Author's note: Don't kill me if it's horrid. My beta said it was good, so blame her! [[Just kidding. Love you Jessica! (Aka Gaarafan3125.)]]
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or "Love Remains the Same" by Gavin Rossdale.
Summary: What was going through Orihime's mind during their final moments. Ulqui/Hime. One shot. Not a songfic.
Done Pretending
I was told he was the enemy. I knew I should have hated him. Been happy when Kurosaki tore him into pieces, hollow form or not. But I couldn't bring myself to feel anything but horror. At Kurosaki, for was he had become, of course; but mostly, because it felt like my soul was being torn apart with Ulquiorra.
I should have rejoiced when Kurosaki got up, back to himself. But I didn't. I was becoming numb. Shocked into a state of numbness; how cliche. The only thing I could still feel was wonder. That our, no, their, enemy had lost every bit of his lower half. Yet everything was regenerating, and he was standing. How could that even happen? He was dead! A dead person can't just pop back up, even if it is to save someone else...
I felt something stir in me.
This feeling was no stranger. I had felt it every time I looked at Kurosaki in school. But now, for the one person I should probably have the worst feeling toward?
And then, before I knew it, the two people I realized I loved most in this world were standing face to face, preparing to fight. Again.
But I couldn't stop it. I couldn't move at all. I was frozen to the spot, like a deer caught in headlights. I knew this was wrong, and either way I would lose someone, but I couldn't stop it.
And then, he started disintegrating. Just like that.
NO!
The word rang in my heart louder than anything I had ever screamed, vocally or mentally for that matter. NO! He couldn't die, not like that. Anything else; I could have dealt with any other punishment for what he had done, but not this. And Kurosaki wouldn't even grant his dying wish! It shouldn't have mattered if he was Kurosaki's worst enemy or best friend, it was wrong not to grant someone their final wish. It was wrong of Kurosaki to deny someone a last request. Kurosaki had never been so immovable. But then...
"Are you scared of me, woman?"
Always 'woman.' Would I never have a name? But I had grown used to his calling me by that title, so I ignored the word.
But the look in his eyes as he asked me that broke my heart. He face held the same look as before, but his eyes held a curious light. It was the final question he would ever ask me. He repeated it.
"Are you scared of me..."
Regardless of what I had been through in Hueco Mundo. If he hadn't been in that plain room with me, asking those stupid questions, and obviously deeply intrigued by those simple answers I gave, I most likely would have given up on Kurosaki and Rukia-san and all the others. My hope, not to mention my sanity, would have been long lost.
He kept me sane. How could I ever be afraid of that?
How could you be frightened like that by someone you loved as dearly as I did he?
So I answered him. Plain and simple, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes.
"I'm not scared."
But I felt dead. My soul was turning to dust, just as he was. Then I noticed his hand, outstretched toward me.
"I see..." he replied.
I wanted nothing more than to take his hand and pull myself toward him. To never let go, to die and leave with him. To turn back into the dirt we were all born from. And I could see he wanted me with him wherever we went after we left this place. But as I reached for him, my new found love, and he reached out for me, his hand turned to ash and was swept away by the cruel wind that blew in this deserted place.
The last look I had of him, this stranger for whom I had the strongest, most irrational feelings, was of his eyes. Looking at me with total understanding. He had accepted his fate. But the question was, could I? Could I continue to live as he died and disappeared?
Then, in an instant, he was gone. No more than a part of the wind itself.
Funny, the only thing that came to my mind in that moment was my favorite part of a song I had listened to so many times...
Half the time the world is ending.
Truth is, I am done pretending...
The world had ended for me. No one would give me hope now, not even my former love, Kurosaki. No one could keep me sane anymore.
I couldn't pretend. No, I wouldn't. Not now. And not ever.
I fell to my knees.
The tears started flowing ceaselessly. Just two seconds too late.
And I crumbled into myself. No longer Inoue Orihime. I was no one. I was nothing.
Over someone I barely even knew. Someone who had kidnapped me and threatened the lives of my companions.
I had died with him, really...
And I never got to say anything other than "I'm not scared."
But I couldn't regret what I had said, never; because I wasn't scared. Not for myself, at least.
I could... no, I would, keep him alive, if only in my personal memory.
It was the least I could do. For myself, for my heart,
For Ulquiorra.