This is a version of "A Christmas Carol," but it's also a joke about Mary Sue (or, in this case, Marty Stu) stories, in a way.
A "Full House" Christmas Carol
P.J. looked out the window and sighed. "I miss Wisconsin. I miss snow. I miss everything about what Christmas used to be growing up!"
"Do you miss Fourth of July fireworks?"
"Yeah, I…wait a minute," P.J. said, laughing as he looked back at his wife, Stephanie. "You just made that joke to get me to smile, didn't you?" He went back to looking sad. "It didn't work for long."
Stephanie smiled sweetly at him. "Come on, P.J., we've been married for five years. You should be used to the routine by now. You start to miss home, it inspires you to play your music, then Uncle Jesse and you get together and have a jam session, with a lot of Christmas music, and suddenly everything's all better."
P.J. turned to her and grumbled. "It's no use. Everything's not gonna just fall into place like in the episodes."
"I still find that really freaky when you mention it," Stephanie said bluntly, thinking of the things P.J. said when they met. She shook her head, and then asked, "Why did you have to blurt all that stuff right away?"
"Because it was the truth," P.J. said, failling his hands as he tried to find the words. "I wanted to take you home to Wisconsin with me, and we could live happily ever after. Come on, what was I supposed to say? You know I'd never lie to you."
"No, but this Christmas you've been stomping around really upset and depressed. I'm expecting you to say 'Bah, humbug' next," Stephanie replied. She put an arm around P.J.. "P.J., I know how it is to miss someone. I still think about my mom at Christmas, and she died when I was five. Except for getting Mr. Bear when she brought Michelle home, and a few other little things, I don't really have specific memories of her. But, I have so many general ones."
P.J. normally would have comforted Stephanie, talking about how he was sure her mom, Pam, meant a lot to her, and that she was in Heaven and would always be a part of things. Stephanie's mother had died in an accident caused by a drunk driver, leaving her, ten-year-old D.J., and Michelle, only about six months. Their dad, Danny Tanner, had a best friend, Joey Gladstone, and brother-in-law, Jesse Katsopolis, who had moved in to help. But, times like this always made her think of Pam a little.
P.J. wasn't in the mood, however. He simply spoke gruffly and said, "You say that all the time when I really miss my home."
"And, now you're a famous musician, and you play really good, wholesome songs. Stuff we've helped you with." P.J. nodded. "The problem is, you're not looking at all the good things we've given you."
"I don't want to talk about it," P.J. complained, stomping up to bed.
Stephanie sighed, and finished putting presents under the tree for their small children. Her sister Michelle, now in her early 20s, was helping. "Uncle Jesse got the same way sometimes, when he couldn't think of a song to write," Michelle noted.
"Thanks, Michelle. You're right. And, maybe that's his problem. He does perform quite a bit; just like Uncle Jesse used to. I just wish he'd open up about those things. Who knows, maybe I could even help him." She shook her head. "If he'd just try to write a song for our youngest, Timmy, just like Uncle Jesse got inspired by you to write 'Michelle's Smiling.' I could help with that easily," Stephanie noted.
Meanwhile, P.J. had quickly fallen asleep. And yet, there was Danny Tanner in the middle of his and Stephanie's bedroom. "Mr. Tanner, it's Christmas Eve, this is no time to be cleaning. Especially in our house, in our bedroom!"
"I'm not here to clean. I'm here to tell you you're going to be visited by three spirits," Danny told him.
"Yeah, right. You have a dustcloth in your hand," P.J. said.
"I like to have a dustcloth in my hand," Danny said defensively.
"And just what do ghosts have to dust?"
"Have you seen some of those mummies?" Danny asked. "Look, the point is, you have been acting like a Scrooge all Christmas season this year, and I'm telling you that you need to listen to these three spirits. Spirits can be very helpful at times like this; if you listen to them, of course," Danny said as Jesse walked into the room.
"P.J. rolled his eyes. "Look, you're Stephanie's father," he said. "You're supposed to be protective. Now, if you've got something to say, just say it, and stop talking about these 'three spirits.'" P.J. fumed. "If all I'm doing is making her think of how she misses her mom, maybe I never should have come here; maybe I shouldn't have been born!"
