We materialized somewhere just outside of the city and the Doctor adjusted his bowtie before holding a hand out toward the door.
"Go on, then," he said, a sad smile on his face.
I knew this was hard for him. Both of us knew that I loved him as he was now, that he would always be special, but he would never fill the hole left empty by the previous face his gentle soul had possessed. I saw the pain in his eyes as he looked down, and another fracture pierced my heart. But what could one more hurt? It wasn't like it would shatter…right?
I took a step toward him, holding a hand out to fix his bowtie, which he actually messed up when he "adjusted" it. Looking up into his face, I could feel hot tears behind my eyes.
"We both know what's going on here," I said, breaking the painful silence. "I will love you no matter what face you have, but you know the connection I felt with him. You were him. You felt it, too, and—"
"I still do," he interrupted. After gathering himself again, he continued. "I feel that connection, but it's a distant memory, something from a past life. I can't feel like he did. I'm different now. And I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
I smiled. This was one of those precious moments when I got to see him come back.
The Doctor wiped his cheek and motioned to the door again. "Time stream was too muddled anywhere else since you seemed to have a problem meeting me in the right order, so at this point in my timeline, I don't know who you are. But at least you can see him again."
There was a moment of disappointment, knowing that he wouldn't recognize me, but it quickly subsided as I ran to the door of the TARDIS and stepped outside.
I saw a park, children playing on the swing sets, mothers getting ice cream for them at the stand. I scanned the crowd for a while, moving around the fountain we had parked beside.
The Doctor stepped out after I had made a full circle. I turned to him.
"Heisn't here. I don't see him."
"He'll be here soon," he assured me. "I'll go get us some ice cream." He started to walk toward the stand, but turned after taking two steps and called back to me. "Make sure to keep him away from the TARDIS when you see him. Don't want to spoil anything for him."
I nodded with a smile as he bounced off to get some ice cream, then I turned back to the task at hand. I stood by the fountain for another few minutes, waiting. Just when I had thought it was time to give up, I caught sight of a running figure, one a little taller than the screaming children. I trained my eye to the movement and saw the coattails flying behind him, the red of his shoes flashing as he ran, and his hair, still standing up as always, bouncing in the wind. My heart thrilled at the sight. How long had it been now? I had no idea. I kept losing track of time as I went gallivanting off with the new Doctor. But it felt like a lifetime.
He saw me, standing there, watching him, and he turned to run in my direction. Out of breath, he stopped just two feet from me, holding his side and trying to regain his composure. It took every ounce of willpower I had to not throw my arms around his neck and cry into his shoulder the way I had so many times before. Somehow I restrained myself.
"Excuse me," he said. "Sorry, I've just been running."
"I can tell," I laughed as he took another breath.
He grinned, and I wanted so much to take his hand and start running together, run to anywhere, or nowhere, wherever we ended up running to.
"I'm looking for my friend, Donna. Have you seen her? She's a little taller than you, ginger, sort of loud."
I remembered hearing stories about Donna and seeing her picture one time, but I had never actually met her. The Doctor was always rather closed off when it came to talking about her.
"I haven't seen her, but I can help you look," I offered.
"That would be brilliant! So wonderful of you! Here, let's walk together and see if we can't find her. Oh! I'm the Doctor, by the way."
The long awaited moment had arrived. He took my hand and we started out, eventually moving into a jog, both of us calling Donna's name as we circled the park.
The Doctor had just gotten into the queue when he saw Kristen and him running off to the other end of the field. He smiled and watched them go for a little while, then turned away as someone stepped into his view, but he looked back when he realized that he knew that face. Who's was that face? He never forgot a face. That's when he remembered the name.
"Donna! Good ol' Donna!"
Immediately after the words left his lips, he clapped a hand over his mouth.
Oh, that's not good, he thought.
"You know my name? How do you know my name?!"
Donna was deeply interested, and he remembered that she didn't stop until she got the answer she wanted. How to get out of this one?
"Lucky guess…I guess…" he finally said, turning round to move forward as the queue shortened.
Donna stepped forward as he did, still pressing him for answers.
"It could have been a guess, yeah, but it seemed like you recognized me," the ginger said as she pulled on his shoulder to make him look at her. "I've never seen you in my life, but you recognized me. Don't tell me. Did we go to school together? Were you one of those super clever kids in math club that completely changed once he grew up a little?"
"Um…no…" said the Doctor as he moved forward again.
"Then what is it then?" she pressed. "You obviously know me. Just tell me how you know me."
He paused for a moment, looking her over. She was wearing that jacket. Her eyes looked mature, like she had seen things she wished she hadn't but still came through it all. He remembered those eyes. Those were the eyes of the woman who forgot. This was Donna just before the Daleks took the earth for their evil scheme. This was the Donna who would soon forget everything she had seen. In a matter of hours, she wouldn't know who he was anymore.
And so he decided to break every rule he had ever made for himself.
"I'm the Doctor," he said quietly as he leaned toward her.
