Full of romance, angst and slash! Takes place during the Eighth Doctor Adventures, specifically The Year of Intelligent Tigers. If you've not read them, all you need to know is that this takes place after the first Time War. The Doctor was involved in the destruction of Gallifrey and spent 100 years wandering Earth with no memory, the only thing keeping him sane a letter from Fitz saying they would meet in the next century.
Chapter 1: Start All Over
Yeah, so I started keeping a bloody journal again.
I know, I know, it pretty much ensures that everything's gonna go wrong, if all my previous journals are any indication.
But hey, that's bound to happen anyway. It's worth the risk, cos there's so much on Hitchemus I wanna remember. From the moment we got here, I could tell it was special. The Doctor got this mad, excited look when we landed, a look I hadn't seen since before Gallifrey's destruction, and the amnesia, and our hundred years apart. It's like this planet was meant for us.
Naturally, Anji isn't chuffed about it. Not exactly bohemian, is she, being a "futures trader" or whatever the hell she did back in the 21st century before she got tangled up with the Doctor and me. Every time she talks about it, all I understand is that there's lots of money involved. Must be nice to have money. I wouldn't know.
Not that you need much of it in Hitchemus. Port Any's the only city. It's a lovely town, smaller then Cardiff, but so full of life. This is my kinda place. You get paid to play music by the colony government, so there's music everywhere, nonstop, spilling onto the streets, dancing in the air. It's never silent, and you're never alone. So far, the Doctor and I have spent all of our time playing duets, him as usual being a genius on the violin, me strumming my guitar. We've eaten great food. Had a couple impromptu jam sessions in the park with dozens of people. Been to six parties.
It's only been two days, but this place already feels like home.
The Doctor entered the butterfly room, finding Fitz chewing on a pen and reading a battered red journal.
The sun seemed to be setting in the simulated sky, tinting everything crimson as brilliant metallic-hued butterflies fluttered in the dying light, surrounding Fitz in a glittering cloud. The heavens were painted in vivid purples and pinks, with a full moon already hanging in the sky. A gorgeous backdrop. Fitz didn't seem to notice as he rifled through the pages, a pensive look on his face.
He casually sat next to him, and Fitz gave a little jump, slamming the book shut, the pen dropping out of his mouth. For a moment, he wore a guilty expression.
"Didn't mean to startle you," the Doctor said with a sheepish smile.
"No, it's all right," Fitz said, grinning back as he set the book aside. "Nice to see your smile again."
The Doctor threw him a wink and settled in comfortably against the tree beside Fitz, their shoulders just barely touching. "You always try to make me smile, don't you?"
"Yeah, well, you're cute when you smile. It's when you do that whole tortured Byronic madman thing that I get scared."
"Then I must have made you pretty nervous," the Doctor admitted softly.
"It wasn't so bad."
"Fitz, Fitz, Fitz," the Doctor said, kissing Fitz's hand. "My loyal, sweet, dependable Fitz. I haven't been very kind to you, have I?"
Fitz shrugged, wearing a pleased grin, like he usually did whenever the Doctor paid him any compliments.
"I shouldn't have pushed you away, after things with Karl... ended."
"It's all right," Fitz replied. "You were really close. Must have hurt."
The Doctor gave a weak shrug.
"I'm sorry about those poor tigers, Doctor," Fitz said, squeezing the Doctor's hand as he spoke. "Karl... He never meant to kill them. He didn't know what he was doing."
"He knew perfectly well what he was doing," the Doctor replied darkly, pulling his hand back and looking away as the sun slipped below the horizon.
The last butterfly of the evening drifted by, landing on Fitz's cheek. Fitz glanced at it out of the corner of his eye and giggled. The Doctor stroked Fitz's cheek, and it crawled onto his fingers. He held his hand open between them and they watched the beautiful pink and turquoise creature flap its wings lazily.
"I bet I used to like it," the Doctor said in a wistful tone. "Being here with you."
"More than like," Fitz said sadly.
"I'm sorry, Fitz. It must be difficult for you, what we've both lost."
