AN/ This is not corrected, there is no grammar check, I apologize for it, I had another Writers block :/ But fear not I have a couple of other fics in progress :D Also, I will warn you this is slow paced because these are new guys, I want them to have a decent first story lol so don't try to read-rush this introduction, pay attention to message's time, (I LOVE TO WRITE MESSAGES LMAO) it says much about the characters in them. I want you to pay attention to his words, yessss he is kinda smart. Also don't worry this is not a dark-fic, this will be very light and I intent it to be sweet. I would tell more but I won't spoil it.
.
Enjoy.
OOOO
.
L O V E
Backseat Symphonies
Jazz' POV
.
In an excerpt from Plato's Symposium, Aristophanes recounts the origins of love. According to his Greek mythology, humans were once four-legged, four-armed, and double-sexed. Fearing human beings were becoming too powerful, the deity Zeus sliced them in half, leaving their heads facing inward so they could eternally measure their bodies' absences. They were thus doomed to feel incomplete until they found their other halves. And when they did, they would throw their arms around each other and weave their flesh in an attempt to become one again.
In the Bible's Genesis, after creating Adam (the prototype), God realizes that he requires a mate. He rips a rib from Adam's body and begets Eve, a built-in lifelong partner.
Many of the origin stories about the inception of our species establish this blueprint for coexistence – that everybody has an equal and opposite body, a destined companion without which we are incomplete. Our modern construct of romance still upholds this paradigm; romantic love is the paramount prize of existence. But I briefly wondered; what if I can't access that prize?
In response to this construct, I treat lovelessness as a sonic dreamscape. My thoughts seeks to interrogate the idea that romance is normative and necessary. These aren't protest thoughts, however, as much as they are process thoughts. It's the processing that lonesomeness might not just be a transitory hallway you're passing through in route to inevitable partnership. It's recognizing statelessness as stasis.
I'm wondering how privileged people can feel love interpersonally but still adhere to systems of social hierarchy that cause them to treat othered groups with loveless indifference. I'm wondering if our urgent fear of dying alone is cellularly inherent or socially inherited. I'm wondering – if God is love, but you don't feel love, are you a godless being?
Is that the reason I feel so distant with the idea of having a God? Is that the reason I am so aloof and emotionally detached from religious figures? My momma once said I would soon get to find my road back to Christ's embrace, that once my hatred dissipated I would see just how foolishly I've lived my youth, whilst I can probably agree with the foolishness, I can definitely argue the idea that there's hatred towards any deity that could uphold my cause.
If all my frankness matters, I feel nothing but the unfathomable nihility and indifference towards these figures, towards these groups and what they promise to bargain. I'd feel alienated to place a single foot inside a church, funnily, my bisexuality is not well conceived, I am not the least bit welcome, I am not forgiven, but I am not sorry. I don't want God, but certainly, their fabricated God doesn't want me either and considering my unresponsiveness and deadness towards its blinding clasp, we can agree that I've grown apart my mother's expectation.
One cannot be angry at something that certainly isn't there. That is the sole reason I don't feel anger nor resentment at these chanting groups that ban the likes of me, I don't believe there is anyone above me, but I don't believe I am above anyone.
I sigh and close the book I couldn't concentrate enough to read, I was supposed to read Davies, A. and Lahiri, K. instead I am thinking about Lovelessness, God, intolerance, lurking inside my skull isn't always the best idea.
O
Lena:
[blues you should come home earlier today, mommy's angry.]
Oct 22 10:26 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:27 pm
Yassy:
[What she saying..?]
Oct 22 10:27 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:28 pm
Lena:
[usual… just be smart please and stop causing trouble, y'know what she means]
Oct 22 10:28 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:28 pm
Yassy:
[Lena im in a library]
Oct 22 10:28 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:29 pm
Lena:
[jazz, be smart for once]
Oct 22 10:32 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:32 pm
Lena:
[library yeah right ill tell her that, let see if she belives u]
Oct 22 10:32 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:32 pm
Yassy:
[oh right I lied, im actually having a wild orgy and this time guess what? I invited more males than females and they are all trying to fit their cocks inside me, im actually drooling]
Oct 22 10:32pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:39 pm
Lena:
[could you please behave? Im telling momma you said that]
Oct 22 10:39 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:39 pm
Lena:
[you are disgusting.]
