A/n: I originally posted this on ao3, but I know many people still check here for my fics. Please leave feedback and enjoy! This will be another long ride!
Chasing North
Watchtower
November 10th , 2016
22:23 UTC
Swish, swish, tap-tap, swish.
Tigress hits another button on the chair she's spinning in, bringing up an additional holographic screen to her right. Monitor duty isn't her style. It's boring, monotonous, and oh-so-suffocating. It also gives her too much time to think; something she's been trying to avoid. She's already talked to her mother twice today, trying to pass the time. Paula's words had blended together in Artemis's mind as she went on about Lian and their trip to the zoo and the monkeys and the snakes and the tigers. Artemis doesn't feel guilty for forgetting the details; all she'd needed at the time was to hear her mother's voice (and all her mother needed to hear were her short, murmured comments). Artemis has been too focused on getting through the day to say much more than the occasional "Cute" .
That's life now: wake up, get through the day, go back to bed, repeat. That's how she survives. Sleep is a bittersweet game. She would love to stay asleep and be free from the weight of continuity and the straining guilt that comes with it, but she wakes to an inescapable nightmare, hiding beneath the mask of someone she should have buried when she had the chance. It wasn't as though the decision was easy. Leaving 'Artemis' behind wasn't as simple as jumping ship; it was more like loading herself into the biggest cannon on the slowly sinking S.S. Sanity, and launching her consciousness into the void that was the world without Wally West. Tigress was something tangible she could latch onto and use to save herself.
She moves the screens around her, pulling up a case file she knows she shouldn't. No one will say a word to her about it though. Not today.
No one has mentioned the date to her. She receives no phone calls from her friends, even though she'd expected at least one. M'gann and Conner are on a diplomatic trip to Mars after their successful mission with B'arzz O'oomm. Kaldur is with Queen Mera of Atlantis, polishing his skills after a flood in Taipei. Zatanna and Raquel are searching for some mystic relic in the Amazon. And Dick- at this point, Artemis has stopped calling him. It's not like he ever answers and she's left enough messages. From what she can gather through word of mouth, he still visits Blüdhaven, but knowing Dick, it's probably just to restock his belt and make sure his landlady doesn't get curious about his absence. Whatever. They're all busy, right? They'll call tomorrow. They'll worry tomorrow.
The screen in front of her flickers and she takes a deep breath.
'Kid Flash B-03 (Wallace R. West) Status: Deceased'
She clicks on the title and waits for the pages upon pages to load. They aren't any different than the last time she read them. The words are branded into her mind. Kid Flash acted as a lightning rod for the energy of the Magnetic Field Disruptor. Blue Beetle's Scarab has determined Kid Flash has 'ceased'. There are better things she could be doing with her time tonight. When asked, the Scarab could not elaborate on the situation. Surely, there are crimes to be stopped. Ceasing appears to be as permanent as death, according to the Scarab. God, she hates monitor duty. Investigation: Closed.
Tigress starts clicking around the screen. Pictures upon pictures start popping up. Most of them are from their early days: official team photos, birthdays, beach trips, League events, holidays. She doesn't get far before she reaches the pictures from Wally's eighteenth birthday party, and then she closes the tab. Dammit, M'gann. The chair swivels again as she turns away from the screens and stares out into literal space.
There are two graves down on Earth that remind her of everything she has lost. One is hers; the other is Wally's. They're both empty. She remembers the Wests asking for his body, asking for their son, so they could hold him in their arms and grieve right, and she remembers having no answer (gone, gone, he's gone) and wishing for the same. It makes everything so much harder. Wally deserved so much better. It should feel final, but it doesn't. She doesn't visit the grave because there's nothing there but a name that shouldn't be there at all.
