious wife. Why would anyone engage in this level of elaborate cover up for a guy like that?
"Listen. Look, John Cutler's body was right here." Catherine pointed to a spot where the living room transitioned to the kitchen. She crouched down to inspect it more closely. "Do you smell that? Ok, that's bleach."
"It's a kitchen floor, Catherine."
But something about what she was saying started to penetrate the fog of emotion that had settled over him from that minute on the beach when he got the call that she'd been shot. That had continued to cloud his judgment as she insisted on leaving the hospital when all he wanted to do was enclose her in a plastic bubble and keep her safe.
It definitely wasn't unusual for a kitchen floor to smell like bleach, but that was only after a recent mopping. Steve knew the scent faded fairly quickly. So if the smell of bleach was still there, it meant someone had cleaned these floors very recently.
He moved towards Catherine, examining the area where she said John Cutler's body had been for any sign of something out of place. When she put her hand on the wall and came back with wet paint on her fingers, he knew she was absolutely right. Someone, for some reason, had scrubbed the cabin to make it look as though nothing happened there.
He should have known better than to doubt her.
He sensed her visibly relax as he instructed Duke to have his team process the house and yard, happy that he believed her despite the lack of visible evidence and the sanitized crime scene. At that moment he understood exactly how important this was to her. He made himself a promise that he would do everything in his power to help her find the answers she needed.
############################################################################
Once Duke's team started processing, Steve and Catherine decided to go back to headquarters and see what Chin found out about John Cutler and the woman he had been at the cabin with. About halfway back to town Steve pulled the truck over at a beachside overlook and cut the engine.
"What's wrong?" Catherine asked.
He released his seatbelt and turned towards her. "Nothing. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute."
"Ok. About what?"
"I'm sorry," he said sincerely as he reached over and stroked the side of her face with the tips of his fingers.
"Sorry for what?"
"For doubting you. For thinking for even one minute that you got the address wrong or were mistaken about what happened and where." He slid his hand down her arm and linked their fingers together.
"It's ok, Steve. For a minute there, when I saw the inside of that cabin, I doubted myself. I can see where you were coming from," Catherine said candidly.
"I should have known better. I was letting my emotions cloud my judgment." Steve was determined not to let himself off the hook.
"It's ok. Really. You had a long night and you're operating on no sleep."
"I'm used to operating on no sleep. That's no excuse."
"If it's that important to you to take some blame here then fine, I forgive you," she nodded. "But I need to apologize too. For being stubborn. I know you're only trying to help. I just need to handle this my own way."
"Without me mother henning you," he grinned.
"Right. Because you don't do the mother hen thing. That's Danny's job."
She squeezed his hand and smiled.
"True."
"I need to do this, Steve," she said, suddenly more serious. "Not only for Billy, but for me too. I need to know what went wrong. What I did wrong."
"You know as well as anyone, Catherine, that sometimes these things go bad and no one is at fault. This was a simple stakeout on a cheating husband. You didn't expect it to end up in a gun battle and neither did Billy."
"But who could have wanted Cutler dead? And why?"
"I don't know, but we're gonna find out. Just promise me that if it gets to be too much you'll let me know."
"I will. I promise," she assured him.
"We all want to find this guy, Catherine."
"I know."
She undid her own seat belt and slid over into his lap as he released the seat and pushed it back to make more room. He wrapped his arms around her as she rested her head on his shoulder. They sat in silence for about 20 minutes, each listening to the other breathe, comforted by the knowledge they were both safe and together.
Finally Steve gave her a soft kiss. "Time to get back to work."
She smiled softly. "Let's do this."
##############################################################################
Danny fidgeted in his seat, the agitato stomaco he had been feeling the previous night replaced by a feeling of wanting to get home and help his friends. He knew Steve said that Catherine was ok but he wanted, no needed, to see that for himself.
Steve had been frustrated by Catherine's refusal to stay put in the hospital but Danny knew one thing for certain. If Catherine was really in any danger health-wise from leaving, Steve would have done anything necessary, up to and including placing her in protective custody, to keep her there. So the fact that she was walking around outside the hospital made Danny feel certain that her physical health wasn't in danger. As for her emotional health, he'd have to judge for himself after he had a chance to talk to her.
Whatever he found when he landed, he would be there for both his friends.
"Going to Hawaii on vacation," the lady in the seat next to him asked. He noticed her when she first sat down next to him. She was a paesan. No question. She reminded Danny of his aunts back in New Jersey.
"No, actually I live there," he smiled.
"That sounds nice," she said.
"How about you?" Danny asked. He didn't usually enjoy making small talk on airplanes but there was something about this woman that put him at ease.
"I'm on my way to visit my daughter and son-in-law and my three perfect grandchildren. They live on Oahu."
