As always, I catch only a sideways glance, and I shiver soundly as my heart begins to melt, trickling soundly down my spine. A breath dissolves in my quivering throat, and my eyes flutter madly in a failed attempt to hide the fire sparking inside. A babble of broken and fragmented sentiments gather haplessly, imprisoned behind my longing silvery lips. I remain silent. I feel more than I could ever put into words anyway.
My fingers twitch tentatively, longing to close the gap between my hand and yours, hovering calm and unsuspecting in the vast expanse of the mere inches separating us. I fight it. I feel the unbridled nothingness emanating from you, the heavy static in your aura, spiraling, pushing anything and everything away. I feel that more than anyone, but of course, you are oblivious to that, oblivious to me. I stealthily gaze on as your pale lips move, twisting gingerly and effortlessly into that lovely half smile, one which only surfaces when you speak of something you truly love. I can't help but find myself wondering idly if it could ever play across those lips as they spoke of me. I subtly shake my head at the ludicrous idea. You don't notice.
The whisperings of a cool winter's night settle in, and the conversation shifts. You cautiously lay select burdens before me, using that trademark deliberate wording. I don't complain. This is the closest you ever come to opening up. I hang onto your every word, striving to be your long distance crying shoulder. I'm terrified of driving you back into your shell, but proud for having coaxed you out in the first place, at least a bit. You tread lightly on the lack of romance in your life, pondering with curiosity and disappointment the unknown forces keeping you from finding the love you so desperately seek. Ironically enough, you continue to mention that nobody ever seems to be interested in you in a romantic sense, not even in the slightest. I show sympathy and genuine concern, but I struggle with the desperate urge to proclaim my feelings, to beg you to give me a chance to show you what you're truly worth. In the end, as always, I quiet my screaming thoughts, and simply sit, polite and refined, in a passenger's seat about a lightyear away.
Your lamentings always leave me wondering, wondering if you could ever reconsider what it is that you're looking for. Maybe she's sitting right beside you, fawning over you from behind batting eyelashes, going unnoticed. Maybe you'll part with her tonight, after an awkward toss of a wave, and you'll realize that the day was a bit brighter spent beside her. Maybe, in a distant dream, the two of you could find contentment, in a world where all you really need is a comfortable silence, and the the presence of each other.
But of course, this is only fantasy. In the end, it's just an excuse to move forward in a meaningless existence. In the end, the two of you will continue to struggle on alone, despite the presence of the other. In the end, as always, hope exists only to bring about despair. As is the story of my life, and of yours. It is inevitable. But, for what little it's worth...
You mean more to me than you could ever know...
Two heavy walls, and the
Friction is strong
But the night sky is
Flooding the space in
Between
And the stars in your eyes
Are far too beautiful
Tonight
To go to waste
If I keep my distance
Could I count them from
Afar?
Don't say a word
Love, it's alright
The moonlight dripping
Down from your
Sky
Is more than enough
To keep me breathing
Tonight
If I hold my tongue
Could I wrap myself in
This silence
With you?
Caress me with
Segmented wings
And bathe me in your
Sigh
And I'll twist my fingers in
The sand
And whisper my
Goodnight
And pray that instead of
Falling apart
We fall together this time
Through a powder blue
Horizon
In this cold and dark
Tonight