Oct 22 10:39 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:39 pm
Yassy:
[yay! Im happy we agree in something, because shit is getting good here]
Oct 22 10:39 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:42 pm
Yassy:
[by good i mean disgusting, girls are also fucking me]
Oct 22 10:39 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:42 pm
Lena:
[… k]
Oct 22 10:45 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:45 pm
Yassy:
[Come on Lena im freaking reading! Jesus can't you do me a favor for once? I need to read here its quiet, mom's always yelling and I need to get all this information through my skull]
Oct 22 10:46 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:49 pm
Lena:
[…. Whatever you say, what time u arrive?]
Oct 22 10:49 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:49 pm
Yassy:
[what time you think you can have her controlled?]
Oct 22 10:49 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:50 pm
Lena:
[I wouldn't say I can for more than one hour, be smart and come sooner]
Oct 22 10:50 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:50 pm
Yassy:
[one hour… jeeeezzz shit, I was thinking maybe I could go home by 3?]
Oct 22 10:50 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:53 pm
Lena:
[Good luck then]
Oct 22 10:53 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:53 pm
Yassy:
[Lena pls]
Oct 22 10:53 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:57 pm
Lena:
[i wishing u luck I mean if she believs u are studying until 3 then good for you, don't make me part of your nasty schemes, I can help u once and I will, I will just tell her what u said and lets see how it goes for you.]
Oct 22 10:57 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 10:57 pm
Yassy:
[thank you little sister, I will spend the rest of my life being grateful that you helped me get my degree done with my not so average-grades,IN FACT! I will dedicate YOU my degree, also I will ask my future 8 sugar daddies to thank your sisterhood as well as my future 7 pregnant bitches. Ily]
Oct 22 10:57 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 11:13 pm
Lena:
[sure, but mom is LIVID rn]
Oct 22 11:14 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 11:14 pm
Yassy:
[omg tell her ill be home in less than half an hour please. I am saving my stuff in my backpack please ask her to hold on]
Oct 22 11:14 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 11:23 pm
Lena:
[we have a smart one here, ok ill tell her that]
Oct 22 11:23 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 11:23 pm
Yassy:
[thanks lena]
Oct 22 11:23 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 11:27 pm
Lena:
[u r welcome]
Oct 22 11:27 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 11:27 pm
Yassy:
[going home, u want me to send u a photo? Im on my way]
Oct 22 11:39 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 11:42 pm
Lena:
[u taking too long u sure u on your way? she has lost control]
Oct 22 11:42 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 11:42 pm
Yassy:
[damn what did you tell her? I can send a photo]
Oct 22 11:42 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 11:44 pm
Lena:
[it doesn't matter, cover u face when u enter she is throwing dishes]
Oct 22 11:44 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 11:44 pm
Yassy:
[…kay thanks]
Oct 22 11:45 pm Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 22 11:49 pm
Now looking at the shattered relationship I have with my family, I can admit I've never felt any sort of genuine affection, I may get to easily forgive their harmful, abusive behavior towards me, in the majority of cases, without being asked to forgive them. I often feel trapped inside the toxicity of each of their walls, I regularly feel like I have no options left but relent against them. It's not that I love them just as much, it's that I've surrendered.
I learned about their outlook by each time I've seen them act against what they think it's fair regarding myself, the opportunity of being up close with me gave them the empowerment and excuse to say and do whatever their opinionated personas could come up with, for me our bloodline is their cheap pretext. Since having detached my hinges from them, I've all but become even more dissociated from the world that hasn't know my name. I can't trust them, I can't forgive them.
Lena:
[Blueeees can you PLEASEEEE HELP ME?]
Oct 23 9:16 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:18 am
Yassy:
[What is it?]
Oct 23 9:18 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:18 am
Lena:
[I want to go out with Mikado today, I told mom I would go to Nanami's house to do my math homework there, I want to go to the movie theater instead]
Oct 23 9:18 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:19 am
Yassy:
[Who's Mikado? You say you will not be at this girl's house to go with this Mikado?]