"That sounds fun. How long will you be staying?"
"Till the first of the year. I love spending the holidays with my grandbabies. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. But since the third one came along, well, let's just say it's easier for me to come to them than for them to travel all the way to the other side of the mainland."
Danny laughed. "So you're from back east?"
"Upstate New York. You?"
"New Jersey originally. Danny Williams," he said as he reached over and shook her hand.
"Sophia Bernardino," she smiled. "Living in Hawaii must be quite a change for you."
"It was at first. That's for sure."
"So were you visiting back east?"
"No. I was in LA with my daughter for a cheerleading competition, but a friend of mine got hurt last night so I'm heading home."
"Not serious I hope."
"No. Thank God. But her partner was killed."
"Oh that's a shame. If you let me know their names I'll add them to my prayer list."
Something about the woman's friendly features and soft smile made Danny feel comfortable and the next thing he knew he was telling her the whole story. His divorce and subsequent relocation to Hawaii, how he ended up partnered with Steve, all about Grace and the challenges he felt parenting a daughter, the years Steve and Catherine spent devoted to each other despite impossibly long separations, how happy they both were when she got permanently assigned to Pearl, Billy's job offer to Catherine, how Steve encouraged her to take the job over Danny's strenuous objections, Catherine's decision to leave the Navy, how he'd teased Steve about being jealous, how Catherine had admitted to him that she knew Billy wanted her back but had assured him she could handle it, and finally about his agitato stomaco last night and then the call from Steve about the shooting.
"It sounds like a tragic situation," the woman said sympathetically. "Such a young man."
Yeah. I'm just…well….I'm hoping I didn't give him the evil eye, you know. I mean I thought….and said….a lot of not so nice things about him lately. I mean….I didn't have anything against him personally. I didn't even really know him. Both Steve and Catherine swear he's a good guy. And Catherine…..she was sure he'd get over his feelings for her. But I didn't know him that way. All I knew was a guy trying to steal my best friend's girl. And I couldn't sit still for that. She's the best thing that ever happened to him. I just can't help remembering how my grandmother always talked about the evil eye taking people down."
Sophia smiled and patted his arm.
"Are you sure you're remembering everything your grandmother taught you about the eyes?"
Danny smiled. "What am I missing?"
"The eyes aren't at their most dangerous when there's anger involved. If they were there wouldn't be anyone left standing," she laughed. "The power of the eyes is based on envy. You don't cast the spell on people by being angry at them, but by being jealous. You don't strike me as the jealous type, Danny Williams."
"Well I am….was….definitely not jealous of Billy. I just wanted him to stay away from Catherine. Maybe I should have stayed out of it but….."
"But you couldn't. You know why?"
"Why?"
"Because these people are more than your friends. They're family. And we do for family."
Danny nodded. "You know what you are, Sophia, you are a very wise woman."
"You know what you are, Danny? You're an uomo buono. A good man. Both Steve and Catherine are lucky to have you in their lives."
"I'm lucky to have them too."
A voice came over the plane's speakers. 'This is your captain speaking. Please fasten your seatbelts, return your tray tables to their upright position and turn off any electronic devices. We'll be starting our descent in about 5 minutes.'
"I'm sorry," Danny laughed. "It appears I talked your ear off for the entire flight."
"Don't you dare apologize. I enjoyed every minute of it. I can't wait to tell my daughter that a handsome young man kept me entertained for the entire trip. She worries when I travel alone."
##################################################################
"Hey, you got a minute?" Danny asked, poking his head in to Chin's office.
"Sure, what's up?"
"Joe's buddy at the DoD cracked the code on Cutler's laptop. There was some interesting stuff on there. He's waiting for you out by the smart table to show you what we found."
"Sounds good. I'll be right out."
"Actually, think you can handle this one without me?"
"I guess so. Why?"
"Rachel just called and told me that ESPN16 or ESPNcheer or one of whatever they call those obscure ESPN channels is carrying the cheerleading championships. If I head out now I might be able to catch Grace's team."
"Sure, go ahead. We'll be fine."
"Thanks. Call me if anything new comes up."
"Will do."
"Hey Chin?" Danny said as he put his hand on the door handle then had a second thought and turned back. "How are Steve and Catherine doing? Are they ok? I mean…I only got to see them for a few minutes before I headed out with Joe."
"I guess they're about as good as can be expected. Catherine is running on pure determination at this point. Steve's pretty much the same except with an extra added layer of keeping an eye on Catherine. He's barely let her out of his sight all day."
"That sounds about right."
"They both have their heads all the way in the game, Danny, if that's what you're worried about. If I thought there was an issue with either of them being in the field I'd say something."
"No, no, no I know that. I'm just worried about them, you know?"
