Disclaimer:

I do not own the Clique. Suppose I did, everyone would be kissing my arse now. :P Just kidding.

Summary:

Claire and Cam are married, but there's just something that's bugging Claire lately. Thank Gawd that Massie's there in all her glorious alpha-ness to help Claire out.

Author's Note:

This is my first Clique story, but don't be afraid to flame the writer. I'm a good sport, but forgive me for running off at the keyboard all the time.

Gaydar Malfunction

by Ashlie Rayeux

(a.k.a. rayeux)

"Kuh-laire!" Massie said and rushed into the Fishers' master bedroom. "What's wrong? I came here as soon as I could." She put an arm around her best friend and tried to comfort her. Claire gripped Massie tightly and started to cry. "Kuh-laire, tell me something," Massie whispered. The beta looked up at the alpha. "Anything."

"How can I help you when you're ahb-viously nawt tell me what the problem is?!" the brunette quipped.

The blonde girl looked up at Massie. "You're not going to believe me."

"Try me."

"I think Cam's gay."

Silence.

"You think?" Massie finally asked after what seemed to be an eternity. Claire nodded. The amber-eyed girl brightened up. "You presume that Cam's gay," she repeated, to which Claire agreed. "Now tell me why you think Cameron Fisher is not the man we thought he was."

Claire laid back on the bed and covered her head with a pillow. "I found him sleeping together with Derrington in the hotel suite when they went for the World Cup," she said in a muffled voice.

Massie simply giggled.

"How could you laugh at a time like this?"

The older girl shook her head. "Kuh-laire, you've got it all wrong."

"What do you mean I've got it wrong? Any other evidence could not be more incriminating," Claire whined.

"Listen to me, Kuh-laire. What you've got there is what I like to call a gaydar malfunction."

"What?"

"A gaydar malfunction," Massie explained patiently. "It's when you don't use your gaydar for so long a time that it gets rusty," she said and looked at her blue-eyed friend. "Do you even know what a gaydar is?" Massie asked, to which Claire replied, "No." The Chanel No. 5-advocate sighed. "Must I explain?"

"Please do."

"It's the thing that lets you know if a guy is gay or not."

"Oh."

"Well, as I was saying, you've got it all wrong. Cam is nawt gay, and neither is Derrington. Kuh-laire, use your common sense. No guy who has ever tangoed with a girl can be gay. It's like, against the law of nature. Plus, were they naked? No. I happened to walk in them maybe earlier or later the same night you visited. They were only in that hotel to spend the night. Gawd help you, Kuh-laire. Being a housewife has dulled your brains, no offense intended. I suggest you apologize to Cam later tonight with a case of brandy, chocolate-covered strawberries, and the knowledge of the kid you've got over there. Don't even dare to keep a secret from me."

"But how-"

"How do I know? Oh, I just do. I always do."

Massie headed out the room, winking at Claire before completely disappearing from her friend's line of sight. Claire smiled for the first time that day, thinking: Massie Block, you came into my life like a destructive whirlwind of fury and hatred. What would I do without you?

Then the answer came to her.

Nothing.

P.S. I made Claire Massie's beta for this story. It just seemed more appropriate.