There was no escaping this.
Bella's heart firmly belong to someone else. To a vampire. To a bloodsucker carved right out of stone.
This much was apparent, since she was dancing with him at their wedding reception. Twirling her around as if she didn't have two left feet to trip over.
Who did he think he was? Fucking Fred Astaire, or something? Does he think that all it takes to win Bella's heart are some dance moves?
Jacob shook his head, thinking how dumb his jealous thoughts sounded replayed back to him. Obviously Cullen had something that won her over. Some sort of vampire-magical quality or whatever.
Whatever it was, Jacob didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to see the way her smile was so brilliant that it lit up the whole room. The whole room. The whole world- my whole word.
Even seething in angst and jealousy, he couldn't help but stand there, amazed at the smile he thought he would never see. Not that he caused that smile. Not that she would let him, or anything. Not that it really mattered any more.
He didn't pay attention to how long he'd been sitting there, outside in the woods. He didn't even know if anyone knew he was here. Everyone was paying attention to the party behind the Cullen's place.
He watched with interest, as she pulled herself from her leech's arms, smiling and telling him she'd be just a few minutes.
Curious, Jacob kept to the trees, walking through the outskirts of the forest and keeping up with her. Her white dress trailed after her slightly, moving like silk in the breeze blowing through.
He felt goosebumps rise up on his skin, not entirely caused by the wind.
Bella kept walking until she found a small tree to lean up against. He stepped carefully, making sure not to make any noise to alert her to his presence.
He took in a deep breath, half-wishing he couldn't smell the scents rolling off of her. Pretty flowers he had never heard of...strawberry shampoo...a new perfume...cotton. But she smelled so clean and refreshing. And he felt so much better just breathing it all in.
Coming back down to Earth, he realized just then, how odd it was that Bella found herself away from her wedding guests and partially into the vast forest. No vampires to mettle with her brain, he thought to himself.
Jacob watched as she put her back against the tree trunk, banging the back of her head up against it, over and over. Soon, strands of her long hair fell into her face, pulled out from the pile of hair elegantly done on top of her head.
From far back, he could hear it first; the mumblings of her voice. She wasn't really speaking outloud- more just murmuing to herself. Something about Paris falling. Paris fighting. Romeo was a god? But Paris was a miracle? It made no sense to Jacob, whatsoever. Inclined, he made his way closer to where she was standing.
He could hear her heart pounding out a strong strumming noise, hectic for normal breathing. She was nervous or anxious about something, he could see. But what? Bella wasn't a committment-phobe; she'd just gotten married hours ago.
Then he really looked at her and this time, he could see them; the silent glistening stream of tears, making their way down her made-up cheeks.
Bella didn't seem like one of those girls who cried out of happiness, so this seemed very out of character for her.
Her mumbling started coming in more coherently, with her starting to really talk aloud.
"He won't come see me. I won't see him...won't be able to see him. What if he's hurt and no one knows where? Didn't Seth say.....didn't they say they could hear him or something?"
His heart threatened to swell out of his chest, for she was talking about him. She was in the middle of her wedding to Cullen, yet here she was, alone and thinking of him. Jacob had never heard more beautiful words come out of her mouth.
She keeled over herself, giving into her cries that had turned into sobs, her breaths coming in shakily.
"Penny for your thoughts," he whispered loudly, as he walked closer to her.
At first, it seemed she didn't hear him, him ready to repeat himself. But then he heard her hold her breath as she picked up her head and stared right at him with swollen, red eyes.
His thoughts were jumbled together now, because she was running at him, threatening to topple herself over in her dress, due to her clumsiness and his strength. His eyes widened, watching her unexpected move.
She stopped dead-on, two feet from him. Her mouth was moving as if she were speaking, but nothing was coming out. Jacob took her in; her simple dress, painted lips, watery eyes wide, ragged breaths. She brought her hand up, almost bringing it back to look like she would slap him.
But she pulled her fingers through her hair, obviously forgetting it wasn't down like normal. This caused most of it to fall out of it's pins and cascade around her face and shoulders, where it belonged. She blew a strand of stray hair out of her eyes, taking in a shallow breath and loudly exhaling. A lopsided-grin crossed her mouth for half a second, before giving way to an annoyed expression. Jacob raised his eyebrow in question.
"Where. The. Hell. haveyoubeen? You just left me and I thoughtyouweren't going to...come back and see me. Ever. And I swear Jake, you can't just leave me and not say goodbye. You have no idea how much I was worried about you and you just don't even..." she cried out, coming forward and grabbing onto his shoulders, as if to shake him.
He felt his body shiver again, at the touch of her cool fingers on his arms. He looked down at her, almost sheepishly, as more tears fell from her eyes. He lifted his hand, half-covered with dirt from running for so long, and gently wiped away the moisture on her face. A smudge of dirt was left behind on her beautiful porcelin cheek.
