My Bodyguard, a firefly fanfic

My Bodyguard

Timeline: Post-BDM for Firefly and Season 8 of Buffy.

Setup: Andrew comes to the future in order to track down the last remaining slayers and to ensure that the lineage remains strong. Something goes wrong when Jayne goes to pick the boy up at the train station on Athens.

Notes: Once upon a time I fell in love with a beautiful nerdy boy on Buffy. g

"I'm bored." Andrew complained petulantly, kicking at the loose gravel as he and Jayne leaned up against a massive rock. They were wedged neatly between it and the mountain, hiding from a stray pack of Reavers who obviously hadn't gotten their fill from the nearby village.

Busy with reloading, Jayne kept his head down as he snarled out his retort in disbelief. "Keepin' our hides intact ain't excitin' enough fer you, boy?"

A bead of sweat rolled down the side of Jayne's face as he pushed another bullet into its chamber, still catching his breath from their good mile run from the beasts. He was getting way too old for this go se.

Andrew leaned his head back on the sharp rock and thought about that a moment. "Well, I've done the whole imminent death thing before." He explained patiently. "And things usually end up ok."

Snapping the cylinder closed on the gun, Jayne looked dangerously into the boy's eyes. "Way I see it, one of them Reavers is gonna come along and disprove that notion." Pulling out his knife, he ran his finger intimidating-like over the blade. "Hope you don't mind wearing yer insides on the out." He finished with a wicked sneer.

Andrew's eyes widened slightly and Jayne couldn't help but snicker at him as he returned his knife to its sheath. Idiot.

"I know; we can play a game!" The younger man exclaimed excitedly, wondering why he hadn't thought of it before. Games were his most favorite past time.

Jayne's grin faded. Oh, that weren't fear.

"It's an age old favorite." Andrew reassured eagerly as he looked around, narrowing his eyes in concentration. "Let's see. I spy with my little eye something that begins with a D."

"That one's easy." Jayne answered sarcastically. "His name's dumb-ass! Now, shut it for you git us found out!"

Andrew blinked at the intensity of the man's anger. "So, you'd rather we play the silent game?" He asked, clearly not getting it.

"That's the idea." Jayne snapped, and cradled his weapon close as he took another chance peek from behind their hiding place. Scanning the barren desert, he saw that it was all clear except for a flock of birds that circled around a ripening Reaver corpse far off in the distance.

Andrew slumped back against the rock in defeat. "That one really isn't that fun." He pointed out grumpily, but kept his mouth shut nonetheless.

Two hours later…

"I mean, Spike was pretty cool because he had this whole, I'm evil but not, saver of mankind thing going on, but you're like a life size G.I. Joe doll. 'Knowing is half the battle.' Except, you don't really talk like that. You can't find those anymore, by the way. The future isn't big on action figures." Andrew finished long-windedly and then added, "Do you have any gum? My lips are a parched and since we don't have any cool, refreshing beverages, I think Bubblicious would do the trick. Or a mint, if you have it."

Jayne's lips formed a thin line as he spoke warningly through clenched teeth. "If you don't shut it, I'm gonna stick one of these here grenades in your flapping pie-hole and watch yer head explode over the side of the mountain."

Hugging his knees closer to his chest with one arm, Andrew twisted a blonde curl around his finger with his free hand, carefully avoiding further eye-contact. "No, I'm cool. You don't have to do that."

Night

Andrew rolled over in his sleeping bag, tucking his hands up under his face as he gazed admiringly at the nearly asleep merc. "Jayne?" He asked dreamily as the crickets hummed nearby, the desert air finally cool and comfortable.

"Mmm?" Jayne grunted, forcing one eye open. Sleep had been inches away.

"Do you have any superpowers? Like super-fighting abilities, lumokinesis or invisibility or something like that? Andrew pondered idly. "Because I think that would really help."

"No." Was the merc's flat reply. All fight had left him long ago, back when he realized the kid didn't have an off switch.

"That's a bummer." Andrew sighed.

It was quiet for several moments after, causing Jayne to hope beyond all hope that the boy was finally going to give it a rest.

Andrew returned to his back and squirmed restlessly, battling with his sleeping bag in order to find a comfortable position, but the rocks were jabbing at his hip bones and he was craving caramel mocha latte, like, real bad.

Also, there was a giant hunky man laying a mere two feet away and all he could think about was how he wanted this night to last forever.

Rolling his head to the side, Andrew studied the merc, suddenly wanting to know everything about him. "So would you say you're fighting more for good or evil?"

No such luck. Jayne lifted the back of his forearm across his eyes and groaned. "Right now, neither." He responded irritably. "Sleep would be nice, though, dontchya think?"

