Title- The Truth Will Set You Free
Summary- How Quinn deals with the truth being revealed
Characters- Quinn, Finn, Mrs Hudson plus assorted gleeks
Spoilers- None
Disclaimer- No, I do not own Glee
This is a pretty introspective Quinn. I tried to get her snark in as well but it just wouldn't come I'm afraid, so lets just pretend that all these moments find her in non snark mode. Okay? Thanks.
1 Minute after the truth came out I stood watching Finn repeatedly punch Puck in the face and I felt shocked and ashamed and frightened. But mostly I felt guilty. Finn left the rehearsal room after announcing himself done with me and done with Glee club. I stared at the empty doorway and tried to remain focused on just that space. That space alone. Because I didn't have the courage to look around me and see the faces of the other members of glee. I could sense Puck behind me but I couldn't bear to look at him. At him most of all. Or Mr Schuester. Or any of them.
5 Minutes after the truth came out I was feeling strangely calm,... and relieved. Rachel was standing in front of me expecting me to hit her. But I just felt relieved. Relieved that Rachel had done what I wouldn't. What I had so so wanted to do but couldn't. The worst had happened at last, and I felt relieved. It was finally over. Finn finally knew.
He finally knew that I was a slut. Sure I'd only had sex once in my life, but it wasn't with my boyfriend was it? Oh no. It was with my boyfriends best friend. That qualified me as a slut didn't it?
He finally knew that I was a liar. I would have him believe that 'arriving early' in a hot tub whilst wearing bathing suits could lead to pregnancy.
He finally knew I was ruthless. After all, there was bound to be less social fallout from the head cheerleader falling pregnant with the child of her long time boyfriend, rather than from the head of the celibacy club getting knocked up by her boyfriends best friend, after a drunken hook up at a party.
He finally knew I was selfish. Selfish enough to pressure the boy I claimed to love into getting a job to provide financially for a pregnancy that he wasn't responsible for.
And so I felt relieved. Because now Finn knew. Finn knew I was a lying, hypocritical, manipulative, selfish, cheating slut.
And now that he knew maybe I would at last be able to look myself in the eye in the mirror without hating what I saw. I quickly ran to the bathroom to dry my eyes, and check.
Nope. No change. Apparently I still hated herself. Only now Finn did to.
3 Hours after the truth came out I left school and made my way home. His home. Because I didn't have a home anymore. Not since my father had kicked me out and my mother had let him.
Not since I'd been banished.
So I went straight to his home. The house where Finn's mom was letting me stay. Where Mrs Hudson, "call me Carole", had taken me in. Had taken me in and been so kind to me. And told me that she knew that I was scared, but that it would all be okay. Had put her arm around me and told me that if I had any questions about being pregnant just to ask her. Had helped me not be so scared for a minute. Made me actually believe for a minute that I could do this. It had only lasted a minute. But for that one minute I had truly believed that I could make it through the next 5 months. And for that I would be forever grateful. Mrs Hudson's support had allowed me to breathe for a minute.
Until I remembered the truth, and the knowledge of my lies came back to suffocate me again.
Mrs Hudson was home when I arrived. She was on early shifts this week. She greeted me just as she had the last 10 days I'd been living there, and asked about how my day had gone. Finn had obviously not spoken to her yet so I said that my day had been fine but that I was tired. I went upstairs to his room, mine now, and debated whether or not to start packing my belongings. But in the end I didn't, because where would I go?
6 Hours after the truth came out Finn returned home. Returned home and knocked on the door to my room. His room. He came in and talked without looking at me. Not once. Told me that I could stay. I could stay but he didn't want to speak to me ever again. It hurt so much to know that I'd hurt him, that I wasn't sure I could bear to be in the same school as him anymore, let alone the same house. But I knew I would stay nonetheless, because what choice did I have, and because I deserved far worse.
3 Days after the truth came out Finn still refused look at me. I was with the rest of the Glee club, minus Finn, at Sectionals. And even though I didn't think I deserved it I really felt like I needed something to go right for once. But my karma wouldn't allow it and we were headed for disaster. Until Finn appeared, to save the day. Appeared, and displayed more assurance and confidence, purpose and determination, than I had ever thought him capable of. He was transformed into a man with a plan, and he was leading us all and we were following. All the while not even glancing at me. Not even once.
12 Days after the truth came out Mrs Hudson sat herself down next to me at the ramshackle Hudson kitchen table, and said, "the baby isn't Finn's is it?"
I had imagined this 1000 times before, but none of those times had I imagined the question coming so softly, or sympathetically. "Did he tell you?" I asked.
"I know my son" she gently replied.
