Oliver shook his head to clear the fog that overtook him. He, along with Diggle and Thea, had his hands and feet tied behind his back and he was forced to rest on his knees. They were out patrolling. Diggle had put his foot down about being side lined. Yes, he had a daughter and wife but that didn't stop him from wanting to help save their city. It didn't stop him from needing to make it safer not just for his family but for other families as well. It was his fight too and Oliver was forced to accept that nothing he could do would stop Diggle from joining them. Oliver knew deep down that nothing had been the same since Diggle stopped going out in the field. Diggle belonged right by his side. He was Oliver's partner and always had his back.
They were showing Thea the ropes of the vigilante lifestyle. Oliver, of course, was dead set against it but now that Team Arrow became a democracy, he had been out voted. Even Felicity sided with Thea. That had hurt. He thought Felicity of all people would be the one supporting his side but that wasn't the case this time. She agreed that if Thea wanted to join their crusade, she should be able to.
"Thea is a grown woman, Oliver. She is a grown woman capable of making her own decisions and she has decided to help us. She wants to right the wrongs she did and help save her city...just like someone else we all know."
Oliver grudgingly went along with this after several days of arguing and trying to persuade Thea to rethink this. The lifestyle he leads is not one he would ever wish on anyone. It was hard, draining, and extremely painful. Not to mention lonely. He tried his best not to let the loneliness take over but there were moments when he was alone in the Foundry where it was all he could think about. It consumed him. It made him feel like he was drowning some times. Roy and Thea were working their way back to one another and he was happy for them. Diggle and Lyla were so together and had such a strong bond that it was astonishing to him how they made it work despite the work they did. Laurel and Ted Grant were still new but he hadn't seen Laurel that happy since Tommy and he was glad for her. After everything, Laurel deserved to be happy and find someone who understood her in a way no one else could.
When he had a moment of solitude, the loneliness would seep into him. A brief moment of loneliness grew into full fledge despair in a matter of minutes whenever he thought of how much he wished he could be with the one person who made it ok to smile, laugh, and be alive. He missed her so much it hurt but he never let anyone see. Diggle knew though. Diggle always seemed to know how he was feeling. Diggle knew when he needed time alone to clear his thoughts. Diggle knew when those thoughts turned to Felicity and how overwhelming the sorrow over losing her could be.
Oliver wasn't stupid. He knew it was his own fault for losing her. He pushed her away. He kept "dangling maybes" and she had had enough. He tried to keep her with a maybe but she made it clear she was done or so he thought until he ruined things again for real. He teamed up with his greatest enemy and expected...no, demanded his team go along with it just because he said so. That did not go over well at all. She "needed air" after he told her. Their code for "leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you". Usually, he listened but he couldn't that time. He had to make her understand. If he got her on his side, he knew the others would soon follow. She had that kind of power. So, he followed her to the alley behind Verdant. She was mad and told him she didn't want to talk to him but he kept moving closer to her. He couldn't help it. A month of being on the brink of death and trying to recover...a month of being away from her...longer actually. They had been apart since he ended things. No, they weren't apart physically but emotionally, they were apart. He ruined that when he told her it was over.
Their arm and shoulder touches were gone. Their lingering glances and flirty smiles were gone. Her attack hugs were nonexistent. He never realized how much they touched until they stopped. He never realized how much he needed to touch her in some way. How they would help calm him. It would help ease his mind to touch her shoulder and make sure she was real and safe. Those moments were gone and he missed them more than he cared to admit to anyone let alone himself.
In the alley, he tried to talk to her. He tried to go to her but for the first time, she moved away from him. She didn't want him in the same air space as her and that gutted him. The one person he loved most in the world and she didn't want him near her at all. He wanted her to understand his side. She knew him better than anyone besides Diggle and he wanted her to see that what he was doing was necessary. It was important. It had to be done but she didn't see it. She only saw him getting in bed with the devil. The same devil who caused the boat accident which changed the lives of so many people. The devil who was responsible for his own son's death and the death of five hundred and two others. The devil who turned his sister into a murderer. The devil who had his ex-girlfriend murdered.
"I don't want to be a woman you love."