"What do you want to hear, Bells? Yes, I did leave. I did say goodbye...remember? You left me in my room, after the big fight. What do I really have to stay for?" he asked, looking down at her, trying to search for any hidden answers.
"No. You know it wasn't...it wasn't good-bye good-bye. I was supposed to see you again. That's bullshit! This is absoulute crap! You can't make me feel bad for doing this, for going through...and oh GOD why did you have to do that. You knew this would happen!" she shrieked, banging her tiny ineffectual fists at his bare chest, angry and hair completely dishevled. She slouched into him, sobbing and letting her arms fall to her sides.
He held her against him, stroking her hair and shushing her crying.
He was so confused as to what was going on here. She shouldn't be saying these wonderful things to him; it would only make the true goodbye that much worse.
"Bella. C'mon, your makeup is getting all messed up. People are going to think that the trees beat you up, or something," he teased, pulling her away from him. An almost-smile showed up on her face, as she tried in vain to wipe her eyes with her fists. She went ahead and pulled the rest of her hair down, running her fingers through it.
They stood there for another minute, avoiding each other's gazes. Jacob knew that Cullen would come looking for her soon, as always. She certainly didn't need to fight with her new husband, on day one.
He pulled her to sit with him on a tree stump by them.
"Hey Bells?"
"Mmm?"
"Did you miss me? I mean like...more than you thought you would?" he asked, scrunching up his face in await of her response.
"I think- ah...yeah. I guess I did, " she thought on this for a moment, before answering him fully.
"I think that I might be equally the most dense person in the world and the most enlightened," she said, turning to him to look him in the eyes.
He felt his breath catch in his chest as he mulled over her words.
"I don't know why my brain works corruptively like it does. It took me forever to actually get that Edward loved me..." she shrugged her shoulders. He frowned at where this was going.
"But, I knew you did. It was so plain as day, in my face. It's kinda pathetic that I could instantly see when you fell for me- but I've been in such a stupor about Edward and the whole being on Victoria's hit-list...and now the wedding. I didn't see this. I didn't see how my heart had been mending the whole time. Gah- I thought it wasn't there anymore. But maybe that's because you had it. You and your damn socket-wrench and garage and 'Bells, honey,' and 'Pick me'. Your in-your-face feelings and the movie theater promise. And the air-tight hugs. And the...the uh, event before the fight with Victoria.
I mean...I cried the night I left you in your room. I cried and cried and cried. I don't even remember sleeping much that night. Part of me was clawing at my insides...and I just...I broke when I heard you'd been invited by Edward, himself. I pictured your face...more crying. I've been an emotional wreck for over a year now...and you fixed me. You tried your damndest to put the pieces back together. Like I'm a puzzle or something. No complaints when I did weird things. When I acted crazy. You just brushed it off like it was okay.
And I felt okay sometimes...and I'm just really wow...ha. Really dumb I guess. I never...thanked you enough for all that you've done...all you've been to me. All you let me confide to you and how you kinda-sorta-didn't give away the hurt when I told you the deal with me and Edward. I want to make it up to you in all sorts of wrong wrong ways. But I can't like this. Half-messed up on my wedding day. And that...is...well...to answer your Jacob? Yes. I missed you. I noticed the ache again from when you stopped talking to me before. It was alive and hurting me more and more. I wanted to find you and tell you- no beg you to come home. To your family...your brothers...to me. I still miss you and you're sitting next to me," she finished, looking unapologetic.
Jacob's mouth was half-open, not able to form any witty remark to her speech.
"You. Missed. Me," he breathed out, in one breath. He watched as she chuckled lightly and nodded.
"I think you just blew my mind, Bells," he responded in a low voice.
She took his hand in hers, tracing her thumb over his. In the background to this heaven, he could hear people laughing and talking amongst themselves.
Suddenly, she stood up, pulling on his arm to follow. He looked at her interested in what she was trying to do, when she was bending over to pick up something from the grass. Bella pulled out a long reeded piece of grass and grabbed Jacob's left hand, pulling it to her. He was about to question her, but held back as she twisted it around his ring finger, tying it into a little knot. She smiled her brilliant smile again- the one he had seen earlier. He was almost too entranced by it to listen to what she said next.
"I, Isabella Swan-er..Cullen, do take you, Jacob Black, to be my not-so-lawfully wedded best friend. I promise to always try to make you laugh and laugh at your many corny jokes. Your many, many corny jokes. I promise to make lots of trips to see you so that we may find ourselves in your garage with can sodas-a-plenty," she started, holding his hand and looking at him expectantly. Getting with the program, he understood, chuckling to himself and indulging Bella this request.
