Two Men Walk Into A Bar

Chapter 1

Duncan Macleod and Methos stroll into the Dál Riata tavern. As they walk through the door Duncan glances about appreciating the Scottish / Irish influence on the décor and music. As they walk toward the bar, Duncan explains that Dál Riata was an old kingdom located along the western coast of Scotland and the northern coast of Ireland. Methos is unimpressed and is more interested in the people in the tavern who have largely stopped talking and are watching the two immortals intently. As the two pass a table with two dark haired women who don't seem interested in them, Duncan gives one of them a nod of the head and gets a smile in return.

Upon reaching the bar, the assistant bartender asks them to register and places a book on the bar. Methos responds "No, I don't think we will just yet." The barman looks around startled by the refusal.

Dyson comes over. "Don't worry about it for the moment." The barman gets the two immortals a couple of beers and a plate of fries. Duncan carries the fries and Methos follows behind with the beers as Duncan, since the place has no empty tables, goes to the table with the two women. Duncan says "May we join you?" Kenzi eagerly agrees by pushing the chair next to her out with her foot grinning broadly. Duncan slides the food onto the table as Methos casually slips around to sit with his back to the wall.

Duncan asks "What was that registering thing." Bo hesitates to answer.

Methos says "Don't you see what's happened?" Then seeing Duncan's confused look continues, "We've walked into a fae bar."

Duncan looks around and seeing that most of the couples are hetero, says "It doesn't look like a gay bar."

Methos can't help but chuckle. "Not a gay bar, a fae bar."

Bo relaxes a bit and says "So you know about the fae?" Methos nods.

Duncan still looks perplexed, and says "I don't."

Before Kenzi or Bo can answer, Methos says "The wee people" in an Irish accent.

Duncan responds "The wee people?"

Kenzi giggles "I suppose they wee."

Methos continues "Not just elves and goblins, there are all sorts and some can be quite dangerous some look at humans like happy meals, but others just feed a bit."

Duncan begins to comprehend, in a whisper he asks "They're real?" Methos nods.

"The register stuff?" Duncan asks.

"They wanted to know if we're light or dark fae. There's going to be trouble between the light and the dark. Two new people in town could upset the balance and not knowing will make them anxious. We should drink up and go."

Duncan looks to Kenzi and then back to Methos. "She's not having any problems."

Methos smiles, "She's probably owned by this one." as he nods toward Bo.

Bo takes some offense. "Hi, I'm Bo and this is Kenzi. I don't own her, but as far as the others are concerned, they treat her as if I do. I refused to register too."

Methos nods, sprawls back in his chair and says "I don't care if you own her or not."

Duncan is aghast, "You don't?"

Methos shrugs, "Not at all, it is their culture, their traditions."

Duncan asks "How do you know all of this?"

Methos smiles and shakes his head, "There was a time that they lived more openly. Where do you think all those stories come from?"

Bo cuts to the point "There is a war brewing between the light and the dark fae. If you are human, you don't have to register and can associate with me for awhile. But I have my hands full already, so it better not be for long."

Duncan grimaces "We can take care of ourselves."

Methos finishes the thought with "At least long enough to finish our beer." Kenzi pouts.

Duncan realizes that no introductions have been made. "Oh I'm sorry, I'm Duncan Macleod and this is…"

Methos completes the line "Adam Pierson." Bo then introduces herself and Kenzi.

Dyson approaches their table. Methos mutters under his breath "Here comes the heat."

Dyson ignores him and asks Bo and Kenzi to go with him. He takes Bo and Kenzi to the back area of the bar where Trick is going through his books. Dyson asks "Who are they and why didn't they register?"

Bo is a bit indignant "Well you didn't give us much time did you?"

Trick, who isn't happy, responds "Do I have to remind you that tensions are high? The Dál Riata is neutral ground, but the rules must be followed. Just because we allowed you to not register doesn't mean we can have all the new fae coming in here flaunt the requirements."