"I know. I am too. All we can do is be here if they need us. Just like they'd do for us."
"I know. You're right."
"Now get outta here and go watch your daughter. I'll call you if we need you."
"Thanks. If you see Steve tell him I'll be back as soon as I can."
###################################################################
Steve finished up briefing the responding HPD officers on everything 5-0 knew about Cutler's death then happily turned the case over to them so they could handle Andrew's arrest and the subsequent paperwork. He assured them Chin would forward over everything he could that had been found on Cutler's laptop, but due to the classified nature of so much of that info that would be something HPD would have to hash out with the various military branches.
Now that the case was solved the events of the last 18 hours started to weigh him down. He looked around for Catherine and finally spotted her leaning against one of the squad cars, head down and holding her arm. He knew it hurt more than she would admit. He made a mental note to make sure she wore her sling, at least at home, for the next few days.
She was lost in thought and didn't notice him approaching until he was right beside her.
"You ok?" he said, as she jumped slightly.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just…I can't believe it all came down to something like this, ya know?"
"Yeah," he said, reaching out and taking her hand. "It seems like such a waste. But I meant what I said earlier, Catherine. Billy was a hero. Instead of focusing on the stupidity of the reason for the shooting we need to focus on the fact that Billy was a good man doing the right thing—even if it was in defense of the wrong kind of guy."
"You're right. I know you're right." Catherine gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand. "Thanks."
"My pleasure," he smiled back at her. "You ready to call it a day?
"More than ready. But I have to go over to HPD and give them a statement about last night."
"Are you sure you're up to that? We can put it off till tomorrow if you want."
"As tempting as that is, I just want to get it over with. Duke said he was just about done here and then he'll give me a ride to the station."
"Whatever you want. But you've been through a lot today and there's no shame in saying you need some time. If it gets to be too much just tell Duke."
"I will. I promise."
"As soon as you're done there we're heading home. I think we could both use a nice hot shower and a chance to decompress."
"Sounds perfect. Think I might be able to talk you into one of your famous backrubs?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows for affect.
"I think that can be arranged," he smiled. "You definitely deserve one after the day you've had."
"I'm gonna hold you to that."
"Ok. I'm gonna head back to HQ then and deal with a little paperwork. Call me when you're done and I'll swing by and pick you up. We can grab some dinner on the way home."
"Can we make it take-out? I don't feel like being around a lot of people tonight."
"Sure. Kamekona's ok?"
"Always."
"I'll take care of it." Steve saw Duke walking towards them. "Here comes your ride." He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Call me when you're done. Ok?"
"I will," she smiled, giving his hand a final squeeze as he opened the passenger's side door of Duke's squad car.
"I'm leaving her in your hands, Duke," Steve said over the top of the car. "Take good care of her." He tried to keep his tone light but in truth, it was the first time since leaving the hospital they were going to be in different places and he was feeling a little anxious.
"I will, Steve," Duke said sincerely, sensing Steve's reticence. "You have my word."
################################################################
Danny paused as he approached Steve's office, taking a minute to observe his friend. Steve was sitting at his desk, eyes squinted as he studied the files in front of him, one hand absentmindedly rubbing his forehead as he attempted to ward off a headache. He looked up as Danny pushed open the office door.
"Hey, how'd Grace's squad do? Chin told me you were going home to watch them on tv."
"They did great. All of them," Danny beamed.
"Good."
"Of course Grace was the best."
"Of course," Steve agreed. "Was there ever any question?"
Danny smiled. "Hey, where's Catherine? Now that the case is wrapped up I was hoping to get a few minutes to talk to her. You know….just to check in."
Danny flopped down on the couch next to several take-out bags with Kamekona's familiar logo emblazoned on them.
"She's over at HPD giving her statement about last night."
"How's she doing?"
"Pretty good I guess."
"And how are you doing?"
"I'm fine, Danny," Steve insisted. "This isn't about me. I'm worried what's gonna happen as soon as Catherine sits still for a few minutes and has time to think about everything."
"Yeah. That's gonna be rough."
"I just wish I could spare her the pain, you know?"
"I know. But you know what? Catherine is strong. This won't be easy….not by a longshot…but she'll find her way through it."
"You should have seen her when we had Benner in the interrogation room," Steve smiled. "There was one point, when he was saying he didn't believe there'd even been a shooting…..I thought she was gonna slap the smirk right off his face."
"And you wouldn't have stopped her, right?"
"Probably not," Steve laughed. "Lucky for him Chin came in with the tire track match and he had to admit everything. It's just…"
"What?"
"I hate the thought of her blaming herself for what happened, but I know that's exactly what she's gonna do."
"Listen, Steve, it's almost as hard to watch someone you love go through this kind of thing as it is to go through it yourself."