When she uttered those eight words, he couldn't breathe. He felt his stomach drop and his heart rip into a million pieces. Those words cut up what was left of his soul. No one else, with the exception of Thea, could cut him down to his knees just with words the way Felicity could and that night, she had made him paralyzed. She walked away from him and all he could do was stare at her retreating form and struggle to breath. Felicity had every right to say what she said and to feel what she felt but that didn't stop them from destroying him even if it was just for a few moments.
After that, all hope of having Felicity was gone. He may have pushed her away and told her they couldn't be together but there was a part of him that held out hope that one day they could be together. They could find a way to be together. After she walked away, there was a hole in his heart and the only way it could be filled was if he could get her back but that didn't and wouldn't happen. She started dating Palmer. All her smiles, touches, and hugs were reserved solely for Ray Palmer. Whenever he happened to see them together, it killed him but he had to let her go. He needed to train with the devil in order to defeat the man who almost succeeded in killing him. She was his greatest distraction and he needed all his attention focused on bringing down Ra's Al Ghul.
It didn't stop Oliver from following her. Whenever she went out with Palmer, he would follow them to make sure she arrived home safely or, at least, that was what he told himself. He followed her because it was the only way he could see her smile and laugh because she stopped doing those things around him. He followed her because it was the only way to be a part of her life away from the Foundry. He followed her to see how her relationship with Palmer was progressing. He would sigh in relief every time she would kiss Palmer goodnight and go into her apartment alone. Diggle caught on to what he was doing and demanded he stop but he couldn't. He needed to see her. She was his Felicity. She was his in every way and seeing her in any way he could was something he couldn't just give up...until one night when it became too much for him and he did stop.
It seemed like any other date for Felicity and Palmer. They went to dinner and had a good time. Palmer drove them to her town house and walked her to her front door. Oliver approved of that because he would do the same thing to make sure she was safe but that night was different. He didn't know how he knew. He just did. He watched as Palmer held her hand as they walked up the stairs to her front door. Felicity was talking as usual. Palmer laughed. Oliver did everything in his power not to roll his eyes at that. Felicity leaned into him as they kissed. Oliver's heart twisted like it did whenever he saw them kiss. He watched Felicity as she stared at Palmer. Whatever she said seemed to surprise Palmer. Oliver had a small twinge of hope thinking she was breaking up with him but that small hoped crashed and burned as Felicity opened her front door. She was still holding Palmer's hand and led them both inside. Oliver's stomach churned as he saw their silhouettes through her front window. They kissed. He saw what looked like to be the removal of their coats before the lights went out. He left after that. He didn't want to stay and watch the love of his life be with someone else. He didn't want to wait and see a stupid smile on Palmer's face as he left Felicity the next morning. He didn't want to know that she had really moved on with someone who seemed like her perfect match when he loved her more than anyone ever could.
Oliver tried to keep his emotions in check after that. He tried to keep his distance from her and rid himself of the image of her kissing Palmer as the lights went out. They wouldn't go away. The more he thought of that night, the more graphic the images became. He imagined how it was between them. He imagined every sigh and moan Felicity would make. He could almost taste the sweat on her skin as she came for someone else. It made him sick with jealousy. He hated Palmer. If he could put an arrow in him, he would have but Felicity would never forgive him if he did that. He knew he would lose her forever if he did that. She would make it impossible for him to see her. She would make his life unbearable if he did that so he resisted the urge but it was always there underneath the surface.
There were times where his anger over the situation would boil over and he would lash out at everyone. There was always surprise and well deserved anger following one of his out bursts. Diggle tried talking to him.
"Oliver, man, you made your choice to push her away. How can you blame her for listening and moving on? She deserves a life of her own. She wanted that life with you but you pushed her away. So, she found someone who didn't."
Roy was less understanding. He told him to get over himself and stop being a "douche". Roy ended up limping home. Laurel even tried to help ease his anger.
"Ollie, I understand you're in pain. You lost someone who you love more than anything. If anyone can understand that, it's me but you can't keep acting like this and expect us to take it. You made a choice. You made a choice and you have to deal with it but this...anger you have can't continue. It's not healthy and it's destroying this team. I speak from experience when I say you have to channel your anger in another way. Use it when you're training with Merlyn. Use it when you're fighting criminals. Find a way to channel your anger into something useful. If you don't, she won't be the only person you've lost."