Bo cuts him off with "That's the thing. They AREN'T Fae."

Dyson interjects "They aren't?"

Kenzi grins "Uh oh, trouble in the Shire again."

Bo points out "Adam does seem to know quite a bit about the fae. He knows about the light and dark at least."

"He must belong to somebody then." Trick observes.

Bo responds, "I don't think so and Duncan didn't know about us at all."

Kenzi volunteers "Can I own Duncan?" The three Fae ignore her.

Trick opens one of his books describing various types of fae and goes to the back and pulls out an ancient document. "Ooo that is weird paper." observes Kenzi.

Trick responds "It's papyrus, a very OLD papyrus and FRAGILE papyrus, be careful."

Kenzi looks at the document which has a drawing of four guys on horses, some Egyptian hieroglyphics and other languages printed on it. "That's Adam!" she says as she points. Bo nods and Dyson is dubious. Kenzi asks "What does it say?"

Trick points to the hieroglyphics and says "I can't read the hieroglyphics, but I can read the Greek words under the horses. Under that horse it says pale. Over here I can read the Latin… it says 'When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, "Come and see!" I looked and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth.' This guy is in my bar?" Dyson, Bo, and Kenzi look at each other as Trick yells "THIS guy is in my bar?!"

Kenzi, looking sheepish, "He seemed nice….. Does that mean Duncan is Hades? He wasn't following him, this guy was behind him…"

Trick makes a face at her and points out "Death was the fourth rider; the third, which goes before him, is the rider of the black horse, generally thought to be famine."

Kenzi looks down "He brought us food. I think he was Hades."

Dyson says "You two better get back out there. But, Bo, be careful."

The pair returns to a table with a couple of empty beer bottles and an empty plate that once held fries. Kenzi says, "Crapballs"

Half asleep Kenzi stumbles into the kitchen. She's been unable to sleep at all all night and thought that perhaps a bowl of cereal would help. It is early for her, almost nine o'clock, much earlier than she normally got up after a late night at the Dál Riata. As she enters the kitchen she smells eggs, bacon, and fresh rolls. . She hears the sizzle. Somewhere in her groggy head she is please that Bo is already up and cooking breakfast, then dimly she recalls that Bo doesn't cook and was rarely up before her. She forces her eyes open and saw Death. Death is cooking breakfast. Death is cooking breakfast in her house. She for a moment she thinks that she is dreaming. Then she smelled the coffee, and then remembered she also smelled eggs and bacon. People see and hear in their dreams, but don't normally smell.

Death turned and smiled. "You're finally up. Hungry?" Kenzi's is distinctly not thinking of being hungry anymore. She is thinking that her end is pretty near nigh, perhaps the end of the world too. Maybe the Mayans were right and the end was starting right in her kitchen with a hearty breakfast. "I'm a pretty good cook. How about some eggs and coffee, then you give my friend his wallet back so we can go."

Kenzi was awake now and beginning to think, "Where are you taking me?"

Then a voice from the side chimes in "No place." It is Hades; he is smiling. Her world goes black.

She regains consciousness on the couch. She's seen some weird stuff there. The Will o' the Wisp that farted blue fire on this very couch was one. But now she is now looking up at Death and Hades who appeared concerned. Well one of them was, Death was more nonchalant. She manages to sit up and Death hands her a plate of scrambled eggs with some toast and a mug of coffee. "Feeling better?" Hades wants to know. Kenzi manages a nod and a fork full of eggs, which are indeed very good. Soon she begins putting the food away before disaster can strike; darned if she is going to watch the end of the world on an empty stomach.

In between bites she asks "What do you know of the fae?"

Methos grins a bit. "I know of one of us that used to live with a succubus. But generally, some of what are now considered legends contain some reality."

Duncan followed up "They're real?"

"Oh yes" came the answer from a Methos with a far away contented look.

"You?" asked Duncan.

