A/N: I know, okay? I know. "How dare you?" I'm sorry, but please don't kick me out of the Jori fandom! I did nothing wrong, I just... happen to like the idea of Jade and Quinn, alright? Seriously now, I didn't even want to publish this because I feared getting death threats. I also figured that no one would want to read it. And maybe I'm right about that, maybe no one will read it. But at least it's here now and if there's another Fabwest (weird) shipper then... maybe they will be happy about this. It's not really finished, because like I said, I didn't even mean to post it in the first place. But my friend encouraged me and I wanted to post it before I lost all my courage again. I also apologize for any wrong characterization of Quinn. I never wrote her before. This is literally my first time and I'm not as experienced with her character as I am with Tori and Jade, so... if there's a Gleek reading this: I'm sorry. Please don't kill me.
Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious or Glee. The quote in the summary is by F. Scott Fitzgerald
The first time you lay eyes on Quinn, she's sitting in your living room.
She's wearing a white dress and red blazer, teeth and eyes shining as she introduces herself to you. You're quick to decline your roommate Adam's offer to have dinner with him and Quinn when they're done with their project and retreat into your room. You don't associate with people like Quinn. With… Barbie dolls.
Hours later she's still sitting there, on the sofa in the living room, with Adam nowhere in sight. The blazer is off now, shoes too, and her hair is pulled up in a poor excuse of a ponytail, strands of blonde hair falling out of it and messily framing her face. She only looks up shortly from the book in her lap, her eyes meeting yours. A light smile pulls at the corner of her lips before she looks back down, and scribbles something into her notebook. You sigh, rub your forehead and walk into the kitchen to get yourself some water, when you hear her voice.
"Adam went out to get something to eat. This will take a little longer than we thought it would."
You nod and lean against the kitchen counter, taking a sip from the water bottle you took out of the refrigerator. A silence follows, long and awkward and ugh, you hate every second of it. Quinn bites her lip, nods to herself, and you can tell it's just as uncomfortable to her, because she keeps drumming her pen against the back of her hand and bites her lip. You try to think of something to say, but the more you think about it, the more uncomfortable you get. Eventually you just let something completely random sputter out of your mouth.
"I saw a movie once," you say, nodding as Quinn's head shoots up, "The main character's name was Quinn. She died."
The blonde's mouth stands agape and it's so embarrassing but you can't look away. Her eyes narrow and then, much to your surprise, her face relaxes and a smile appears. "I think I've seen that movie. Isn't that the one where this guy comes back from the dead and kills his ex-girlfriends?"
"Yeah," you say, trying not to sound too surprised that she knows what you're talking about, "He also kills his brother with a belt."
"Right! I remember that." She makes a pause, tilts her head. "It was a stupid movie though."
You roll your eyes and walk over, plopping down on the sofa next to her. "It was. I only watched it because Tawni Blackwalker was in it."
"Oh yeah, me too. I absolutely loved her in The Scissoring. Have you seen it?"
It was official. You don't even have to know anything else about her for you to know that Quinn is one of the best chicks you've ever known.
-X-X-
She's the first real friend you make in college. You start spending a lot of time with each other, on and off campus and you don't think you've ever met anyone quite like Quinn Fabray.
You find out that she's a mother. When she shows you a photo, you're amazed at how much Beth actually looks like her. Sometimes you can see the pain in her eyes when she talks about her and shows you pictures, but she tells you that it was the best decision she could have made.
You find out that she has a pretty unflattering tattoo of Ryan Seacrest on her lower back.
You also find out that being around her… makes you feel better. Better about the world, better about yourself, better about everything. Quinn makes you feel less weird, less crazy, because she's not really that sane either.
-X-X-
You didn't even remember you still had that picture.
But when Quinn plucks the tattered paper of you and Tori from somewhere between pages of your notebook, you feel your chest tightening.
"Who's that?" she asks after intently looking at it, her forehead creasing in curiosity. You consider snapping at her, yell at her to stay out of your business, but you change your mind in the last second. You know so much about Quinn, even the things that… kind of put you off, but the only things you've talked to her about was your relationship with Beck, your friendship with Cat and the problems you have with your dad, which you only told her about because she told you about her own crappy father. The least you can do is tell her about your stupid ex-girlfriend.
"That's Tori… We dated in high school."
She looks intrigued all of sudden, her gaze falling back down to the picture in her hand. "Before or after you got with the fluffy hair guy?"
"After. She was one of the reasons we broke up."
Quinn clicks her tongue. "Juicy," she says, smirking.
You can't help but chuckle. "It wasn't like that. I didn't cheat on him with her or anything. I just…" You pause and let your eyes drop to look at Tori's smile, at her eyes, at her hair, at her nose. "I fell out of love with Beck and fell in love with her."
"Why did you break up?"
You shake your head. "I don't know… It just didn't work out for some reason. Maybe… Maybe because she was so different from Beck. I don't know. Everything was just so different with her."
"There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice."
You look up, tilt your head and stare at her. She shrugs. "Fitzgerald." You nod, even though you've never read a single thing Fitzgerald wrote, not even The Great Gatsby, but you don't tell her that. You don't want to look like a moron. Quinn begins to pluck the green, green grass between you and her. You find yourself staring at her fingers and the grass for far longer than it would be considered normal; minutes, but maybe only seconds. Still, the only time you look up is when you hear Quinn's voice ask,
"Do you have a favorite quote?"