"Oh, now wait, that's 'It's A Wonderful Life,' that's a totally different story," Danny said, holding up a finger. "Anyway, as I was saying, I try, but sometimes you need a little extra help," Danny said. "It's sort of like baseball. It's great to be out there taking batting practice, and watching film of your swing, and things like that, but sometimes you get a hole in your swing that it takes someone else to see; and, other times, you have to go back to the start and totally reconstruct your swing."
Jesse looked oddly at Danny. "What kind of a warning was that? Kid, look," Jesse told P.J., "I know where you're comin' from. I mean, before Pam died, and even sometimes after, I was so caught up in what I wanted to do, it was easy to forget about what was really important. And, the way Danny rambles…"
"Hey, I was not rambling, I was simply guiding," Danny said. "I just happen to have a lot of good advice about things."
Jesse told Danny, "The problem is, each little piece of advice gets lost in a mountain of useless words. Now, if you wanna tell someone they're gonna be visited by three spirits, here's what you do." Jesse walked up to P.J.. "Kid, listen, you got problems. These three spirits are comin', an' you'll listen to 'em if you know what's good for ya. Capiche?" He turned back to Danny and said, "See, just like that."
"And, what if I don't want to listen to them?" P.J. asked.
"Well…" Jesse turned back to Danny. "Any ideas?"
"Jess, that was not how to do it, you didn't even give a hint of what his problems were."
As Danny and Jesse debated, D.J. came in. "Oh, no, not another one," P.J. moaned.
D.J. looked at Danny and Jesse. "I can't believe you two." She then looked at P.J.. "P.J.," she said in a low, spooky voice.
"Oh, yeah. I guess that voice might have helped," Danny said.
"P.J.," D.J. said, "you are going down a path to destruction! Your mind is a mess, and it's hurting those around you, because the only person you're thinking about is yourself. And, believe me, I should know," D.J. said.
"Yeah, like that time you spent all your time with Steve, and didn't do much schoolwork or even remember to pick Michelle up from Honeybees," P.J. recalled.
"Worse than that, I was almost never proactive. Things were a lot worse in that 'TV Universe' than they had to be for all of us, because I was not proactive after our mom's death. But, you have a chance, P.J., to regain what you have lost. Tonight, you will be visited by three spirits," D.J. insisted.
P.J. was a little worried now. "Are you sure you're not the three spirits?" P.J. asked.
"Yes, P.J., I am sure. You will never find what you want thinking about yourself. But, in their message, you will find what you have been looking for," D.J. said. Soon, she, Danny, and Jesse left.
P.J. looked at where they had been standing, and shook his head. "That was weird."
He was soon interrupted from his sleep again, by a small voice. "P.J.," the voice said. It sounded like a child's as P.J. sat up in bed. "I am the ghost of Christmas past."
"But, you're Michelle; and you look like you're six or seven, eight at the most. You're supposed to be 23, not in elementary school!"
"That's because I'm the ghost of Christmas past. Get it, in the past? Duh!"
P.J. was very skeptical. "And, what can a schoolgirl Michelle teach me?" P.J. asked.
"I could teach you how to make gross noises with your armpits. Aaron showed me." She reached under her arm and made a noise with her armpit.
"How would that help?!"
"It wouldn't. I just told you what I could teach you. Instead, I'm here to help you remember joy. Laughter. Happiness. Things like that."
P.J. thought he could get this "ghost" away from him easily, if it was really a younger Michelle. "Shouldn't you be looking around to see where all the chocolate is hidden?"
"Hmmm, that's a good idea. I'll have my helper take over a while. Oh, helper," Michelle called as she left the room.
P.J. laughed. "That was easy." He thought for a moment, and then got worried. "Too easy, in fact. I wonder who the helper is?"
Kimmy, from about the eighth season, popped into the room. "Hey, P.J.. I'm the ghost of Christmas past. Looks like I get to haunt you."