"I, Jacob Black, do take you, Isabella :cough:Swan:cough:, to be my against-the-lawfully wedded best friend. I promise to call you out when you're acting like a spoiled brat. Every time you act like one. I promise to always catch you with my sweet reflexes, when you get all clumsy and fall down. A lot. I promise to pretend to be nice to your husband, even if he reeks," he vowed. Bella scowled at the last part, continuing on.
"And I promise to no longer do stupid reckless things, endanger myself in any way, if I can help it. I promise to always wear the bracelet you made me, because I love it."
"I uh, promise to watch lame remakes of 'the classics' as you call them, even when you complain that they're not long enough. And I promise to keep my hair longer, because you like it like that."
"I promise to make you dinner when you ask me to. Because I cook way better than you. But not more fish. Because you guys keep a lot of-"
"You're rambling."
"Oh, right. Yeah, so no fish."
"Alright, well I promise to not tell you how cute I think it is when you get all flustered with yourself or when you're around me."
"I promise that if you try to leave again like before, I will hunt you down and drag you back to La Push. Myself."
"I promise to never give up. On th-this. On your heartbeats, on your life."
"I promise that no matter what, I will...always feel like this...uh, um. Happy when I'm around you."
"I promise to keep all of these promises and any that ever pop up in the future. And that I will always be happy around you. I also promise that you will always be the most everything in my world. I will never see anyone but you."
"-uh. I p-promise to figure-" Bella stuttered, not sure of what else to say.
"I promise that I will always be so deeply and undeniably in love with you. That I won't be able to see straight half the time. That I'll be blinded by you. Like I am now. Listening to you make me vows. I'm drunk off this, Bells."
She stared back at the ground, slowly looking up at him from under her lashes, unintentionally making it harder for him to breathe. She took another long pause, before starting back up.
"I promise that I know what to do now. That I will fix this. That all you have to do is wait...and to grant me just a little favor," she licked her lips, standing up awkwardly in her heels.
"Anything, Bella. You know that," his eyebrows knitting together.
"Please just...let me know what I've been...missing out on," her words shyly ended.
They sent flames up and down Jacob's spine, causing his head to almost spin off of his neck. His eyes immediately dropped to her hands, which she was wringing together, unsure of what to do with them. He wasn't sure either. If he even heard her right. Or if he understood her correctly.
"What...d'you...uh, mean, Bella?" he asked, his eyes still fixed on her hands. He gulped a big breath of air.
She bit her lip, leaving all traces of lipstick gone. She stepped another step closer, her eyes out-of-focus and trance-like.
"Be my friend, yes, Jake. But be...my...-" she frowned and sighed at her loss of words. She regained her composure, stepping into his immediate space. She placed a shaky hand against his heartbeat, taking another deep breath.
"Be...mine. Just in this moment. I can be...yours. Right now. Just right now, until I can figure it all...out."
His eyes slightly widened, understanding at once. This may be his last hope, in other words...and he had to fight for her.
Her other hand went behind his warm neck, as she stretched up, standing on her tip-toes. He wrapped his arms lightly around her small waist, up against the thick white fabric of her dress. Her own wedding dress.
Trying to see what this meant, he lowered his head and leaned down to meet her half-way. His lips first went to the corner of her mouth, placing a kiss there, then the tip of her small nose. Then her both her cheekbones. From there, he sweeped his mouth to the bottom center of her face, hovering only slightly over hers. Without any hesitation, their lips met, silently, wholely.
The feeling was one of shock that reverberated to his very soul. Shock of the feeling of his love finally admitting what he knew all along. Shock of the feeling of her soft lips on his. The shock of kissing his best friend. Of kissing a married woman. Of the possibility of this ending badly. Of this ending wonderfully. He was drowning in her scent, clutching onto her hair, one hand still around her waist, but pulling her as close as possible.
Their mouths moved greedily over the other's, like starving survivors of a shipwreck. He was determined to put every thought of his over her, into this kiss. She seemed to not mind.
They pulled apart with two sharp gasps of breath, still holding onto each other for dear life.
They were each other's life preservers; they just wouldn't survive long without the other.
Bella smiled against him, listening to his heart beat slow some.
"You need to go back before someone tries to come looking for you," he stated, standing her back up.
She sighed and nodded with him.
"Can you come back, too?" she asked him, in hopes.
"If you want me to."
"Then let's go, Jake."
They walked back towards the reception, only having been gone for no more than twenty minutes.
Jake noticed that the first person to see them was Charlie.
And how his gaze was intent on how Bella's hair and makeup was mussed up and how they were still holding hands, like old times.
And how Charlie shot him a weird look, that almost passed for amusement.
He knew he would wait until the end of time if need be, for Charlie to become his father-in-law.
And for Bella...just to become his, again.