You don't know what to answer. Does the catchphrase from The Scissoring count? God, you really are a moron. You can't help but feel stupid when you're with Quinn. You know you are not, but she's just so smart and literate and eloquent that you feel the need to stab yourself with a pen. It's torture to be with her, just a little bit. But it's the good kind. You like to listen to her talk, watch her hands wave around when she's excited about something. You like seeing her eyes light up, see that soft smile on her lips. "I don't think I have one," you answer and precisely because you like to listen to her talk so much, you ask, "What's yours?"
She launches right into it, talking about dozens of books she read, talking about authors she adores, talking about everything that comes to her mind in the gentlest way possible. She tells you she's been trying to get into writing lately and you ask if you could read something of hers someday soon. She halts, her mouth trying to find words to form an answer, before she chuckles and looks into her lap. "I don't think that would be a good idea," she says and you ask why, you won't be brutal you say, you promise.
Her eyes flick back and forth between yours and her teeth softly nibble at her lower lip as she thinks about your words. After a few seconds, she nods. "Okay. But I want you to be brutal. Be brutally honest. Don't hold back."
You swear to Quinn and to yourself that you wouldn't hold anything back, no matter what. A couple of weeks later, she hands you a clear plastic folder with a bunch of handwritten pages in it. She doesn't utter a single word to you about it, instead sighs, pushes the bangs out of her eyes and says, "Let's go get something to eat. I'm starving."
When you get home that evening, you make yourself a cup of coffee, sit down on the sofa with Quinn's short story in your lap, prop your feet up on the coffee table and begin reading. You read the whole thing once, then again, and after finishing it for the third time, you frown slightly and shake your head. After putting your empty mug in the sink, you grab your phone and type in a message.
Do you still want me to be brutally honest?
Send.
A couple of seconds pass, then,
Yes…
You pause. Then you sigh. You wish you could judge the hell out of it. But you can't.
I think you're serious competition.
Seriously?
It's brilliant.
Despite yourself, you grin at the dorky smiley faces she sends back. You put your phone away then, get ready for bed and glance at Quinn's work on your coffee table.
Quinn's a poet.
(And you fell in love with her words.)
-X-X-
When you get the call, you consider telling her to fuck off and throw your phone against the wall. You don't do that though. You listen to her chipper voice – but you do notice that nervous edge it possesses – and eventually agree to meet up with her, Beck and Andre. She says she's so excited to see you again and she's so happy that she, Beck and Andre are all in New York at the same time and oh, how she wishes that Cat and Robbie could join you too. You don't talk much, only hum in agreement and look at your nails as you try to convince yourself that hearing Tori's voice doesn't send a spear through your heart. But when you hang up, the silence of your room reminds you of how much you actually still miss her. You don't want to see her again. Tori might be able to pretend that everything's okay between the two of you, that you can actually be friends, but you know that it's never going to work. You've loved her, you loved her more than you ever loved anyone else. You still do to some extent.
Before you know it, you dial Tori's number and listen to the steady beep before she picks up and you hear her voice again. What you really want to say gets stuck in your throat as you realize your mistake. If Tori can do this, so can you. You won't be weak, you won't be. So you say the first thing that pops into your head.
"I just wanted to ask, um… Can I bring a friend?"
-X-
Quinn immediately agrees.
You tell her that it's no big deal, you just don't want to go all by yourself because you hate how crowded the city always is and that you'd rather have Quinn's purse get stolen than your own. She smiles and rolls her eyes at you but you think – you know – that she doesn't believe a single word you say. She doesn't say anything though, just keeps drinking her tea.
You silently thank her for that.
When the big day comes, you're so nervous that you think you might throw up and leave a really ugly stain on your carpet. You snap at Quinn when she comes to pick you up, because she's a whole five minutes too early, and then you snap at her again when she tells you that you look pretty. She stays mostly quiet after that and you feel a little bad because she sacrifices her evening and comes with you all the way from New Haven just so she could accompany you to a dinner with your friends. On the metro you tell her, "Thank you for coming with me," and she smiles and says that you're welcome.
Your heart plummets all the way down to your stomach when you see her. All smiles and laughter and happy and fun. She must have arrived only shortly before you and Quinn because she's still wearing her jacket when she gives Beck a hug. You stay rooted to the spot in front of the door, with Quinn directly behind you. She asks if you're ready and you nod and smile because that's all you can do when Beck spots you from across the room and grins at you. You start walking towards them, try your best to keep your eyes locked on Beck's, but the second Tori turns around, your gaze meets hers.
You swallow.
She smiles at you, so, so brightly that you almost want to slap her but you move your eyes away instead, force yourself to give Beck a hug. It gets awkward then, because you know Tori wants to hug you and she knows that you know but she also knows that you don't want her to. So her smile dampens but stays warm and happy as she clasps her hands in front of her and simply greets you with a soft, "Hello."
