Rattle, rattle. The box of thumbtacks Harvey was holding betrayed the fact that his hands were shaking. He tossed them aside across his desk and clenched his fists to try and steady himself. The news of Donna going to work for Louis had all but rendered him immobile, but it hadn't properly sunk in until he noticed that most of Donna's possessions had already moved from her desk. This made Harvey wonder how long they had been gone; Donna had clearly made the decision at some point earlier on in the day to abandon him. He didn't want to think about when the exact moment she had come to that decision. To do so would force him to remember how he had pissed her off with his attempt at an explanation for the other night.
Donna had said she loved him, but words evidently meant fuck-all anymore. If she really loved him, she wouldn't have left him. Yes she would. Donna working for him was her acceptance of the fact that they couldn't be together. But it sure as fuck didn't feel that way. Especially now. Back when he had first learned about Donna's rule, they had slept together once. It was easy to forget and move on professionally back then, but they had come a long way. That rule was outdated. Donna's rule was designed to stop her from getting hurt from temporary flings. What they had was better than any fling. They had understanding, history, trust and unwavering loyalty. Until now.
To leave Harvey for Louis was the worst possible outcome. He'd still see her every day, an unflinching reminder that she hung him out to dry for the one person that he couldn't ever let himself lose to. Would she ever go back to him?
The pit of his stomach turned absolutely rotten as something occurred to him. He almost didn't want to check, but he knew that if he didn't check it would keep him up all night. Harvey drew himself up from his desk and made his way over to Donna's (he couldn't say 'the desk that used to be Donna's' just yet). It took a moment and a long, purposeful exhale before he sought to confirm his suspicions. He slowly reached out for the top desk drawer and inched it open.
The can opener was still there.
There had been only one other significant time that Donna had not been working for Harvey, and that was when she was fired during the lawsuit against Pearson Hardman. That had been awful, but this time it seemed even less likely that Donna would return to him.
The status of their relationship was called into question by the very person Donna chose to leave him for.
"Do you love Harvey Specter?!" Louis had grilled Donna to the point of humiliation. The look of betrayal Donna had given Harvey as she left the law firm after storming out incited an unprecedented rage in him. At that point, Harvey had been this close to kicking Louis' teeth in for how he had treated her. This time, the animosity was the same, but it was as much self-loathing as it was resentment of Louis.
Donna's sorrowful look as she told him she loved him the night before was even worse. Because she had obviously thought about it, made a choice and decided to follow through. While he pleaded for her to stay out of urgency and desperation, she was apologetic but calm. It was almost the same pity that she'd accused Harvey of having for her – and he finally knew how it felt. Donna was trying to tell him that it was okay. But it wasn't. Donna was gone, and the whole life they had built together had crumbled with it.
Louis Litt was surprised to find his long-term colleague and rival sitting at his desk when he arrived the work the next morning. Even more surprising was the dark circles and downturned face on Harvey, when it was meant to be an occasion to celebrate.
"Harvey, what are you doing here? I assume you didn't hear the good news?" Louis looked positively chipper, and already Harvey was holding back an urge to punch something within arm's reach.
"You mean, the 'good news' that I was left up shit creek because you stole my fucking paddle?" Harvey hadn't meant to raise his voice this early on in the conversation, but it was the perfect storm of a lack of sleep, Donna's departure and Louis' punchable face that brought his volume level up several notches.
"I meant the news about Mike and Rachel. They're engaged. Donna's organising a celebratory breakfast for them when they come into work." Harvey felt a twinge of guilt. He had ignored all calls and messages he had received throughout the evening and he had had no desire to check or respond to any of them unless they were Donna.
"That's great news," Harvey muttered, lowering his voice. As good as it was for the betrothed couple, it served as another reminder that apparently every relationship Harvey touched turned to shit. Even if it took more than a decade.
