A/N: I'm back! It's been an eternity but I really needed to take a break because of school and shit. But well, here's the first chapter of a story I've been working on for a while. It is different, I know and I bet there's mostly Klainers reading my work so don't get scared off by this chapter! But yeah, this is what my story is about. Confusion and heartbreak. I really hope you give this a chance. I love you all and please tell me what you think by leaving a review!

"Oh my god, I am exhausted." Rachel groaned as she got through the door.

Working late at a café, going to school and rehearsing for Funny Girl sometimes made her question if she had bit off more than she can chew.

"I thought Santana was covering for you today?" Kurt asked from the couch in their tiny apartment.

"She did." Rachel mumbled and hung up her coat before joining her best friend on the couch. "But rehearsal was really… intense today. I won't be able to speak tomorrow, I swear."

Kurt chuckled and shaked his head at her. "Oh, poor you, it must be so hard to be a Broadway star." He teased.

She slapped his arm playfully. "Fuck you."

"Rude." He pouted.

Rachel laughed and looked at him. He looked so cute and she could understand why his boyfriend, Blaine, always fell for that puppy face everytime he did it. Kurt was not only cute, but he was beautiful with his chestnut, coiffed hair, blue eyes and toned body. And the boy had quite the sense for fashion.

Rachel usually joked around with Kurt, saying that she has a crush on him, but lately she had began to ask herself if that was all it was, a joke.

She had to admit, she felt lonely. As soon as she left Lima, Ohio for New York she had broken up with her fiancé, Finn Hudson. He died two years later. It had taken her a year to get over that, she had never been so devastated in her life.

But a few months ago she had started seeing this guy named Brody, but he turned out to be a gigolo so that didn't last long. Since then she hadn't been on any dates at all, as she wondered if she was even meant to be happy. But lately she was starting to miss being close to someone.

That's all it was, her crush on Kurt was just loneliness. That's all.

It had to be.

"Are you hungry" He suddenly asked. "I don't feel like cooking and since you almost set our kitchen on fire last time you did, how about we just order pizza?"

She snapped out of her thoughts. "Yeah, pizza sounds great."

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked with a frown. He had known this girl for almost seven years, he knew her inside-out, there was absolutely nothing she could hide from him.

"Yeah, fine." She lied.

"No, you're not. Talk to me." Kurt said and grabbed her hand. "You know there is nothing you can't say to me."

"I know." She smiled. "But I'm honestly just really tired. Can't we order pizza so I can go to sleep after?"

Kurt eyed her suspiciously. "No."

She groaned. "Kurt, come on! I don't want to talk about it."

"But I can tell that whatever it is, it's making you sad. You've been acting weird for months and I'm worried."

She sighed deeply and looked down at their hands. Somehow his pale skin tone complimented her, slightly darker, beautifully.

But what did she have to offer? Yes, she had been told that she was beautiful with her dark, long hair and thick bangs. Kurt always complimented her and he had been the one to talk her out of getting a nose-job in high school since she had a very jewish nose. And yes, she was thin and had a great figure but she also had a vagina, boobs and she was a girl. She had nothing to offer him.

Why was she even thinking about this? She was not crushing on her best friend. Not in that way.

"I'm just lonely." She admitted truthfully.

Kurt frowned. "Why? I thought you said that you were, and I quote: so done with boys, when you broke up with Brody."

"I know, but I guess I'm not. I just miss being close to someone, you know, in a sexual way. And no, I don't want to go out to a bar and get a one-night stand." She felt her cheeks heat up.

"I see." He nodded. She was impressed, he didn't judge her. "There are always male hookers." He said with a smirk.

She let go of his hand and slapped his arm again. "This time I mean it from the bottom of my soul, fuck you."

He threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, Rachel." He shook his head. "I didn't mean to say that… it just slipped."

She huffed and got up from the couch. "I'm gonna go order some pizza now."

"But seriously, Rachel, I don't want you to feel lonely." Kurt said a while later, his mouth filled with pizza. "I wish I could help you."

"It's okay." She shrugged.

"No, it's not." He shook his head in protest. "Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world, I know, I used to feel it a whole lot until I met Blaine."

Rachel nodded. "I know you did." She swallowed her last chew and then got up.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

She didn't answer until she came back, holding a bottle in her hand.