Fitz stared at the Doctor with that open, unabashed vulnerability the Doctor always found so fascinating. "I'd do anything for you, Doctor," Fitz said very seriously. "I love you. Whether you ever love me back again or not, it doesn't... It doesn't matter, not really. Doesn't make me love you any less."
The Doctor cupped Fitz's face, the butterfly fluttering onto the back of his hand. Fitz turned into the touch, a look of gratitude in his wide grey eyes. "You really mean that, don't you?" said the Doctor.
Fitz nodded.
"I depended on you. Trusted you, with everything."
"Yeah," Fitz said softly.
"I still can."
He leaned in to kiss Fitz, and the butterfly flew off.
"Don't," Fitz whispered, placing a hand on the Doctor's chest, stopping him, pushing him back. "I mean it. You make it so hard for me sometimes. I keep trying to get over you, keep trying to forget everything we had, and then you do shit like this. And it's like I have to start all over again."
"But why would you want to forget?" the Doctor asked with genuine curiosity.
Fitz gave a bitter laugh. "You did."
I hate it when the Doctor kisses me. He's such a bloody tease. Always has been. But it's so much worse since he came back.
He kissed me last night, then laughed in my face, and disappeared into the crowd at the bar.
I proceeded to get as drunk as humanly possible, and woke up the next morning with twin flautists. We're getting together tomorrow with some friends for a jam session. I bloody love Hitchemus.
No idea who the Doctor went home with. Probably shagging that Karl bloke he met a couple days ago. They've been hanging all over each other. But that's fine by me. Good for them.
Anyway, I wrote a song this morning. Made me feel better, as always.
Now in this age of quiet desperation
Where thoughtful men are often moved to tears
I raise a glass to wanton dissipation
And all the grief it's spared me through the years
Cos I'd rather by far
Be left standing at the bar
Than at the altar...
What the Doctor and Karl do together is up to them. I get it. And if he's moved on, then maybe that means I can too.
The Doctor felt his expression falter. He looked away, wishing he could hide his eyes, but he'd cut his hair dreadfully short in a fit of frustration. For a few long moments neither one of them said anything. Strange moths suddenly began floating through the night air, unearthly, impossibly alien, the glowing patterns on their wings shifting and changing as they drifted. The Doctor had rarely seen anything so beautiful. He'd only been in this room twice since the TARDIS had put itself together again, both times alone, during the day. He hadn't been prepared for such ethereal splendor.
Fitz, however, didn't even seem to notice. "Are you taking him with you?" Fitz asked quietly. "Before you leave for good?"
The Doctor narrowed his eyes. "After he killed innocent tigers, my friends, who trusted me and took me in after the colonists insulted me and shunned me? No. No, I think not."
"Good," Fitz said with a hint of a triumphant smirk.
"Would it matter if I was?"
"Yeah it would have bloody mattered," Fitz said with disbelief. "It's a bit much to expect your ex to travel space and time with the new bloke you're shagging, don't you think?"
"Your not an ex of anything," the Doctor said gently. "Not to me."
"Sure, Doc, keep telling yourself that," Fitz said as he lit a cigarette and took a deep drag. "We were just friends, yeah. Friends who loved each other, trusted each other, shared everything, shagged like rabbits, and depended on one another when the entire bloody universe turned against us. Just friends."
"That's not what I meant, Fitz."
Fitz stared at him, his breathing fast and shallow, the lit cigarette slipping through his fingers, seemingly forgotten. His grey eyes gleamed in the moonlight.
"I'm ready now," the Doctor said quietly. "I'm ready to start over again, with you. With us. If you'll have me."
Fitz lunged in for a desperate kiss.
As you may have realized, this entire story takes place during The Year of Intelligent Tigers by the brilliant Kate Orman and her husband Jon Blum, one of my absolute favorite books in the Eighth Doctor Adventures. There are spoilers here for that novel, but nothing too bad. Fitz's journal starts before the novel takes place, and the song included in this chapter is directly from the book.