Oct 23 9:19 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:19 am
Lena:
[He is my boyfriend, Kishitani Mikado, my new boyfriend actually]
Oct 23 9:19 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:19 am
Yassy:
[oh congrats :) you didn't tell me about him]
Oct 23 9:20 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:20 am
Lena:
[no thanks lol you would try to fuck him,]
Oct 23 9:20 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:20 am
Yassy:
[….ouch?]
Oct 23 9:22 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:22 am
Lena:
[blame me? You are a whore lol]
Oct 23 9:22 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:22 am
Yassy:
[what can I help you with?]
Oct 23 9:25 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:25 am
Lena:
[first tell mom you will be taking me to Nanami's house, I will be going with him, second BLUESSSS HELP ME WITH MY MATH HW PLEASEEEEE, I will leave my notebook in your night desk? I need it for tomorrow please]
Oct 23 9:25 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:25 am
Yassy:
[what if mom finds out? you know if she calls nanami's mom you are dead, and im doubly dead because that's how its mom]
Oct 23 9:25 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:25 am
Lena:
[nah I don't think so, I think this is my luky day! Please? You help your lil sister?]
Oct 23 9:26 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:26 am
Yassy:
[why don't you do your math homework first and then go out? You need to be more responsible with your studies.]
Oct 23 9:26 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:26 am
Lena:
[Blues please I want to go out with him]
Oct 23 9:27 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:27 am
Yassy:
[…sure I'll help you but you need to promise you'll be more responsible next time]
Oct 23 9:27 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:27 am
Lena:
[THANKS I LOVE YOU, best big brother see you later!]
Oct 23 9:27 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:27 am
Yassy:
[ okay :) ]
Oct 23 9:27 am Sent from Messenger
Read Oct 23 9:49 am
.
I am not in the least surprised I grew up scorning up the idea of ever laying vulnerable in front of the eyes of a stranger, and not so startlingly, my family circle were nothing but two strangers with the right to manipulate, test and mistreat my patience, my forbearance for them and my overall leniency to keep my stability unharmed.
It's fair to say I'm unrepentant of the many walls I've built around myself, if there's something I've learned is that I'll be the only one who will genuinely care for me, I've dealt with the bitterness and resentment that failed expectations brings.
I expected my mother to care I was being sexually abused at a tender age and I expected my father to notice his son was being violated to an overwhelming degree, I expected those near my bruised body to ask why were my eyes so filled with fear, why did my voice tremble the way it did, why couldn't I sleep, why did I stop eating? Why did I become so hostile to everything that was bright?
I surely didn't expect my mother to be ashamed of me, I didn't expect her to use it against me, I didn't expect her to keep an active cycle of verbal abuse using that experience as her strongest weapon against me. I didn't expect her to tell my sister a distorted version of it, and lastly, I did not expect my sister to believe her.
I spent years wondering if it really was my fault, I spent far too long revolted by my own body and the normal urges adolescence brings to it, I spent too much time abhorring my youth and the powerlessness that it carries, but now I can't help but bless it, hadn't it being for the youth I had, I wouldn't have been as curious, I remember I was 13 and a solitary library rat, I was about to pick a Rabelais François' book when my eyes got caught on a certain subject, alphabet-wise.
It did trigger me, but I had to pick that one up. I was indeed, curious.
Information is everything.
My future isn't my past, my body could regenerate the wounds that were inflicted upon it and I congratulated it for it. I did not forgive, but I unquestionably, let it go.
I am not the shadow of it, I am not the product of it, I am not his victim, I am not my family's victim, I decided not to be my very own victim.
O
Remarkably, the sole idea of loving someone doesn't make any sense to me. Why would I let my guard down and hand someone the pistol to shoot me when I turn back? The whole proposal of jealousy, making love and heartbreaks make me feel uncomfortable, what does people want from other people? Sex, you can have that without inhering in problematic astral ties. It's actually easy and morning loneliness isn't that bad, now is it?
