A/N: I had this thought in my mind after watching S05E19, where Talia asked Emily what her biggest fear was. Hope you guys like it. Spemily.
Spencer leaned back against the kitchen table. It had been a long day for her. It had been a long week, actually. She thought about Toby. So much has been going on between the two of them lately. As much as Spencer loved Toby, she couldn't handle it anymore. Loved. I just used the word loved. Past tense. Spencer thought. That's what it is. She just got the answer from all the questions that she had been asking herself for several days now. She no longer is in love with Toby. Sure, she still loves him, but she doesn't love him the same way. Spencer has fallen out of love with her boyfriend.
Pulling her phone out of her pocket, Spencer decided to send him a text message. "We need to talk. Soon."
Spencer decided that it would be best if she just ended their relationship right away. She was sure that she would feel a lot better if she told him the truth. She knows that it wouldn't be easy and that it would hurt him, but it will be better than being in a relationship with him now that she's a hundred percent sure that she isn't in love with him anymore.
Spencer was pulled from her thoughts with a knock on the door. She opened the door to find Toby looking at her with a questioning stare. "That was fast." She said as she gestured for him to come inside. Spencer sat on the sofa and motioned for Toby to sit as well. Toby decided to sit on the sofa opposite his girlfriend. "I was driving nearby when I got your message. What's up?"
Spencer stared into his eyes as she tried to think of what to say. It was harder than she thought. How could you just break someone's heart? A single tear fell down her cheek as she spoke. "I...I-I don't know how to say this. I don't even know where to start."
Toby leaned in and took Spencer's hands in his own. "What is it Spencer? What's going on?"
"I wanna be honest with you. So much has been going on lately and I don't think I can deal with it anymore. I can't deal with us anymore." Another tear fell down her cheek.
"Is this about Johnny?" Toby asked as he let go of her hands.
"No, it's not. Why would it be?" She asked as she turned away from his gaze, slightly feeling guilty about what happened moments before.
"I was here earlier. I saw you kissing him. Are you leaving me for him?" Toby asked as he clenched his fists on his side.
"I did not kiss him. He kissed me. And it's not Johnny. It's us, Toby. It's not working anymore. I can't be with you because…I just…I'm not in love with you anymore."
Toby didn't speak. He stood up and turned his back on Spencer, trying to hide the tears in his eyes. He knew that this was coming. Things have turned sour between them. He felt Spencer slowly slipping away from him. He didn't do anything about it. He didn't try and put more effort into their relationship because he knew. He already knew that he didn't have her heart anymore.
"Who is it then?" Toby asked as he finally broke the silence. Spencer turned to him with a puzzled look.
"You said it's not Johnny. So who is it?" Toby asked as he stood in front of his now ex-girlfriend.
"There is no one, Toby." Spencer said as she refused to meet his questioning eyes.
Toby shook his head. "Are you seriously going to lie to me until our last moment together? I'm not stupid Spencer. I've seen the two of you. I've noticed how you look at each other like you have some sort of understanding. How you get lost in your own world when you're together. Like the world suddenly stops and everyone else around you disappears when you look at each other. I know because I've seen that look before. I used to share that same look with you. That spark in your eyes that you used to have when you look at me, it belongs to her now. I see the glow in your eyes when you look at her, and it hurts." Toby tried his best to keep the tears from flowing.
Spencer was stunned. For a rare moment in her life she was at a loss for words. "I'm sorry." It was all that she can say.
"Don't be. For what it's worth, I'm glad that it's her. I thought that if I were to lose you to someone else, it's best that I lose you to her." He moved closer to Spencer and took her chin in his right hand. "Goodbye Spencer." He said as he looked into her eyes then kissed her forehead.
Spencer couldn't say anything. She just nodded her head as she watched him walk away. Toby stopped before walking out of the door. "Goodluck with Emily." Toby simply said before walking out the door.
Spencer never admitted it to anyone, not even to herself. She knew that she started to fall for her best friend but she didn't want to admit it to herself. She tried to fight her feelings, for she knew that Emily will never like her back. Besides, Spencer knew that her best friend was dating Talia. She never knew that her feelings for Emily were strong enough that Toby sensed it and saw it in her eyes.
Spencer leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes. She had stopped crying. She was too tired to think, too tired to move and too tired to shed any more tears. She almost fell off the couch when she heard another knock on the door. She decided to ignore it, thinking that it was Toby again. She didn't want to face him again. She doesn't want to talk to him again. Not right now.
"Spence?" Spencer sat up abruptly upon hearing the voice behind her.
"Emily? What are you doing here? You almost scared me to death!"
"Sorry. I knocked and you didn't answer. Are you okay? Have you been crying?" Emily asked as she noticed her best friend's puffy eyes.