"Hi…" You wish things with Tori could be a little more like they are with Beck. Not so awkward. Not so tense. Not so 'oh my God, I want to run out of here and get hit by a car'. It's silent, with all of you still standing next to the booth Beck had claimed for all of you. Quinn nudges your side then and you're relieved because now you have something to say. "Right, that's Quinn," you say, motioning with your hand towards the smiling blonde by your side, "and uh, that's Beck… and Tori."
Quinn shakes both of their hands before you all sit down in the booth, Quinn and you on one side and Tori and Beck opposite from you. "I hope it's okay that I'm here," Quinn says as she peels herself out of her coat as best as she can in the small booth, "I've been very busy the last couple of weeks and Jade said I could tag along to take my mind off of everything." Such a liar. You smile. "But if I'm bothering you-"
Beck is quick to interrupt her. "You're not bothering us. The more the merrier. Right, Tori?"
"Yeah!" She nods enthusiastically. You know it's faked. "Yeah, sure…"
Tori's eyes drift away from Quinn. They try to catch yours but you pretend to be busy looking at the menu. A few minutes later, Andre arrives, out of breath and apologizing for being late. He tells you about the great recording session he just had and that he really thinks this could work out for him. You really want to believe that, 'cause Andre is so talented and so hard-working and he really deserves it. After the waitress takes your orders and brings you your drinks it's Beck's turn. He tells you about his time at UCLA and about the audition he especially flew out here for. "It's a big one," he says, "I'm kind of nervous."
By the time your food arrives, Tori tells you that not much has happened music-wise but that she's enjoying her classes very much and that she'll just keep on trying. When the majority of your plates are empty and both, you and Quinn, have updated your friends on what has been happening in your academic lives, Andre asks the question that almost makes you choke on your drink. "So, Quinn," he begins, "on a scale from 1 to 10, how awkward is it sitting with two of Jade's exes at the same table?"
Beck chuckles, Tori blushes and Quinn… well, you don't see her reaction because you're just a little bit too horrified. When she laughs however, you get yourself to look at her. "Why would it be awkward?" she asks with a smile and shake of her head, to which Andre's face takes on a look of utter confusion. "Well because y'all are…" He trails off, brows still knit and finger motioning back and forth between you and Quinn. You glare at him, growl his name through your teeth, and only then does it finally click. His eyes widen and his mouth falls open. "Oh, you're not! And you're not- You don't like… I just thought because Jade brought you along… Okay, got it. Got it."
You want to strangle Andre, who takes a big gulp from his coke after mumbling out a 'sorry' and does his best to conceal his embarrassment, but you think the smarter choice would be to let him live, so you take a look around the table instead. Beck looks amused – you didn't expect anything else from him – and Tori… Tori simply stares a hole into the table. When you turn to Quinn, you meet her twinkling eyes, frown at the smirk you find and the wink she sends you. You don't have enough time to wonder what's going on in her head because she already starts talking. "It's fine. I mean, Jade and I get along very well," she says, "But I don't think I'd even stand a chance. She has so many admirers, it's crazy." Such a freaking liar. She shrugs, leans forward and slides the pad of her finger over the rim of her glass. "I think it's the eyes."
"She does have some pretty ones," Beck agrees as if you're not even there, raising his glass towards Quinn, who smiles and clinks her glass with Beck's. You roll your eyes, shake your head, mumble out that they're both idiots… but you actually feel really good right now.
(It might have something to do with the fact that Tori's eyes suddenly look a little green.)
-X-
"Can I talk to you for a second?"
Her voice is apprehensive, quiet, but loud and forceful enough for you to hear her above the noises of the restaurant. You adjust the collar of your coat and stay with your back to Tori. You don't want to turn around to talk to her, especially not now that Beck quietly excuses himself and joins Quinn and Andre, who are already waiting outside. You sigh, knowing you don't have another choice. Besides, you're Jade West.
You're confident.
You're brave.
So you turn around and shoot her a blank stare. "What about?"
She sighs, almost tiredly you notice, and for a short moment you wonder if it actually really is so tiring to be around yourself. You know that sigh, not just from Tori, from basically everyone you've ever met. You get kinda sad thinking about it. "Jade," she softly says, after that awful, awful sigh, "I want us to be civil with each other."
"I am being civil with you."
"You barely even talked to me."
"Because I have nothing to talk to you about."
She looks like she's going to say more, maybe even release another one of those stupid sighs, but then she just presses her lips together. With a shake of her head, her eyes find the floor and you turn around because this is ridiculous.
"Is she… Is Quinn more to you than a friend?"
You stop.
"She could be," you quietly say without really thinking about it. It surprises yourself, because you never really thought about Quinn like that (okay, maybe you have, a little bit, like, once) but you know that you mean it. You look through the big glass window next to the door and you can see Beck and Andre, but most importantly Quinn, standing outside talking about who knows what. Quinn laughs at something Andre says and then her eyes meet yours. She smiles when she sees you looking at her and you automatically smile back because it's Quinn and Quinn just makes you happy.
"Well…" Tori is suddenly right next to you and your gaze drifts to look at the brunette. "As long as she makes you happy..." She trails off, hesitant smile on her lips. Her eyes tell a different story though but you don't have it in you right now to care for that. You only nod and look down for a moment, before you feel your lips tilt into a smile. You walk out without uttering another word, Tori right behind you, and you immediately head for Quinn. You say goodbye to your friends, your gaze lingering on Tori for just a little bit longer, before you turn and fold your hand around Quinn's elbow to pull her with you.