"You don't sound so pleased about it. What are you doing here, Harvey?" Louis asked again, this time his tone was more serious. He had deliberately ignored Harvey's earlier outburst because he wasn't going to acknowledge any childish behaviour from Harvey. If Harvey wanted something, he would have to respectfully and maturely ask for it for Louis to even consider.
"Louis, we need to talk."
"About what?" Louis knew exactly what, but there was no way he was going to make this easy for Harvey. Harvey was beginning to seethe, but it only increased the desire for Louis to stay as calm as was possible.
"About…Donna." Ah, the infamous Harvey Specter jaw clench.
"My new secretary? She's been so good to me lately. After everything with Norma, it's been wonderful to have a person there at my side who understands my needs before I need her to. We're going to make the best legal team Pearson Specter Litt's ever seen." Like fuck you are. Sure, Donna was the best legal secretary New York would ever see, but nothing would top the Harvey/Donna Dynasty (a working title; their brainstorming sessions about the name of their partnership had been cut short one day and never continued). Donna had been instrumental in Harvey's success, but that had been because their relationship was more balanced. The only thing Harvey could see ahead for Donna if (when) she went to work for Louis was her being used as an emotional crutch and running around for Louis, not with him. This was a step down for her. But instead of enunciating any of these feelings, Harvey came out with a far more juvenile response.
"You can't have her," he snapped.
"Excuse me? I can't have her? Are you listening to yourself right now? She's not a toy, Harvey." Louis was incredulous. He had hoped that the shock of Donna leaving would make Harvey see sense and grow the hell up. That was evidently wishful thinking.
"I sure as hell know that, but the question is, do YOU?!" Could Louis see that Donna was not an emotional stuffed animal to cry to whenever things got difficult? Louis had no fucking idea about what was going on, and he was delusional if he thought he knew the truth.
"She's my friend as well! What the hell's the matter with you? If you're so upset with this, why are you talking to me? Why don't you go talk to Donna herself? Oh, I know why. Because it's her choice, and she chose me." Every single truthful word out of Louis' mouth dug into Harvey's heart. His insides were twisting, and still Louis kept talking.
"You can't stand the fact that for once, you fucked up and you lost, and you can't fix it! You're pissed off because all you are is a sore loser, a shitty boss and an even shittier friend." BAM. Harvey had Louis pinned up against the wall, his forearm pressing tight against Louis' windpipe. Louis was slowly going red, but he almost looked vindicated at Harvey's fury.
"I'm pissed off because I love her, and you took her away from me," Harvey growled, with a murderous darkness in his eyes.
"Then prove it," Louis hissed, cherishing the opportunity to rub this in Harvey's face. Harvey eased off the pressure and let Louis go, but he had tripped Louis' anger switch, and the wrath was flowing.
"Oh wait, you can't! You drove her away, and she came to me. You were too scared to be honest about your feelings. What's the matter, Harvey? Too scared to let her walk all over you? Do you even know her at all? Do you even care?" This was all what had angered Louis the most about Harvey over the years. How he took people for granted. The sense of entitlement that dripped off his every limb, his every word. The way people threw themselves at his feet. Even those who deserved better. Especially Donna.
"She knows I care!" Harvey shouted, his voice cracking.
"BULLSHIT!" Louis roared. His last word echoed through the silence that then filled the room.
"What's going on here?" A third voice came from the door. Donna. After the happy news she had received about Mike and Rachel, she had turned up to work to see both her old and her new boss panting as though they'd just run a marathon, and – why did they both look like they were on the verge of tears?
"Don't make me repeat myself. What is going on here? Louis?" she added dangerously. Louis gave a tell-tale sniff, and tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but didn't say anything. Before she could prod him any further, Harvey jumped in.
"You left this behind," Harvey said hoarsely. He pulled out the can-opener from his pocket, and Donna's day immediately turned upside down. She had deliberately left it behind because it would hurt too much to keep it with her as a reminder she had had with Harvey.
"It's yours, you were the one who took it," Donna insisted. She was trying to subtly plead with him not to take it, because if she did take it she didn't trust that she wouldn't back down from her decision to work for Louis. Which was partly Harvey's intention.
