THE BEGINNING OF THE END

Present Day

I blindly played with a string hanging off of the couch I sat on that had been handed down to me from my late grandmother. The string twisted around my finger turning the tip of it blue until I freed my finger and repeated the process. An open Psychology book rested on my knees and the weight of it kept reminding me to stop procrastinating and study.

It was my last final for the semester and my studying habits had been worn down throughout the week – who was I kidding, they had been nonexistent for the past three months. Studying was overrated anyways. Everything these days seemed overrated compared to the life I used to lead. Over the weeks it had grown more and more difficult to concentrate as the anniversary approached. Images of that far away place and the people were making me feel nostalgic and school just didn't seem to matter anymore. My grades were slipping, sure, but up to this point I had managed to not fail. If he ever found out about my poor grades I knew it would disappoint him. And that was the last thing I wanted to do. Thoughts of him had helped me drag myself to the end of the school year. I sighed and temporarily erased his face from my mind. I plucked off the loose string and said farewell to my companion as it floated to the ground and fell out of sight.

"Okay, time to study," I said to myself.

"Hey Sarah," said Amanda, my bespectacled roommate as she descended the stairs of our apartment. Her hair was sloppily positioned high on her head as she yawned. "Are you done studying yet? It's getting late."

"No, I still have a lot do to. It's pointless though I'm going to fail regardless," I said.

"Oh please, you'll do fine, you always do. Just make sure to get some sleep, that always helps me," said Amanda.

"Yeah, at this point I don't think anything can help me, but I'll call it a night soon. I just have some things to look over," I said, as I smiled to her. She paused in front of me and stood awkwardly on the balls of her feet. Her body was turned towards the kitchen but she continued to look at me. She looked like a contorted dancer.

"I uh – I was just thinking about it and I was curious," Amanda said as she dropped her head and intertwined her fingers, "are you going to see your dad at all this summer?" I closed my book and sighed. I had been waiting for her to ask me that for weeks now, knowing she was curious of my plans but it was something that we never discussed. I shook my head.

"No. I called him to tell him I couldn't make it. He was disappointed naturally but I've been doing that to him my whole life," I said.

"I'm glad you told him no. Considering all of the weird drama between you two," Amanda said.

"Yeah, he just doesn't really get it. The whole incident three years ago…that's exactly it, it's been three years. He thinks I should be healed of all fears by now or something. I just can't do it," I said. "And I think he wants to get the chance to parade me around just because of my face and who I am."

"I don't blame you. I couldn't imagine going through what you did. I would be just as hesitant as you feel now. He should know better than to think that of you," she said.

"Thanks Amanda, I'm glad someone's on my side," I said to her as she smiled to me.

She dropped her hands and disappeared through the kitchen. I closed my eyes, trying to rid my mind of the overwhelming memories that had suddenly entered my head. It all seemed to happen so long ago and just yesterday all at the same time. Faces and names formed in my retinas and almost escaped my mouth but I stopped myself. I had spent too much time thinking about all the what-ifs and I had finally come to peace with my decision. Instead I stared down at the fine print of my book and began to read.

"I think I might leave tomorrow evening," Amanda shouted from the kitchen. "If you leave tomorrow afternoon will you write down the alarm code again so I can set it? I lost the last one you gave me," The sound of pots and pans being moved around trailed after her voice.

"Sure," I shouted back.

A soft knock fell upon the front door and I glanced at the nearest clock. 9:22pm.

"I'm coming!" I said as I tossed the book from my lap.

The deadbolt unlocked swiftly under my hand as I pulled the door open. The core of my body immediately froze. The silhouette of his body gave him away before I even saw his face. It had been years since I had seen him and the sight of an old friend made my eyes sting.

"Hey," he said as I flicked on the porch light. His eyes squinted as they adjusted to the sudden light source. A nicely dressed, clean shaven Jack stood on my front porch.

"Oh my god," I said.

"Surprised?" he asked.

"Hey would you eat some Poppers if I made some?" Amanda yelled from the kitchen. I ignored her and slipped onto the porch, closing the door behind me. Jack beamed down to me and I struggled to find the right words. Instead I wrapped my arms around his body and held him in a desperate embrace, clutching onto his back as if this was last time I would see him.

"I'm going to take that as a 'yes'," he said. We broke our hug and I wiped my damp face.

"I'm shocked," I said. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought you would know," Jack said. I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"It doesn't always…" I began.

"..work like that. Yeah, I know," he said. "How have you been?"

"I've been good. Been busy. School, work, more school," I said.

"How is school going? You're grades aren't slipping are they?" he asked jokingly.

"I'm trying to hang in there," I said. "How have you been?"

"I'm good. Better, than last time we talked," Jack said biting his lip. "I shouldn't have called you like that and said what I did." He stared at me intensely with that same look he got when he was telling you something important. "That's not fair to you and I shouldn't have asked you. I'm sorry," he said. His face was serious and I knew it was taking him a lot to say that to me. The creases on his forehead wrinkled as he pursed his lips; typical serious Jack face. I bit on my lower lip and remembered back to the phone conversation we had had two weeks previous. Jack had yelled at me and I had cried. That felt like an eternity ago. Everything felt like an eternity ago.

"I've been through more good with you than bad Jack. So let's let bygones be bygones," I said. We stood in silence and I breathed in a lung full of dry air. "Funny how things end up, huh?" I said.