Steve smirked at Danny. His word choice had not gone unnoticed but Steve chose not to engage on that issue right now. "I'll do whatever it takes to get her through this as quickly and smoothly as possible."
"I know you will. But you can't do the work for her or it won't stick. All you can do is be there to offer advice, and a shoulder, and a kick in the pants when necessary.
"Yeah. First thing we have to do is get through Billy's funeral."
"When is it?"
"Tomorrow."
"That's fast."
"It's what his family wanted."
"I feel kinda bad about all the things I said about him. I don't take any of them back…..I just feel kinda bad."
"I know, me too, but I realized something when I was talking to Catherine earlier."
"What's that?"
"All the stuff with him trying to get Catherine back, that wasn't who he was. I mean not really. He showed what kind of man he really was when he put his own life on the line to save a scumbag like John Cutler."
"You're probably right."
Steve's phone buzzed. He saw it was Catherine and answered immediately.
"You ready to go?" he asked.
"Yeah." She sounded wrung out.
"I'm on my way."
Steve stuffed the files he'd been looking at in his desk drawer, then crossed to the couch and picked up the bags of food Kamekona dropped off earlier. He'd made sure to let Steve know he'd prepared them specially for Catherine. Everything was exactly the way she liked it.
"You need anything else before I head out?"
"No, just give Catherine a hug for me and tell her I'll stop by and talk to her tomorrow."
"Will do. And Danny, thanks…for coming back…for everything really."
"Don't mention it. As a very wise person told me earlier today….we do for family."
#################################################################
The day after the investigation was wrapped up Catherine found herself at loose ends. For the first time in her adult life she was jobless. Some people dream of a situation like that but she found it a bit disconcerting. Now that the investigation was over. Now that she'd finally gotten some sleep. Now that she had nothing else left to focus on, she couldn't push thoughts of the shooting aside any longer.
Steve offered to stay home with her for the day but she insisted she'd be fine. She spent the morning attempting to stay busy with 'make work' jobs around the house but by lunchtime she gave up and headed outside. When Steve came home after half a day to change for Billy's funeral he found her sitting on the beach, staring at the water and brooding. He sat down behind her, wrapped her in his arms and just held her…saying nothing.
She'd never loved him more than she did in that moment.
####################################################
Steve observed from across the bar as Catherine offered her condolences to Billy's father. He could tell as he watched her give Mr. Harrington a comforting hug that the reality of the situation was starting to hit her. Her eyes held a sadness that tugged at his heart. She seemed unsure in a way he wasn't used to seeing. He raised his glass and offered her an encouraging smile as she left Mr. Harrington and made her way to the bar to get a drink.
As he lowered his glass he saw Joe approaching.
"I know that this is not exactly the time or the place but I have news about your mom."
Steve had been trying for weeks to find any scrap of information about his mother's location. He was the one who asked Joe to find out where she was so he owed it to himself to listen to what Joe had to say. Even if it wasn't the right time.
As they were talking he continuously cast glances towards the bar, keeping an eye on Catherine. As much as he wanted to find his mother and finally get the answers about her relationship with Wo Fat, his main concern at the moment was making sure Catherine was alright. He watched as she fiddled distractedly with the coaster under her wine glass.
"…I didn't want to burden you with what was only a gut feeling, which fortunately turned out to be wrong."
"You thought she was dead?"
"I did. But I have confirmation that is not the case."
"Where is she? When's she coming home?"
"I don't know. And she's not. At least not anytime soon." Joe paused. "The word is Doris is active again."
Steve was momentarily stunned. After weeks of not being able to reach her he had started to mentally prepare himself for the fact that she might be dead. But he hadn't allowed himself to think that she might be active again.
Even as he heard himself asking Joe to keep trying he knew it was pointless. He'd done everything he could. As much as he hated waiting he really had no choice but to do just that—wait till Doris decided to surface.
But Doris was an issue for another day.
He was glad to see Catherine approach as soon as Joe walked away.
"How you holdin' up?"
"I'm a mess," she admitted, blinking back tears. "You know I just keep telling myself…you did everything you could to save him."
"No, Catherine, don't do this. What happened is not on you."
"I was supposed to have his back. How is that not on me?
There was nothing he could say in the moment that was going to help her. He could tell her over and over that this wasn't her fault but until she worked through the whole thing in her own head, on her own time, nothing would feel right.
He pulled her towards him, offering whatever comfort he could. He felt her start to cry and then fight to stop the tears. He knew she hated to cry in front of people.
He wrapped his arm around her and held her tight while they listened to Joe sing a traditional Irish sendoff song for Billy.
Billy was resting in peace now. Steve truly believed that.
His goal was to help Catherine find a similar peace.
Whatever it took, whatever she needed, he'd be right there beside her the whole way.
#######################################################################