He grinned as he watched her mouth drop.
"No! It can't be you! What happened to the skinny and the nose and the hair?!"
"Regeneration," he replied with a flourish. "Do you like it?"
Donna was trying with all her might not to explode. She looked around frantically. "Where did he go off to? I-I mean you. Where did yo-he—I don't know! I've got to find the other you!"
She started to walk away, but he caught her by the arm before she could take two steps.
"No," he said, turning serious. "You can't let him know who I am, all right? Can you keep it a secret?"
She hesitated, then moved back into the queue behind him. "I suppose…"
He smiled back at her. "Thanks."
We came full circle back to the fountain where we had started. Ten sat on the edge of the stone to catch his breath.
"I really need to find her," he said between heaves. "We've got to be somewhere soon. Why did she have to wander off? I said five minutes…"
He put his face in his hands. This also felt familiar. I had seen him in distress a few times before, and I knew just what to do.
I lowered myself onto the stone beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. For a few moments, we simply sat there, silent and waiting. After a while, he crossed an arm over to where my fingers curled over the edge of his coat and patted my skin.
"Thank you," he said quietly. "It means a lot that you're here helping me. Thank you so much."
I nodded. I knew he wanted to have someone close to him, that he didn't want to be alone. Being alone wasn't good for him and I was glad I could fill the void if even just for a moment.
Just then, a couple walked up to us, both laughing and talking like old friends. I looked up to see who I assumed to be Donna holding two ice cream cones and smiling up at the Doctor—the Eleventh—who was also holding a cone in each hand.
"There you are!" Ten exclaimed, jumping up to greet Donna. "Where have you been?! Kristen and I have been looking all over for you!"
"Who?" Donna asked, looking around.
I stepped up beside Ten and waved at her.
"That's me. I'm Kristen," I informed her. "I've been helping the Doctor look for you."
She laughed, turning to Ten. "I told you I was going to get ice cream."
"No you didn't," the Doctor in the long coat replied. "And who is this?"
The Doctor in the bowtie made a small waving motion. "I'm Professor Periwinkle Fliege. You found my intern for me. How about a trade, then?"
He pushed Donna toward Ten and motioned for me to go stand by him. He handed me the extra ice cream cone as I passed by. Donna gave Ten her extra cone as well and we each took a taste of the contents.
"Well, we need to be on our way," Ten said after swallowing his mouthful of ice cream. He turned to Donna. "Ready to go?"
She nodded, turning back to Eleven and me. "It was nice meeting you, Kristen, and you, too, Professor um…"
"Fliege," he supplied for her.
"Fliege," she repeated with a wink.
She and Ten turned to leave and Eleven elbowed me quite violently in the side.
"What?" I exclaimed.
"Christmas Eve of 2012. You have to tell him," Eleven whispered near my ear.
A surge of energy tore through me. This was the moment that everything started. This was when I was supposed to tell the Doctor to go get me. If I missed this, all those wonderful adventures and even this day wouldn't take place.
"Doctor!"
Ten and Donna stopped in their tracks.
"Yes?" Ten said, squinting in the sunlight.
"Christmas Eve of 2012, 5580 Somerset Lane. Go have an adventure whenever you get the chance."
He smiled, a bit confused, but happy to oblige as always. "Will do, my friend!"
I looked up at Eleven as the other two turned away again.
"Did you tell her?" I asked, motioning to Donna.
He nodded with a smile. "She's going to forget soon anyway. It won't hurt anything to let her know."
I turned back to watch Ten and Donna leave, heading back to their TARDIS, the old TARDIS, to go on another adventure, one that would result in the loss of Donna's memory and a broken relationship. I wished with all my might that I could be there for Ten when that happened. I understood why he was so hesitant to talk about Donna and what happened to her now. I wanted to be there for him in the coming time of pain so that he wouldn't have to be alone.
But I knew I couldn't be. All I had left was this moment, watching him leave one last time. Never again would I see his hair bobbing with his movements. Never again would I see his face light up at my suggestions or hear his voice call me "brilliant" and "amazing". My chest felt empty, as well as the hand he had been holding. Never again would I feel his hand grasping mine. I wanted him back. I wanted to hold his hand.
I won't cry. Yes, my hand is empty, but that's not the point. I shouldn't have come here. I'll never see him again. This is the last time. I want to hold his h—
Suddenly, my mind went silent.
My hand was no longer empty.
I knew who it was, and I squeezed tight as tears fell down my face. He squeezed back, and we watched Ten and Donna walk into the trees, away from us, completely ignorant of everything we knew. And it hurt.
But my hand wasn't empty. I still had a friend. I still had my Doctor. He had always been there by my side. And in that moment, I fell in love with him all over again.
Feeling eyes on me, I turned to see him looking at me, a smile on his face.
"Is that what you needed?"
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I threw my arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder the way I had so many times before. And it felt wonderful.
After a few moments, he pulled away from me, not even trying to hide the grin spreading across his lips.
"Ready for another adventure?"