On The Outside, an inuyasha fanfic

I wrote this about my sophomore year of college (so maybe three years ago). It's the only true song fic I've done because I really try to avoid them like the plague. However, the song and the time period in my life when this was written made me decided that the fic wouldn't be the same without the song lyrics in it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha or any of its characters. Nor do I own "Behind These Hazel Eyes" by Kelly Clarkson. I simply use both to further the enjoyment of all.

-- - Scene change/song lyrics

Italics- Memories

Kagome sat on the edge of the Bone Eaters Well, tears streaming slowly and silently down her cheeks. Every so often, if one listened closely, soft sobs could be heard racking her body. She was staring deep into the well almost as if she were waiting for something that was never to come. But then one would notice the glazed over look in her eyes and the emptiness of her stare. It was clear that Kagome was lost in her own memories

Seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me

I used to stand so tall; I used to be so strong

"Kagome! Pay attention to what you're doing next time! We almost lost yo- the shard! How could you be so stupid?" Inu Yasha said, screaming his frustrations at her. She was about to start arguing with him but Inu Yasha ran to her and wrapped her tightly in his arms. Kagome smiled knowing the real reason behind his anger. She knew now it was out of worry and concern for her, that it had always been his reasoning for picking on her.

"I'm alright, Inu Yasha. I'll be more careful next time." She hugged him back and, while everyone else's eyes were turned, placed a quick peck on his cheek. A surprised look came over Inu Yasha's face before it was graced with an affectionate smile.

She remembered all that had transpired between them; every touch, every kiss, every word, and every feeling, feelings that were stronger than anything she had ever known. She closed her eyes in an attempt to stop her tears but escaped her lids, spilling onto her lashes and cheeks. She buried her face into her knees, letting her emotions run free. She could never stop them before so why should she suddenly start now?

Your arms around me tight, everything it felt so right

Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong.

Kagome sat down next to Inu Yasha on the bank of the pond. The moonlight reflected beautifully into the still pool before them and gave the area a gentle, almost magical glow. The whole place seemed magical.

"I was scared," Inu Yasha told her, breaking their comfortable silence. Kagome jumped slightly at his words, not expecting him to speak. He continued, staring out over the pond. "I saw you get hit and then just lie there not moving and I don't know what came over me. It's like when I become a demon, only the other demon was the only thing I wanted to kill, instead of everything." His face reflected the worry and pain he felt, remember her so helpless. "I just couldn't control it. I couldn't handle the idea of losing you."

"Inu Yasha… what are you trying to say?" she whispered. Inu Yasha turned his head toward her and the moonlight hit his face in such a way that it made him look even more incredible then he usually did.

"I'm saying, Kagome, that there's only one word that I know of that can describe that loss of control. I love you, Kagome," he told her truthfully. Kagome gasped slightly then smiled at him.

"What took you so long to figure it out?" she asked him, glad that he had finally admitted it to her. She had loved him for so long. He smiled genuinely and leaned forward. He pressed his lips to hers and weaved his fingers into her hair.

It had been their first kiss, though certainly not their last, and every one was just as amazing as the first. She couldn't believe what had a short time ago that had been. She had been so happy. It seemed as if everything had fallen apart so quickly in such a small amount of time. Kagome was sure, however, that she could have all the time in the world and she still wouldn't have spent enough with him.

Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep

I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

"How could you do it? What happened to 'I love you'? What happened, you forgot?" she spat at him. She couldn't believe this was happening and there was a pronounced ache in her chest.

"Kagome, listen to me. It wasn't all my fault!" he protested, trying to get her to understand.

"What, you accidentally ran into her lips!" she screamed at him. If she kept yelling, maybe she could keep from crying. Inu Yasha sighed.

"No, she just kissed me without warning," he told her but the excuse sounded lame even to his own ears. "I didn't think that she would. I stopped her when she did it but it took me by surprise. Please Kagome-"

Kagome held up her hand, stopping his sentence abruptly. "I can't talk about this right now." She walked out of the room, not once turning back around to look at him.

They got over that hurdle and for awhile had a blissful life. She loved him with everything that she had. If only she had known what kind of a person that he truly was, she could've stopped the hurt, the pain. No one ever expects it to happen to them, expects that everything would come crashing down around them. She didn't know and how could she? How does a person know that, in the end, it wasn't worth it?

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything, opened up and let you in

You made me feel alright for once in my life

Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be

So together but so broken up inside

"Leave," she said. The one word was short but forceful. She couldn't even look at him. If she did, he'd see her tears. She couldn't let him know how deep he had hurt her, not again. She had let him in and he had abused the privilege, leaving her broken once more. She was tired of crying from all the pain he had caused her, so on the outside she didn't. She refused to let him have that satisfaction of knowing he affected her.

"I just can't do it anymore, Kagome, I'm sorry," he told her, not knowing what else to say.

"I knew it all along." Her voice held no feeling, no inflection, just a flat, stoic tone. "I was just wondering when it was going to happen. Now get out. I don't want to see you again."

"Kagome, we're going to have to see each other again. The shards-"

"Can be found without me," she finished for him. "Go." She kept her face from him lest tears spill out. Inside she was already sobbing, broken, in tears. Inu Yasha left her without another word.

Kagome wiped her eyes on her sleeve, using all of her self control to stop the sobs. This was it; she wasn't ever coming back to this world. There would be a few things and people she would miss but that couldn't compare to the pain she would feel by seeing him daily, working so closely with him. She had to go; Inu Yasha had taken her choice from her. With one last glance at feudal Japan, Kagome jumped into the well.

Inu Yasha ran with all his might, cursing his stupidity. How could he have made such a mistake? How could he have been so stubborn and pig headed? How could he have let her go when she was everything to him, had given him everything? She had given him all of herself and her love and he threw her to the side like it didn't matter, like she was nothing. He was only hoping he could rectify his mistake. She had always come back before so he assumed, with the right words, now would be no different.

Up ahead he saw the well and ran faster. When he reached it he looked around, searching desperately. He looked everywhere in the clearing, in the woods, and found her nowhere. His eyes traveled downward, landing on the edge of the well. Perched on the side was a little glass bottle holding what few shards the group possessed. Pain tightened around his heart. He had gone too far. She couldn't come back; she had made sure of that. He sat down on the edge of the well and began to weep.

'Cause I can't breathe, no I can't sleep

I'm barely hanging on

Swallow me then, spit me out

For hating you, I blame myself

Just seeing you it kills me now

No I don't cry, on the outside anymore.

This didn't need as many corrections or additives as a lot of my other revised stories have and it had a lot fewer mistakes. I feel everyone should write a truly sad story. If I remember correctly, this one was rather liberating.