A/N: Hellooooooooooooo, fandom!
I, of course, am referring to the AtLA fandom. If there actually is a Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory fandom out there, I think I'll go cry in a corner. Because you just know it's probably all just Wonka/Charlie slash pairings, or, like Veruca Salt and some factory squirrel.
I dunno. I remember watching the Gene Wilder version as a kid, and I never saw the Johnny Depp version (and quite frankly I probably won't, because those purple oompas just creep me the fuck out). I don't recall being charmed, so to say…but definitely weirded out by the nightmare tunnel thing with the chicken decapitation scene. DEFINITELY a family classic! (thumbs up)
Anyway, this idea popped in my head, and I realized I can totally justify having the Gaang visit the Wonka factory if I wanted. And, confession time, I totally wanted to write out how Zuko would react to being surrounded by a swarm of singing orange midgets in white jumpsuits. Tell me that wouldn't be entertaining as hell.
To all of my readers for the Happy Endings saga, do not fear. Consider this fic to be a creative exercise to keep my brain fresh (and to help jumpstart some inspiration for my Deleted Scenes, which I'm having a bit of a block with). I will continue to update the mainfic on a consistent (or semi-consistent, at least) basis, though. In the meantime, I this fic suits your fancy.
So, yeah. Enjoy the ride. It'll be quite a trip.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Avatar the Last Airbender or the Willa Wonka franchises. I actually had to repost this because I forgot to give credit, and I kind of should since this is technically a parody work. AtLA belongs to Nickelodeon Studios and Bryke, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory belongs to Roald Dahl. Also, I dare you guys to go watch the Gene Wilder movie after reading this chapter. Almost everything that happens here is the way it happens in the movie...only not in the Fire Nation.
Nuff said. Go read.
Chapter One: Plot Hook, Line, and Sinker
It was a bright sunny day as the proud, mighty warriors of Team Avatar found themselves assembled outside of what appeared to be a giant factory. Specifically a chocolate factory! Now, if you are wondering what they are doing there, or why any of them would be interested in said factory to begin with, just remember that Sokka is the schedule guy. Hmmmm? Training for Sozin's Comet…? Or a random excursion to a chocolate factory?
I think we all know the answer to THAT question.
"I dunno," said Katara, looking dubiously at the gloomy-looking building. "Should we really be taking a trip to a chocolate factory when Sozin's Comet is so close?"
"Are you kidding?" Sokka exclaimed, wheeling around and staring at his younger sister in disbelief. "This is exactly the sort of time-wasting nonsense I've been missing!"
Zuko didn't say a word. He just stared and stared at the large, menacing building with the iron gates; his gaze drifting over the prison-themed watchtowers and the smokestacks churning ash and rubbish into the air. He had the strangest sense of déjà-vu, but couldn't quite put his finger on it. Quite possibly, he was reminded of the Boiling Rock, but didn't realize it.
This was simply because Zuko had quickly and immediately suppressed any and all memories of his time in prison. And wouldn't you after facing the trauma of being locked up with convicted felons for a few days?
"I don't think this is a chocolate factory, you guys," said the former prince. "It's…really scary-looking. Kind of like a slaughter house or something."
Aang looked perturbed. "A what?"
Zuko glanced at the younger boy. "A slaughter house. That's where they bring livestock to be systematically killed so they can be turned into hot dogs and steaks and…oh, right…vegetarian. Sorry about that, Aang."
The Avatar just shivered. "You know, after traveling with Sokka for so long, I've kind of gotten used to it." But he continued to stare blankly at the building, his lips slowly turning white at the graphic mental images undoubtedly running through his head.
"Great," Toph muttered. "I think you went and broke Twinkles, Sparky. We kind of need him for kicking the stuffing out of your dad, remember?"
Zuko sighed. Right. He had forgotten. Everything was his fault lately. Whenever it rained (making Firebending training pointless), the suspicious glances always pointed his way without fail. Just like it had been his fault when Toph's feet got burned, his fault when the food ran short…his fault when the lemur got sick and when the sky bison stopped giving milk (and Zuko was almost positive that Appa was a male sky bison)…always his fault because of his heritage. Curse the spirits for having made him prince of a genocidal nation.
And, incidentally, it had been his fault that they had gotten their hands on five crisp new golden tickets to a place called Wonka's Chocolate Factory. A few nights ago, they had sent Zuko into the nearest village to restock their supplies, and he had come back with some Fire Nation take-out. Someone had slipped the tickets in their fortune cookies.
Well, five of them. Suki's fortune cookie had just said, "Taking a sick day could do wonders for your health." So, taking the hint, she had opted to stay behind and brush up on her tsumgi-horn. Apparently Zuko's summer house was full of tsumgi-horns, for reasons that simply eluded everyone (most of all Zuko himself).
