Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, if I did, Sakura would be able to kick ass all the time.

Hidan sighed angrily and boredly, as he watched Kazuku and Zetsu arguing...again. I The money obsessed Akatsuki member was upset because Zetsu had not paid him back yet. The thing was that Zetsu had been a bit short on cash (Fertilizer prizes had gone up by an incredible amount in this rough economy), and since Kazuku had such a huge heart (Cough, Cough), he had lent him some.

But of course even though he just borrowed it this morning, Kazuku wanted it back. If Hidan didn't know any better, he would have sworn to Jashin-sama that one of Kazuku's hearts must have been made of greed. Or the person it belonged to before must have been Jewish. Either way...

Hidan didn't even know why the green ninja needed to buy fertilizer (or for what purpose that fucking shit had; perhaps Zetsu used it to... satisfy his plantly needs?) as he had previously offered to... provide the "stuff" for Zetsu. Just the thought of Zetsu's face brought a smile to Hidan's, especially since he was so sure that the plant-man didn't even possess emotions.

The best part about this whole thing was defintely the over the top reaction that Kazuku had to the loss of his money. Particularly because the money that Zetsu owed Kazuku was only about fifty cents.

FIFTY FUCKING CENTS!

Even the littlest amount of money seemed to set Kazuku off, making most of the other members of the Akatsuki seriously considered giving the sunglass-nin addiction therapy for Christmas. Or whatever holdiay ninjas celebrated. Looking at the clock, Hidan internally and externally cursed when he saw that it was almost one in the morning. The time was still relatively early for him, but he was fucking tired, and after listening to bitchy and bitchier bitch today, he wanted his goddamned peace and quiet.

He swore to Jashin-sama, that the next bastard that asked something of him would get skewered. If he was fucking lucky.

Hidan was so fucking tired, that he just wanted to sleep and get the image of his partner and the plant whisperer do their weird ass courtship out of his head. That's where the images of blood, decapitated corpses, and Asian porn belonged.

And what the two of them were doing, that weird will-they, won't-they dance, was so fucking obvious, that it actually pained Hidan to think about it. Literally, he felt a stabbing pain in his eye (not that it was unwelcomed or anything...). Everyone just knew that those two wanted to fuck each other into the ground, despite the mind altering images that it invoked. And he had been the unwilling witness to almost all of the creepiness.

Hell, he had seen the photo that Kazuku kept in his pocket on missions that he took out whenever he thought he was "alone". Half of Hidan really wanted to know where Kazuku got a half naked picture of Zetsu, but the other half wanted to drink a fucking bottle of bleach to erase all memory of seeing that photo. Hidan had even realized that the creeper had a little (Hidan felt retarded for even thinking this, but) a crush on his partner.

He felt nasty for even thinking that.

But yeah, Zetsu made it so obvious, that flowers literally started popping out of the ground whenever he was near Kazuku. Fluffy, pink flowers.

Hidan felt like the most masculine person in the Akatsuki.

And how how could he not? Looking around, Hidan saw his fellow Akatsuki members acting in ways that frankly, made him want to tear their eyes out and eat them. There was Konan teaching Deidara about origami...wait what? Konan, the fucking ice princess of the Akatsuki, was hanging out with Mr.-I-don't-know-shit out of her own free will?

Had the world gone to shit?

Toby was in the corner, creating finger paintings and talking to himself, all the while staring at Konan's boobs. Or, Hidan thought it was Konan's boobs, but with these coats, it was so hard to tell. Pein and Sasori had already been gone for two days on a diplomatic mission to Cloud (cause the Akatsuki were awesome with diplomatic measures), making Hidan question why the giant puppet man was chosen. He was fucking terrifying.

Itachi and Kisame were in the corner, playing chess, and glaring at the escalating fight between Kazuku and Zetsu. If Hidan didn't know any better, he'd say that the usually stoic nins were actually showing emotions.

Bull.

But maybe Uchiha and Kisame had the right idea, it was getting late, and Hidan was exhausted. All he needed, was to make the two of them shut the hell up...possibly killing two birds with one stone.

The wheels in Hidan's head started turning, and soon enough, the Jashinist had a plan, making his eyes light up with a mischievous twinkle. Oh this would be the shit. But if it all went wrong he needed an escape plan, one that would make it look like smoke was coming out of his fucking ass because he was going that fucking fast.

Slowly getting up, the silver-haired man moved towards Kazuku and Zetsu, who were still absorbed in their quarrel. Quickly calculating the amount of time he would need to escape if he went through with his plan, Hidan decided to screw the risks, and just go for it. Maneuvering himself so that he was behind Kazuku, who was closest to the door, Hidan began to speak.

"Jashin dammit! Hey pansies, do us all a favor and fuck," Hidan yelled as he pushed Kazuku onto Zetsu. "Maybe then you'll finally each grow a pair. Hell, you do that and I'll pay your goddamned money."

The force of Hidan's push caused Kazuku to lose his balance, and fall on top of Zetsu. With his legs stradling the plant-man. And their lips touching.

Ah, dammit.

Kazuku started to move away from Zetsu's body, but a hand a the small of his back prevented him from doing so.

"No. No. I have waited far to long for you to back out now Kazu-kun." Zetsu said huskily, lust seeping into his tone as he reversed their positions and pulling away, just to smash his lips back together with Kazuku's. Hidan smirked as he heard Kazuku moan into the kiss, it was sort of amazing that such a fugly man like his partner could make those sounds. Hell, maybe now he would be able to get some goddamned peace too.

Quickly looking at Itachi and Kisame, Hidan saw them both wearing looks of surprise, or at least Kisame was. Apparently, Itachi fucking Uchiha does not have emotions. Konan and Deidara, who were so absorbed in what they were doing, only looked up when Kazuku moaned again, and upon seeing their fellow Akatsuki members getting it on, both proceeded to blush. Tobi was clapping and applauding both of the men, while jumping around asking if he could plan their wedding. Hidan didn't even want to think of those two dipshits getting married. Turning away, he saw Itachi glare at him slightly and heard Kisame mumble.

Shit, Kisame was right. He would never be able to get the sickening sight of the plant man and his partner making out on the floor of the Akatsuki meeting room out of his head. One thing was for fucking sure though, no one could ever say he didn't look out for his partner again.

A/N: I just wanted to write a fic from Hidan's point of view, because he's my one of my favorite characters. Always shouting about his religion. Since this is my first posting, I'd like some feedback to help me improve. I was thinking about turning this into a multi-chapter fic, so any help would be nice. Till later, ciao

11/1/10: Heh, just looking over the story and revising it. It's amazing how I used to write, and I like to think that I've improved dramatically in such a small amount of time.