"Well, that wasn't so bad," she chirps as you stroll to the subway together, hands deep in the pockets of her coat, head tilted and smile on her lips.
You smirk and shake your head. "I would have never thought that you'd be such a shameless liar."
She looks at you all mock-scandalized, mouth falling open and eyes wide. "When did I lie?"
"'Oh, everyone is so crazy about Jade and her eyes are so pretty'-"
"Your eyes are pretty."
"-and what about all the touching and eating off my plate? You were blatantly flirting with me. You don't call that lying, Fabray?"
She scoffs. "I take offense to that! I wasn't lying, I was acting." You chuckle. "And it helped you, didn't it?"
You look at her. "Helped me with what?"
"Make Tori jealous."
"I didn't want to make her jealous. Why would I want that?"
"Now who's the liar?"
You only roll your eyes at her. There's no arguing that you immensely enjoyed seeing Tori's jealous side tonight. It means that maybe she really regrets not putting more effort into saving your relationship. It means that you're not as pathetic as you thought you were because you're pretty sure she thinks about you just as much as you still think about her. It's a great feeling, to know that she hasn't forgotten about you yet, even though there's nothing more you want than to forget all about her. You thank Quinn one more time for coming with you.
"No problem. And just for the record…" She pauses and takes a deep breath. "I don't even think Tori is that pretty."
You smirk.
Quinn is a liar.
(Or an actress, whatever you want to call it.)
-X-X-
Quinn kisses you on New Year's Eve.
She's a little tipsy, not drunk though, so you know that she's aware of what she's doing. You hear fireworks go off – and no, it's not some cheesy metaphor, you really do hear them, even though it can't even be midnight yet. You don't quite know what this means but you decide to let it happen, pull her closer and kiss her back. You wonder if this was what Quinn had in mind when she pulled you away from the party downstairs and led you up here, to the rooftop of Quinn's friends' apartment building. "Is this okay for you?" she whispers after pulling away, the beat of the music under your feet barely even reaching your ears anymore.
"What if I say no?" She leans back and looks at you, with the smirk on her lips matching the one on yours.
"Then I might have to get rid of you by throwing you off the roof."
"I see," you whisper, lean forward and feel your mouth brushing Quinn's lips as you say, "I don't want to risk that."
You kiss her, even though this whole situation kind of still confuses you. But there's one thing you definitely know.
Quinn is an excellent kisser.
-X-X-
Two months later, Santana pulls you away from Quinn, Rachel, Cat and Dani to have, in her words, a talk from bitch to bitch.
You expect the typical best friend talk, but you get something else instead. "Quinn can get loopy," she says completely out of the blue, "Like, extreme loopy. We are talking about 'sabotaging her baby's adoptive mother to get full custody' loop-"
"Yeah, okay, I get it."
"Look, vampire lady, I just want you to be careful, okay? You don't seem to be the sanest person either, considering that redhead over there is your best friend…" She looks past you, eyebrows furrowed. You don't have to turn around to know that Cat is being her usual crazy self. Santana shakes her head, focuses back on you. "So you and Quinn, together… Seems dangerous to me."
"Look, big lips," you mock, "you don't have to worry about Quinn. I won't drag her down into the abyss of Crazyville, okay?"
"Maybe," she murmurs with a shake of her head, "But ever thought of her dragging you?"
Quinn can be kind of bananas at times. But you don't believe that the woman who leaves you little notes and writes you poems could bring anything but good into your life.
-X-X-
You drive each other insane.
You're so similar in so many ways that you just clash. You fight all the time; about how she was a little too friendly to that boy, about how apparently you looked a little too "intently" at that girl, about how you're both so sick of the other one blowing up every time a third party is involved. You would never cheat on Quinn and you desperately hope Quinn would never cheat on you either, but you're still so so jealous that sometimes you just want to shrink her and keep her in your pocket, so no one can look at her but you.
On some days it's a real warzone, with both of you yelling, sometimes even throwing things. (That's mostly just you though.) It hurts and you think it would be easier if you weren't together; maybe this was all a mistake and you should have stayed friends. But neither one of you makes a move to get out of this, never never never, because you're both masochists.
Quinn hurts you.
(But it's alright because you hurt her too.)
-X-X-
It all explodes a couple of days before Christmas.
You can't even remember how it started. Suddenly you were screaming at each other, louder than ever before. There are things you said that you wish you could take back; about Quinn, about Beth, about Tori and Beck. It felt like you two fought for a whole year when it was finally over. Quinn had tears in her eyes and you told her that you don't want to see her again. She told you to fuck off and you stormed out, went home, ignored Adam's "Why are you crying?" and packed your bags.
Three days passed without any word from Quinn. She didn't come by to say goodbye, she didn't bring you to the airport like she had promised she would and there was not even so much as a text message wishing you a Merry Christmas. You don't know what this means, if you're broken up or on a break or if you both just need a little space, but you hate it. It almost pains you – more than it usually would – to go to your dad's house to spend Christmas Eve with him and your stepmother. You're too tired to argue with him about your future and you just don't have it in you to throw some kind of remark at his wife. They both notice something is wrong with you but they don't ask. Probably because they like how quiet and peaceful the house is.