Before Zuko could defend his Avatar-breaking ways, however, the plot decided to show up.
The doors to the iron gates began creaking ominously as they swooshed open all by themselves. It was quite dramatic, and caused all of them to jump; except for Toph, who was made of much sterner stuff than that and was, coincidentally, blind. But the small Earthbender smirked at everyone's startled reactions.
"You guys moved faster than a bunch of wild guinea-pig-hares," she taunted. "Your hearts are pounding like crazy!"
"Very funny," Sokka grumbled, clutching at his chest. He narrowed his eyes at the offending gates. "Huh…so does this mean we can go on in?"
"Well, I don't see any signs warning against trespassers," Toph replied.
"Are you sure? Because I really, really don't feel like getting arrested again, and…" the Water Tribe warrior trailed off, turning to frown at the girl. "You know, that gets less and less funny every time you do that."
"Oh, please. Blind jokes never get old."
No one felt the need to contradict her. They were too distracted by the sudden and alarming presence of the keeper of the factory, the one Willy Wonka himself. He was quite distracting all on his own, being a blonde man dressed in a flamboyantly purple tuxedo and top hat, the likes of which the gaang had never seen in their lives. And they had met plenty of strange people over the past year of fighting Fire Nation tyranny.
But that wasn't what was so alarming about him. What they found alarming was the way he exploded out of the factory doors, brandishing a cane and wearing a manic grin on his face. He then proceeded to tap-dance his way to the gates, his shoes clapping noisily on the cobblestone path. Zuko, seeing the man, was instantly seized with the fight-or-flight impulse, and had to choke back the urge to set fire to the building.
"Welcome, friends, one and all!" he announced, much to the group's unanimous foreboding. If they had learned one thing on their journey, it was that overly-friendly strangers usually turned out to be homicidal maniacs in disguise. "Welcome to my chocolate factory! Would you come forward please?"
They all exchanged glances. They still weren't too sure about this man or that cane of his.
"Five copper pieces he's packing some kind of blade," Sokka whispered to Zuko.
"Nah, he's clean," said Toph. "I can't sense any hidden weapons on him."
"What about candy?" Aang piped up. "Does he have candy?"
Mr. Wonka laughed, a twinkle in his eye. However, this only served to make the youngsters even more suspicious. Nothing was more questionable than a twinkle.
"If its candy you want, then you've come to the right place," he said. Then he laughed again. "I'm so glad you've come. This is going to be such an exciting day. I hope you enjoy it!"
Katara, being the courteous one, was all set to assure him that they would do their best to enjoy themselves. But before she could get the words out, a sinister expression appeared on the candy-maker's face, making her pause.
"I think you will…oh, yes, I do believe you will…" he said with a dark smile. "And now, will you please show me your golden tickets?"
The Waterbender went still, the polite smile frozen on her face. Aang nudged her. "Um…Katara? You have the tickets, right? Right?"
She snapped out of it. "Um…I gave them to Zuko to hold."
"They're right here," he said, reaching into his pocket for the tickets. As he was pulling them out, though, Toph suddenly snatched his wrist, keeping the prince from depositing them into Mr. Wonka's outstretched hand.
"Wait a minute. These are golden tickets."
"Yeah," said Zuko in confusion. "Could you let go?"
"Golden tickets."
"Um…"
"Made of real gold?" Toph persisted, hoping that the Firebender would get the point.
He did. Zuko frowned, slowly pulling the tickets back towards his chest protectively. "That's true, you know," he said to the chocolate-peddler. "Why would we want to give away five sheets of pure gold? We could probably buy up a ton of our own stocks in your corporation if we wanted to. And I'm sure we'll need the money for our mission, right?"
He turned to the rest of the group, who did not look as enthused.
"Right?"
Sokka narrowed his eyes at him. "Zuko, the man is giving away free chocolate. Do you know what a delicacy chocolate is in the South Pole?"
"Um…"
"Do you know how often I've gotten to eat a nice bar of chocolate?" he persisted.
"Well…I mean…I'm guessing…not that often…"
"Try never." The Water Tribe boy took another step towards the ex-prince. "And this man is giving it away for free. FREE. I am NOT missing out on the chance to eat my weight in free food, let alone something as rare and prized as chocolate!"
Zuko swallowed nervously before turning to Katara, the voice of reason in the group. To his dismay, she also looked like she was ready to scratch out his eyes, simply for suggesting that they turn away from the factory.
"I'm with him," she said, folding her arms. "We're going, and that's final."
"Are you kidding me? Five seconds ago you were just saying how we needed to be prepared for Sozin's Comet! Did you really just change your mind over the prospect of free chocolate?"