"Mmmm. You know they can literally love a man to death."

Kenzi, now with solid food and some coffee in her was beginning to get alert. "Us" asked Kenzi as she took a bite of buttered toast sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon.

"You don't know?" responded Duncan.

Before Kenzi can answer Methos does. "Oh no, Highlander. Have you ever known this to go well? Get your wallet and then we go."

Duncan looks concerned. "She's living with these… fae and…"

Methos comes right back with "Not our problem Macleod." But Duncan is in full protection mode. "I know. She reminds you of Amanda, a very young Amanda. But it is not our problem."

Kenzi becomes very concerned and asks "I'm a problem?"

Duncan turns toward her. "You have no idea of your true potential. Do you sense anything about me?"

"Do you mean other than you're Hades?" Duncan is perplexed. Methos doubles over in laughter. "I know you're Death." Kenzi adds. The laughter instantly stops.

"We should be going." Methos states as he starts toward the door.

But Duncan is curious "Why do you say that Kenzi?"

Kenzi begins to relate the story of the papyrus. "Trick has this old paper with a guy that looks like him on a pale horse…"

Methos mutters half to himself and half to Duncan "Let's stop. Have a beer. Now I'm Death and you're…."

"Hades" Kenzi completed the sentence.

The three don't initially notice Bo entering the living room until she says. "What are you doing here?"

"We followed her home when I realized she'd stolen my wallet." Duncan explains.

"But we'll be going now. Thank you ladies, enjoy your breakfast." Methos adds.

"Not so fast." Bo challenges.

"He used to live with a succubus." Kenzi informs Bo.

"How did you follow us?" asks Bo.

"We didn't, we followed her." responded Duncan with a nod toward Kenzi "We can sense others like ourselves." Methos rolls his eyes, Duncan will never learn.

Kenzi proudly added "Apparently I have potential." Duncan gave a nod in agreement.

"I'll be going now" muttered Methos as he edges toward the door.

Duncan jiggles his car keys "On foot?"

Bo added "No horse?"

"Macleod…" Methos gives Duncan a searing look.

Duncan shrugs, "In for a penny…."

Methos walks into the kitchen, returns with a beer, and sprawls into a chair. "Go ahead. It can't get much worse Hades. Knock yourself out."

Duncan takes the floor and begins. "I'm Duncan Macleod and this is Adam Pierson."

Before he can continue, Bo reminds him they told them that last night too. Duncan brushes off the interruption. "What we didn't tell you was that we're immortal and so is Kenzi."

Kenzi is startled "But I don't sense anything about you… If I'm like you I'm supposed to right? I don't so…"

Duncan continued "You don't because you haven't had your first death." Methos thinks to himself that this is a moment he'll chuckle about for centuries, if he survives.

"My first WHAT?!"

"Death and it must be a violent death." Duncan explains.

Kenzi looks at Bo. Bo responds "That's not happening."

Duncan nods. "It doesn't have to. She will age normally and if she suffers a non-violent death, she'll pass away normally."

"I'm liking that option, many years from now." Kenzi opines.

"It isn't quite that simple." Duncan adds as Methos takes a swig of beer. "You see other immortals can sense her."

"And THAT is a problem?" asks Kenzi.

Methos sighs "Here it comes."

Duncan looks at Methos and then back to Kenzi. "Because immortals aren't exactly immortal, we, some more than others, hunt….. Kill each other….in the end, there can only be one"

Kenzi turns to Bo. "Remember when I mocked you for not liking that you learned that you are part of an ancient race that feeds on humans?" Bo nods. "You want to trade?" asks Kenzi. "Apparently, I'm part of some ancient race that hunts and kills each other….. or that is what they want me to think. My bull crap detector has finally woken up. YOU (pointing a finger at Duncan) ALMOST had me. But Hades is a liar isn't he?"

"Yes he is. We'll be going now." Methos adds.