Dakota:
[Why don't you answer my calls? Jazz, I'm getting tired of these games you know I love you why do you hurt me like this.]
Yassy:
[I didn't mean to, I was clear with you from the beginning, why are you doing this to yourself is the real question.]
Dakota:
[What do we do now because I love you and this is painful, you can't be that cruel]
Yassy:
[What are YOU going to do, don't ask of me something I never offered, something I never asked of you. Don't say such things, I was with you only once.]
Dakota:
[That is so heartless of you, I wish I didn't love you]
Yassy:
[Grow up]
For me the whole spectrum of Love is just one thing, Childish.
I am not remotely sorry, cuss my loftier acumen and the figurative desire to stay off, but I am me, I am Jazz, I'm a self-reliant man, I am buoyant and hasty, I'm no victim and I am no victimizer, I do what I want when I want to, I am free to touch and be touched and It's not like I have kept my heart closed, I have come to the inference that I might not have one, at least the cartoonish version of it.
What can I offer to people? Nothing but a warm body.
Don't Touch Me; Please Touch Me; Sure, Let's Touch Each Other but Please Leave Right After We Cum; It's Not You, It's Me; It's Not You – Actually, It's Not Anyone; It's Not Me, It's My Childhood.
Am I unhappy because of that? No, I am not. I am upset at the ones who can't understand it, I am even angrier at those who claim to understand it but in the end, they never do.
Then I come to wonder if I am some kind of aromantic specimen of any sorts. I've interrogated the idea of love being the Human's ultimate trajectory goal, but why doesn't it's castigating oblivion saddens me? Why don't I suffer without it? Is it something I should worry about? Is it something I should be proud of? I'm convinced I am not unfortunate, reasons for why, up until these days, I still find myself unwilling to change it.
But most accurately, unable.
The not-yet-dictionary definition of an "aromantic" is someone who doesn't experience romantic love, or does to a diminished, abnormal degree. I'm just trying to get it out from over the squiggly red line.
I should be heading back home, it is raining and I left my bedroom's window open, what am I even thinking? I don't think I've got time for these thoughts right now.
O
Society's double standard is simply annoying.
Whilst it's true that the closer I've let someone be of me is for casual sex I am by no means, promiscuous. I snicker to that credence, contrary to popular belief I am very studious, reserved, uptight with distance and have interests I ambition to fulfill, certainly there are many things I envisage more than a one night stand; sex is for when I am in due course and very ultimately bored… or drunk.
Truth is, people see me as some kind of degenerated predator for all my mouth have sputtered, it doesn't bother me in the least, but amusingly, I'm just a 19 year old man with normal sexual urges, I am no addict, but to a guy like me who doesn't pursuit emotional charges and has his day consumed by higher-than-average grades I think it's just fair to seek for some kind of relaxation once in a while, and that's if I can't find a good book to eat up for the night.
Yes, I do drink a lot, I do enjoy sex, -I mean, who doesn't? But I am usually stunned at my own skills to speak and broaden my reputation to an extent where they just can't ask. It really does amaze me. I am smug, if you see me starring, you might say I'm arrogant, conceited and haughty. To others I am perhaps, harmlessly humorous and downright comical, I laugh out loud and I'm honest, sincere and I can be your friend, I never do anything to please nobody but myself. I'm fearlessly witty and use sarcasm as my fiercest edge. Yes, my humor is dark, openly morbid, downright nihilistic. My educators never liked that, they implied I behaved like a snobbish smart-ass with no respect whatsoever for other's feelings.
Truthfully, it's none of that, I'm just being me.
This overall behavior doesn't match my tamest side now does it?
Why I'm thrilled by society's capricious standards, I am far, far from being stupid. I won't argue against their misconceptions though, people never get to really know me and I sincerely can't blame them, for all they know I am closer to a party-waste rather than the library rat I consider myself to be, but once again, I am not remotely sorry.
After all, to what guy that happens to be a problem? Yes, sexism does that.
"No, she is not worth it."
I snorted, astonished "Why not."
Ryu moved his head, "Ah, you know, she is a slut. A well-known slut."