Katara glared daggers at him. "I'm a woman, Zuko. NEVER try to get between a girl and her chocolate."
Well, shit.
Zuko backed away slowly, holding out his hands as though trying to appear non-threatening to a growling platypus-bear. He happened to glance at Aang out of the corner of his eye and gave him a hopeful look. Sure, he was a twelve-year-old child facing the prospect of a lifetime's supply of sweets…but he was also the Avatar. Surely he would realize that saving the world was much more important…right?
"Aang?"
The boy shuffled uncomfortably. "Um…as the Avatar, it's my duty to investigate this chocolate factory," he said, trying to sound official and important, like someone who couldn't be argued with. "I mean…um…what if it's secretly a weapons factory, or…um…a slaughter house, like you said before? I have to put a stop to such things, right?"
The Firebender facepalmed. "I can see I'm outvoted," he said. "Sorry Toph."
"Meh. Whatever."
And with nothing else to say, Zuko handed over the tickets. Mr. Wonka snatched them away eagerly, his face lighting up with anticipation.
"Before we go any further, perhaps you kids would like to introduce yourselves. We will be spending the day together, after all. We wouldn't want this to get awkward, now would we?"
They were on their guard again. They happened to be in the Fire Nation (which was where Mr. Wonka's newest factory had been built), and they couldn't exactly just blurt out that the bald-kid with the arrows was the Avatar. Katara cautiously made her way to the front of the group, holding out her hand for Mr. Wonka to shake.
"I'm Katara," she said, gauging the man's reaction.
"My dear, Katara, what a pleasure," he beamed, grasping her hand tightly. He lifted it to his mouth and pressed a kiss tenderly on the back of it, causing the girl to wince. "And how pretty you look in that nice, naval-barring top…"
"Ahem!" Sokka coughed threateningly. "That's my sister, you know."
"And you are?"
"My name is Sokka. And if you look at Katara like that again, I'm going to feed you the business end of my space-sword."
Aang nodded in fierce agreement, all pacifist monk teachings forgotten in the wake of his seething dislike for the man in purple.
"How nice to meet you, my boy! And my, you're in such fine shape!"
Sokka frowned, his indignation softening from the unexpected compliment. "Well…yeah. I do work out…and I am a warrior, after all. The best in my entire village."
"Impressive. Could you go stand over there next to your pretty sister, please?"
"Sure, I don't see why…hey!"
Mr. Wonka moved on to shake Toph's hand, ignoring the Water Tribe boy's outburst. He held out his hand for a few seconds, waiting for the girl to take it. When the seconds passed in awkward silence, his smile dropped a fraction of a degree. "Err…Miss?"
"Toph," she said simply. "And I'm blind."
He blinked. "Ah. I see."
"Got a problem with that?"
"No, of course not, dear child! You are more than welcome at Wonka's! That much I can most definitely assure you."
She didn't look impressed. "If this ends up being a rip-off," she stated, matter-of-factly. "I'm going to tear a giant hole in your factory. Don't think I'm kidding either."
"She really isn't," Zuko spoke up. "She's done it before, you know."
Mr. Wonka blinked again, not quite sure what to say to that.
"Charming," he finally choked out as Toph stomped past him through the main gate. "Just…charming…" He turned to Zuko, churning out the most radiant expression he could muster on such short notice. "Welcome to my chocolate factory, young man! I'm especially pleased to meet you!"
He reached out and grasped the unnerved teen by the shoulder. Zuko—who was used to assassination attempts and still had very vivid flashbacks of his Agni Kai against his father—responded without hesitation. He flinched violently and punched the man full-on in the stomach.
Mr. Wonka let out a sound like a deflating balloon as he sagged on to the pavement, holding his midsection in pain. His face was a beet red as he lay gasping at the Firebender's feet.
"I'm sorry!" he said quickly, looking alarmed. He glanced at the others, concerned that they would think he was returning to his former nefarious ways. "It…it was a reflex. You just sort of came at me, and I…"
"…'sfine…" the candy-maker gasped. "Just…just forget about it…"
"No, I don't think you understand," Zuko insisted. "You just had this creepy smile on your face, and I can't even tell you how many times I've almost been murdered in the past year. And I sort of had a bad experience with a clown when I was a kid…" he mumbled out the last part, looking embarrassed.
The others turned to him in interest. "Clowns?" Katara asked, the corners of her mouth twitching in a poorly-suppressed urge to laugh. "You're afraid of clowns?"
"What happened?" Toph wanted to know.
Zuko gave them a dark look. "I don't want to talk about it."
"But…"
"I SAID…I don't…want…to talk about it…!"