Your mom though, isn't as easy to please.
You sit at the kitchen table on Christmas Day, while your mother is busy preparing dinner for today. She shoots you glances ever so often, frowns when you start flipping through a cookbook. When the Christmas CD she put in stops and she switches to the radio, she finally starts asking the question you know she has been dying to ask ever since you arrived.
"You and Quinn aren't doing so well, are you?"
"No. We're not."
"What happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
She accepts that, stays quiet for five minutes, before she starts talking like a waterfall about all the things you don't want to hear about. You find that there's only one way to deal with your mom.
You ignore her when she tells you that she ran into Holly Vega two weeks ago, and that she told her that Tori still feels so horrible about the breakup.
You ignore her telling you that Tori happens to be in town too. (Kind of obvious since she's never really out of town.)
You ignore that sigh she lets out when she realizes that you won't say anything.
You ignore it when she says that she doesn't want to tell you how to live your life but she does want you to be happy.
You try your hardest to ignore the underlying message she wants to get across.
"Quinn isn't good for you."
-X-
Her voice is raspier than usual when she calls.
She has been crying, you notice it right away, and you silently scold yourself for considering not to pick up when you saw her face flash up on the screen on your phone. You say her name, sit up in your bed, call her name again and ask what's wrong. The only thing she gets out are three choked up words.
"I love you."
It's the first time the word 'love' has left either one of your mouths.
Quinn loves you.
And you don't hesitate to say it back to her.
-X-
She's there, waiting for you at the airport when you come back from L.A. She looks beautiful, lip between her teeth and eyes running over every person in search for you. When she finally spots you, you feel your lips tilt up at the relieved look that immediately washes over her face.
Quinn's scent makes you close your eyes as you relax into her embrace. "I missed you," she tells you and you know she's not just talking about the time you were gone. Instead of telling her the same – because boy, did you miss her – you let out a long breath against her neck and pull her tighter into you. You know she gets it.
Not long after, you fall into bed together, nothing else mattering for the entirety of the weekend except for you and her.
-X-X-
"Do you think about us sometimes?"
You have been feeling her eyes on you for a while now, always briefly glancing at you before falling back down to her book. Now, her entire focus lays on you as she's waiting for an answer. You forget about the assignment you're supposed to be doing (you couldn't care less for it anyway) and meet Quinn's gaze. You take a moment to really look at her, figure out what exactly she means, but all you see is a frowning face and waiting eyes. "Sometimes," you eventually bring out when you think you know where she's getting at.
You mirror her frown. She nods. "And what do you think will happen?"
"If I had an answer to that," you pause and look down, "things would be very different right now."
You don't know if Quinn and you will stay together. The only thing you do know is that the likelier prospect… is that your relationship has been doomed from the start.
-X-X-
Your mom meets Quinn for the very first time a year and a half into your relationship.
She's not as taken by her as you wished she would be, even though Quinn tries so hard and is being so wonderful and just… she's Quinn, how could your mom not like her? You get more annoyed by the second when you go out to get lunch, Adam in tow, and your mom does nothing more than eye Quinn warily. When she does speak to her, her sentences are short and cold and wow… you never wanted to slap your mother as much as you want to right now. The anger brewing inside of you almost gets unbearable when you see Quinn's smile slip as your mother starts gushing about Tori and the record deal she signed last week and "oh Jade, have you talked to her lately?"
You send her a disbelieving look but she doesn't seem to care, smiling at you in complete oblivion. "Wow, so Miss West, have I ever told you about the time I went to the dentist?" Your glare simmers down when you move your gaze to your obviously uncomfortable roommate, whose eyebrows and hands are raised now while he pushes out a long breath through his puckered lips. "Crazy story. Hold on, this is going to be one wild ride."
While Adam tells his absolutely crazy story (which isn't that crazy after all), you look over at Quinn, who seems to only listen to what Adam is saying with one ear. You take a hold of her hand under the table, run your thumb over her knuckles and revel in the smile that appears on her face.
Later in the day, before your mom gets in the cab that would take her to the hotel she's staying at, she says goodbye to Adam and tells Quinn how lovely it was to meet her.
All four of you know that it's a lie.
-X-
It's cold and the rain clouds above you keep getting thicker and thicker. Yet you stay, because the sun peeking out from behind those clouds and the rare silence on the playground help to calm you down. Your eyes jump open and your feet stop pushing yourself back and forth on the swing when a shadow appears in front of you.
When your eyes adjust, you see that it's Quinn, bundled up in her coat. She looks up and you stare at her, awed at the way her hair shines in the sunlight. "Aren't you scared that the beam will break?"
"Are you calling me fat?"
She chuckles and sinks down on the swing next to yours and now it's your turn to look up at the beam above. It does look pretty unstable.
"Your mom doesn't like me very much."
You weakly smirk at her statement. Maybe you should tell her that it's not true. That she just… prefers other people for her daughter. People whose names start with a T and end with ori preferably. "Don't worry about it."