"Oh, no!" P.J. groaned as he collapsed on his bed. He sat up again and spoke. "Kimmy, do you know the first thing about ghosts? Wait, you can't, because the first thing is ghosts are dead, and you're not dead."
Michelle stepped back into the room. "I told you, the key term is Christmas past. Come on, Kimmy. We have to help him remember."
"Sure thing, Spuirt Junior. Come on, P.J.; our first stop is when you first laid eyes on Stephanie," Kimmy said.
Suddenly, they were in school. Eleven-year-old P.J. was nervous as he approached Stephanie in the cafeteria near the start of the school year, where Stephanie was in seventh grade. "Hi," he said to Stephanie. "You're more beautiful in person. I mean…"
Gia teased, "Someone's got a crush."
"Thanks," Stephanie said with a smile. "Did you see the video I put together for school last year, with all those bloopers?" she guessed, thinking that's what he meant by "in person" – he'd seen her somewhere on film.
"I've seen all the episodes," P.J. said as he sat down to lunch with them.
"The whats?" Stephanie thought P.J. was just nervous, but what in the world was he talking about with episodes?
In the spiritual realm, P.J. was more shocked by something else. "Kimmy, this is September."
"But, we're supposed to be helping you remember. And, Stephanie was in seventh grade when you first saw her, and you were about eleven," Kimmy pointed out.
"But, Kimmy, you're the ghost of Christmas past. Doesn't the word 'Christmas' mean anything to you?"
"Sure it does, P.J.; that's why I'm here to help," Kimmy returned.
P.J. held out a hand. "Then why are you showing me September and not Christmas?!"
"You think that's important to me?" Kimmy asked. "I never celebrated my birthday on the same day, and usually not in the same month. Why should this be different?"
"I hate to say it, but she won that round," Michelle said. P.J. had to agree; he didn't know what else to say to Kimmy's logic.
From the spirit realm, P.J. and young Michelle and Kimmy were looking at the Tanner home later that day. "That P.J. was the strangest sixth grader," Gia said as she and Stephanie talked in Stephanie and Michelle's room.
"I know. I kind of feel sorry for him, though."
"Why?"
"Well, Gia, look at how awkward he was when he tried to talk to me. I think you're right, it's megacrush land. But, he seems to go beyond just awkward with all that TV talk," Stephanie said. "He told us things nobody could know; unless, like he says, this was a real TV show."
"I know; like that party I'm hosting tomorrow night," Gia said. "But, Steph, when he said 'make-out party,' it wasn't like, well…"
Stephanie looked sincerely into Gia's eyes. "Gia, I can tell when you're fibbing; like what you tried to do with P.J. today. He's right; I told D.J. when she was falsely accused of drinking that time, I can tell when someone's lying to me. I can tell different types of tears, too, things like that. I was going to go, even though I knew your mom wouldn't be there, but when he talked about it being a make-out party, that's just not me. Oh, I might have gotten into it, but I would have felt uncomfortable very shortly."
In the spirit realm, the young Michelle looked at P.J.. "See, P.J.? You kept Stephanie out of trouble here and other times."
"She's right. The only thing you really messed up was going with Michelle to the candy store. You passed up a perfectly good donkey that guy was selling," Kimmy spouted.
"Kimmy, that would have been the dumbest thing anyone could buy. I'm surprised you think Michelle would have listened to you, and I saw the episode," P.J. said.
Kimmy shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a natural leader."
Spirit Michelle shushed them. "Are you happy you were born? Because, we're supposed to be ghosts of Christmas past. Even though Kimmy gets her days mixed up."
"Oh, sure. I still think you could combine the stories somehow," P.J. said. "But, yeah, I'm glad I came here."
"That's the spirit," Michelle encouraged him.
"I thought we were the spirits," Kimmy told her.
"Never mind," Michelle said, pointing to the scene they were watching from the spirit realm. "Oh, there's our dad coming in. You'll have to listen closely, he'd lost his voice."
"Steph, you have a visitor," Danny said very hoarsely as he poked his head in the room.