She wonders for the millionth time what it must have felt like, and then stops herself. It doesn't matter, does it? It doesn't change a damn thing. That's what Kaldur said, in less harsh words. Kaldur also told her she needed to move on, but that's one piece of advice she'll happily ignore. She needs to move forward, not on. Moving on means leaving things in the past. That works for some people. Moving forward means living, keeping those things in a mental backpack for safekeeping, and having hope. That's allowed, right? It's what she needs: hope. For the future, for Wally, and most importantly, for herself. She'll hold onto that for as long as she can.
Tigress spins around in her seat when the call line activates.
"Tigress, Batgirl. You there?"
Moments like these are when she appreciates Tigress the most. Tigress is a professional; always has been, always will be. She holds down a button on the chair and clears the Artemis from her voice.
"Tigress here. Go ahead, Batgirl."
"We've lost our visual on the tanks, but Bumblebee successfully added the nanites to the main supply. We're about to activate the tracers and neutralize the formula."
"Congratulations, Beta Squad," Tigress hums appreciatively, opening a new screen to follow the action. "I'm ready for you."
As Batgirl begins to count down from five, Tigress uses the League's satellite to get a visual of Beta. Batgirl, Bumblebee, and Guardian's heat signatures are clearly visible within the old barn she helped them find earlier.
"Activation complete," Batgirl whispers.
"I'm getting it all now," Tigress confirms. The information from the nanites filters through the screens, revealing the incriminating ingredients that'll put Luthor at the bottom of next week's popularity poll. After months of digging through the slippery politician's records and literal trash, their suspicions are confirmed. The nanites neutralize the Reach-tech and give Tigress a chance to lock onto the delivery truck's location. "Perfect. It's all here. You're clear to initiate Phase Two."
"Thanks, Tigress. Beta out."
The line shuts down and the soft-drink plant's power goes out. After moving Beta's screen aside, Artemis reopens Wally's case file. She closes the pictures and searches through the mission files with feigned calm. Beta has a fifty-minute drive to the nearest Zeta tube, and she's going to take full advantage of the near-empty Watchtower.
'Kid Flash B-03 (Wallace R. West) Status: Deceased'
"Prove it," Artemis mutters to the screen. Her fingers glide over the keys, impulsively deleting the last word and replacing it with 'Missing' . She feels a little better, a little lighter, now that she's edited the file. One changed word and the world doesn't seem as suffocating. 'Missing' is a challenge. Find me, it cries. I'm out there.
She doesn't stop at 'missing'. The next line she selects is in a mission report from four years ago. Kid Flash and Artemis infiltrated the warehouse and planted a recording device in a secure area. She snorts and corrects it. Kid Flash and Artemis made out in the office closet they were supposed to be planting a bug in and almost got caught by KGBeast.
"Perfect," she says, scrolling further through the archive. She makes changes in other reports, documenting memories she's never shared before. By the time she reaches the end of the mission reports, her eyes are far from dry but her heart feels half as heavy as it did at the start of her shift. The newer pictures blur together as she moves past them. Most of them were taken and uploaded by M'gann. She's seen them a million times, at least. When she happens upon an untitled video file, she stops, checks the time, and presses play.
It's hard to watch. The heaviness returns as the scene comes to life. Raquel is taping the rest of the team out on the beach. Dick keeps dragging people out of the water, itching to get a volleyball game started. As M'gann finishes her intricate sandcastle, Wolf runs down the length of the beach with Conner chasing after him. Jason hangs onto Donna's wrists as she flies over the water, allowing him to 'run' over the waves. Even with the mask on, she can tell he's having the time of his life. Kaldur and Garth throw water balls between each other, both waiting for the other to drop his guard. Tula catches them by surprise when she nails them with one well-placed shot. It isn't until she hears his voice in the background that she really regrets opening the video. An umbrella almost smacks the camera out of Raquel's hands.
"You're gonna break it!" she hears herself shout, with a lightness in her voice she hasn't heard since June.
"Am not!"
"Are too! The latch is–"
"I found it," Wally laughs, his face coming into view as Raquel takes a few steps back to capture the moment. The umbrella billows open. "See?"
