- Bella

It all started with a thought. One thought and I was hooked. I didn't know what triggered it or why but it left me utterly confused. Was I going crazy? This wasn't normal.

It's very frustrating really, knowing that it'd never work out that way. Never would it happen. I want to cry out in anguish.

I was in love. I didn't know it until now. I merely thought I was strange but this. This is absolutely horrendous. I didn't even know my brain could think such things.

The thing that makes this worse is that Valentine's Day is a few days from today. I will wallow that day and try and ignore her. I will ignore her beautiful face and her beautiful voice and her beautiful joy. Even if the joy isn't directed towards me. I will sit and watch her laugh with her friends. Laugh.

I hate seeing her sad. It breaks my heart. A few months ago she was sad for a few days. I noticed she had a boyfriend then. After her sad days she didn't. Did she go through what every girl goes through when a break up happens? I didn't know I loved her at the time though.

I think I'm glad about that. If I did, I would have been sad. I would have wanted to comfort her. It would have been bad. It would have been embarrassing. Will she love me?

I doubt it. I'm a girl, a very confused girl. I didn't know I was bisexual until today. I thought I might have. I was bi-curious. Now I know I am. I found out today.

I've never talked to her before. I wish I would. I could at least be her friend, maybe?

I feel mad, mad at the world. Mad at her. Mad that she will never feel the same way. And sad, sad that she may never love me like I do her.

I have to keep up a façade or someone will know. They will see that when I stare of into space I'm really staring at her. Watching her be her.

I know I seem like a stalker. I'm not really. I'm not. I just … I don't watch her all the time.

At school today something extraordinary happened. I feel all warm inside.

Even if it was small and meant nothing to her it did to me.

She bumped into me. She didn't even say sorry though. Does that mean anything? Did she do it purposely? If she did, is it in a good or bad way?

I'll think about her some more tonight. Imagine having a relationship with her. Even if it private.

After school she was changing in the bathroom. I didn't know it when I walked in. I just had to use the restroom. I think she was changing for a sport or something. She changes a lot throughout the day.

I was so shocked. I didn't let it show. I couldn't let it show.

Oh another incident. In gym I was bent over pulling my gym uniform out of my locker when someone bumps into me. She mumbles a sorry and keeps walking. It was strange. There was plenty of room between me and the bench positioned between the rows of lockers.

I didn't let it show how excited I was. That's twice now.

Take a deep breath. Breathe in and out. Convince self it was nothing, it was an accident.

It's weekend now. I'm sitting in my room on a Saturday night, all alone.

I'm going to write a poem about how I feel. Maybe. Maybe I'll just scour the internet for a good poem and … oh I don't know. I'm one confused girl.

I know what! I'll search for a saying or poem about forbidden love. Good idea. I'm such a genius.

Right, If I was a genius I'd write the poem myself and give it to her.

Ha! What a joke. If I don't have the confidence to even talk to her then surely I'm not just going to give her a love poem. I'd die before that happens.

I think I'll just stick with fantasizing like the strange person I am. Oh how I wish I could kiss her.

I've never liked guys like I like her. With her it was sudden. Like a switch in my brain was turned on, a sudden realization I was falling for a girl I'd never even talked to before.

With the guys it was all 'I think I like him' and 'do I like him?' I had to convince myself I liked them almost.

Maybe I can convince myself I don't love her. But … love and liking someone is different. Can you just extinguish love like puppy love?

Oh, tell me, tell me what this could be,

Could this be love that ravishes me?

Not just any emotion

But assurance, fondness, and loyalty

Miles apart days away

But this love chiselled in my heart will stay

Wanting to grasp you close to me

But knowing I can't oh why does this be

Caged, reaching out for you

Illusions of love and you and me

But knowing I have to hide this

Yet in the reserve of our alone

You hold me dear and no one is to know

Infatuation in every thought up stroke and every kiss

When we are apart I fantasize of this

This love is too superhuman to waste

So far away yet close enough to taste

Longing to be with you all the time

Hungry for your heart to be one with mine

Take this hand and escort me to your heart

Kiss me and fill me with your sweet aroma

One to make me breathless makes me faint

That one takes all their life to seek

And at this age I have rescued love

You were sent from a glorified spirit above

Every time I glance at your eyes so untainted and green

I lose my judgment and want to be preserved by you

Craving to be in your arms, be held so tight

Longing and praying and hoping and begging with all my strength

But I know this in no way will be

You and me at once for all to see

This, this, what it could be

For this is impermissible passion that captures me

This is something I could give her. I could type it neatly add my name at the bottom and walk up to her and hand it to her. Maybe I should make a shorter poem. One that holds the strength of my emotion as the last one but more brief and concise.

I chickened out. I typed it and even put the XOXO at the bottom. I walked up to her and said hi.

She kind of just looked at me. I got really nervous and just had a regular conversation. BUT I talked to her. I did it. I never thought I would.

