The Diary of Blaise Zabini
Hi there Diary, I'm Blaise Zabini. I'm eighteen years old, I'm a seventh year Hogwarts student (I came back since the war screwed up my life), and I'm a Slytherin. Now, don't let that turn you away; I'm a great guy, just ask Astoria. Or maybe Nott. Ha! Did you get it? I'm such a funny guy.
Anyway. At the moment, I'm wearing a fake moustache and watching a Muggle show called 'I Love Lucy' with Luna Lovegood. She's kind of odd, but she helped me in a time of need. That time of need is what I'm going to tell you about. Since this is my diary, I have no qualms (did I use that right?) about spilling my darkest secrets in here. Unfortunately, I have no dark secrets of my own, so I'll spill Draco's.
And so we go.
That's a quote from a Muggle book Luna lent me.
It's September the fourth, and I'm sitting in the Head Dorms with my buddy Draco. He asks about Astoria (she's my girlfriend *wink wink*) and how our relationship is going, and I say it's good. Astoria is truly awesome. She's nothing like her prissy sister, Daphne. How Theodore puts up with her… shudder. Anyhoo, Tori (that's Astoria's nickname) loves Quidditch like me, but also likes to study and stuff like that. She has really pretty dark brown hair and blue eyes, and she's a rather short person. Did you know that Draco's old man, Lucius, wanted to arrange a marriage between the two of 'em? Stupid, never met a different pair.
I'm getting pretty off topic, aren't I? Whoops, sorry. So I talk a little bit about Astoria and I mention a spell we're working on for D. A.(a. k. a., Defensive Arts, a. k. a., Defense Against the Dark Arts.). Draco mutters something about being a study freak, and then I say that he doesn't mean that and that he secretly loves me too. He glared at me.
"What?" I grin at him, reclining on the sofa. "You and I both know you have a thing for bookworms."
"Excuse me?" Draco looks affronted. "I do not."
"Then why are you always drooling over Granger?" I smirk, the classic snarky Slytherin expression.
Draco is appalled.
"I do not drool, over anyone, Zabini." he snaps irritably.
"Ooh, last names, eh?" I pretend to be offended. "That's low, Malfoy."
He glares and we argue some more, but in the end, I hit him with my fabulous new spell, and then I vacate the premises and escape to my own dorm.
The next day, Draco and Granger come into the Great Hall with Granger sobbing about breaking up with him or something. I smirk, since I know that the person who looks like Granger is really Draco, and that Draco is really Granger. It's a bit confusing, yes, but it's brilliant, no? Anyway, I figure they're going to kill me sooner or later, so I head down to the lake to chill for a while before going to face my inevitable violent and gruesome end. I wonder if it will be painful. If Draco has his way, I'll be tortured by the ghost of Bellatrix Lestrange. I wouldn't put it past him to raise her from the dead just to exact revenge on me. Granger might be more merciful, though Draco did end up destroying her surprisingly stable relationship with Ron Weasley.
Ron Weasley. He's alright, we were Potions partners for a week one time, he at least made an attempt to talk. I was rather startled, I thought he'd hate me, but he didn't. He mentioned his sister, Ginny, in passing once. She's hot, isn't she? In more ways than one, too. She's got an explosive personality. Too bad she's dating Potter. Ah well, Astoria is more my type.
What happened next? Oh yes, Draco, who is himself now (must've broken my spell. Merlin's pants) comes running down the slope to the water and punches me in the face, knocking me backward into the water. My friend, the Squid, is kind enough to push me back out and I'm back on land again. That is, until Draco hits me again and I fall back in. That dude just doesn't quit, does he?
I summon my broomstick and escape, flying back to Hogwarts and landing on the Astronomy Tower. Granger is there, her arms crossed. I step down from my broom and begin to apologize when she hits me with some kind of spell and I start to shrink. She smirks in a very Slytherin way and leaves, shutting the door on her way out. After a few minutes, I suddenly realize she's turned me into a grape. A freaking grape. Luckily, Luna Lovegood happens to come across me and somehow knows I'm not a real grape.('Oh, I saw lots of Wrackspurts around you!') She takes me back down and has Headmistress McGonagall change me back.
Luna says we should hang out sometime and I agree. This week, the week after that stuff, finds me sitting in the Kitchens watching 'I Love Lucy' with Luna and a bunch of house-elves, all of us wearing fake moustaches and eating grapes(ha ha). Theo comes down after a while and joins us, babbling about another Muggle show he watched once with a guy named Sir Leon and how he was Knight of The Round Table, whatever that means.
As we're leaving the Kitchens, arms full of grapes, I hear noises in a classroom and, being the lovely prefect I am, I open the door to tell whoever it is off.
Oh.
You'd better thank me, Draco. If I hadn't put that spell on you, you wouldn't be snogging Granger in a classroom after curfew.
I carefully shut the door, snickering, and join my fellow moustached friends as we skip back up the stairs, eating grapes and singing songs by some Muggle dude named Jimmy Buffet.
Further up and further in!
(A/N) Hope you enjoyed this little oneshot! This is actually a side-along to The Day That Killed Blaise Zabini. It'll make more sense once you read that one. Please write a review and share with me your thoughts!