By now, Mr. Wonka had recovered enough to pull himself gingerly into a sitting position. "W-wonderful to meet you, Mr. um…" he trailed off, realizing that he never caught the young man's name. He waited hopefully for him to fill in the blank.
"Lee," Zuko said flatly. He was not about to give his real name to this questionable stranger, in spite of his remorse for having just caused his spleen to collapse on itself in one blow.
"Right! Lee…of course! Welcome, welcome!"
Aang chose that moment to step forward, rising up to his full height. He had not yet forgotten that this man had kissed Katara's hand, and was still very cross about it. As such, he frowned up at the man with as much authority as he could muster, his hands clenched into fists.
"Avatar Aang," he said.
Everyone in the group let out a collective gasp in horror.
"Way to go, Twinkles," Toph snapped. "Just let the cat out of the bag, why don't you?"
Zuko tensed, reaching slowly for the dual Dao swords strapped to his back. He was ready to carve a piece of this man's ass if the need arose, and Sokka seemed to be of a similar mind as he put his hand on the hilt of his space sword. But to their mutual surprise, the man simply laughed.
"Well, well, Avatar Aang," he said with a smile. "I read all about you in the papers. Didn't you lead that invasion on the capital city a few weeks ago? Quite an event, that's for sure. Really riveting, that was. I'm so happy for you!"
The boy blinked. "You're…happy for me?"
"Why, yes. You survived, didn't you?"
"Um…well, yeah…but…"
"Enraptured," he continued, shaking Aang's hand buoyantly. "Entranced! Are we ready? Good!" He pulled the confused Airbender with him through the gate, and it slammed shut behind them. They could all hear the locking mechanism clicking into place with an ominous thunk.
It was definitely concerning, but they didn't panic just yet. They did have Toph with them, after all. It was quite useful having a Metalbender in the group. Just saying.
"In we go," said Mr. Wonka briskly, marching down the cobblestone path leading up to the front door of the factory. The members of the gaang exchanged more weird looks (except for Toph, obviously) before cautiously following him up the steps and into the dark and gloomy building. They were greeted with a large sign in several bright and friendly colors that read: "Wonka's!" in neat kanji.
Underneath it, however, someone had smeared the words, "Abandon all hope, all ye who enter," in what looked eerily like blood.
Oh, yes. There was definitely something off about this place.
The group moved into the foyer, looking around at the odd decorations lining the walls. There were a number of hand-shaped protrusions sticking out of the metal, reaching out towards them as though silently offering to shake their hands. Mr. Wonka was clearly trying to appear hospitable, but this was just plain ridiculous.
"Hats, cloaks, and pointy-boots over here," he said, pointing at the wall with the hands. "But hurry please! For we have so much time and so little to see!"
They started towards the wall, but froze as Mr. Wonka let out a bark.
"Wait a minute!"
They stopped short, not daring to breathe as they wheeled around to stare at their host. The purple-clad man smiled at them for a dramatic beat. "Strike that. Reverse it," he said, gesturing with both of his hands, spinning them in a hamster-wheel fashion to illustrate his point. "Thank you."
Zuko and Sokka still had their hands on their weapons. The candy-maker was clearly insane. All they needed was one good provocation to carve him up like a thanksgiving turkey-goose.
"When do I get my chocolate?" Toph demanded gruffly.
"First, take off your cloak," said Katara. "I'm sure he'll give it to us soon."
Demonstrating her point, the Waterbender went to hang hers on the nearest hand, thinking that it was an ordinary wall-decoration. She was most surprised when the fingers unexpectedly closed around the garment, pulling it out of her grip before she could so much as gasp. She let out a startled squeak, then yelped as another of the hands made a grab for her chest.
She darted backwards, her arms folded protectively across her breasts. "T-those things just tried to…tried to…"
"Little surprises run around every corner," Mr. Wonka advised her firmly, holding out his hands in a mollifying manner. "But nothing dangerous!" He gave her a reassuring smile, lowering his hands to his sides. "Don't be alarmed. And as soon as your outer vestments are in hand, we can begin."
No one wanted to hang anything on the creepy wall-hands, but it was clear by the impatient tapping of the man's foot that they wouldn't take another step inside his factory unless they complied with this request. Reluctantly, the others turned to the wall and cautiously started putting their cloaks within reach so the hands could take them.
Toph let out a laugh as the hand took hers. "That's neat," she said. "Right, Katara?"
"Yeah," she grumbled, shooting the hands a venomous look. "Real neat."
Mr. Wonka waited politely for them to finish relieving themselves of their outer garments before addressing them again. "Now," he said. "Will the five of you please step up here."
He prodded the tip of his cane on the tiles under his feet. He happened to be standing on a small dais in front of a large velvet curtain. The group raked their eyes over it curiously (except for Toph, on whom the ostentatious purple fabric was wasted), wondering what lay underneath it.