We didn't even just talk about the weather. We talked about a lot of things, about our selves and about just everything.

As the chatting started coming to an end I said happy Valentine's Day. And she said you too. I responded by telling her I would and we went our separate ways.

I can't believe I did it though. I talked to her and even said happy Valentine's Day. Even if I didn't give her the poem I'm happy and content, very satisfied with myself.

I feel like I just went on my first date and after it's over and you just lay in your bed dreaming about how perfectly it went.

I have feelings of love for the girl

Does she love me too, what does she think of me?

I wish I could tell her she makes me whole,

but I'm afraid to say what's deep in my soul.

I don't want to lose her, for I would be alone,

and some days I just can't wait to hear her voice

does certain things to make me fall in love,

some days she wants to be alone and my heart is shoved.

I want to feel as though I am her safeguard,

the one she can come to when things get hard.

I will always be there to help her along,

and before we met I wasn't as strong.

I wish I could tell her what I feel inside,

but I'm afraid of what she'll say,

how she'll act on the outside.

- Rosalie

This love inside me is driving me mad. I feel gloomy on the inside.

She thinks I don't see her. I don't see her watching me. She loves me all the same as me. I just don't know how to express my love. I don't want to be a social outcast, Being a castaway for being with a lover of the same gender.

We could be secret lovers.

I try to give her signals.

I bumped into her today. I did it with ease and didn't say sorry. I wasn't. I don't think she got it. She might have thought I did it because I didn't like her.

Then after school as I was changing for volleyball she walked in the bathroom and tried to hide her shock and excitement.

She did well except the fact it took her a whole three minutes to go into a stall and the bathroom is only about the size of a small living room.

Today I bumped into her in gym intentionally. This time I said sorry and rushed off.

I know she was excited because she didn't look at me once during gym. She was scared I'd notice, scared for nothing.

I wish she'd realize I return her stares, that I watch her when she's not watching me.

She seems so sad. She never smiles and when she does it's short and brief and without emotion, only when someone says hi to her. She's so sad she's drowning in it.

The night before Valentine's Day or yesterday I wrote her a poem.

I plan on giving it to her, today right now.

If you could look into my heart and through my very soul,

You'd find a chasm of vacancy of hurting

I can't torment only you can repair

You'll appease my concerns;

My unknown love, my despair, my desire, I love you,

though we've never encountered

I'm not sure when we will; An hopefulness gone unrealized

Can make a person anguish.

I dream of you both night and day,

I yearn to see your face;

Thoughts of you can bring me pleasure,

But every bit as much extraordinary hurting;

While a thought may come by momentarily,

The sadness stays.

I want a lover to support me,

I want to know that I am loved,

I demand to feel unafraid.I'll share your delights and victories,

Experience when you are happy;

And I want to be the shoulder

that you lean on when you're gloomy.

I want to know you, I want you to experience me;

I've waited patiently so long

Step out of my dreams into my arms,

Alleviate my painful still, for you;

Please,

come and end my unhappiness

and make my dreams be real

She picks up a paper and looks it over, her eyes show sadness and joy all in one. She sighs, stuffs the paper back in her bag and walks up to me.

"Hi," she mutters nervously.

I look at her a second. She finally got the courage to talk to me. I wasn't confident enough to do it myself. I'm glad she did.

We proceed to have a normal conversation talking about nothing in particular.

"Happy Valentine's day," she says her smile large.

"You too," I smile at her beautiful face.

"I will," she says walking away.

Oh how she gives me the butterfly's I want to tell her to wait. Tell her to kiss me already. Tell her I've been waiting.

"Wait," I squeak out. I forgot about my poem.

I'll just give it to her after school I guess.

"Hey Bella, I wanted to say something," I say finding her after school.

"Hey Rosalie, what do you need?" she says nervously.

"Come with me," I grab her arm and drag her out of the back door of the school where there's privacy.

"Yeah?" she says.

"If you could look into my heart And through my very soul, You'd find a chasm of hurting I can't torment only you can repair You'll appease my concerns; My unknown love, my despair, my desire, I love you, though we've never encountered I'm not sure when we will; An hopefulness gone unrealized Can make a person anguish.I dream of you both night and day, I yearn to see your face; Thoughts of you can bring me pleasure, But every bit as much extraordinary hurting; While a thought may come by momentarily, The sadness stays.I want a lover to support me I want to know that I am loved, I demand to feel unafraid.I'll share your delights and victories, Experience when you are happy; And I want to be the shoulder That you lean on when you're gloomy.I want to know you, I want you to experience me; I've waited patiently so long Step out of my dreams into my arms, Alleviate my painful still, for you; Please, come and end my unhappiness And make my dreams be real," I recite the poem to her and wait.

The most beautiful smile forms on her lips.

"I… I love you too," she says looking me directly in the eye.

I wrap her in my arms and plan to never let go.