My eyebrow lifted, how can he weight his best friend's worth over her sexual openness? I was dumbfounded and a little bit vexed "Does she know you express yourself like that? About her? Secondly, are you worthier than her, why?"
"I'm a boyfriend material, I've proven myself that." He nodded and smiled proudly, as if that retained his perpetual bad breath.
"How so?" My eyes scrutinized his poor physics and I couldn't contain the uncouth leer, his reasons were giving me a headache "I don't see it."
"I was with The Ariasu for far more than you imagine," The disrespect he channeled, did he just referr to his Ex as 'the' before her name? I scoffed again and granted him the minute to finish, he nodded "well you wouldn't know you are also a whore."
"Oh I am?" I chuckled, diverted, "That is new for men my age."
He moved his head in rapid remorse, "I'm sorry, I mean in a way" He nodded apologetically, the drastic change weirded me enough to rewind his words inside my head, I was still smiling "We are all sluts, like yes you are right, men can't be sluts-"
"Aye, call me that if you want." My smirk broadened, "I like how it sounds but aren't you overestimating your own worth, if I can be a whore, if Nobu can be a whore regardless our gender then what does that make you?" I closed my eyes permissively, I placed my hand on my right hip and paused "You know," I mimicked a secret-gesture over my mouth, "As the likes of casual sex participants."
"…"
I shrugged, awaiting "Where does that leave you Ryu?" The challenging tone thickened the air, "Where does it put Nobu then?"
"…"
"Come on, I didn't even say anything complex. Keep on babbling."
"…I mean…"
"I'm pretty sure not all of your, -let me add-disgusting sexual encounters have had emotional attachment to them now have they?"
"No…?"
"Yes, you are just ideal to judge the very core of people's existence, you know I'm speaking about worth, since casualness takes off a great deal of worthiness according to your Neanderthal cranium" I sighed seemingly pleased, "Tell me, of how much is your own worth, if you have had casualness and still have value, how much are you worth now?"
"Why does it matter I am a guy."
I sighed and let my fangs show-off menacingly as I sneered, "No, you are a pig, an overhyped uneducated lad who doesn't deserve anyone's company but your own manure, now excuse me to leave, I can't just speak with the likes of you any longer. You can't speak of women like that, especially when they are being courageous by even looking at your dirty, putrid ass."
"…Wait I did-"
"Yes, now that I'll leave, I recommend you to go fetch shit with those who want to breathe your pestilent odor. I'm off and just if you ask me, you are not even worth a single spit."
No, I didn't get upset. No, he didn't offend me and no, I didn't feel insulted by his words, I know they didn't come from a foul-intentioned corner but the whole ordeal still amazes me, especially because this judgmental behavior comes almost always from graceless, ignorant, ugly people like him. In my opinion and if I have any given right to say this, Nobu deserves so much better than that piece of shit.
O
"Have you seen Ranma?" Youki chimes in, he breaks my thoughts and I look over at him, we are all sitting on the pebble verge of the neighborhood's fountain, Takeo moves his head 'no sorry,' I do the same and I watch his eyebrow twitch, "He doesn't answer my calls…" Youki heaves a sigh and then tries again for yet another call, I rest my gaze on his face, I breathe in, the symmetry of each flawlessness of his features is truly astonishing; I've seen gorgeous women in my life, this neighborhood sure defile many, but never quite as perfect as the intriguing beautifulness this young man so inadvertently possesses.
I'm pretty sure he have heard his attractiveness make people's mouth agape, but I am not sure if he truly comprehends that he is a male and he shouldn't look that sexually appealing to other men. He smiles brightly at having reached Ranma at the other side of the phone and I can't help but admit his grin is a little bit contagious.
"Boy!"
I won't even start with Ranma's own desirability. The guy looks like some kind of dream-like hunk with the adequate description of a leathery-cigar bad boy with an attitude, in short, Ranma is peculiarly attractive, dangerous looking, appealing, certainly interesting.