A content sigh leaves her mouth. When you look over, you see her with her eyes closed, leaning her head against the hard chain of the swing. You know that it bugs her a bit, especially since she knows that she will never compare to Tori in your mother's eyes. But weirdly enough, you don't feel angry anymore. Sure, you would have liked for your mom to be a little more welcoming to Quinn but what really counts in the end, is that Quinn will always be enough for you. You smile and stare at her for a while before you quietly begin to speak.
"You know, it's funny because we fight so much but… you're the only person who never let out that sigh."
You don't look at her. She misses a beat. Even two. Then,
"I never sigh?"
The confusion in her voice is almost palpable. It makes you want to laugh, the crease on her forehead makes you want to kiss her and the patience in her eyes makes you want to tell her how much you love her. You don't do anything of it. "There's that sigh," you begin, eyes fixed upon the broken seesaw across from you, "It's different… Special. Not a good kind of special though, just… for special occasions. Like when I mess up. Or when I disappoint people. Which happens a lot." Your eyebrows furrow, your gaze falling to your hands. "I heard it from everyone in my life at least once. Even from Cat. Can you believe that?" A chuckle tumbles from your lips but your heart twists inside of your chest. "My dad is a master at using that sigh. I used to hear it from Beck almost every single day when we were dating. And Tori… I disappointed her… so many times." You wish you could forget about it. Putting so much thought into a sigh was just… dumb. And yet, there's an entire section in your brain where you have stored every single incident, every single moment that was accompanied by a sigh like that. You can't forget about it, even though it's weighting you down. But there's still hope. Because there's not a single memory about the woman sitting next to you. You look up at her, into her worried eyes, and swallow. "You never used that sigh with me."
She blinks and most surprisingly, looks at you understandingly. "Because you don't deserve it," she simply says, the gentle tone of her voice managing to add another crack to your heart. "I know what it's like to be on the receiving end," she continues quietly, "and I know how much it hurts. You don't deserve that."
Quinn is the one person who can make you the happiest, but who can also destroy your day within minutes. She scars your soul, stomps around in your brain until you're too tired to function and cuts your heart until the pain radiates from it to every part of your body. But there are still people that can scar harder and cut deeper and those people are the reason you need Quinn. She makes sure to not only mend the injuries she caused, but to also patch up the much deeper wounds others left untended.
She's the villain.
(But at the same time she's your hero.)
-X-X-
You close your eyes.
"I think we should take a break."
A shaky breath.
"I think that's a good idea."
-X-X-
You decide it's definitely two times too many that Quinn calls you crying.
This time, it's not your fault though.
She's hysterical, hiccupping and begging you to come to Lima because she can't do this on her own and she thinks she might collapse without you there. You stay on the phone with her even as you call the airport to book a ticket for tonight and let her calm you down when the lady on the phone tells you that the next possible flight takes off tomorrow at eight a.m. You offer to rent a car so you can drive through the night, you'd be there tomorrow morning you say, but she tells you that it's okay, she's going to be fine. So you reluctantly book the flight for eight a.m. and stay on the phone with Quinn for the rest of the night.
-X-
When you finally get to the hospital, there's no sight of her.
You wonder if maybe the nurse downstairs gave you the wrong station but that thought quickly vanishes when you see all those teddy bear stickers and other stuff children would like taped to the windows and doors. You walk down the long corridor, the sound of a crying child making you even more uncomfortable than you already are, your eyes scanning every inch for Quinn. You finally reach the room number you've been repeating over and over in your head but there's still no sign of her.
Instead you see a guy in an Air Force uniform, standing up when he sees you approaching.
Puck.
You can faintly remember seeing a much younger version of him holding Beth in one of Quinn's pictures and you stop in front of the man whose forehead is creased with worry. That was not a good sign. You open your mouth to ask about Beth and about Quinn's whereabouts, when you hear the blonde's voice behind you.
"You came."
When you turn around, you don't even get a chance to really look at her because she's already embracing you, arms slipping underneath yours and nose pressing into your neck. "I'm so glad you're here," she whispers and you hug her tighter when she presses herself into you. It doesn't take long before you feel her shake with tears, a broken sob rattling through her body. "I was so scared she would die," she quietly rasps into your shoulder and you close her eyes and sigh quietly.
"Is she okay now?"
She wipes her eyes when she breaks out of the hug, sniffs and nods. "Yeah, she's fine. She has a light concussion and a broken rib and arm but she's-" a broken laugh of relief falls out of her mouth, "-feeling okay."
You nod, frowning. "That's good."
"I was blowing this out of proportion, I'm sorry," Quinn bashfully murmurs and avoids your eyes at all costs, "I was a little too worried. But when Shelby called me and told me that they were in a car accident, my brain just shut off. And when I saw Beth lying in this hospital bed, I was so- I just couldn't-"
It's the first time since you met Quinn that you see her so distraught, so scared and so vulnerable. The graceful and eloquent woman you're so used to is now a stuttering and crying mess and you kinda don't know what to do.
So you simply pull her back into you, kiss her head and stroke her hair, all the while hoping that this is the right thing to do.
-X-
You can't even remember that you fell asleep when you wake up.
Your brows furrow, your mouth opening in a silent groan when you feel the painful ache in the nape of your neck. You blink the remaining sleep away, rubbing a hand across your forehead. "Had a good sleep?"
