Inspector Iroh – Tales of Republic City

Chapter One

…

I think that we can all agree that if there is one thing anyone dislikes, it's getting a phone call at five o'clock in the morning.

Drrrrrrring.

I only dug my head deeper into the pillow, grumbling. Sleep is my God. I'm worshipping. Leave me alone.

Drrrrrrring.

It would appear that whoever had the brilliant idea of calling me at this ungodly hour was a heathen. I managed to free an arm from my bedcovers, grappling weakly for the bulky phone apparatus on my nightstand by sound alone. It was still dark outside. Spirits, I didn't even turn on the lights – I wouldn't trust myself to firebend this early in the morning. My eyebrows have an unfortunate tendency to end up singed.

Drrrrrrring.

Oh, now that blasted thing is just taking the piss.

When I finally managed to pick up the receiver, I only gargled something into the mouthpiece that can best be approximated to a platypus-bear suffering violent stomach pains. In my opinion, I was perfectly excused. Apparently, the person on the other end thought differently.

"I'm sorry, am I talking to someone human?"

I groaned, muttering something unkind under my breath. "…Detective Zuko speaking."

"I wasn't sure if that was you, but you seem grouchy enough to pass."

I finally got enough of my wits together to recognize the dry woman's voice at the other end, distorted as it was through the phoneline. "Hello, Mai. Lovely of you to call, but it's kind of early."

"No, really?" The voice at the other end spoke in a totally flat deadpan. "I hadn't noticed the time, to be honest, considering that I was pulling the night shift. Again. Must have slipped my mind."

I sighed, letting my head slam back down into the pillow. "…What do you want, Mai? I spent last night – no, this night, actually – hunting down some Triple Threat Triad smugglers and putting them behind lock and bars. I'm tired."

"Lock and key, you mean."

"See? I'm already mixing up my sayings. Tired, I tell you."

"How cute. We have a cold one for you."

Apparently, Mai had never been born with a little thing that normal people called 'empathy'. Or perhaps she was just exhausted after another busy shift of handling the incoming calls that would flood the phone lines of the RCPD once night fell. From my long experience, I would have said it's a mixture of both, if only because I've never seen the secretary at headquarters so much as crack a smile in her entire life.

"Why call me?" I mumbled.

"Because Detective Jee managed to get himself hospitalized when he took on a bunch of Triad thugs this night that outnumbered him four to one. If I recall, you were involved."

Damn. I'd nearly forgotten that. "…How's he doing?"

"According to the doctor, he'll live. I've set up a collection box for his wife and kids to tide them over for a while."

That was nice of Mai. An officer injured in the line of duty still got half of their pay while they were stuck in bed, yeah, but it was still tough on their families, considering things like hospital costs, not to mention if they ended up crippled and unable to keep working.

A long time ago, I never would have thought that something as considerate as that could be spoken of in such a bored tone that it would put most picture divas to shame. Well, and then I met Mai, who never raised her voice for anything, never smiled, and never did anything without looking utterly bored and put-upon. Ever. In a way, she was very creepy.

But then again, maybe the pot shouldn't be calling the kettle black.

"All right, so remind me again why I, of all people, have to be on the scene now?"

There was a quiet sigh on the other end. "Our metalbenders are all on the streets carrying out arrests and patrolling, and none of them have investigative skill to speak of, in any case. We need to send down someone with a straight head on their shoulders."

"Since when do I fit the bill for that?"

"Since Detective Jee was hospitalized and every other investigator in Homicide is busy handling other cases. Beggars can't be choosers."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Well, aren't you trying to make me feel all warm and fuzzy today."

"You're a firebender. 'Warm' is what you guys do, at least when you're not aiming for 'crispy'."

Says the ice-cold daughter of a destitute Fire Nation noble. The irony was so thick that I probably could have butterred my morning toast with it. If I had time to even eat breakfast, that is.

I finally gave up. I was awake, and I probably wouldn't fall asleep again. If I could get some work in, why not?

"Fine," I grumbled. "What's this new case you've been blabbering on about?"

