Sonic The Cashier

It is a beautiful sunny day and everybody is outside on their new skateboards. Everybody except Sonic. "I need some cold hard fuckin cash," Sonic said. The thing about the skateboards though was that they cost $250 dollars. Sonic didn't have a job unlike everyone else. He just saved the world a couple thousand times and didn't get shit for it. " That's it!" Sonic screamed, " I'm getting a damn job!" He went outside and picked up his newspaper. " Fuck!" Sonic screamed. The paper was soaked and reeked of dog piss. " I always leave this stupid thing on the steps and the fuckin dogs piss on it like there's no tomorrow," Sonic said. Sonic ran down the street and took Amy's paper. "Stupid bitch," Sonic thought as he ran home laughing. When he got home, he went right to the classifieds section. Sonic scrolled through the ads and didn't find anything good. "With jobs like this it will take me months to have enough damn money," Sonic said as he was talking to himself.. Finally he found one.

Cashier Wanted

Looking for someone who is good with money.

Good people skills required. $6.50/hr

Stop N' Shop

The next day Sonic went to Stop N' Shop dressed up and ready to fill out some papers. It turns out that the manager was so desperate for cashiers that he just gave Sonic the job. "I could've been a serial killer or a child murderer and they still would've hired me," Sonic said as he was once again talking to himself. "Cool, When do I start?" Sonic asked. "Now!" the Manager said. Sonic went to the register and got ready. It was an express lane, so he wouldn't be bombarded with groceries. Soon enough, the line started to grow. First, there was this lady with four boys. An older boy, two twins. and a midget. The lady was getting pissed because one of the twins and the midget were fighting. "Spaz!" the midget said. " Stop making fun of me!" the twin cried as he ran out of the store.

"Cut the fuckin shit!" the lady screamed. "Freaks," Sonic mumbled to himself. The older boy and the other twin overheard and they started laughing. After the lady was a little boy. " How can I help you?" Sonic asked. The boy put up some boxes of pantyhose. He looked embarrassed and wanted to get out quickly. Sonic wanted to give him a hard time. " Running an errand for your mom?" Sonic asked. "No," the little boy mumbled. " Then, whose are these" Sonic asked. "Mine," the little boy squeaked. O.o Sonic picked up the microphone and screamed, " Hey everyone, look at this little fuckin fag with pantyhose!" The little boy ran out of the store crying. " Oops!" Sonic said sarcastically and started laughing. Next on line was an old fart with a shit load of groceries. Sonic pointed to the express sign but the old fuck put her stuff on the belt. Sonic saw something that said " If you have to, pull out a gun." Sonic was glad that he brought his M-16 just in case something happened. He pulled it out and the old lady was so scared she collapsed.

Sonic got tired or working and mumbled, " Screw this shit." He went into the manager's office to tell him he quit. To his surprise the manager had a ballerina outfit on and he was dancing around like a fag. Sonic didn't even bother to disturb him so he just left. When Sonic got home he was shocked to see everyone on the street dead. Amy was missing her head. Tails got his tails cut off. Knuckles lost his arms. Big was just lying on the sidewalk not breathing. Sonic looked at the skateboards and saw some fine print. It read, " These were stolen from Canada. There is a high risk of cops coming after you. If they find you with one, you will be immediately killed." "Good thing I didn't buy one," Sonic thought. " WAIT A SECOND!" Sonic said, " How did Big die? He didn't own a skateboard! Well, who the fuck cares? Maybe he just had a heart attack or something." Sonic went home to wait until Robotnik pulled another stupid maneuver.

FIN

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Note: I do not own Stop N' Shop. The people in the store are based on personal experiences.