Ed and Eddy do: Christmas
Disclaimer: This has Christmas in it, and is based on Christmas. If you're offended by it... Wait, how does a simple day, celebrating the birthday of Jesus, offend people? Maybe it's the commercialisation. Either way, we have this problem in England. And to my fellow Limeys: They aren't changing the name "Christmas" to Winterval. Stop believing the media so much.
A/N: I had this idea in college. We all know what it'll be about: Ed and Eddy celebrating Christmas, with the usual results, much to the chagrin to Edd, who has to film them. The events of these take place on the 1st December, even though I finished it (and possibly submitted it) before that date. Now, let's get to the story.
Silhouettes of Ed and Eddy are shown across a half dimmed room. They are visible within the darkness. The lights turn on, and they welcome their audience. However, the studio looks different, as they have Christmas decor over the set.
"We're rolling" Edd instructed them to start.
"I'm Ed." Ed began.
"And I'm Eddy." Eddy concluded
"And welcome to Ed and Eddy do!" The duo said in unison.
"In fact, it's our Christmas special." Eddy carried on.
"You mean "Holiday special"?" Ed corrected, mainly because he watched the Star Wars Holiday Special a few days ago.
"No I don't." Eddy replied.
"But it's political correctness, Eddy" Edd explained.
"Oh yeah?" Eddy retorted. "Political correctness can go f..."
Before he could finish his sentence, the opening credits began. With some cheesy chat show-esque music being played in the background (backed up by the sound of sleigh bells) several pictures of Ed and Eddy rolled by. From a picture of them talking to a Steve Irwin look-alike, to a clip of them chatting to a group of people. It ended with a picture of Ed, and Eddy, back to back. Although a stool was visible, making Eddy seem taller. It then continued to Ed and Eddy.
Ed and Eddy were just sitting in their chairs, with their glasses of eggnog on the table. "Hello, and welcome to our Christmas special." Eddy greeted.
"Even though we started filming on December 1st." Ed said.
"Yes." Eddy rolled his eyes. "Either way, we can look forward to the 2010th birthday of some zombie guy."
"His name is Jesus, Eddy." Edd explained off-camera. "You see, a couple of millennia ago..."
As Edd rambled on about the history of Christmas, Eddy got bored. "When will he shut the hell up?" He thought. "I've got better things to do than listen to Sockhead giving me some crap I don't really care about."
But, as find out what Ed was thinking, all we could here was white noise. He just sat on his chair, smiling like the simpleton he is. Eventually, the white noise died down, and we could hear what he was thinking: "I really need to find Herzeleid. I want to listen to Weißes Fleisch. That's a good song."
"... And that's the history of Christmas up to now." Edd concluded. He then noticed that Ed and Eddy zoned out for a while. "Are you there?" He clicked his fingers in order to wake the hosts up from their trance.
"Yeah, yeah. We heard you." Eddy lied.
"OK, just making sure, is all." Edd said, slightly adjusting the camera, which was on a tripod.
"Either way, let's begin." Eddy started. "Ed, what do you want for Christmas?"
"A signed Rammstein poster." Ed looked up to the sky, daydreaming a little.
"Nothing new there, then." Eddy muttered. "I don't care what I get, just as long as it isn't clothes! What about you, Double D?"
"You see," Edd began. "I don't really celebrate Christmas. In fact, tomorrow's Hanukkah."
"Oh, God." Eddy facepalmed, not wanting Edd to carry on with another long and boring story. "Skip the story and carry on filming."
"Do I have to go into what happened yesterday?" Edd sternly warned.
"No, don't." Eddy responded, waving his arm.
A few seconds of silence passed until Ed said something: "Did anyone see that movie?"
"What movie?" Edd and Eddy asked. Edd was curious, but Eddy had no real interest at all.
"That movie," Ed began. "Where it's set in space."
"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians?" Edd hazarded a guess.
"No. But that's was good." Ed answered. "Especially when that robot went "Custume Designer? Really, 'custume'?""
"Ah, you were thinking about the time when Mystery Science Theater 3000 riffed the film." Edd explained.
"That show was awesome." Eddy interrupted, having fond memories of when he watched it. Obviously, he didn't watch that episode when it was on, but rather his brother recorded it onto video, Eddy discovered said video some years later and watched it. And ever since then, he has been hooked on the show.
"Yes it was." Ed concluded. "And it was Star Wars."
"Star Wars Holiday Special." Eddy got the correct answer.
"Yes." Ed was pleased that someone got it right.
"What about it?" Eddy was still apathetic to whatever Ed said.
"I liked it." Ed gave his usual dopey smile.
"Not interested." Eddy rolled his eyes. "Besides," He pondered. "I wonder how my brother is celebrating the holiday season..." He paused for a few seconds. "Christmas! I mean Christmas!"
Meanwhile, at the Mondo-A-Go-Go theme park, Eddy's brother, Matthew, was in his trailer. However, he wasn't that well. Because, as he tried to urinate, he shrieked in pain. "I knew I shouldn't have done those Kanker chicks." He moaned. Luckily, we don't actually see this happening. All we see is the outside of the trailer.
Meanwhile, back at the studio, Ed and Eddy looked in shock. And presumably Edd as well. "A bit blue, don't you think?" The cameraman questioned the earlier scene.
"Yeah." Ed and Eddy agreed in unison. Ed didn't know what Edd meant, and Eddy, as usual, was uninterested.
About a minute of silence passed before Edd broke the silence. "Shall I read the list of people who couldn't make it for Christmas 2010?" He held a sheet up, which had a few names on.
"Nah, too depressing." Eddy dismissed the idea.
"We could sing Christmas songs." Ed suggested before Eddy simply glared at him in a style that meant "Of course not!"
"Well what do you want to do?" Edd queried, angrily?
"Let's just call it a day and get home." Eddy walked off, still bored. The other two Eds shrugged. Ed simply walked off set, and Edd turned off the camera.
A/N: Well, that's it. Wait a minute, that's NOT it. Because! There's a new chapter (depending on whether this gets a review before next month. Which, obviously, I'll get), which is set on December 25th. An epilogue, if you may.
Anyways, I would also like to apologise for a few things:
1) The "people who couldn't make it for Christmas 2010" list. Sorry. It's just that Peter Christopherson (one of the members of Throbbing Gristle, the first band of industral) died a few days ago. And, a few days later, Leslie Nielsen (the Naked Gun guy). Both of them, R.I.P
2) The scene when eddy's brother had difficulty peeing. Again, sorry. I was watching this person play Postal 2. Hence what happened.
Either way, the epilogue won't be blue. Though there might be a scene of violence, and Eddy's brother getting something worse than a lump of coal in his stocking. But, apart from that, it'll be clean. Now, I'm wondering whether I have to make this a T, or an M. Hm... *leaves room, then comes back* ... It's a T. The coin said so. So, until then, bye.