Hetalia: America's Adventure
Chapter 1: F***ing Awesome Bomb
America had just finished his new nuclear weapon he called:
"F***ing awesome bomb!"
America walked up to England.
"Hey! England! Check out my new nuclear bomb!"
England sighed.
"How come this time it's a new nuke instead of a plane?"
"Who freakin' cares? Please, England? Will you please come see my bomb?"
"Oh, alright."
Later...
"HOLY CRAP! THIS BOMB IS F***ING AWESOME!"
"I know! But what should we do with it?"
"Want to drop it on Russia and start World-War III?"
"Sure! Why don't we do that in one of my new planes?"
"NO!"
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... (F***ing awesome bomb)"
Later at Russia's house...
Russia is feeding Lithuania pancakes.
"Hey Lithuania, want some pancakes?"
"Yes, yes I do. But why are you offering them to me?"
"Because I want to be nice for a change."
"I'm not eating those pancakes. You poisoned them, didn't you?"
"Oh no, why would I do that?"
Russia's hides the poison behind his back.
"Ok, I'll eat them."
Russia feeds one to Lithuania. Lithuania spits it out.
"This tastes like sh**!"
Russia forces the pancakes down Lithuania's throat.
"EAT IT! EAT IT, YOU UNGRATEFUL SON OF A B****!"
Latvia stopped drying the dishes.
"Dear god! Leave Lithuania alone!"
Lithuania dies.
"Lithuania! Lithuania! My brother! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Lithuania coughes up the pancakes.
"He's alive! He's alive!"
Lithuania dies from the poison.
"!"
Lithuania builds an immunity to the poison and sits up.
"He's alive!"
Lithuania has a heart-attack.
"!"
Russia slaps his face. Then the doorbell rings. Latvia completely forgets about his brother and goes to answer the door. Russia goes over to Estonia.
"Hey, Estonia, I heard from my russian moles that America and England are planning to bomb me with America's latest bomb, the f***ing awesome bomb in order to start WWIII."
"Yes, my fellow commies said that they'll be arriving any minute now."
"Say, where did Latvia go?"
Latvia is opening the front door. Russia and Estonia run towards Latvia.
"Latvia! No! It's a trap! !"
Latvia opens the door and picks up the f***ing awesome bomb.
"Hey Russia, look what I f-"
Latvia, Russia, Estonia, Lithuania, and Russia's house blow up. America and England are hiding behind a bush, laughing.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
"Dude, that was hilarious!"
"I say, it was!"
"But I didn't want them to die, I wanted them to live so we could start WWIII."
"America, that sounds so ridiculous! America starting WWIII? The country that's saving everyone's a**es started WWIII? Hahahahahahahaha!"
"Hey! That's not funny!"
"Sorry, I can't help it! Hahahahahahaha!"
"England, you can go to Hell, alien friends, abduct him!"
"What?"
A U.F.O. comes out of nowhere and abducts England.
"I won't be seeing him for a while."
A car pulls up to Russia's house. Belarus steps out.
"Oh noes! Belarus is madly in love with Russia and I just killed him and his servants! I'm gonna' die! Wait! I has an idea!"
Belarus walks up to America.
"Oh hey, America. Is Russia home?"
"Oh no, no, he's not."
"Hmm. Why does his house look like it's been blown to smitharines?"
"Russia was doing evil experiments and things went wrong?"
"That does make a lot of sense. Then who's that figure walking in the fire over there?"
"Huh?"
America turns around and sees Russia unscathed.
"You can't kill me, America. And now that you've tried to, I'll try to kill you! But I'll do it later when you least expect it. For now I'll completely forget about it and have some Vodka. Want some?"
"Well, I-"
Belarus put a knife up to America's neck.
"Ok, tell me what really happened! You said Russia wasn't home!"
"I thought he wasn't."
"Oh."
Belarus let America go. America started checking Belarus out.
"Hey, your pretty hot. Want the U.S.A. to come over to your place and help against terrorists if you know what I mean?"
"WHAT?"
"Nothing. Nothing."
Belarus walked up to Russia.
"I came to give you all that I have again."
"Did you bring me my death-star that'll enslave the human-race?"
"Only for a kiss."
"... Make America turn around."
"America? Can you please turn around?"
"No!"
"TURN AROUND!"
"Ok. Ok. Ok."
America turned around. Russia gave Belarus a kiss. Belarus put her hand on the back of Russia's head and prolonged the kiss. Russia escaped from Belarus's grasp.
"Hey! Not cool."
"..."
"Can I have the Death-Star thingy now?"
"Yeah, sure..."
Belarus handed Russia the Death-Star which somehow fit into Russia's house. America gasped.
"Wait, I thought I blew your house up man."
"Not only is Russia Immortal, but his house is too! I'm just awesome like that."
"Oh..."
"...Vodka?"
"No thankyou."
"Vodka?"
"I just said 'No thankyou.'."
"Vodka?"
"Really? Really?"
"Vodka?"
"Hey um, you don't like Belarus, right?"
"Not really..."
"Ok, I wants to go out with her, so if you can somehow influence her to go out with me, then I'll keep her out of your hair."
"Vodka?"
"I'm serious."
"$50 an hour, IF you survive... Vodka?"
"Ok, see you later."