Laurel's words sunk in. He would lose his team. He would lose his friends if he let it continue so he took her advice. Every time he trained, he used his anger to fuel him. Every time he fought a criminal, he used his anger to take them down. It seemed to ease some of his pain and it helped him communicate better with his team but there was still a part of him deep down that was screaming with anger every time he saw Felicity with Palmer. When the screaming became too much, he left to go be by himself so he wouldn't take it out on the others. He thought Felicity sensed what was going on because she kept a respectable distance from him whenever they were in the same room. She knew what he was feeling and didn't want to make it worse by being too close to him. He wished it was as simple as that. He wished the distance helped but it didn't. It just made it glaringly obvious that she was not with him and never would be. He wished instead of distance that he could bring her closer and hold on forever. He was drowning and she was his life preserver but she was too far away for him to grab hold.
A noise from the darkened corner of the abandoned warehouse they were being held in grabbed Oliver's attention. He narrowed his eyes when the cause of the noise moved closer. It was all starting to come back to him. He and Diggle were out with Thea showing her the ropes when out of nowhere they were surrounded by some member of the League of Assassins. They tried to fight but there was no use. They were knocked out and brought to wherever the hell they were now. He shook his head in confusion when he saw Nyssa, Maseo, and one unknown member of the League standing before them. "Nyssa, what's going on? Why did you take us?" Oliver growled.
Nyssa eyed him closely. "We have learned the truth of Ta-er al-Sahfer's death." Oliver paled. Diggle closed his eyes and shook his head. Thea looked down at the ground in shame. Another unknown member came walking towards them while holding what appeared to be a sack thrown over his shoulder. He dropped the sack down and Thea gasped. Malcolm Merlyn's lifeless body was a few feet away. "Merlyn orchestrated the murder but he was not the one to fire the bow." Oliver's body froze. She looked at Thea in disdain. "You took my love from me."
Thea gasped back a sob. "I didn't mean to kill Sara. I loved Sara. She was my friend. I would have never hurt her. I don't want to hurt anyone."
Her head tilted to the side as she watched Thea. "I believe you but it does not change what you have done." Thea's lip trembled. "My father does not wish you to be harmed. Malcolm Merlyn arranged Ta-er al-Sahfer's murdered. He forced you, his own daughter, to carry out this murder. My father can be an understanding man. Merlyn's punishment for the murders he committed and orchestrated has been met." Thea looked scared and confused. "You will not be killed." Thea nodded quickly. Nyssa turned her attention back to Oliver. "However, you lied to the League and to my father about Sara's death. You have a price to pay."
Diggle gave her a look. "Isn't it enough that your father almost murdered him? Wasn't that price high enough?"
Ra's Al Ghul appeared from the shadows. "It was not enough, Mr. Diggle." He looked at them. "I thought I had killed you." Oliver glared at him. "Your lies are what bring us to this moment, Mr. Queen."
Oliver shook his head. "I did what I had to do to protect my sister and I'd do it all again." Ra's gave a slight nod of his head. "I'd do anything to protect my family."
He sighed. "A sentiment I agree with." Oliver nodded slowly. "My daughter has lost her love and you denied her the truth." Oliver felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "The only recourse is for you to lose your love."
He shook his head violently. "Don't do this!"
Thea looked at him in confusion. "Ollie?"
Diggle cursed when Felicity was dragged out. "No, leave her out of this! She's done nothing to you!"
The unknown man who brought out Malcolm's body moved to Felicity and removed the cloth tied around her head. Felicity looked around wildly as she gasped. "O-Oliver?" Ra's sighed as he placed his hand on the top of Felicity's head. She moved her head. "Don't you dare touch me!"
Oliver's face paled as he stared at her. Felicity had her wrists bound together and she was forced to her knees. He saw the tears fall from her eyes. "Please, don't do this! Take me instead! I'll do whatever you want just don't touch her!" Ra's stared at him. "If you so much as breathe on her, I will kill you."
Ra's had a small smile on his face. "You have tried that already and you failed." Oliver tried to move to get to Felicity but he was stopped and forced to stay in place. "As I have said, my daughter lost her love so you must lose yours."