"Is that the chocolate?" Aang asked, hoping for a peek.
In answer, Mr. Wonka found the pulley and drew the curtain aside, revealing a large document of sorts. It was printed in large kanji…at first. But as the words flowed on and on, the print became frustratingly smaller, until finally they would have needed a microscope to be able to read it all. Sokka, who was most prone to being impressed by a fancy-looking contract, began scrutinizing it.
"Is this…a disclaimer?" he asked uncertainly. He started to read aloud to the rest of the group. "Hereas the Management cannot be held responsible for any accidents, incidents, loss of property or life or limbs…and…whereas for damage caused by lightning, earthquakes, floods, fire, frost, or frippery of any sort, kind or condition, consequentially the undersigned undertake responsibility…" The Water Tribe boy looked up with a start. "It is a disclaimer!"
"Toph," said Mr. Wonka, holding out a pen for the blind girl. "You first."
The girl lifted an eyebrow. "Are you making me sign first because I can't read?" she asked bluntly.
"Um…n-noooooo…?"
She stared at him with non-seeing eyes for a minute, her expression nonplussed. "Meh," she said, snatching the pen from him. "It's not like I have anything to lose, anyway. That cloak wasn't even mine to begin with."
Mr. Wonka let out a sigh of relief. "Sign here," he said, tapping the spot with his cane.
Toph stepped forward to make a scribble with the pen, but Katara stepped forward and caught the girl by the shoulder.
"Hold it," she said. "Toph, don't you sign anything." She turned an accusing glare at the chocolate-seller. "What's this all about?" she demanded.
The blonde man attempted to feign innocence. "Standard form of contract," he said benignly, carefully not meeting the girl's cerulean blue eyes as he fiddled with his cane.
"Don't talk to us about contracts," said Zuko flatly. "I've dealt with politicians before, and nine times out of ten they use contracts to sucker people."
Mr. Wonka turned a curious stare at him. "Yes, but surely you wouldn't begrudge me a little protection," he said, pinching his forefinger and thumb together. "A drop."
The Firebender folded his arms. "I don't think so. Either answer Katara's question, or we're leaving."
The man looked tired. He shook his head slowly, trying to merely appear chagrined as his mind began racing for a way out of this. After a minute of two of silent deliberation, he turned to Zuko with an almost malicious smile on his face.
"I wasn't aware you were involved in politics, Lee. At what point during your career did you have that unfortunate incident with the clown?"
The group turned to him in tandem, successfully having been distracted.
"I don't. Want. To. Talk about it," Zuko spat through gritted teeth. "And I don't sign anything without a lawyer present."
"Toph isn't signing anything either," Katara interjected, starting to lead the smaller girl away (much to the Earthbender's visible annoyance). "And you're horrible for trying to take advantage of us like that!"
"If she doesn't sign, then she doesn't get to go in the factory." Mr. Wonka held up his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry, rules of the house."
Toph ground her feet into the metal, using her bending to dig them into the floor. Katara was forced into an abrupt halt, and the Earthbender used the moment of surprise to wrench her way out of the Waterbender's grip.
"I want to go in," she said angrily. "Don't you dare stop me, Sugar Queen!"
Katara was dumbfounded. "I…I was only trying to help, Toph."
The blind girl ignored her friend, striding back towards Mr. Wonka and snatching the pen out of his hand. "Give me that," she snapped, turning to the giant piece of parchment and slashing an x-mark on it. "You're always ruining things…" she grumbled.
The Waterbender huffed. "Excuse me? I ruin things? Since when?"
"Remember when you tried to kill my budding career as a con-artist?" Toph shot back. "Back in that Fire Nation village where they called me the Blind Bandit? You even went through my things and violated my privacy, and…"
"I was right to stop you! You were out of control! Besides," she said quickly, turning red in outrage. "…if I remember correctly, I helped you pull off your scams."
Toph snorted. "Yeah. Once. And that was the time we got caught by Combustion Man. Way to go, Sweetness. You sure know how to kill fun in the early throes of life."
Katara sucked in her breath. "Take that back!"
"Oh, yeah? Make me. Prove you can handle a bit of fun." The Earthbender slammed a hand over the piece of paper, making it crinkled and leaving a hand-sized indentation in the wall behind it. "Sign the contract and come inside the scary candy factory with me."
The Waterbender bit her lip. "I…I don't know…"
Toph started clucking like a chicken-pig. The doubt fled from the older girl's eyes faster than Aang when confronted with a tray of meat dumplings. Mr. Wonka offered her the pen, and Katara grasped it tightly in her hand as she carefully signed her name underneath Toph's x-mark.