"The latch is broken," she yelps. "Don't let go of the–"
Wally's eyes go wide as the umbrella begins to close over him. The video stops there, but not because it's over. It's paused by the computer as a message appears at the front of the screen.
'Red Arrow requesting video communication.'
Oh shit, she swallows down the lump in her throat and Tigress returns to her post.
She accepts the call, shakily drawling, "Well, where have you been, Stranger?"
"We- I'm in Brazil," he answers shortly, obviously distracted by something out of frame.
"What?" She sits up straighter. "Why?"
He lowers his gaze to the camera. "To find out why Cluemaster and The Key decided to go on vacation together."
Tigress pulls up a satellite view of his location. "Where are they?"
"On my ten, five tables away." He tugs on his headphones, making a show of nonchalance.
Her fingers move automatically. "I'm tagging their heat signatures, but you'll need to get bugs on them if you want steady intel."
"Already on it."
"How?"
He smirks. "Waitress."
"Ah." Tigress nods, watching her sister walk out of the building towards the two B-class villains. "So that's why Lian's in Gotham. Tell your waitress I say hi."
"Will do. I'm also sending you the coordinates of the house they're staying at. I called because we're hitting it in a few hours, and I thought an eye in the sky would be helpful, considering The Key has some pretty interesting escape methods. Tell your relief?"
"Black Canary will be waiting for your signal." She makes a mental note to tell Dinah about Red's plan. "And what's with the vid-call? You couldn't message me?"
"Just wanted to check in, considering…"
Oh. Her mask cracks for a moment. Artemis has no control over the mechanical shrug she gives him through the camera; Tigress does. Out of all her friends, Roy is the first to call her, to call Artemis, and it is completely unexpected.
"I'm alright," she says, carefully monitoring the movements of the waitress as she places bugs on the collars of Cluemaster and The Key (and carefully avoiding making technological eye contact with Roy). "I get relieved in two hours, then I'm going home."
"Any plans?"
It takes her too long to answer. "Just the usual ones."
"Alright then," Roy mutters, clearly not buying her calm façade. "See you soon."
"Yeah,"– she nods quickly, finger hovering over the 'end' button–"see ya."
She cuts the line and leans back in her chair with a long sigh. The computer will let her know if Cluemaster or The Key say anything of interest and the screen with all of Red Arrow's data goes into a neat folder for Dinah. All that remains on the screen in front of her is the paused video, and the rest of Wally's case file. She moves the video to another window, rewinding it to the point where Wally first holds out the umbrella. He's grinning proudly at the camera. Artemis swallows. Hey, dork. She's held it together pretty well today. Tomorrow will be worse.
Her hands shake. What am I doing? she thinks, slamming her clenched fist against the chair. She can't live like this; fearing tomorrow isn't what she does– isn't what he'd want her to do. Day-to-day won't cut it anymore. She needs to start thinking further than that. Artemis re-reads the MFD report over and over and over again. Blue Beetle's analysis of the Reach technology suggests total erasure. Time to act. Kid Flash acted as a lightning rod for the energy of the Magnetic Field Disruptor. No more living in the void. When asked, the Scarab could not elaborate on the situation. She doesn't accept that. It's time to get real answers: the kind Wally deserves.
She scrolls to the last line of the final mission report in the folder.
Investigation: Closed.
"Not until I say so," she says firmly.
Investigation: Ongoing.
She wants to begin immediately. Her hands itch to dial Jaime's number and have him Zeta straight to the Watchtower, but then she checks the time. It'll have to wait another day. She chews at her lip and pulls off the mask only to swipe at her tired tears. Beta will be returning from their mission soon. The mission file in front of her closes, and when prompted to save all the changes she made to the reports, she clicks 'Cancel'. She moves the video back to the center holo-screen without pressing play. Wally beams at her. Artemis's wet gaze flickers from his face to the clock.
The computer chimes at midnight and Artemis shuts her eyes.
Happy Birthday, Wall-man.