"Am not" objected an indignant Duncan.

"Yes, you are. You're incorrigible." Methos corrects as he guides Duncan toward the door and they ran right into Dyson. "Remember, some fae are dangerous." Methos whispers to Duncan.

Bo informs Dyson "These are the two from last night. They followed Kenzi and broke into our house." Dyson nods, he remembers them.

As Dyson blocks the exit, Duncan states his position "She stole my wallet and, technically, we didn't break in because the door wasn't locked."

Kenzi adds "I think they wanted to give me a violent death."

Dyson takes this all in. "So you stole his wallet?" Kenzi nods. "Go get it and return it to him, but give it to me first so I can check the ID." She gives the wallet to Duncan after Dyson notes the information from Duncan's drivers license and credit cards.

Duncan checks the wallet and found all was there except most of the cash. "I'm a little light here." He complains.

But before Kenzi could answer Methos says "Don't worry about it. Call it a finder's fee." Duncan glares at Methos.

Dyson snapped his cell phone shut and announces "Well Mr. Macleod, it seems you've had more than your share of contact with the police in Seacouver and Paris. But you aren't wanted for anything." Looking to Methos, "How about you? Can I see your ID?' His words were a question, but the tone was a command. Methos brakes out his wallet and Dyson places another call. After a long pause Dyson closed the phone. "Huh. Mr. Pierson, it seems your records are very clean… almost like you have no history at all" Methos shrugs as a brief grin goes across Duncan's face.

"Can we go now?" Methos asks as he is already edging toward the door.

"Not just yet Mr. Pierson. There are some questions." Dyson cautions.

"Yeah, like why you wanted to kill me." An indignant Kenzi points out. "Aren't you supposed to go all cop and bust their butts?"

Dyson remains calm and professional "Kenzi, we don't know what we're dealing with here. He knows something about us, but we know nothing about them."

Kenzi is incensed "They broke in here, made breakfast, tried to convince me that I should have a violent death…"

Dyson responds "You stole his wallet, didn't lock the door, and they told you some story. They even made you breakfast… I know you didn't cook that. Not your normal Sugar Pops with syrup and Popsicle breakfast. I'd have a hard time convincing the D.A. to take this on… except against you"

"Thank you officer" said Methos.

Dyson is unmoved and still blocks the exit. "How long are you going to be in town?"

Duncan starts to answer, but Methos beats him to it "Not long, we're just passing through."

Dyson nods "And how do you know of the fae?"

Methos shrugs "Just what I've seen on the History Channel. That some legends are based on fact."

Dyson isn't buying "You knew about registering, and light and dark."

Methos feigns surprise, "I was right about that?"

Dyson is skeptical "What do you know of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?

Methos shrugs again, "The Book of Revelations is said to be allegory." Seeing he's getting nowhere, Dyson nods toward the door and Methos shepherds Duncan out.

As they drove slowly away, Methos lectured Duncan on the dangers of the fae. First, the fae don't know how to kill immortals and it would be a good idea if they didn't learn. Second, the fae can get into the mind of their prey and even immortals are not immune. So, as long fae could fed off an immortal and may even have thought they'd killed a mortal human, they would not take the immortals head, unless of course they learned. Third, as Bo had said, the there would be a fae war, and there was no reason for immortals to play a role in it.

Back at Bo's place, Kenzi and Bo are upset. "He knows more than he admitted and you let him get away." Bo summed up.

Dyson shrugs and explained "The Ash wants them gone and quietly. We don't know anything definite about them and don't want to upset the balance between light and dark. We don't want them to learn more about us either."

"But what of that junk about me being like them?" asked Kenzi.

"That was a new wrinkle, but I thought you didn't believe them." responds Dyson.

"The Book of Revelations is said to be allegory?" asks Bo.

"…some legends are based on fact, he said. The Book of Revelations was written after the events of the New Testament and is younger than that papyrus. So that is troubling" replied Dyson.