"Alcohol? Seriously? That's your solution?" He looked unimpressed.

"Yup." She said and sat down on the floor, removing the lid and took a long sip. "Want some?"

"I'll pass. Last time we drank, I ended up with a tattoo." He winced at the memory.

"A tattoo that looks pretty awesome on you and earned you lots of sex from Blaine." Rachel winked.

Kurt blushed. "Please, that was thanks to the tongue piercing."

"Oh right! You had a tongue piercing too!" She giggled.

"Don't." He hid his face in his hands. "Jesus Christ. Now I might just need some to forget that."

She reached out the bottle. "All yours, sir."

Kurt glared at her and then took a long sip as well. "Fuck, that is strong."

"Mhm." She smirked. "It's perfect."

"I didn't take you for a future alcoholic." He commented.

"Very funny, Kurt. I never drink." She said and took the bottle from him to drink some more.

"Right." He said and raised an eyebrow.

Twenty minutes later they had finished the first bottle and had already started on a second one.

"Fuck, Rachel. We have school tomorrow." Kurt said and took another sip.

"I know. We're screwed." She sighed.

"I'm so horny." Kurt suddenly said.

Rachel turned her head and looked at him with wide eyes. Well, that was certainly unexpected.

"Oh my god." She said and giggled. "You did not just say that!"

"Fuck you." Kurt murmured and looked away.

"No, but you can." She smirked.

Okay, where the fuck did that come from.

She expected Kurt to laugh at her or call her disgusting but he didn't, instead he smirked back.

"Is that a challenge, Berry?" He asked in a suggestive tone.

Rachel didn't feel quite as suggestive herself, she mostly felt unsure. She had no idea where this was going and either way, Kurt had a boyfriend. But there was still something about the way Kurt was staring at her that made her feel slightly… aroused.

"I… don't know." She said and blinked in confusion.

He crawled closer to her and settled on his knees. He licked his lips. "In all honesty I've always wondered what it would be like to be with a girl."

"Kurt, you're… you're drunk." Rachel said with wide eyes.

"So are you." He giggled.

It was true. Her head was swimming and everything was starting to get blurry. "I know." She said and suddenly that was really funny and she couldn't stop laughing. Neither could Kurt as he laughed along with her.

As their laughter died down a comfortable silence settled between them, so did a tension that was begging to be broken.

Kurt was still very close to her face and Rachel really wanted to kiss those pink, delicious looking lips infront of her. So she did.

She leaned forward, slowly, giving both of them time to back out of it. But neither of them did, so eventually the gap between them closed as their lips touched. Rachel felt her lips tingle and she wanted, needed, craved more. Her hand found his face and she brought him closer to her and opened her mouth slightly.

And oh my god, he was kissing back.

His tongue found its way into her mouth and Rachel nearly moaned at the feeling. She brought her other hand up to his neck and grabbed onto his hair to bring him closer as she fell back and laid down on the floor with him on top of her.

He was an insanely good kisser and she could feel wetness pool in her underwear by just kissing him. Jesus Christ.

She wondered if he wanted to stop, if he would regret this is the morning, if he enjoyed it as much as she did. She didn't know and she didn't want to break away and ask, fearing that he would pull away and realize what the fuck they're doing.

Kurt didn't stop though, he kept going. He brought his hand up to cup her left breast and Rachel swore she was on cloud nine. Kurt moaned into her mouth and squeezed her breast which caused her to moan back, twice as loud. If she wasn't so drunk she'd be embarrassed by how vocal she was getting.

Thank god Santana is staying with Dani tonight.

Rachel wrapped her legs around Kurt's waist and he ground down against her so she could feel how hard he was. Rachel froze on the spot.

Kurt Hummel, her gay best friend, was hard for her.

The thought spurred her on even more and she ground her hips up to meet his thrusts. It was a delicious friction against her soaking pussy and she wanted and needed more.

"Fuck, Kurt." She moaned.

He pulled away from her and stared down at her, his lips red and swollen. He looked so hot. He kept on staring, which made her nervous, what if she had totally turned him off now? Why did she say that? She mentally slapped herself repeatedly.

"You want me to fuck you?" Kurt slurred, his eyes were just as unfocused as her own which meant he was just as drunk.