Stephanie walked downstairs after saying "Thanks, Dad." Gia and Danny followed. "P.J. hi; do you live near here."
"Actually, I live in Wisconsin," P.J. said.
"Oh, are you here visiting?"
"You might say that. I got a rose for you," P.J. said, holding it out for her. She smiled and took it as Jesse and Joey walked in from the kitchen, almost ready to go to do their show. "I'm sorry if I sounded kind of weird today."
Stephanie smiled as she gazed at the rose. "Thank you. You're sweet, you know that."
"You're welcome. It's just on TV we only see the highlights of someone's day. I mean, it's a half hour a week, but that's out of 168 hours," P.J. said. "So, it just felt weird to have all that time filled in."
"Yeah," Danny managed to choke out, "he was saying something about that. It seemed really weird, what he was saying."
Jesse walked over and gave P.J. an understanding smile. "You know, kid, I thought I'd tried every pick-up line there was when I was younger, but I don't think I ever told a girl I felt like I'd watched her on TV. I'm sure you were just trying to be original. But, I've learned women don't want guys to compete for the best line; they want guys who are understanding, warm, and compassionate. Guys who'll listen to a woman, and what she wants. That's how I finally learned to get along with Becky; you gotta care about each other, and love each other no matter what."
"Of course, if he really did come from a universe where we're a TV show, we could test it very easily," Joey said. "What did my dad and I talk about in the dressing room at Vegas when I performed there?"
P.J. answered that correctly, and then told them a few other things when they asked. He topped it off by saying, "And, Jesse, your real name is Hermes."
"All right, you know too much," Jesse shouted. He then turned to Joey and said, "What's worse is, I don't see how you can think this makes sense."
"Well, it would be a typical Marty Stu," Joey said. Danny said he'd heard the term, but didn't want to waste his voice. So, Joey continued. "Danny's heard that term from someone on his show talking about fan writing. A 'Marty Stu' is a male version of a 'Mary Sue' – a character who comes in, falls in love with someone right away, and everyone loves them. They also are often able to solve any problem, and their presence never causes any friction with any other characters."
Danny put his hands on his hips. "Well, I don't want someone just coming in and falling in love with any of my daughters right away," he said raspily.
"I think it's really freaky," Stephanie agreed.
"Hey, what gives," P.J. complained. "I've got a crush on you, Stephanie, why don't you have one on me?"
Joey put an arm around P.J. and said, "Welcome to the real world, kid."
"That was funny," Michelle said as she, Kimmy, and P.J. watched in the spirit realm. "To you it was a fantasy world, P.J.. But, Joey said 'real world' because it's not always perfect for characters," she said.
"All right, all right, I get it. Now, if you're the ghosts of Christmas past, could somebody please show me Christmas!"
"Oh, all right, have it your way," Kimmy griped. She thought for a second. "Boy, I said that ad slogan, and suddenly I'm hungry for a Big Mac."
"Kimmy, 'Have it your way' is Burger King's slogan! You can't get a McDonalds burger at Burger King," P.J. said in a stunned voice, wondering how she could be so dumb.
Kimmy got a sudden look of understanding. "No wonder they look at me funny when I walk in there."
"I would ask if they look at you funny at McDonalds or Burger King, but I'm afraid you might start talking about Wendy's if I do." P.J. turned to Michelle. "Please restore some sanity to this scene," he said.
"Sure," Michelle said politely. "You didn't fall in love right away like you hoped. But, you had a great time, especially that first Christmas as friends."
The scene in real time was the Tanners' living room, with the entire family there, plus P.J. and the owner of a small store. Stephanie told Danny, "I thought we could become friends. P.J.'s grown on us." She turned to P.J. and added, "But, we are not moving to Wisconsin."
Jesse could tell P.J. looked a little sad at what Stephanie had said. So, he tried to encourage P.J.. "Things are a lot better in a couple areas from those eighth season episode syou was talkin' about," Jesse told him. "'Course, it's funny, a few little things just wound up happening differently by chance. We had to go invite this shopkeeper to our house, 'cause we didn't buy Danny's gift from his store this year."
