Nothing's gonna harm you
Not while I'm around
Demons are prowling everywhere
Nowadays
I'll send 'em howling I don't care
I got ways

No one's gonna hurt you
No one's gonna dare
Others can desert you
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there

Demons will charm you with a smile, for a while
But in time, nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around

the falling raindrops on the roof of the car have finally lulled Sam to a restless sleep. fearful of closing his eyes, fearful of seeing death, Sam hasn't slept in days. i haven't talked much. my mind is on dad- i know i followed his order, but is it right? has anything been right. glancing at Sam i knows something has been right- protecting my brother. life is solid and simple when i focus on Sam. this so-called life is livable. i turn the radio down- Sam is finally sleeping and i want to keep it that way for as long as possible. so i drive and stare and close my mind to worry and analyzation and regret. just drive.

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Dean thinks i'm sleeping. i'm not. my eyes are tired so i'll rest them, but not my mind. i'm afraid i'll have a nightmare- of dad… dead or someone. Dean is tired, he shouldn't be driving. i can see the pain in his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed deep in contemplation. i find myself longing for the smart-ass Dean, the Dean that ruffles my hair and pokes fun. instead Dean has circles under his eyes and a haggard scab across the bridge of his nose and forehead. splitting him down the middle. just like his heart.

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one bed- terrific. motels suck. for all intensive purposes… yah they work, but they make you depressed. maybe it's the retro wallpaper and disgusting moldy carpet or maybe it's the fact that the beds are just hard enough that when you're this tired you don't care. i don't care. Sam putzes around the room for a while before asking me if i'm gonna shower. to be honest i don't know if i can get up from where i'm sprawled so i tell him to go ahead. he rubs his head and stares at me. "Dean." just the way he says it annoys me. he tells me i should ice my shoulder. i actually had forgotten the injury i had sustained from the last gig. nothing life threatening. i tell him to stop being a fucking mother hen. he looks away, hurt. i don't mean to hurt him. i just can't take this, him, now. i just need to close my eyes. i jus need to….

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i watch Dean fall asleep in front of my eyes. good. he needs rest. and i need a rest from his short temper. i know he doesn't mean what he says in these moods, but that doesn't mean i wanna hear it. the shower is hot and hard. i stay in too long and when i get out my body is screaming to sit down. i lay next to Dean and watch his chest rise and fall. he coughs suddenly and turns toward me flopping his left arm over my stomach. i almost laugh. sighing i pull up the sheet, maybe i'll finally give in to sleep.