"Yes." She nodded shyly.

His face broke into a drunken grin. "Alright, Rachel Berry, I'm gonna fuck you."

And just like that her shirt was gone. He quickly took off his own and Rachel gaped at the sight. She had seen him shirtless before but his toned stomach and arms never failed to amaze her. He kicked his shoes off so he could get his pants off, leaving him in his tight boxers, which really showed off his hard-on. Rachel had never seen him completely naked and from what she could see, Kurt was big.

She swallowed thickly. He brought his hands to her boobs, cupped them and slid his hands down her slightly toned stomach, feeling the muscles flex underneath.

"You're so beautiful, Rachel." He said sincenerely. He reached behind her to un-clasp her bra.

She felt her face heat up and she bit her lip. "I love you." She said.

"I love you too." He said, though it was obvious he meant it in a completely different way than she did.

His hands reached the hem of her pants and he ran his fingers over the button and zipper, not undoing them though, he cupped her sex through her pants and pressed down which made her lift her hips off the ground and thrust into his hand, desperate for friction.

"Oh my god." She said breathlessly.

"Fuck, Rachel, you're soaked through your pants." He said, looking amazed by it.

"Please, Kurt, please…" She begged.

Kurt nodded and undid her pants and slowly dragged them off, he threw them aside and then went for her panties. She lift her hips up so he could get them down. Now she was completely naked and felt very vunerable, her legs were slightly spread and the way Kurt was currently staring down at her pussy made her want to close them.

But once she tried he stopped her by placing his hands on her knees. "Don't, Rachel, you look… wow." He didn't know if he was grossed out by the sight or turned on. Maybe a little bit of both.

She whined underneath him. "Touch me, please."

He bit his lip and ran a finger down her slit, amazed by how well her body responded to his touch. She hissed underneath him as he did that repeatedly.

"Rachel, you're gonna have to tell me what to do." He said and blushed.

"Push a finger inside me." She said.

He did and she immediately clenched around him, screaming out in pleasure. He had to admit that he loved the sensation, he loved the strong smell of Rachel and he desperately wanted to feel her clench like that around his aching cock.

"Another one. Then move them in and out." She ordered.

Kurt nodded and did as she said, moving them in a slow pace. It was too slow, it was torture so Rachel took matters in her own hands and sat up, making his fingers sink deeper into her and she moaned loudly. She grabbed him by the shoulders and began to ride his fingers.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…" She kept saying over and over.

Kurt crashed their lips together, it was sloppy and he had no idea a person could get that wet, but he kind of fucking loved it.

Rachel brought a hand down and started rubbing her clit which caused her to make even more sounds.

"Kurt, I'm so close…" She whimpered.

Kurt carefully made her lie down so he could slip his fingers out of her, she whined at the loss of contact, he wiped them on his boxers before he removed them, exposing his leaking cock.

Rachel stared at it with wide eyes, she felt her mouth water. "Can I… Can I go down on you?"

He stared at her for a second. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, please, let me." She nodded furiously.

"Okay." He said and laid down.

Rachel walked over him. "Do you want to go down on me too?" She asked.

Kurt thought about it for a second, then shrugged. What the hell.

"Yeah." He said and grinned.

She grinned back at him and placed herself over his face in a 69 position. She looked at him for any signs of hesitation, when she found none she lowered himself so his mouth connected with her pussy. She moaned loudly when she felt him grab her hips and start licking her furiously.

For a gay guy, Kurt was really fucking good at this.

She remembered she was supposed to do something as well so she placed her lips around Kurt's cock, making him moan which created perfect vibrations onto her pussy. She sucked him and eventually took his whole length into her mouth. She had to stop for a second to force back her gag reflex, when she felt alright she began swallowing and sucking around him.

She was so close and she knew she would come if they didn't stop soon, but Kurt's mouth was so amazing and she wanted him to go on forever.

"Rachel, I'm gonna come!" Kurt warned.

She let his cock go and lifted herself off of him. She hurried to grab her purse, taking out a condom. She handed it to Kurt who nodded, his face soaked in her juices. The sight turned her on to no end.

"What do I taste like?" She asked.

Kurt stopped his movements and stared at her with dark eyes, he licked his lips. "Fucking amazing." He said in a hoarse voice.