"You must hate me." I said even as I ached for it not to be true.
"Honey," she said whilst carefully taking my hands in her own and stroking them, "you've been doing that enough for the both of us."
I had been sure that when Mrs Hudson discovered the truth it would lead to me crying. What I hadn't foreseen was that she would be comforting me as I cried.
17 Days after the truth came out I told Mrs Hudson all about Mrs Schuester.
18 Days after the truth came out Mr Schuester came by Finn's and apologized to me for the actions of his estranged wife and told me how sorry he was.
23 Days after the truth came out Carole suggested that I see a counselor to discuss all the options available to me with my pregnancy. When I agreed, she offered to accompany me.
31 Days after the truth came out I approached Puck after Glee and gave him some pamphlets on open adoptions.
"I thought you were giving the kid to Mrs Schuester," he said.
"Our daughter deserves better." I replied with certainty. Puck blinked twice, swallowed hard, and said "Good, 'cos no offense to Mr Schu, but she is one crazy bitch."
38 Days after the truth came out I was lying on the sofa re-examining some prospective adoptive parent files I'd gotten from a couple of agencies, when I noticed Finn standing in the doorway.
"Hi" he said "whatcha doing?" It was the first time Finn had initiated conversation with me since the day he had told me that I could stay.
"Um ...adoption stuff." I replied.
"Really? Ah...how's that going....I mean what does that all involve." He came to a stop and I wondered whether he really wanted to know, or was just trying to be polite. But then he continued with what seemed like genuine curiosity "Do you like...get to pick..um..where she goes?"
So I sat up, beckoned him over and explained that me and his mom had gone through a load of resumes of prospective parents and read their 'Dear Birth Mother' letters and had narrowed it down to a dozen or so, and that I then had to go through those dozen with Puck to decide which ones we wanted to meet. Finn seemed to take the mention of Puck in his stride and shyly asked if he could look at a couple of the resumes that were up for consideration. "Sure" I smiled.
Two hours later Finn was in need of a snack break and I was in need of a bathroom break. As I washed my hands I risked a glance into the bathroom mirror and saw my reflection smiling back at me.
42 Days after the truth came out Puck asked me out on a date. I said no.
43 Days after the truth came out Puck asked me out on a date. I said no.
43 ½ Days after the truth came out Finn kissed Rachel right in the middle of Glee club and all I could do was smile at the sight and feel happy. Feel happy for the first time in months, because it turns out I hadn't broken him after all.
44 Days after the truth came out Puck asked me out on a date. I said no, but agreed to check out a movie 'as friends'.
51 Days after the truth came out I told Rachel that I was 'definitely not' dating Puck. Rachel replied "That may be the case Quinn, but he's certainly not dating anybody else as far as I can tell, and what's more he hasn't been for a while." I decided to try to ignore what, if anything, that meant.
64 Days after the truth came out I went to see me parents. I presented them with a list of my medical expenses so far, as well as a rough estimate of my living expenses at Finn's. "It's the least you can do" I said. Neither of them raised a word of protest. They didn't ask what I'd decided to do with the baby or if they were going to have a granddaughter or a grandson. Just as I was leaving my father called out to me. I turned around and there he was facing me "Why should we pay the whole amount. This Finn should pay half. It's his responsibility!" he said.
"Finn's not the father daddy. He never was." I explained, and with those words my father seemed to shrink before my eyes. He cleared his throat looking so confused and so lost and eventually managed to ask where he should send the checks. He seemed surprised when I gave him Finn's address.
67 Days after the truth came out Carole knocked on the door to my room and told me that my mom was there to see me. My mom said that she was sorry and that she missed me. We talked, and I lied to her by telling her I forgave her.
75 Days after the truth came out Puck and I met the fourth prospective adoptive couple on our list. By now we'd had a little practice with the situation and it was the couple who were the nervous ones. They were the oldest couple on our shortlist but I had liked their letter the most, and even Puck had grudgingly declared it 'okay'.
My decision was made when the husband, Adam, made some lame joke born no doubt out of nerves. I noticed how Karen, his wife, reacted, and also how she didn't react. She didn't scowl at her husband. Nor did she laugh too hard as if to convince Adam and everyone else that the joke was actually funny. What she did was smile. Smile and say "very funny dear" with a twinkle in her eyes. To this Adam didn't wince or look annoyed, he just smiled himself, and said "just as well you married me for my looks honey." That's when I made my decision. That exact moment. Because I could picture my daughter rolling her eyes at the couple in front of me. Rolling her eyes at their well worn routine. But I also knew that this couple would perform this well worn routine precisely because it would make their daughter roll her eyes.
