Lucius' eyes could strip you, mind, body and soul. He knew this and used it to his advantage.
Then the Snape boy grew up.
And Lucius couldn't read him.
But he had the most uncomfortable feeling that Snape could read him.
And though this sent a previously unknown jolt of pleasure down his spine, a feeling of dark foreboding uncurled in his mind.
*** *** ***
They each had masks, each had personas, lives. The only thing Lucius could not manipulate or control were his eyes when caught in Snape's dark gaze. Lucius felt bare in front of Severus as he had never felt before anyone else, even the Dark Lord. He felt vulnerable in front of Severus, and it excited him as it scared him. Severus was his obsession, his addiction, his jury, and (sometimes) his saviour.
*** *** ***
Severus loved Lucius. He thought. Severus loved Lucius as much as Severus thought he was capable of loving anyone. He loved Lucius while he loved Lily. He loved Lucius while he betrayed him.
Lying in bed, they were clearly two people, one beautiful and cold, one ugly and calculating. Perhaps it was Severus' ugliness that drew Lucius. Perhaps a being of such perfection as Lucius must always search for imperfections to feel whole.
Their manners to each other hadn't changed in the transition from acquaintances to lovers. Theirs was a relationship of nighttime, of shadows and secrets, darkness and unspoken words. The flickering light of candles dancing over their bodies allowed glimpses of two separate entities, of two constantly changing realms of thoughts and motivations.
Is it possible to love someone whom you do not know?
*** *** ***
Neither of them spoke of their past. Their lives began in darkness, with the Death-Eaters. That was their purpose. Thinking of the past was dangerous.
*** *** ***
"All of this, I shall not be able to give up," Severus mused absently, as he watched the softly sleeping Lucius in the light of the approaching dawn. "I will betray him again. And I shall not be able to pull away. For I am a selfish man." The betrayal that was coming, his true allegiance when the Dark Lord rose again, felt larger than his betrayal due to the hunting of Lily.
"I shall go with the Light, while keeping my Dark," said Snape softly to the rising sun.
*** *** ***
Sometimes Lucius saw something in Severus' eyes, something that made him wonder. He knew Severus was supposed to be spying on Dumbledore, but he knew something about Severus' closeness to Lily Potter. Lucius also well remembered how withdrawn Severus had been the months leading up to and following the Potter's deaths. So he wondered.
And the thing was, Lucius would have changed sides for Severus if he had been asked. It seemed that his mind, having searched so long for a perfect imperfection, was not willing to quickly give up its obsession.
But Severus never asked, and for that there was some distance. Lucius never audibly question Severus, for theirs was a relationship of the hiding opportunities in the dark.
*** *** ***
In an alcove hidden from the other Death-Eaters they embraced, two separate beings engrossed in two separate realms of thought before a battle.
What is worth dying for?
What is worth betraying for?
What would you do for imperfections?
What would you do for the hidden Dark inside you?
They pulled apart, and in the light of the fading sun Severs said "Don't hate me once this day is over."
Lucius looked into Severus' black eyes. This was the beginning of the end of their secrets and lies, he realized that. "I'll try," he said.
Can you love all of a person, when you've only truly seen one part?
*** *** ***
Lucius found Severus' body in the Shrieking Shack. He wasn't surprised. He'd known it had happened. He walked steadily over the creaking floorboards, eyes focused on those of his lover's, ignoring the shadows around them. He kneeled beside the body, not noticing the drying blood he covered, and did nothing but stare for a long time. His pale hair and skin glowed grey in the lightening shadows of the day, but Severus' skin became increasingly waxy, and there was no spark in the eyes.
Slowly, Lucius lifted a hand and touched the sunken cheek, still staring desperately into the now blank eyes in front of him. And then Lucius bent his head, so that his pale hair once again whispered over the pale and bloody body of his lover whose eyes stared blindly ahead, then he hugged the body to himself desperately and cried unabashedly as the dawn slowly bathed the world in light.
It leaved the Shrieking Shack dark.
*** *** ***
No one had pushed them together; no great Being had decided they should love one another.
But they had.
While their world changed, they had loved.
Drawn solely by each other's vulnerabilities and imperfections they met in darkness, and made their own light. There was no reason, no sense, but it felt right. Perhaps they both did it as a small means of atonement, perhaps they thought such a hidden thing would not be judged, would not become a large part of their motivations.
While he betrayed Lucius, Severus loved him. While he watched and wondered but didn't think, Lucius loved Severus. As he felt his world be torn apart, as he saw his life become a tool, Severus loved Lucius. As he felt himself stripped of his masks, as he tried to make himself believe without reservations in the cause he'd inherited which decreed that he should look down upon his lover, Lucius loved Severus.
It all led to the scene of Lucius clutching the body of his traitorous lover as the world awakened around them. From the black gaze of a man on the brink of the turning point in his life meeting the silver gaze of a proud, devout follower of the Dark Lord, to the black gaze staring straight ahead, wiped clear, as the proud man rocked his lover's body gently, cursing his own choices.
In the end, love wasn't enough to completely overcome the darkness inherent in them both.
Author's Notes: So, quite frankly, I'm always too nervous/self-conscious to ask on a forum for a beta reader (and the one time I did no one responded) so I thought maybe I'd do it on here. If you're reading this you've already read the fic, so I was wondering if anyone wanted to beta it or picked up on a mistake?