He then rolled the condom onto him and crawled over to Rachel, hovering over her. He positioned himself against her and carefully pushed inside, he moaned, Rachel clenched around him so perfectly.

Rachel was a mess underneath him as he stretched her in all the right ways. "Move, please." She begged.

He nodded and started thrusting in and out of her, slow at first but soon he was literally slamming into her. They both moaned every time and Rachel brought a hand down to rub at her clit furiously. Both of them were so turned on they knew neither of them wouldn't last long.

"Kurt, I'm gonna come."

"I'm there with you, Rachel." He said. "Come for me, sweetie."

After one more thrust Rachel was coming, and she was coming hard. She screamed his name and clenched around him hard enough for Kurt to come too, her name on his lips. They rode out their orgasms before Kurt slipped out of her. He laid down beside her, both of them completely out of breath.

"Oh my god." He said.

"Yeah, something like that." She agreed and looked at him.

"Let's go to sleep, I'm so tired." Kurt said.

"Yeah, if I manage to get up."

Kurt stood up and helped her up. He wrapped his arm around her as they walked together into her bedroom, stumbling slightly. Once they got there Kurt threw the condom into the trash before joining her on the bed. She rested her head on his chest and he hugged her closely, soon enough they were both sound asleep.

The next morning Rachel woke up she felt… sticky. She felt disgusting. Everything smelled like sweat and body fluids, it was not a pleasant thing to wake up to. She sat up in the bed, rubbing her eyes. She yawned and looked around, the sun was shining through the window of the small room and everything seemed to be just fine.

Until she realized that she was naked. And that a sleeping, beautiful, messy-haired Kurt was lying next to her.

She gasped and quickly covered herself up with the covers, everything from last night hit her like a title wave.

She had had sex. With her best friend. Who's gay.

She quickly shook him. "Kurt!" She hissed.

He whined quietly. "What?" He murmured, voice thick with sleep.

"Kurt, seriously, wake up!" Rachel shook him harder.

"Fine, okay, okay, I'm awake." He sat up and yawned, stretching his back. Then he looked over at her, seeing her flushed face and naked body. Realization spread all over his face and his jaw dropped.

"Kurt-" Rachel said in an effort to calm him.

"Oh my god!" He blurted in a high-pitched voice. He looked terrified, like he had just seen a ghost or something. Rachel wanted to cry and could feel her heart beat faster by each second.

"I'm sorry." She said below a whisper.

"We had sex! Oh my god, how the fuck am I supposed to… Blaine! Oh my god, Blaine! How am I supposed to explain this to him?!" Kurt was nearly hysterical as he got up from the bed. He looked down on himself and realized he was naked. His face got flushed as he quickly grabbed a blanket to wrap around his lower section.

"Kurt-"

"No, don't say anything. I need… I need a shower." He said and hurried towards the bathroom.

Once he was gone she buried her face in her hands and let the tears fall. Tears of regret and disappointment. It had felt so wrong but yet so right, but of course Kurt didn't feel the same. What did she expect? That he would turn straight for her? That's ridiculous. She felt ridiculous and pathetic.

About 20 minutes later Kurt came into the bedroom again, dressed in black skinny jeans and a white Henley shirt. His hair was styled and he looked much calmer than he had a minute ago.

"Rachel…" He said and felt his own heart break at the sight of his best friend. She had obviously been crying, her red eyes told him so.

"No, don't." She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "I get it, it…. It was a mistake."

Kurt frowned and sat down next to her on the bed. He took her hand in his. "Did you not want it to be a mistake?"

She didn't know how to answer that since she didn't even know the answer herself. "I… of course." She said in a small voice.

It was stupid, trying to fool her best friend. He could see right through her and he always had. "Rachel." He said more firmly. "Did you want this?"

She let go of his hand. "I need to take a shower. You should call Blaine." She said in a clipped voice and then walked out of the room.

Kurt frowned and watched her leave. Did she seriously like him like that? How could he have been so blind? It was kind of obvious now when you think about it but… he is gay, right?

Kurt thought back on the night before as he dialed Blaine. He thought about how much he had enjoyed kissing her and how he had absolutely loved the taste of her and being inside of her.

"Goodmorning, baby."