"Sure, just like P.J. walked with Michelle to get candy that time she got over $200 from her lemonade stand," Becky said. "Although, I still can't believe Michelle would have bought a donkey."
Stephanie exclaimed, "Kimmy went with her; what do you expect?"
"Well, P.J. gave us a very detailed list of things soon after we met that allowed me to take certain precautions. Of course, now, it's hard to say what will happen; things have changed in a few places, like Becky says about not buying that gift at that store," Danny said. "We just knew that shop owner from when Jesse volunteered at the soup kitchen and he came in; that's how we knew he was safe. He's really had a lot of trouble making money, but never liked to tell anyone."
P.J. smiled at Stephanie. "Your family accepts me so much. I mean, I just came out of nowhere, and now we're going together!" he whooped excitedly. "Now, I'm really going with Stephanie Tanner!"
Danny held up a hand. "You're good friends, P.J.; don't be in such a big hurry. Wait to go together till Steph's about 40."
"Forty? I can't wait that long! I want to go back to Wisconsin with all my friends, and become a country music star, and all those things." He saw Jesse pretend to hold his hand over his heart and look hurt. "I know, you keep saying to take my time."
"No, I just can't believe you'd choose country over rock and roll," Jesse said.
"Look, why don't you two go into the basement and have a jam session, or something," Becky suggested. "After all, Jess, P.J. loves music, maybe you can help him learn. You always enjoy the idea of being behind some kids who become really famous."
"Well, okay, I guess." P.J. sighed. "It just seemed so simple when I just kept thinking about Stephanie. Why does this have to be so complicated?"
"'Cause, it's like Joey said, this isn't a Marty Stu, it's real life. You gotta realize not every part of something is gonna be great. Like for instance, what if you don't like snoring, and Steph snores?" Jesse asked.
"I don't snore," Stephanie complained.
Michelle looked and said, "Actually, you do. But, it's soothing enough, it helps me get to sleep if I wake up in the middle of the night," she told P.J..
Joey reminded Jesse that P.J. loved guitars. "Maybe the two of you could work on learning 'Freebird,' like P.J. talked about."
"What kind of bird is it?" Kimmy asked. "And, why do you want to free it?"
"Kimmy, 'Freebird' is a song; it sounds like a guitar because it is a guitar," P.J. said.
Kimmy looked amazed. "Wow, Deej, a bird that sounds like a guitar. How come they don't teach us about these creatures in high school biology?"
"Okay, look, let's you an' me go down and have a jam session, and we'll leave them up here to try and understand Kimmy," Jesse said.
In the spirit realm, P.J., Michelle, and Kimmy were talking. "I remember that; we had the best jam session." P.J. sighed dreamily. "Those were such happy days. Even when we played 'Freebird' for you, Kimmy, and you said it was the strangest sounding bird you ever heard."
"That's right, P.J.. Now, let's have a look at your first kiss with Stephanie," Kimmy said.
P.J. was stunned. "Kimmy, that was July, after Stephanie and Andrew broke up," he said loudly. "You're the ghost of Christmas past, and Christmas can't be moved like crazy like your birthday! It's a special day, because we celebrate when Jesus was born!"
Michelle smiled in victory. "I knew we could get you to remember the real meaning of Christmas," she told P.J..
"What?" P.J. thought for a second. "Okay, I see what you did. You used Kimmy getting confused on purpose. You know, you can be sneaky sometimes, Michelle."
"I know. And, don't worry. I'll show you one more Christmas past," Michelle said.
Stephanie was in the Tanner living room after Christmas; she was now in her early 20s. P.J. and Jesse came in, with P.J. holding a piece of paper. The others were also gathered, including Steve, D.J.'s new husband, and their girl, who was playing with some presents.
"This is a amazing, a real recording contract," P.J. said. He hugged Jesse "Oh, thank you, Jesse, thank you."
"Hey, I knew all that hard work would pay off," Jesse said.
P.J. smiled. "I know I got pretty mad at you when you kept pushing me to practice."