The voice next to you startles you quite a bit, even more so when you realize it's neither Quinn's nor Puck's. When you turn to your left, you see a brunette woman smiling at you. She looks vaguely familiar you think but you can't really put a finger on it. "I've had better," you mumble, realizing who you're talking to when you see a white band aid on the side of the woman's forehead. "You must be Shelby."
She nods, still smiling, and now you know why Rachel popped into your head when you first looked at her. "And you must be Jade."
You nod but don't say anything, rub your stiff neck before you ask, "Where's Quinn?"
"She's with Beth. You can go in, if you want."
They don't notice you coming into the room. And when you see them there, you don't think you want them to either. Quinn is sitting next to the bed Beth is lying in, leaned forward so her head is close to the little blonde girl's as she's reading to her from a book. Her face lives the words she reads and you're just as mesmerized as little Beth is. Quinn gasps when something exciting happens and Beth giggles at her mother's antics, conjuring a smile on Quinn's face which makes her look so beautiful, that you think you wouldn't even mind dying right here on the spot.
But then the nurse just had to ruin it.
The door bumps into your back and Quinn and Beth both look up when you turn to the horrified young nurse, who's frantically sputtering out apologies. Quinn smirks. Beth curiously looks at you. You smile awkwardly. Then,
"Beth," you raise your eyebrows when Quinn's smirk turns into a soft smile, "I want you to meet someone very important."
-X-
You spend the day with Quinn, Beth, Puck and Shelby. You feel kinda weird because… well, this is a family, in a way, and you feel like you're intruding. But then Quinn looks at you for a little too long or smiles at you or brushes her hand against yours and you just don't want to go. When visiting hours are over, you see something like pain flash in Quinn's eyes when only Shelby is allowed to stay with Beth. She kisses Beth's forehead, whispers that she's going to come back tomorrow and then follows you and Puck out of the room.
Before you can take another step towards the elevator, Quinn gently grabs your elbow and keeps you still. You look at her and see a weak smile on her lips. "Thanks again for coming."
You shrug. "No big deal." You pause, then, "I wanted to come here anyway."
Quinn narrows her eyes in doubt. "Really?"
"Yeah, I… wanted to go to Breadstix," you say, making the blonde smile and roll her eyes, "I wanted to see what the big deal is."
"Alright. Then let's go. I'll take you."
The fatigue on her face makes you halt. "Uh… I think you need to take yourself to bed first."
She waves you off and shrugs on her jacket. "I'm fine. I'm not tired."
Before you can argue, Puck, who's still waiting by the elevators, tells you to hurry up or "at least get some lady lovin' on so I have some entertainment". Both of you roll your eyes at him and you let Quinn lead you out of the hospital.
-X-
"Okay… I really expected more from these," you say, holding up a bread stick, "I thought they'd be like… the bomb, since the place is called Breadstix. But nope."
Quinn's lips stretch into a smile, her tired eyes amused. You think it's kinda cute, the way she sits there, her chin resting in the palm of her hand and her upper body almost stretched out over the table top. "You don't like them?"
"They're good but… not brilliant."
"That's what you expected? Brilliant bread sticks?"
"Kinda."
A quiet laugh bubbles out of her mouth, followed by a long yawn. You raise your eyebrows. "I should really get you to bed."
She smirks, a twinkle in her eyes. "I thought we were on a break…"
"Not like that, idiot."
"What a shame."
"I'm being serious."
"So am I," she says through another yawn, turning her head so she could cover her mouth with her palm.
Despite her protests, you don't stay another minute longer at the restaurant and instead make your way back to the Fabray house. You meet Judy, Quinn's mom, who's kissing Quinn's cheek and giving her a tight hug as her eyes fall upon her daughter, questions about Beth sputtering out of her mouth at a ridiculous speed. You stand there awkwardly as she patiently answers, hesitating a second or two when Quinn blindly reaches her hand behind her. You lay your hand in hers, feel yourself getting pulled closer to the two Fabray women and meet Judy's eyes for the first time ever.
She smiles when Quinn introduces you to her, clasps her hands together and raises them up to her chin. "It's so lovely to finally meet you, Jade."
All three of you know that she means it.
-X-
For the first time in almost three months, you find yourself waking up next to Quinn.
She's already awake, lying on her side facing you. Her eyes are fixed on your wrist, where her fingers are drawing gentle shapes on your skin. With the sound of quiet breathing, distant clatter of pans and plates and the annoying noise of a garbage truck outside, you realize that you absolutely love mornings with her and decide that you don't want to miss any more of these.
"That break we're on…" Startled, hazel eyes meet yours and fingers stop their motions along your veins. "I think we've been on it for long enough now, don't you think?"
The slow smile that spreads across her face, coupled with Quinn's fingers finding the gaps between yours, is the answer you've been hoping for.
-X-X-
College almost tears you two apart, more so than you used to do so yourself. While her jealousy subsided when she realized that you're definitely not the cheating type, you're still ragingly jealous whenever another human being comes a little too close to her for your liking. You accuse her of cheating one time, in front of Adam and Quinn's new roommate Lucy. What was supposed to be a relaxing movie night with two of your friends turns into one of the worst nights in the history of your relationship. You push and push until she finally starts pushing back, all the while having Adam and Lucy sitting on the sofa as your unwilling audience.