Thea's eyes widened. It was starting to sink in. Oliver lied to protect her. Oliver lied and the price was Felicity's death. Felicity was her friend. She couldn't take losing someone else she loved. They had just started to bond but it was instant. She trusted Felicity and relied on her. "No! Please, don't kill her! Kill me! I took Sara's life! I killed her! Don't hurt her for my mistakes!" Thea had tears in her eyes. "I trusted Malcolm when I knew I shouldn't have. He made me believe in him! He made me believe he loved me and it's my own fault! Please, don't make her pay for my stupidity!"
"Thea, no!" Oliver growled.
Diggle stared at Felicity. "Any one of us would gladly take her place. Don't do this."
Felicity shook her head. "John, no, don't say that! Lyla and Sara need you!"
He gave her a look. "I could never live with myself if something happened to you, Felicity! You are as much a part of my family as Sara and Lyla!"
Oliver gulped. "Ra's, I'm begging you to let her go! Felicity isn't a part of this! She hated Merlyn and loved Sara! They were friends! She was against protecting Merlyn!"
Ra's nodded. "She is an intelligent woman but you love her and you must pay."
Felicity closed her eyes briefly as she felt Ra's sword press into her back. "Oliver?" He looked at her. "Don't look." His eyes widened. "It's ok. I don't blame you for this, Oliver."
Oliver shook his head. "No, Felicity, don't give up. You're going to be alright."
She gulped. "John, I love you. You're my brother and you made me a part of your family. I'll forever be grateful that I had you, Lyla, and Sara in my life."
Diggle's eyes watered. "Don't do this. Don't tell us goodbye." Felicity gave him a sad smile. "I love you, Felicity. You were always one of my best friends and a sister I never knew I needed."
She took a deep breath to try and control herself. "T-Thea, you are my friend and I have enjoyed so much getting to know you. You are a good person and no matter what you think, this isn't your fault. This was Merlyn's fault."
Thea's chin trembled. "F-Felicity, please, I'm sorry."
Felicity shook her head. "Don't say sorry. I don't blame you." She looked at Oliver. "Oliver-"
He shook his head violently. "I won't let you say goodbye to me. This isn't over."
She smiled sadly. "I once asked you if you had any happy stories." He stared at her. "Despite everything that has happened between us, you are my happy story, Oliver." His stomach dropped. She was going to say goodbye no matter what. "I broke up with Ray." His eyes widened. "I...I thought I had to make a choice but I didn't. There was never a choice to make. It's you, Oliver. It's always been you." He let out a shaky breath. "I didn't say it before because I was scared but you need to know. I love you, Oliver." His chin trembled. She had trouble breathing. "I-I love you and I want my life with you."
Tears welded up in his eyes. "Felicity...I love you too."
She bit her lip. "I know." He huffed out a laugh. "It's going to be ok, Oliver. I don't blame you so you shouldn't blame yourself. I'd do it all again."
Nyssa stared at her and sighed. "Felicity Smoak, M.I.T. Class of 2009, you were a good friend to my Sara." Felicity looked at her. "Your death does not bring me joy. It does not bring her back." Oliver felt hope rise in his chest but it quickly faded when Nyssa continued to speak. "But it must happen."
"NO!" Oliver yelled.
Before they could say another word, Ra's reared his sword back and plunged it through Felicity's chest. Thea watched in horror as her friend's face showed the shock she felt at being stabbed and slumped to the ground. Diggle felt the air leave his lungs as he stared at Felicity's lifeless body. Her eyes were opened and you could see the tear stains on her cheeks. Oliver felt whoozy as he stared at Felicity. The love of his life was dead because of him. The way she was murdered before him was reminiscent of how Slade murdered his mother in front of not only just him but Thea as well. He felt the rope around his wrists fall away. He looked up and saw Maseo staring at him with sorrow filled eyes. "Go to her, Oliver." Maseo whispered.