"More than Stephanie in that episode?"
"Yeah, a lot more than her. It's weird how things changed when I came. I'm the one who was trying for that talent show. And, I still lost to Derek and Lisa. But, I wound up winning the most important thing in the end," P.J. said as he knelt in front of Stephanie. "Stephanie Tanner, will you marry me?"
"Oh, yes, P.J.." They hugged. "You're not even thinking about Wisconsin now, huh?"
P.J. shook his head. "Nah, I can do better as a recording artist out here in California, anyway. I can't imagine anything better than spending my life with you."
"That's the way it should be, kid," Jesse. "I've giten up stuff for Becky, too," he added as he put his arm around her. "Bein' a father and a husband means not always getting' to do the things you wanna do. But, when you love someone, you help 'em follow their dreams, too. Just like Becky let me with mine at times, like that time we went on the road together. And, just like I know Steph wants to help you with yours."
As they all hugged, P.J. looked at Kimmy and Michelle in the spirit realm. "I guess I've been so focused on my career lately…I want to get back to when I didn't have so much responsibility and everything, though. I've been giving of myself so much."
"It's worth it though, isn't it?" Michelle asked.
"Yeah, yeah, it is." P.J. kept thinking as the ghosts disappeared.
A moment later, P.J. heard a whole mess of jingle bells. For out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, he sprang from his bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window he flew like a flash…oops, wait, that's "'Twas The Night Before Christmas."
Anyway, P.J. awakened to see Joey carrying a small fake tree with a fake bird in it. "Oh, no, three Jacob Marleys, two ghosts of Christmas past, don't tell me; now it's a partridge in a pear tree."
"How'd you guess? Anyway, I'll be home with bells on this Christmas," Joey said.
"I'll say; how many bells do you have on you?"
"Well, let's see, I've got about 100 little ones attached to the front of my outfit, another 100 on the back, bells up my pant leg sides, a few dozen on my hat…I'd say about 400."
"This is really weird. And, I suppose you're going to show me Christmas present?"
"You want Christmas present? Okay, come on." Joey led P.J. into their son's room, where Stephanie was rubbing his back and trying to help him get to sleep. "I know you're anxious for Christmas morning, Timmy. But, you have to sleep first. Even Kimmy wouldn't putting getting up before sleep; it wouldn't make sense in that order," she said.
"But, I want presents now," Timmy mourned.
Stephanie smiled. "I know. I remember how hard it is to get to sleep on Christmas Eve. You get really excited about everything, just like me. And, just like Grandma Pam. Try imagining you hear Santa's sleigh."
"I heard the bells…on Christmas Day," Timmy muttered, trying to will Christmas to get there faster.
"Yes, but it's not Christmas day yet," Stephanie told him. "It's supposed to be a silent night, with you hearing the voice of angels; we have heard on high." She chuckled. "Sorry, you said a Christmas carol title, then I said 'silent night,' and I couldn't resist another one. Guess I'm just like Grandpa Danny, too."
"She's so wonderful," P.J. whispered. "So funny, and tender, and loving."
Joey smiled. "It's easy to see why you fell in love with her, huh?"
"Yeah, it is," P.J. muttered.
"Why was Daddy so grouchy?"
"He's just worried about his music," Stephanie explained.
"But, he's the best ever," Timmy said.
Stephanie smiled. "I know. I'm glad you think that of your daddy. I used to think Grandpa Danny, my dad, could do anything at your age, too. But, he doesn't have to be the best musician ever to be the best daddy ever, does he?" Timmy shook his head, keeping his eyes closed. "That's right. Stuff like music comes naturally to him; his problem is when he tries too hard. Sometimes I worry, too, that he's just going to think so much about that he'll forget the important thing is loving us, no matter whether he sells another record or not. But, I'm sure he won't forget."
"I know he won't, either."
"Yeah." They whispered for another moment, and soon, Timmy was asleep.
P.J. and Joey walked out of the room quietly, and back into P.J.'s room."So, are you happy?" Joey asked.
"Well, yeah. They want me to focus on time with them and not worry so much about all the other stuff." P.J. smiled. "And, that makes me glad."