"I'm an irrational, jealous and dumb old hag," you tell her when she opens the door of her dorm room the day after, wearing a gray Yale hoodie and a deep frown, "but I'm so in love with you and I know you love me too, which means that you wouldn't cheat on me and just… I love you, okay? I'm so sorry."
She quietly forgives you, buys you coffee and as she's taking a sip from hers, she lightly smirks against the rim of her cup. "You really were a dumb old hag."
You smile, a little sheepishly you have to admit, and vow to yourself that the hag days are over.
-X-X-
Years have passed and you're still as unfit as ever. But you also fit together perfectly.
In her second year of college, Quinn discovered her passion for photography. The flash of the camera became your constant companion and when you moved in with the newly discovered artist shortly after graduation, it was mostly Quinn's work that decorated the walls.
It took a while for her to find her footing in the world of professional photography, getting shot down by various of places she applied to. But then she found this little studio that specialized on children photography, which hired her from the spot when they got a glimpse of her work and saw how good she was with kids. You were so proud of her and didn't think things could go any better than they were right in that moment. You were working at a medium-sized production company where you already finished a short internship the year before. It wasn't the best paid job out there, but you were able to work with great people and extend your knowledge.
But then, a year later, one of your screenplays got adapted into a movie. It wasn't a blockbuster, far from it, but it was enough for you. It was also a door opener. The creator of an upcoming tv show watched your short film and liked it so much that he offered you a spot as a writer on his show. You didn't have to think about it for long before you quit your job at the production company and accepted the job offered to you.
It has been a pretty good time all around.
And now, you find yourself sitting on your sofa, teeth clenching your bottom lip, hands clasped together and eyes staring at the blank screen of the tv. You really don't have a clue how to do this. You never thought you were the one to do it to begin with. You always hoped that… well, that the other person in your relationship would take care of… that part.
Footsteps sound in the hallway outside and you hope that it's not Quinn because you're just not ready yet. (You don't really know if you'll ever be ready though.) Your hopes are shattered as soon as you hear the key entering the lock.
Your breath stops.
The door opens.
"Hey, you're home!"
Her heels click against the floor. It's only making you even more nervous. "I am," you mumble without turning around. The clicking stops. It's getting replaced by the sound of soft footsteps coming closer to you. Oh God.
Quinn stops next to you and you look up at her as if she just caught you doing something bad. What is wrong with you? She smirks, eyebrows knitting in confusion. "Are you alright?"
Her hand finds your knee as soon as she sits down and you know that she's concerned when you meet her eyes. "What's go-"
"Do you maybe want to marry me?" Her mouth hangs open and yours snaps shut immediately. Even though you didn't have a plan, this is not how you wanted this to go. At all. Her eyebrows slowly raise, a sound, as if she wants to say something, coming out of her mouth. It's silent, you're uncomfortable and it's just like the day you met Quinn for the very first time. It has to stop. Your brain feels like a mushy pile of garbage as you say, "I'm just asking because… I'd like to know."
It's such an excruciatingly long silence, full of fear, tension and the rush of blood in your ears. You consider, for the shortest of moments, to take it back. Say it was all a joke, that you didn't mean it. But you would regret it until the end of time, you know that. You need her. You need her sitting in the living room with her shoes chucked to the side and hair in a messy ponytail. What you need is her voice telling you everything you want to hear, and everything you don't want to hear. What you need is her eyes looking into yours, lovingly, angrily, madly in love.
There's no taking back anything now.
She smiles and your heart combusts in your chest. What a mess.
"I'd love to marry you."
-X-X-
You fly out to L.A. for your dad's birthday, unfortunately without Quinn, because she's absolutely crammed with work. Your father is the first one to find out about your engagement and your mind is completely boggled when he's actually… happy for you.
"So will I be able to walk you down the aisle?" he asks during his birthday lunch, clearing his throat and shifting in his seat when he takes in the look on your face. "I mean… I don't know how it works when two women get married."
The man across from you, the one who was always disagreeing with everything you did, looks like a little kid as he's avoiding your eyes. You don't know how to handle this softer new version of your dad. "You want that?"
He clears his throat again and glances up at you. "Pardon?"
You narrow your eyes a little. "Walk me down the aisle. You want to do that?"
Your doubtful voice seems to confuse him, the always present crease on his forehead deepening. "Of course I do. You're my daughter."
There's nothing you can say, nothing that seems fitting for this moment, so you're relieved when his phone starts ringing and he excuses himself from the table. And while you half-heartedly stab your fork into your lunch, you make a mental note to talk to Quinn about this 'walking down the aisle' thing.
-X-
In a quiet moment, when your mom is doing the dishes, you tell her that you and Quinn are getting married.
Her back tenses. Then her shoulders slump and you hear it. That sigh. "Please think about it one more time. Please, Jade."
"I already made up my mind."
Silence settles over you and you know what she's going to say, even before she takes a breath.
"I won't come to the wedding. I can't."
She leaves you in the kitchen and you bite your teeth together. The feelings that surround your heart are worse than you expected them to be. You're mad, disappointed, numb and sad.
The next day, you fly back to New York.
You don't say goodbye to your mom because…
You just can't.