I could hear the rustle of paper on the other end of the line. "Middle-aged woman found dead in her home. Apparently, she was the picture of good health right up until her death."

"…Mind explaining to me why you seem so sure this was a homicide?"

"Oh, that one's easy. She was burnt almost beyond recognition. Apparently, her husband had to identify her from a keepsake of hers. A necklace, I think."

I couldn't help but wince as I sat up in bed, running a hand through my loose hair. "A firebender, huh? Great. Fantastic. Anything else that might be important?"

"Metalbenders are already on scene and have established a cordon. They've started asking some questions, but mostly they're keeping the crime scene clean for you."

"Wait, that's it? Nothing else?"

"Hey, I only got the call twenty minutes ago. I'm not the one who is supposed to ask questions and hunt homicidal killers. Paperwork is far less tedious, if you ask me."

"Haha," I said flatly. "Funny. Give me the address; I'll get there as soon as I can."

Mai rattled off the name of a street that was vaguely familiar to me. I jotted it down on a scrap of paper, then frowned when something at the edge of my mind nudged my sleep-riddled brain. "Wait a minute. That's down by the Eastern side of the bay, isn't it?"

"Yeah, so?" she answered, still sounding incredibly bored.

"…You do realize that's been Water Tribe territory ever since Avatar Aang founded Republic City, right?"

"I did receive an excellent education of our great city's glorious history, thank you very much for asking. Geography was included as well."

I started to furiously knead the bridge of my nose with my free hand. "Good on you. Now, are you seriously suggesting that I, a firebender, am to go right into the middle of an angry, scared bunch of waterbenders with their families, and start asking uncomfortable questions about the death of one of their loved ones?"

"That's how the police usually works. Great job, you're starting to get the hang of this. How many years have you been on the force?"

"Enough that I'm starting to get gray hairs. Mai, are you crazy?! I'm not suicidal, you know!"

"Could have fooled me, considering the stunts you pull. Well, either you go, or I tell Chief Bei Fong that you missed an opportunity to make yourself useful."

Oh, that was just not fair.

"So, it's either go say hello to the Water Tribe—"

"—or say hello to the Chief. What it'll be?"

Curiously enough, I didn't have to think too long about that one. "Water Tribe."

"So you do have a survival instinct. Fascinating. I'll see you around, sunshine."

And with that, she simply hung up, leaving me to glare powerlessly at the receiver.

Would you believe me if I told you that my day only got worse from there?

…

And… Cut!

Good day or good evening, ladies and gentlemen! How are you doing? If anyone is confused about this story, don't be, I'll explain my idea behind this right away.

I've always wanted to write something in the Noir style, and this idea hit me like a ton of bricks a while back. It's a crossover between Avatar – The Last Airbender (the TV show, not the movie) and The Legend of Korra. I was a big fan of the original show, and I love the new one as well. Props to Nickelodeon, Brian Konietzko and Michael D. Martino for creating an entire universe that could keep me invested for hours and hours.

Now, the setting for Legend of Korra is just perfect for a Noir story – there's cops, gangsters, steampunk science, social upheaval, badass martial arts, and let's not forget the trenchcoats and nifty hats. I just wanted to write something in the Noir style (first-person perspective, colourful metaphors, police investigations, sarcastic loner cops and the like) with all its great clichés, partly to practice my writing – and partly because it's great fun!

And so I thought of Detective Zuko, Republic City Police Department, hunting down criminals with his ever-present scowl and general badassitude. Think of this story this way: it's the Korra universe, just with all the characters from The Last Airbender added to it.

…I know that this screws with the Avatar continuity in far more ways than I can count, but I have a plan to work around that, believe me.

I need to point out one of my direct inspirations for this story: the Inspector Iroh round-robin fancomic that was started over on DeviantArt by TheArtrix. It's great stuff, you should totally check it out. That's where the title to this story comes from, in case you're wondering.

In any case, I have a question for you, dear readers: do you think that this story has potential? I'm not too sure about it myself, but I would love to know what you guys think.

Thank you very much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it, and if you did (or didn't), please leave me a review. I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had writing it.