"I am most certainly not chicken," she said snappishly.
Mr. Wonka smiled approvingly at Toph. "Nicely handled," he said. He turned to the others. "This is a girl who clearly knows where she's going."
"Wait a minute," said Sokka. "What's all the small print at the bottom?"
"Oh, yes," said the older man. "If you have any problems, dial information. Thank you for calling." He took the pen back from Katara, ignoring the boy's blatant confusion as he turned to the remaining two. "Aang? Lee?"
Zuko took the offered pen, handling it as though it might explode in his face at any second. "I assume there's some sort of accident indemnity clause…?" he said hopefully, glancing at Mr. Wonka.
"Never between friends," he replied without skipping a beat.
Meanwhile, Aang had already scribbled his name down next to Katara's, taking the time to draw a little heart in between their names. That way it would be more than clear who would be kissing the girl's hand in the future. Certainly not some creepy candy-maker in a purple tuxedo.
"I read this in a novel once," said Sokka slowly. "This guy signed his wife's insurance policy…then he bumped her off."
"Clever," Mr. Wonka agreed.
This made Aang pause in mid-scribble. Suddenly, he had misgivings about drawing the heart. What if Katara got the wrong idea now that Sokka had said that? Fortunately, now that she had signed her name, the Waterbender didn't pay the contract another glance.
"I guess I have nothing to lose either," said Zuko with a sigh.
After all, he had already thrown his lot in with his country's most hated foe, broken up with his girlfriend and abandoned his comfortable life as the crown prince of said country in the process. He couldn't see how signing this contract could somehow make things worse for him.
"That's the spirit," said Mr. Wonka, reaching to pat him on the shoulder. But Zuko, seeing the movement out of the corner of his eye, immediately whipped out one of his swords and almost took the man's fingers off in one swipe.
"Don't touch me," he said firmly. "I know of at least fifty ways to kill a man, and all but four of them can be made to look like an accident."
The blonde man just stared, his mouth agape and his hand twitching. It was Toph who broke the silence.
"Come on!" she called. "I want to go into the factory!"
It was this strident demand that broke the candy-maker out of his stupefied trance. He coughed into the sleeve of his tuxedo jacket, trying to appear unruffled by the death threat. However, he was still rather pale underneath his smart-looking purple bow-tie and top hat.
"Patience," said Mr. Wonka, his voice strained. He coughed again, trying to put some more confidence into his tone. "Patience, little dear. Everything has to be in order." He waited for Sokka to finish signing his name before taking the pen back. "Everyone signed? Yes? Good! On we go!"
Toph nodded in approval as she followed the eccentric man off the dais and down the corridor leading deeper into the establishment. Aang was on her heels, spurred on at the promise of imminent and chocolaty abandon. The others trailed behind, not as enthusiastic as the two youngest members of their group, and certainly no-where near as enthusiastic as the man in the tuxedo.
Mr. Wonka led them on, his cane held aloft on his shoulder like a soldier with his gun…not that any of Team Avatar knew what a gun was. However, the man continued to march briskly down the hall until they all came across a large door with a combination lock. Not skipping a beat, he took the lock in his hands and began turning it to the left.
"Ninety-nine," he said, then began turning it to the right. "Forty-four…" he started turning it back to the left again. "One hundred percent pure."
The lock clicked open and the door creaked on its hinges, beckoning inwards.
"Just through the other door, please."
The five pushed their way past Mr. Wonka, each shooting the man dubious looks as they filed into the next room (except for Toph, of course). However, it soon became quite obvious that there was no other door to go through. And as the room became more and more crowded, the members of the Gaang were practically tripping over each other trying to find some breathing room. They would have gone back out the way they came, but the door had already snapped shut behind them, sealing the youngsters in the confined space with the candy-maker.
"There's no way out!" Toph cried as she was squashed into the back wall. She elbowed the person next to her, and Sokka let out a pained yelp.
"Hey!"
"Ow! Sokka, that was my foot!" Katara hissed. She ended up bumping into Zuko, who was getting flustered as he narrowly avoided brushing against her in what could be construed as an offensive manner. He tried to give the Waterbender more room, but tripped over Aang and bounced off of another wall. Before he could peel himself off, Sokka collided into him, squashing the scarred teen against the metal.
"I could have sworn there was a door somewhere," said Mr. Wonka as he rapped against the other walls.
"Help!" Aang gasped. "I…I can't breathe!"
"Someone's touching me…!" Katara complained, but froze as she saw Mr. Wonka's searching hand as it probed along the front of her body. "Eep…!"
"Whoops! Not there, either!"
"You did that on purpose!"
But Mr. Wonka feigned deafness as he continued to search for the exit. Meanwhile, the others continued to push and shove each other, trying desperately not to suffocate.