"Good. See you 'round." Joey left.
P.J. went back to sleep for a second, then saw another spirit above his bed. "Hi…uh, who might you be?"
"I might be Teddy Roosevelt. But, I'm not."
"Especially since you're a woman." P.J. thought for a second. "Wait; I think I've seen you in pictures; you're Pam, aren't you?" She nodded. "At least I got a real spirit this time. But, wait. D.J. said I'd be visited by three spirits, and you, plus Joey, plus Michelle and Kimmy, makes four." P.J. scratched his head. "Unless she wasn't counting Kimmy. I'd believe that one."
"P.J., can we focus on the present?"
"I thought you were the ghost of Christmas future."
"That's true, but I mean the present, where we talk about the future," Pam said.
"I'm glad Kimmy didn't try to say that," P.J. said.
Pam fretted. "Look, you are obviously very stressed. You are working yourself into an early grave with all the performing you've been doing. How do you think Stephanie would feel if she lost her husband before your kids were even grown?"
"Wow; I never thought of that. But, wait; why aren't you showing me this instead?"
"Sorry, but you know how Danny and my girls always talk about how excited I'd get about everything," Pam said. "especially Stephanie."
"That's a good point," P.J. said. "But, how much longer do I have? I mean, can I slow down in ten years, or five, or two, or…or do I have to slow down right now? In fact, what if this crushing pain in my chest right now is a heart attack. Oh, please don't let me die. I promise to live in the past, present, and future, I promise to devote myself to family right now, and not worry and complain so much about other stuff. Oh, what is this pressing on my chest?"
Suddenly, P.J. was awake; it was Christmas morning. "Timmy, don't jump on your father's chest like that; especially not when he's sleeping," Stephanie corrected him.
"But, it's Christmas," Timmy said with a shout.
P.J. whooped and hollered as Stephanie explained why it wasn't nice to jump on people. "That means I didn't miss Christmas after all! I'm not having a heart attack!"
"No, Dear, you probably felt Timmy jumping on you," Stephanie told him.
"Oh, boy, it's Christmas!" P.J. quickly ran and got their little girl out of her crib, and they all went downstairs to open presents.
A short while later, Stephanie told P.J., "It's amazing. You've really got that Christmas spirit back; you seem a lot happier now that I've seen you in a long while. What happened?"
"I don't know; it was probably the three spirits." Stephanie wondered what he meant, especially when he added, "Or was it four? I'm still not sure about that one." P.J. went upstairs to get something in their room, then shouted down a short time later, "What's this? How can that be?"
"What's what; how can what be?" Stephanie asked.
Before P.J. could explain to Stephanie, Joey came in with his wife and kids. "Hey, Steph, hey, P.J.," Joey said as P.J. came down the steps. "Did you see that partridge in a pear tree I put in your room as a joke?" he asked Stephanie.
"I wondered who put that in there," Stephanie told him.
"Yeah, I just now saw it," P.J. said. "But, how could that be?"
Joey scratched his head. "I'm the one who should be asking how something could be. You woke up when I came in."
"Uh…Joey, I thought you were the ghost of Christmas present," P.J. declared.
"that's explains why you asked me that," Joey said.
"So, ghost D.J. was right after all; I was haunted by three spirits. You must have awakened me, so I missed the ghost of Christmas present. Except I saw it anyway when Stephanie was talking to Timmy when he couldn't get to sleep."
"Wait, wait, so you had two spirits some other place?" P.J. explained what happened. "It figures that even a Kimmy ghost would be dumb," Stephanie said.
Joey smiled. "Well, the important thing is, P.J. understands the true meaning of Christmas, right?"
"Yeah. God gave a great gift to each of us, that we just have to receive. And, no matter where we are, we should celebrate the other gifts He's given us. Like family and love and all that stuff." He told Stephanie, "I'm sorry I acted like such a Scrooge. It doesn't matter if I don't have everything I wanted. I've still got the most important things in life right here," he said. He, Stephanie, and their kids all hugged.