I always notice how Youki speaks to him, he speaks to Ranma as if it's going to be the last time he hears the sound of his voice, completely enamored by how Ranma reacts to every little compliment, I notice the seductive gazes here and there, the blowing kisses, how he breaks distance boundaries to smash their mouths together and how they look at each other in unique and everlasting fire. They protect each other and often get jealous of sharing each other's attention, complicity, I see a strong union of solidified friendship and long-lasting companionship.
It's truly a refreshing thing to see. Even to my usually bitter and skeptical self. It's admirable in size, I think we've all seen them mop without the other. I don't recognize each of their good-looks without context, I am surprised that being them as attractive as they are, they don't happen to use that to call anyone else's attention, they don't seem to be attracted by anyone else. And it's way more than simply saying they are satisfied with the person upfront, I think they truly don't have eyes for anyone else. A god could be in front and Youki would still look only at him. I think Ranma's eyes are sealed to see nothing but Youki, eternally tantalized by him and I think that's what captivation should be like, a trait not everyone in a relationship can count with.
When it comes to them, I'm very basic to think. Ranma plus Youki equals happy.
Captivating my attention back, Youki laughs and places his phone inside the overly-sized hoodie that's obviously stolen from Ranma, "He says he is just five minutes away, so let's wait."
I nod and Takeo proceeds to share his blueberry bubblegum with both of us while he tell us the titanic challenge that was going to college without a single cent, he painted us a catastrophic overview of lunchtime without food.
We wait and Ranma finally arrives, it all happens, the smiles, the teases, the jokes, Ranma apparently enjoys bugging Youki's patience, I see Ranma effortlessly lifting Youki from off the ground and I see Youki leering, I hear him praise Ranma's flexed biceps. I look over and shake my head, amused. I think everyone has to have a look at what Youki's gushing for. Ranma groans and blushes, he reaches to have Youki's ear close and mutters something only they can hear.
Does love exist between them? Absolutely.
Does witnessing their vivid passionate romance ignite in me any kind of anticipation for myself? Absolutely not. I think it's risky, I think it's dangerous, somehow childish and self-destructive. It could be easier for them, instead they've chosen the hard road, the road where you may lose just everything. But I think that they look at each other and think it is indeed, worth the scald. It probably is. But finding that person who's worth the burnt is the actual bereavement.
My walls are too resilient, I am not yet suicidal. Love may exist in an oxygen that can't be breathed by my lungs. I also can't digest it.
Side-mindedly I thought about 'casualty' again, the so doomed informal sexual behavior, which for better or for worse is still condemned by society, I let my mind drift in thought and I wonder just how things would be for the rest had Youki been as casual as maybe Nobu; a girl often described as slutty. Would he be disregarded as indecent? I don't know, probably. Though I remain stoic in my thought that being casual can't be as negative for a guy, I am also mindful that Youki does not look like one and thus it would grant him a little bit of female-treatment, means Yes, Youki would be slapped by the god forsaken sexism.
It all comes down to one thought of mine -do people perceive me differently as well?
I am aware I am conveniently handsome but just as definitely, I am self-aware of the femininity of some of my features, being called feminine, delicate, perhaps androgynous-looking isn't my weakest point to say at least, it has never been. I never thought of myself as physically disadvantaged.
My body is thin-framed, yes. My skin is soft, I know. Now there's this, I am not bulky, I am lightly defined, not yet muscular, not close to be, for all the strenuous, arduous training I've underwent I should be a little bit bigger, I know, still… Am I gracelessly thin? Absolutely not. I'm not the manliest looking guy in here, but I am not unhappy with how I look, most certainly because I am a grown-ass man and I think the preteen physical insecurities all faded away with time, at least the majority. That's part of maturing and growing up isn't it?
Undoubtedly I seem to be physically appealing to both sexes, sometimes it gets amusing, I think that regardless my cohesive masculinity, men still regard me as their feminine counterpart if they are ought to approach me. Women think it's sexy, they praise my lips, my hands and they find it a little bit prohibited to lust over me, blurrily perverted enough to seem like an adventurous, sensual endeavor, 'You feel like a girl, this is so hot', I'm manly enough to easily trap them regardless.