"Let me out or I'll scream!" Toph yelled over everyone.
However, she soon realized that being as small as she was, no one was going to pay any attention to her, and she was the most likely to get crushed in such a tight space. So, quite fed up at this point, the Metalbender took her stance and got a firm grip on the wall behind her.
"Wait…what are you doing?" said Mr. Wonka suddenly, nearly dropping his hat in alarm. "Miss Toph?"
The answer came at him at nearly seventy-miles per hour, the answer being a solid pillar of steel that the girl sent hurtling at the man's face. It nearly took his head off, but fortunately he managed to duck just in the nick of time. However, it slammed into the locked door and blasted it right off its hinges. It landed heavily on the floor of the next room with a loud clank, looking like the discarded lid of a can of sardines.
No one dared to move or breathe as the pint-sized Earthbender squirmed her way past them and into the hallway. She took several deep, calming breaths, her expression wild and vaguely bestial. Eventually, however, she got a hold of herself as a rather troubling detail caught her attention.
"Hey…" she said, running her bare foot slowly along the floor. "That's weird. This hallway feels different from the one we came in through."
The others peered through the doorway she had already crossed.
"It is different," said Sokka, astonished. "But…wasn't that the way we came in?"
"Maybe we were in an elevator?" Zuko suggested.
And just like that, the magic was sucked clean out of the phenomenon. That was what the Fire Prince was good at, after all. He was their daily-recommended dosage of blunt realism, and did his job quite well, thank you very much.
"Let's just get this over with," said Katara murderously. She was in a very sour mood after having been groped for the third time in less than an hour. "Before someone leaves in a body-bag."
The others muttered in agreement, causing Mr. Wonka to gulp in apprehension.
"Um…yes. Anyway, if you would like to press onwards…" he gestured forwards with his cane.
Against their better judgment, Team Avatar followed the man down the new hallway like cattle lining up for the slaughter. However, as the man went further on, the space between the floor and the ceiling started to shrink; until Mr. Wonka stood hunched over in front of the door all the way down at the end.
"Hey, the room is getting smaller," said Toph.
"No, he's getting bigger!" Sokka gasped.
Everyone stopped and gave the Water Tribe boy a deadpan look (except, of course, for a certain blind Earthbender). He looked from one incredulous face to another, one by one until he finally let his innocent awestruck expression drop.
"Okay, fine. I was joking. Sheesh." He lowered his eyes and muttered to himself. "Try to liven up the place, and they practically form an angry mob. It's like a funeral parlor in here."
Everyone turned back to Mr. Wonka expectantly.
"Where's the chocolate?" Aang practically whined, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. He was getting increasingly disheartened by this unpleasant experience, and so far there were no sweets to be had. This was more disappointing than the time he had gone to the Avatar Day festival back in Chin Village.
"I doubt that there is any," said Zuko optimistically (for him, at least) as he narrowed his eyes at the tuxedo-wearing lunatic in front of them.
"I doubt any of us will make it out of this place alive," Sokka added, always the paranoid one.
The man just smiled. "Oh, you should never, ever doubt what no one is sure about," he chimed, twisting the knob behind his back. "My dear friends," he continued. "You are now about to enter the nerve center to the entire Wonka factory."
He let them digest that for a beat.
"Inside this room, all of my dreams become realities…" he bit his lower lip as it practically quivered in fond reminiscence of the vague candy-making processes that undoubtedly occurred on the other side of the door. "…and some of my realities become dreams. And almost everything you'll see is eatable…edible…I mean, you can eat almost everything…" he rambled, gesturing in his excitement.
"Just open the door, already," Toph snapped, killing the moment.
Mr. Wonka's smile dropped. He almost frowned. But then he picked up his smile and put it right back on his face where it belonged.
"Now, don't get overexcited," he said. "Don't lose your head, Toph. We wouldn't want anyone to lose that…"
And then he turned away from the girl and began fiddling with the door knob again. Everyone was left in a very uncomfortable silence as they pieced together the meaning of those ominous words.
"Did…he just…threaten me?" Toph asked, turning to the others for confirmation.
"Maybe we should…I dunno…leave?" said Aang. "I mean, this is starting to sound kind of dangerous. I'm getting a bad feeling, and I haven't even gotten any chocolate yet."
"Wait, what?" the blind girl said, swiveling back towards the sound of the monk's voice. "Are you crazy? That was awesome! This guy has some balls to threaten the most powerful Earthbender in the world…and like you said, we never got our chocolate." She folded her arms. "I say we keep going."
Everyone else just shrugged as Mr. Wonka finally got the door unlocked. With as flamboyant a gesture as possible, he pushed the door open. It swung backwards, causing light to spill forth into the hallway. The group of young teens (minus Toph) were forced to shield their unprotected faces, lest they all go blind as badgermoles.