When I asked Puck what he thought of them he said he thought they were a little bit lame. I said that the best people we knew were kind of lame and I wanted our kid to have lame parents. Puck laughed and said that he guessed that wouldn't be such a bad thing.
77 Days after the truth came out Kurt approached me and said that while he admired my determination, I really didn't fit into the jeans I was wearing anymore...or my top. So he took me shopping after school declaring that finding stylish and affordable maternity wear in Lima would be the ultimate test of his fashion expertise. I was unsure, but went anyway because how could I deny Glee club anything when they'd given me everything. Offered me an oasis of friendship and acceptance in a desert of High School hostility. Later as I modeled the one outfit I could afford, in front of the mirror in my bedroom, I secretly allowed that I might still pass for pretty, and the thought made me blush.
84 Days after the truth came out Finn arrived home from basketball practice and plonked himself down on the couch where I was napping. As I started to sit up he motioned me back down, lifted my legs onto his lap and began absentmindedly rubbing my feet. "You know" he said "I'm glad you're here …..I think things worked out for the best.....This is your home too now Quinn. I mean that." I somehow managed not to cry, thanked him, and asked what had brought this on. He paused, for long enough that I thought he may not answer, and then said, "I'm in love with Rachel."
85 Days after the truth came out I spent the whole of Glee smiling at Rachel. She couldn't figure out what was going on and progressed from seemingly bemused, to uneasy, to annoyed, over the course of the practice. At the end of practice she marched over to me and demanded to know "what the hell" was going on. If anything my smile widened at this and I shrugged and made to leave the room while Rachel pursued me whining "Quinnnn what is it?"
86 Days after the truth came out I arrived at Glee only to be engulfed in a massive hug from Rachel, who had a smile as wide as any I had ever seen. "You knew!" she squealed.
98 Days after the truth came out my mom called and said that my father might be amenable to my moving back in after the adoption if I apologized. I hung up on her.
106 Days after the truth came out out my mom called and said that she really wanted me back home. She didn't mention the need for any apologies.
120 Days after the truth came out my water broke in the middle of the night leaving me terrified because my due date wasn't for another 3 weeks. Carole tried to calm my anxiety by telling me that Finn was a few weeks early and look at the size of him now. The thought of squeezing a baby the size of Finn out of me did little to calm me down. Carole drove us to the hospital whilst a sleepy Finn accompanied me in the back seat, holding my hand the entire way there. After a 45 minute wait during which time Puck, and then Rachel, arrived I was taken into the delivery room.
121 Days after the truth came out I was screaming my head off in the middle of a contraction, clutching Carole's hand so hard I was sure I would break it.
121 Days and 5 hours after the truth came out I met my daughter. She was perfect. Puck and I got to be parents alone together with her for 2 hours before Adam and Karen arrived. It was the best two hours of my life. I told Adam and Karen to say hello to their daughter. And when they burst into tears and said how perfect she was I was pretty sure we'd made the right choice. When they stopped back in the next day, after all the papers were signed, and asked me if I was really sure and that they'd understand if I'd had a change of heart, I was even more certain that we'd chosen well.
135 Days after the truth came out I moved back into my childhood home because quite frankly they owed me, and college wasn't going to be cheap. I had always feared back when I was lying to Finn that I would leave the Hudson home in tears, but never would I have guessed that I would be crying, not because I had been cast homeless into the street, but because I would be so sad to say goodbye to my surrogate mom and my surrogate brother and the happiest home I had ever had.
Carole hugged me and tearfully said "If they hurt you come back. You can always come back." I assured her that neither of them would be able to hurt me ever again.
140 Days after the truth came out I found myself sitting at the dressing table in my old bedroom in front of the mirror. I was looking at my reflection trying to recognize any traces of the girl who had looked into that same mirror all those months before.
That girl who thought she was wicked, when I knew she wasn't.
That girl who thought she would die if she had the disapproval of her parents, when I knew she wouldn't.
That girl who thought she would lose all her friends and be alone forever, when I knew she would make more and better friends than she had ever had before.
That girl who thought that her pregnancy would be the biggest regret of her life, when I knew that she had nothing to regret because she didn't ruin anything at all.
Because Finn was still Finn. Still open and trusting but perhaps wiser and more confident and was with the person who helped him be the best Finn he could be.
Because Puck was still Puck. Only perhaps a little more thoughtful and a little more responsible and a whole lot less fearful of being like his father.
And the girl in the mirror? Yes, she had changed the most. But that was just fine because to tell you the truth I had never much liked that girl who used to stare back at me anyhow. I much prefer the one looking back at me now.