Not only the people that could have physical interest in me, but society as a whole, even the friends I appreciate may take the wrong route when it comes to their opinions over me. Notwithstanding myself, I find myself sighing at everyone's insight of how a certain gender should behave to keep integrity.
And yes, even when you don't even belong to that gender, even if you can't identify any less with it, if you seem like part of it, even partially, you might be more questioned for your acts than you would have otherwise. Even still, if you aren't directly questioned, people's silent pejorative and self-entitled estimations servers to accuse you with that kind of wronged perception and at the end, it might or might not be detrimental for yourself. The inquire remains inconclusive, but if I'm honest, I don't seem to care for that as well.
Now I wonder what is of importance to me.
Ah yes, as an underestimated bookworm, I enjoy advanced frugality revisions, transitory, ephemeral and philosophy readings, decent conspiracy gossamers that make me question the system I so rigorously and unconsciously follow.
I often find my attention drawn to horror or thriller threads, I particularly enjoy them to a deeper extent if they don't develop around any Christian steadfastness, not to conduct my thoughts onto ableism, but I find more exhilarating to indulge in a fucked-up human's psyche than an old Ouija board that will be evidently exorcised with the help of an 'all-mighty' Lord, a clairvoyant and a blessed cross.
Comically, I read mellow romance novels when it rains and I have time for sweetened coffee or a menthol cigarette, I can admit I root for happy endings and sugarcoated epilogues, I do remind myself that these are in fact, only tales.
My strongest side, the one I so proudly can show off is something far from the rusty smell of bookends, I often remind myself that I am a gunman, a skilled sniper, a trained combatant and if it's necessary, I remind this to those who test me, those who underestimate the strength of my skin, I am not frail, I am not weak and yes, I can be dangerous.
I'm swift at swordsmanship and a vigorous opponent, undeniably, I'm good at fencing too; not the best but let's say I'm agile. Not to forget graceful… I am a gifted ice-skating prodigy after all, but that's a partial secret of mine.
I love Disney movies and I often connect with each character, especially those of yesteryear. I think that's an acquired thoughtfulness peculiarity that many people shove to a side, why can't they appreciate the cinematic masterpiece that is Pinocchio? Why I am not kidding… Walt Disney didn't die for this now did he?
And Lastly, I am a good kisser.
Ah yes, I am a man of many talents.
O
Now if I ever get to think about who's important to me?
…
Well I have this son of a bitch that's my best friend but yes, it's only that, not a crush, definitely not love… like didn't I just thought about the childlessness and downright impossibility of being in love?
Like what the fuck…
Fuck you Aksel.
OOOO
.
.
.
.
OOOO
AN/ :) aww, say hi to Aksel and Jazz lol This was pretty fun to write. I mean it is different, it was refreshing and I KNOW it was a little bit tedious, PLEASE bear with me, I just couldn't write something regarding the pairing (straight to the gayness) because there wasn't any written background nor point of view, nor characterization so I sighed and said JESUS I NEED TO WRITE AN INTRODUCTION TO THEM, so I can be left to write freely about them (gayness), so here is the first part of their story.
This will not be Jazz' centered, next chapter I'll go with Aksel and I'm very hyped I'll get to see through his eyes, you'll see, I intend this to be romance lol
But even I said "aw the last part was sweet" so don't tell me there isn't just a tad bit of mhm… here lol.
Next chapter I'll obviously get to Aksel and Jazz (like if it wasn't obvious enough) And I'm sorry for the slow paced fic, I really needed to leave a background BEFORE writing SLASH :v Also I truly enjoyed roaming through Jazz' mind, it was pretty fun, he sure does have a different point of view than Ranma and Youki (not something negative, just fun)
Also I AM TWO STEPS FROM FINISHING KINTSUJI JSHDEFMES it is a ranmaxyouki fic that I am truly enjoying, so I have to decide if I upload Kintsugi or the next part of this fic :D I want to get to Aksel soon, I don't know if I can though…. Like ….idk how things will turn out? I didn't create him so he'll be a bit of a challenge UGHHH, I hope he stays in-character anyways.
Hope you enjoyed.
Till next time!
Batya000