"I took it for you, for OUR ritual. It was a gift." Harvey's voice was soft and tender. Louis had to turn his head away. He had always known that Harvey and Donna had loved each other in whatever fucked up way they had, but this was different. This was a side to them he'd never seen.
"Keep it," Donna whispered, refusing to take it. But when Harvey picked up her hands and placed the can opener in it, he closed his hands around hers. She didn't want him to let go. Donna couldn't look him in the face, or else she'd start crying. Last night she'd been so sure of her decision, but he was reminding her of the feelings she'd forced herself to swallow in order to allow her to leave Harvey. Harvey couldn't stand the sight of Donna about to cry, unable to meet his eyes, but he kept holding her hands, the can opener between them. He wasn't ready to let her go. When a tear slipped down Donna's cheek, he knew he was about at breaking point.
"Harvey, I'm just across the hall. It's going to be okay. You'll be fine. Louis needs me more than you do right now. He's willing to work with me and trust in me. You don't need to worry about me. I'll be right here." It was unclear who was meant to be comforting whom, but Donna through her tears was trying to reassure Harvey.
"The only reason why I'll be okay is because you taught me how to be okay," Harvey whispered back to her. No, Harvey, please don't. Don't make this harder than it already is. Louis wanted to vomit. He had truly, honestly thought that their love was over. This he could never compete with. Donna would always love Harvey. No matter what he did, what he said. Harvey would always be number one.
"I trust you, too. You kept all of your important promises to me. I won't ever forget that. But you're Harvey goddamn Specter. You're going to continue to be awesome and kick-ass, and I will always be around to cheer you on, even if I'm not right there. You know how I know this? I'm Donna." She sounded more like her normal self, and Harvey let out a choked laugh. Donna always knew how to make him feel better.
"Now take the friggin' can opener, add it to your ball collection and for God's sake, go congratulate Mike," she ordered, her voice even stronger. Harvey took this as his cue to leave. He nodded, and leaned his head forward to hers. With the slightest bit of hesitation, he kissed her on the cheek. It felt safer. Harvey could have kissed her properly, and he knew that she would have kissed him back, but it wasn't the time nor the place. Plus, Harvey finally felt more confident that this wasn't goodbye. So it was okay to go.
When he left, Donna all but collapsed into the nearest chair, burying her head in her hands.
"I need a day," she heard Louis say, and she started shaking from uncontrollable laughter. Louis interpreted this as silent tears, and he quickly rushed over to comfort her. Maybe her tears were both from laughter and sadness, but either way it was damn therapeutic. When she felt it was safe to lift her head, she smiled up with glistening eyes at her new boss.
"We're going to be okay, Louis." It was as much for her benefit as for his, but it seemed to lift his spirits as much as hers. Donna knew that Harvey had been about to kiss her. For the first time, she felt like she knew exactly the extent to which he loved her. And she understood why he hadn't. But now there was one less barrier preventing them from being together. She had made Harvey take the can opener, because he was the one that needed to open that can of worms that was their relationship. And when he did, she'd be ready with the whipped cream.
Harvey had thought that he had lost her from her changing jobs. But it was quite the opposite. By choosing to work for Louis, she was choosing Harvey. She just hoped that he would be wise enough to see that she had left the ball in Harvey's court to make the next move. But she had faith. Donna had trained him well.
A/N: I'm going to be honest. The finale was upsetting. The main thing running through my mind was how betrayed Harvey would have been feeling, especially considering Donna went to Louis of all people. The argument between Louis and Harvey was the driving force behind this story. I had had a few requests to continue my other story that was set after 4x15, but I feel like I needed to get this one out more. I tried to end it on a bit more of a hopeful tone (original drafts had it being a straight-up angsty story with no resolution and no happy ending. But who needs that when we were left with such a cliffhanger?!), but I hope that the ending didn't take away from the emotion of Louis and Harvey in the middle of the story. Thanks for reading!