When their eyes adjusted, they peered into the next room and let out a gasp.
"I…I think this room is bigger inside than it is on the outside," said Zuko slowly. "I know it sounds crazy but…wow."
They were in a vast, flourishing garden that stretched as far as the eye could see. It was complete with lush trees and neatly trimmed bushes, plump toadstools and teacup shaped flowers, foliage with deep vivid colors everywhere one looked. And apparently all of it, all of it, was edible. There were gummy platypus-bear benches and lollipop trees, gumdrop's growing on the trees along with malted milk balls and jawbreakers. It looked like a rainbow threw up all over the place.
"Ladies and Gentlemen," said Mr. Wonka grandly. "Boys and girls…the Chocolate Room!"
"Impressive, but not quite perfect," said Sokka, rubbing his chin as he scrutinized the garden. "If only there were meat in this place…but then, that would be too good to be true."
"Well, we do have chocolate-covered bacon…somewhere…"
There was a brief pause.
"I'm home…" the Water Tribe boy murmured, hugging himself as his eyes glazed over in happiness. "Home…!"
A/N: So, chapter one is done and also complete. I hope you guys enjoyed this little fic of mine. I know it's not your conventional Avatar fic, but I'm sure that someone out there will take some enjoyment out of this…even if it's only the questionable Mr. Wonka himself.
First and foremost, ninety-nine percent of Wonka's lines were lifted directly from the DVD. Yes, I happen to have a copy of the Gene Wilder version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on DVD. Now get over it and stop judging me. There's a reason I keep it next to a copy of SAW on my DVD shelf.
The two scripts might have bleeded together a bit in the making of this fanfic. Oh, well. The Gaang did sign a contract saying they would take full responsibility for any damages they incur during their visit. You know that will just bite them in the ass later…just like most contracts do.
Team Avatar obtains their Golden Tickets through similar means as Charlie Bucket and co. Only instead of opening hundreds upon hundreds of candy bars to find theirs, Zuko just happens to pick up five fortune-cookies with the Golden Tickets stuffed inside of them. Because let's face it, that guy has to have the shittiest luck on the planet. If anyone could manage to get five tickets to a questionable sweets factory run by someone who is arguably a serial killer, it would be Zuko.
Of course, I love Suki to death, but only five people could go into the factory. If it were a toss-up between her and Toph, we all know who's going in and who's staying behind. Plus, I can't see Suki getting overly-fixated with chocolate like the others would. She's markedly more mature than her companions (probably on par with Katara as the voice of reason; only, as we can see here, the Waterbender can be stubborn and easily provoked).
But don't worry. Suki will show up in later chapters. For now, though, she will take the humble suggestion of her fortune cookie and take a sick day. Sokka will understand, and is secretly planning on bringing his girlfriend back a ton of chocolate just for her.
Hey! It's free! Come on!
The tsumgi-horn line was a nod to all the fanfictions that have Zuko being this prodigy tsumgi-hornist. I just kind of giggled at the mental image of a single room of his summer home covered wall to wall with tsumgi-horns. Just friggin' tsumgi-horns and nothing else. Even Zuko is confused by that one.
And speaking of poor Zuko, he is just not comforted at all by Mr. Wonka. After all the knocks the guy suffers in his life, he already has some major trust issues. His own father left his permanent signature on the side of his face, for crying out loud. I'm sorry, but a crazed lunatic in a purple tuxedo and matching top-hat with blonde hair is not going to inspire much confidence or trust in him.
Especially one that smiles as often as Mr. Wonka does. Zuko is more than creeped out by the man, and just does not want him within touching range (hence the crazy-paranoid sword-toting you see at various points in this chapter). And, quite frankly, he is probably in his right mind to be wary considering what happens to Katara; who is totally all for trusting strangers and giving them the benefit of the doubt…up to a point.
Up to a point.
Mr. Wonka's definitely not a "nice" or "trustworthy" person, but Katara will definitely get her revenge later on for any and all indignities suffered in this chapter. Katara may be the nice member of the Gaang, but you DON'T want to get on her bad side. Even Aang and Sokka at their most protective can't match the WRATH of a pissed-off Bloodbender.
So, yeah. You can look forward to the creepy Mr. Wonka receiving his comeuppance later on.
For the most part I'm going to be sticking strictly to the events that happen as they unfold in the movie…with certain changes at key parts, of course. You can expect a great many things to go awry in the chocolate room, making Mr. Wonka start to regret having sent out those Golden Tickets. And, obviously, someone is going to take a tumble in the chocolate river. But who?
Well? Want to find out? REVIEW!