"Yeah," Jack said as he combed his hand through his hair.

"I like you better without the beard, by the way," I said. Jack looked at me curiously. I loved playing this game with him.

"You are something else," he said as I tried to hide the smile from my face.

"Actually I saw you on the news," I said.

"Oh, right," he said sighing and raising his eyebrows. I must have embarrassed him.

It was great to see Jack again. He had fallen off the face of the earth after we returned. I had honestly missed him every day since then but wanted to give him his space. It was difficult knowing how close we were, in the same city, and feeling like I had to avoid him. I thought that school and work would have kept him off my mind but it was just the opposite. Three years seemed like an eternity ago and we were talking like old friends who had just seen each other the past day.

"So what's the special occasion?" I asked.

Jack furrowed his brow again, a bad habit I had always thought, as if I was already supposed to know.

"I thought-" he began. "You don't know?"

"What you mean you didn't just come to hassle me about my studies?" I asked jokingly. He shook his head. I was miffed. "You're being serious, what's wrong? Is everything okay? Is it Kate?"

"No, Kate's fine," he said. "Here, take this," he handed me a small booklet. I took it from his and inspected the paperwork that was hidden inside. It was an airplane ticket. Airja Airlines.

With the blink of my eyes images of jungle and sand morphed into one and I thought that I may be sick.

"Oh," I breathed out.

How did I lose track of time? Everything must have happened as it originally would have; a sloppy drunk Jack had grown guilty over the years and realized that the answer to all of his depression would be to go back to the island. He had seen Ben who had told him it was possible to go back if he had everyone come with him. Everyone. It all clicked in my head. My eyes reeled open and I stared at a smiling Jack. I shook my head at him.

"I can't go with you," I said handing the ticket back over as Jack's smile slowly faded. "I can't go back Jack."

"Sarah do you remember that day in the hatch?" Jack asked.

"Which one?" I scoffed.

"When you told me that I needed to trust you?" Jack said. "Well I need you to trust me now."

"This isn't about trust," I said. "I'm telling you right now that I cannot go back to that place."

"Please, Sarah, I need this," he said. My heart broke for Jack. I knew that he had wanted this badly and I remembered all of the tribulations he encountered after we returned. Regardless of his feelings, I had mine too. I knew that what I had already been through once was enough to last me a lifetime and I'll be damned if he wanted me to go through it again. I shook my head.

"I want you to come back with us," Jack quickly said as he stepped closer to me, I continued to shake my head. "Ben thinks you should come."

"Ben?" I snapped at him. "I wouldn't trust Ben Linus with my life. Do you not remember everything he put me through, everything he put you through?"

"Please Sarah, I need you to come back," Jack said.

"I have school, I have work, I have responsibilities. I can't just leave everything behind to go back," I said. "I lost everything I had once and I'm not going to lose it again."

"Lose what? It's not like you have anyone here worth staying for anymore. Your dad didn't even come up for the funeral Sarah. Come back with us and you won't have to deal with any of it again." As soon as he said it I knew he didn't mean it. "I'm sorry, I just-" Jack began.

"I have to go, and so do you," I said as I stared at my feet.

This felt just like old times. Jack and I joking around, having good conversation right before we started bickering. It's what we were best at. Old habits I guess you could say.

"The plane leaves in three hours," he said, holding out the plane ticket to me. "You have some time to think about it," he said as I removed the ticket from his hand. He walked away and I watched from my door as his silhouette cut across the parking lot to his car. Everything I had believed in the moment before Jack appeared had suddenly changed. I knew this day would come and that I would have a choice to make which I had thought I made long ago. A part of me never wanted to see the island again. Another part of me wanted to keep living out my Lost-dream-come-true and return with my friends. I never in one million years thought I would be struggling with something like this. This was all supposed to be fiction; it was only a TV show. Then just like that, one flight to LA changed my life forever.

I opened the booklet and stared at the ticket in my hand. A glint of silver caught my eye. Hiding behind the ticket was a necklace. I pulled it out and held it up. My eyes welled with memories: Natalie and I driving in the car, Jack and I walking through the jungle, laughing with Claire on the beach, holding Sawyer in my arms, consulting Kate for advice…

The memories were unbearable, and as I stared at the Ankh necklace, something I thought I had lost so long ago, I couldn't help but break down into sobs. I looked up to Jack but he had already made it to his car and was backing out. There was so much left unsaid between Jack and I and this just added on to the pile. The situation we had been put through had forced us to get along but nothing was forcing him to come back, in the dead of the night, to not only return something that was dear to me, but to also ask me a favor. Looking back on our past I should have not hesitated when Jack asked me to go back. I had asked plenty of him on the island because above all else I held him in the highest regards. And every time I asked something of him he eventually came through. And here I was, the first time he asks something of me and I say no.

"Dammit," I said to myself.

"Hello Sarah." Out of the darkness his voice swirled around my head. It sent chills down my spine and I struggled to muster up enough confidence to stand straight and face him. Our past was arguably longer and more complicated than the one I shared with Jack and for that, I hated him. I slowly turned as he walked out of the darkness and we faced each other for the first time in three years. I wish I could have wiped the smirk off his face with my right hook.

"We need to talk," he said.

I opened my mouth. "Yeah, Ben, I'd say we do."