Oliver stood up slowly. The shock of watching yet another person he loved die in front him was slipping away. In its place, a loud roaring filled his head. The pain of losing the one person he could see spending the rest of his life with was gone and it was his fault. Ra's had disappeared in the shadows. Nyssa stared at Felicity with a mild curiosity. Oliver rushed over to Felicity. The unknown League member tried to stop him. Oliver snapped his neck without a second thought or breaking his stride. He fell to the ground besides Felicity's body and gathered her in his arms. He cradled her lifeless form in his arms and before he knew, a deep sob escaped from his mouth. He held her tightly to him as he cried into her neck.
Diggle watched him. For someone who rarely showed any emotion except anger, it was shocking for him to see Oliver openly cry. It was shocking but understandable. Diggle's shocked fueled mind was clearing and all he could feel was pain. His friend...his sister was dead. There was no chance to save her. There was no way to bring her back. There was nothing left to do except live with the grief of losing someone he loved, someone he considered a part of his family, and the guilt of not being able to stop it despite all the obstacles. He prided himself of being a protector, a friend, a husband, and a father who would do anything to protect and save someone he loved but in this instance, just like with his brother Andy, there was nothing he could do and it tore him up inside.
Oliver lifted his head and stared at her. Tears streamed down his face as he touched her face with a gentleness he wasn't known for...except when it came to her. "Felicity..." He whispered. "O-Open your eyes." His chin trembled. "It's ok now. You're safe now. Open your eyes." His body shook as he cried. He pressed his lips to hers. He caressed her cheek. "You asked me if I had any happy stories." Diggle closed his eyes when it became too much for him to watch them. Thea was doubled over as she cried. Maseo untied them both. Diggle wrapped his arms around Thea and let her cry into his chest as he rubbed her back. "You are my happy story too, Felicity." Oliver kissed her forehead. "I-I should have told you sooner. I-I should have stopped pushing you away when all I wanted was to be with you." His voice cracked. "I love you." Nyssa had a sour look on her face as she turned her head. She knew Felicity's death would not bring Sara back and would only give her a moment of satisfaction at destroying Oliver's world but the regret and sadness she felt for Felicity's death was not something she was prepared for. "Please...Felicity...come back." He had trouble breathing. "Open your eyes and come back to me. Please, Felicity, open your eyes!" He yelled.
Maseo walked over to him carefully. Oliver was his friend. He did not deserve all this pain after so many years of fighting to survive. "Oliver-"
He tightened his hold on Felicity when he saw how close Maseo had gotten. "NO!" Maseo's head cocked to the side as he stared at his friend. "Felicity...she needs me." He let out a strangled sob. "S-She needs me. When she wakes up, she will be confused and scared. She needs me here so she knows she's safe."
Maseo had a pained looked on his face. "She's gone, Oliver. Your Felicity won't wake up. She won't...can't come back to you."
His chin trembled. "She has to." Diggle shook his head. He looked at Diggle. "It should have been me, not her."
Diggle sighed in defeat. "Oliver-"
Thea had trouble breathing. "O-Ollie, I-I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault." Diggle tightened his hold on her. "Please...I'm sorry."
Oliver glared at Nyssa. "Are you happy now?! Is this what you wanted?!"
Nyssa sneered. "All I wanted was Sara." His eyes narrowed. "Your lies brought this on. I wanted justice for Sara's murder. You refused to give me that." He looked at her in disgust. "Her...Felicity's death does not bring me happiness or peace."
Oliver's body trembled. "Get out of here, Nyssa." Her eyebrow rose. "Get out of here before I break my no killing vow again." She stared at him for a moment before walking away. He looked at Maseo when Nyssa finally left. "You can save her." Maseo sighed. "You saved me. You had Tatsu save me. You can do it again."
He shook his head. "Oliver, the circumstances were different. The cold and the angle of your wound helped in your favor. Her...it is not the same and I don't think she can be saved."
He had a pained look on his face. "You have to try." Maseo looked away from him. "Please, Maseo, I'm begging you. If you can't do it for me, do it for Felicity. She...she wanted no part of the mess Merlyn created. She didn't want any of us to be a part of it. I forced them to be around him. She was...innocent in all of this. Please." Maseo stared at him. Oliver's eyes welded up with tears. "I'm begging you." Maseo took a deep breath. "I love her, Maseo."
Maseo kneeled in front of them. "I will do everything I can to help."