A/N: Hello all! I deleted this story and decided to change a few things. I wasn't entirely happy with it the way it was. This fic is sort of AU. The guys don't live in the Palm Woods anymore but are still a part of BTR of course. Mainly the guys are just older now sooo...um yeah on with the story huh?
Have you ever had an addiction? I don't mean like drugs, or alcohol, but something much more important. I have an addiction, something that gives me the best high out of anything in life. Something that makes me feel like I can do anything in the world. I can only sum up my addiction in two words. James Diamond. I know you're probably thinking I'm some stupid teenybopper, but you're wrong. I've been friends with guys or Big Time Rush for a good ten years. James and I were both kids when we met, in second grade to be exact, only he was a few months older than me. We clicked right away and were inseparable when we got into middle school and high school. He and Kendall were my best friends and the two I got along with best. It was always good to have them around especially when I was feeling down. James and I did everything together. Except for his first kiss. I remember him coming by my place with Kendall after it happened. He was so distraught when he came through the door. Since Kendall had a big crush on my sister, who was a year younger than me, James could tell me all the details without the fear of being picked on by our friend. We laughed over how horrible it was and we even practiced kissing on each other. That was when he was still just my friend. Before I knew what was happening, I felt so much more for him than just a friend should. It was Kendall's sixteenth birthday and James invited over a girl he met at work one day. I was jealous beyond belief and didn't understand why. The next few weeks, James spent all his time with his new girlfriend and hardly spent anytime with me. I didn't say anything to him, but instead started spending a lot more time with Kendal. He wasn't James, but he was just as easy to talk to and really funny. He knew how I felt about our friend, but he was always there when I needed him and it was the same for when he needed me. Over time, Kendall and I were going to parties and concerts together, but eventually made a huge mistake. One night, at a Halloween party we were throwing James ditched me for his girlfriend whom wasn't even there. I was heartbroken considering that I was thinking of telling him how I felt, but instead ended up crying on Kendall's shoulder. We spent the whole night together and I know we both got completely shit faced. When we woke up the next morning we were both naked and Kendall was lying on top of me. It was when he went to move when I realized we had had sex, since he was still inside of me. After that, Kendall and I hardly talked for at least two weeks, but one day he showed up on my doorstep with a white rose in his hand asking if we could talk. I invited him in and we talked everything out. Sure it was a little weird at first, but we eventually got over it. We never told James and I think it was better that way. After the incident with Kendall, James and his girlfriend broke up and he came right to me to talk about it. I know I should've been mad for being ditched over and over again, but the boy was my best friend. So I sucked it up and helped him get over his broken heart, not that it was the first time, but I helped nonetheless. Now we're adults and I'm still in love with my best friend. There have been so many times I've tried to tell him how I feel, but I couldn't find the right words. Kendall had just had his 22nd birthday and, along with James, Logan, and Carlos they're living their dreams. They started the band in high school and now they are the obsession and in the fantasies of girls and possibly guys, all over the world. Logan and Carlos are great guys who really know how to make you feel like you're the greatest person. But they have people in their lives. Logan and his girlfriend, Camille have been together for a few years and I don't think they plan on splitting up anytime soon. And then there's Carlos. He's got at least three different girls, but he's truthful with all of them. They know he doesn't want anything serious at the moment. I admire his honesty. If I wasn't such a coward, I could've told James the truth by now. But then again, if I wasn't then I wouldn't be telling you the story now would I?