America ran into the conference room, his tawny hair tousled and his eyes bright with the boundless energy he always seemed to be brimming with. The others, who were already seated, merely took the sight in stride.
"Hey, guys," He started, obnoxiously loud as usual. "I heard this totally wicked song and I can't wait to sing it to you."
England sighed, massaging his eyebrows as he replied, "America, no one wants to hear you sing-"
America gleefully cut him off, singing"You're the jerk jerk jerk of the week."
"What is this?"
"I believe it's a song, da?"
"Is this supposed to be directed at me?" England asked, a dangerous flush rising scarlet in his cheeks. The American did seem to be facing him as he sang.
"You're a jerk and it's your week." America raised his voice so he could be heard over the indignant English squawkings.
Leaning over so he could nudge England, France commented that the song could not possibly be about anyone other than the stuffy old Englishman.
"You really outdid yourself." America continued. "Like a crazy super jerk."
"I did no such thing!"
"You're probably a big jerk every week."
"I am not!"
"But this week… you're the jerk of the week. Jerk-jerk jerkity je-jerk. You're the jerk of the week." Lowering his voice, America finished, "I'm looking at you buddy."
"Who are you talking to?!" England exclaimed, his hands nearly pulling out his hair. America pointed not-so-discreetly at Russia, who smiled pleasantly as he brought his bloodstained pipe out from under the table.
In the back of the room, Prussia decided that the awesome him needed to learn the song. At the table, France had already memorized it, and Canada, sitting alone, was left wondering if America was really the best person to be singing a song about being a jerk.
The Ask Canada Corner
Question: Can America be brainwashed?
Answer: Of course not. Being brainwashed requires a brain, doesn't it? That means my brother is immune to any and all types of brainwashing.
Interruption: Hey, Bro, were you telling the readers how awesome I am?
Answer: I was telling them how awesome you are in the original sense of the word, eh.