Kurt's thoughts got interrupted by the sound of his boyfriend's voice. He couldn't bring himself to say anything back, his thoughts were going crazy in his mind and he felt like everything he had ever known or thought about himself were slowly slipping away.

Was it even possible that he was straight for Rachel Berry?

"Kurt? Are you there?"

But he loves Blaine. He had always loved Blaine. He had always loved boys. He hadn't felt anything when he made out with Brittany back in high school, maybe last night had just been the alcohol talking?

"Kurt?"

"Hi, sorry, I kind of zooned out…" Kurt managed to say.

"Oh, is everything okay?" Kurt felt his heart warm up by how worried Blaine sounded. His boyfriend cared for him so much and always had. Kurt smiled a little but winced at the twist of guilt in his stomach.

"Yeah, everything is fine. How are you?"

"Good, busy with work but overall I'm good. Just missing you a lot, I guess."

"I miss you too." Kurt said, desperation visible in his voice. He really missed Blaine right now.

"Kurt, you sound a little… are you sure everything is fine?"

No, things were certainly not fine right now. But he needed to talk this through with Rachel before he could say anything to him.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything is fine." Kurt reassured him. "How's things in Florida?"

"Good, very hot but good." Blaine chuckled. "Can't wait until you come to visit."

"Me neither. Just a few months left."

Their original plan had been that Blaine was gonna join Kurt in New York once he graduated, but Blaine had gotten an amazing job offer thanks to his brother in Florida. So of course Blaine had to say yes since he didn't have a college to attend in New York. Kurt had been so worried that they wouldn't be able to make it because of the distance, but they were doing just fine and neither of them were worried anymore.

Except that Kurt was getting a little worried now, but it had nothing to do with distance.

"Look, I would love to chat, Kurt. But I really have to get back to work, I'll call you later."

"Yeah, do that. Bye, honey."

"I love you, bye."

"I love you too." Kurt said but Blaine had already hung up the phone. "Fuck."

Soon enough Rachel came back dressed in a short skirt, knee socks and a blue sweater. Her hair had been blown-out straight and her makeup had been done.

"Did you tell him?" She asked, lingering in the doorway, her arms folded over her chest.

Kurt shook his head. "No, I didn't."

"Why?" She sounded confused.

"Because I didn't know what to tell him exactly."

"Uh, that you sort of cheated on him?" Rachel walked forward and joined him on the bed. "It's the right thing to do."

"I know." Kurt sighed. "I just… what even happened last night? I- I enjoyed it. I enjoyed every minute of it. But I'm gay, right? I've always been gay."

Rachel felt a glimpse of hope appear in her heart. "Maybe… you're bi?"

"But I've never, ever been attracted to a woman in that way in my life." Kurt was frowning deeply, nothing made sense right now.

"Well, Blaine thought he was bi when he made out with me. He was drunk too, maybe it's the same for you, you just… you were just drunk." She said and offered him a strained smile.

"And how am I supposed to find out if that's it then?" Kurt sighed and buried his face in his hands. "Fuck, Rachel, this is so messed up."

She rolled her eyes and cupped his face with her hands, forcing him to look at him. "If we fucked last night, I'm pretty sure kissing me now won't hurt."

Kurt looked into her chocolate brown eyes and swallowed thickly. She was right. It wouldn't hurt, would it? Unless he actually enjoyed it, which he doubted. Blaine hadn't, so why would he? It was just the alcohol talking last night. Just the alcohol.

"Okay." He said and hesitated before leaning in slowly until their lips touched.

It was soft, sweet, tender, unlike yesterday. This time he could really take his time and feel her. She tasted really good, minty from toothpaste and vanilla from her lipgloss. The sensation made his lips tingle and heart flutter in his chest. Just like yesterday he felt the need for more.

But this time he was sober and instead he opened his eyes and pulled away quickly. He felt scared, he felt like a straight boy discovering that he likes kissing other boys, only that his experience was reversed.

She was looking at him, waiting for an answer.

What the fuck was he supposed to say? He was scared. It felt like coming out all over again. And what was he supposed to say to Blaine? He love his boyfriend.

He opened his mouth to say something but all that came out was a tiny whimper.

"Kurt, say something." She frowned.

He swallowed thickly. "I don't know." His voice was below a whisper. "I don't know what I feel."

TBC