"I broke up with Toby." Spencer said, almost whispering.
"What? Why?" Emily's heart was racing fast. She was both happy and sad at the same time. She suddenly felt guilty for being happy about the news.
"I'm not in love with him anymore." Spencer said as she looked into Emily's eyes. The tanned girl is now sitting on the couch beside her. "It was for the best." Spencer smiled a little. 'Wait, why are you here? Is everything alright?" She suddenly questioned the tanned girl.
"There's something that I want to tell you." Emily began. Spencer just nodded and looked at her, patiently waiting for her to continue.
"The other night Talia asked me something," Emily began. "Wait, is she your girlfriend now? Is that what you came here to tell me?" Spencer interrupted.
"No, that's not it. She's not my girlfriend and I told her I won't be seeing her anymore. It's just that she asked me what my biggest fear was and…I, I didn't answer. I couldn't tell her." Emily played with her fingers nervously as she spoke.
"Why not? Is this about A?" Spencer asked.
"Yes and no."
"What do you mean?" Spencer curled her left leg so that she was now facing Emily on the couch.
"Well, with all that's happened to us, with what A did and is still doing to us…" Emily paused and sighed. "I, uhm…" Emily looked at the ground, trying to find what words to say next.
"Em, it's okay. Go on." Spencer took Emily's right hand and held it in her own hands to give some encouragement.
Emily looked deep into Spencer's eyes as she spoke. "When Talia asked me that question, I already knew the answer. I kept repeating the answer in my head and I just knew. It was like a match that finally set fire inside my head and inside my heart. I knew all along, but I couldn't say it out loud. I can't. Not to her. That's what I came here for. I came here to tell you."
"I don't understand. Talia asked you a question and you're here to give me the answer?" Spencer gave Emily a puzzled look.
"It's you, Spencer." Emily whispered.
"You're afraid of me? I'm your biggest fear?" Spencer looked more puzzled.
Emily shook her head. "I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid that A might take you away from me. I'm afraid that you might end up marrying Toby. I'm afraid that you'll soon leave Rosewood and I'll never get to see you again. I'm afraid of losing you, Spencer. I'm afraid of losing you without having told you how hopelessly in love I am with you. I'm so in love with you and I don't know what I'd do without you in my life, Spence. I'm afraid of losing you. That is my biggest fear." Emily felt tears run down her cheeks. She just flat out admitted her feelings to her best friend, and in doing so she felt so vulnerable. Emily closed her eyes and started to pull her hand away from Spencer's hands, but Spencer held her hand tighter. With her left hand still grasping Emily's right hand, Spencer brushed the tears off her best friend's cheeks with her other hand. Emily's slowly opened her eyes as she finally heard Spencer speak.
"Em." Spencer moved closer to Emily. She cupped Emily's cheek and rested her forehead against hers, closing her eyes and gently rubbing the swimmer's cheek. Emily closed her eyes and shuddered as Spencer's thumb moved from her cheek to her lips. Her heart raced a little faster when she felt Spencer's thumb lightly trace her bottom lip. Just as Emily thought her heart was going to explode out of her chest, Spencer slowly pressed her soft lips to hers. After years of imagining what Spencer's lips would feel like, Emily wasn't prepared at the intensity of emotions that she was feeling now. The actual feeling of Spencer's lips was way better that she'd imagined. As their lips moved together in a slow passionate kiss, Emily placed her other hand on Spencer's waist, pulling her closer. She freed her right hand from Spencer's grasp and brought it up to Spencer's nape as she tried to deepen the kiss. Spencer moaned in Emily's mouth, the sensation of feeling Emily's lips on hers sending shivers down her spine. She felt Emily's kisses shift from slow kisses to intense hungry kisses. As much as Spencer loved the feeling of Emily's lips on her own, she brought her free hand to Emily's chest and slowly pulled away. "Wait." Spencer whispered as she tried to catch her breath.
"I-I'm sorry. I just, I-" Spencer placed her index finger on Emily's lips as the swimmer stammered.
"Em, don't be. I just wanted to say that I'm in love with you too. I love you, Emily Fields. And you're right. With everything that we've been through, I get it. I get that you're afraid. But you don't have to be. You will never ever lose me. A cannot take me away from you. We'll protect each other. I won't be marrying Toby, obviously, as I just broke up with him. And I won't leave Rosewood, at least not without you. You don't have to be afraid because you're never going to lose me, Em. I'll be in your life for as long as you'll have me. I love you, Emily Fields." Spencer said as she smiled at Emily and placed a soft peck on her lips.
"I love you too, Spencer Hastings." Emily breathed out, smiling happily as she pulled Spencer closer and kissed her passionately.