"I used to be evil, you know…seduced by the quiet allure of preeminence." Andrew reminisced grandly, ignoring Jayne's plea for shut-eye as he reflected on his more gullible days; complete with a beautiful raven-haired boy and his false promise of a happily-evil after. Then he frowned as memories of elusive pigs and Jonathan's sweet-shocked expression brought him back to reality.

"Only, that didn't work out so well." He confessed. "It's a long, complicated tale of betrayal, she-witches and a faraway place called Me-hi-co."

Jayne turned and eyed the boy up and down, all five and something scrawny feet of him and snorted. "My salty dog you were evil."

"I was too!" Andrew insisted, giving Jayne his best serious eyes and whining, "Nobody ever believes me. Besides, I never said I was any good at it. Ultimately, I was meant to use my genius for more heroic endeavors, like saving the word and giving to UNICEF."

"Well, mayhap you can use yer genius to figure away from behind this rock that don't include us gettin' cut into itty bitty pieces." Jayne suggested mockingly, and then added with genuine frustration, "Gorram boat should've showed up hours ago."

"You mean your leader, Mr. Malcolm? Tell me, what's he like?" Andrew inquired wistfully. "Does he have your same rugged good looks and exceptional prowess in battle?"

"Hardly." Jayne scoffed, eager to put to rest any illusions of grandeur Andrew might have of the man. "Captain lets his feelings cloud his good-judgment. Now if I were running things, we'd all be rich as kings."

"I like the sound of that." Andrew affirmed as he sat up excitedly, ignoring the filter between his imagination and his mouth. "We could roll around in 100 dollar bills like Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal but without the subsequent guilt."

"Huh?" Jayne inquired. The kid made about as much sense as moonbrain, maybe less.

"Never mind." Andrew supplied quickly. He had to remember that current pop culture rules were inapplicable in the future. Leaning over, he patted the big guy on the arm, and then lingered there, giving the amazingly rock-hard bicep a curios squeeze or three. You truly had to touch in order to believe.

Pulling his hand away, Andrew smiled sheepishly at the merc. "Sleep now, my peaceful warrior. I shall keep a look out for the savages."

Jayne raised an eyebrow at where the boy had been touching him, and then shrugged it off as he pulled himself to a sitting position. "Nah. M' wake now." Looking around casually, an awkward silence filled the air.

"Suppose we can play one of those games of yers ta pass the time." Jayne suggested nonchalantly.

"Excellent." Andrew exclaimed. "You wouldn't by any chance happen to have a bottle?"

"Nope." Jayne answered.

"Hip flask?' Andrew chanced.

Jayne felt his pockets. "Left it."

"That's ok." Andrew reassured with an air of disappointment. Looking around his person, he tried to think of something to do, and just as he was about to give up, it hit him. "Hey, have you ever heard of Kevin Bacon?"

The next morning…

"Any sign of them?" Jayne asked Zoe warily as he stood on the cargo-bay ramp, scanning the early morning horizon for any sign of Reavers.

"Not as I can say." Zoe confirmed. "Last sighting was yesterday noon."

"You mean to say we was hiding out all ruttin' night for nothing?" Jayne asked incredulously. "What took you guys so long, anyhows?"

Zoe shrugged, a slight smirk on her lips. "Captain thought it would be funny." She stated simply.

Then she glanced up at Andrew who was standing just inside the cargo-bay, bag in hand, twisting back and forth as he stared longingly at Jayne.

"I have to say, he was right." She added, her smile growing wider. Ah, this was the life.

"Jue si wang jiang yao wo de!" Jayne tucked his head down, a murderous glare in his eyes as he stalked up the ramp, growling threats directed towards the Captain as he walked away from Zoe.

As he came up next to Andrew, he leaned in close and directed one towards him as well. "You say a word 'bout what happened last night, an' what I'll do to you will make them Reavers look cuddly!"

"Chillax, dude." Andrew offered indifferently. "What happened behind some random outcropping, stays…" Then his attention was completely sidetracked as he noticed Inara making her way down the stairs with Mal in tandem.

"Inara Serra." Andrew exclaimed under his breath and rushed forward to meet them. Bowing slightly, he took Inara's hand and kissed it lightly. "Hello, fair lady. Why, you're more exquisite than Leia herself."

Inara smiled back graciously as he released her hand. "Thank you, I'm sure." She answered with a slight chuckle.

Andrew quickly turned his attention towards Mal. "And you must be Mr. Malcolm; like Han leading his band of rebels through the galaxy." He noted with awe, then as he looked up and around the spaceship, he added, "The future rocks hard."

Mal scrunched up his face as Jayne and Zoe joined the welcoming party. "Who, now?" The captain asked curiously, looking first at Andrew and then to the blank faces surrounding him.

Jayne shrugged, well used to the kid and his long list of folk and their foreign titles. "Them's core folk, I reckon." He offered.

"How rude of me, I forgot to introduce myself." The boy realized suddenly and extended his hand. "I'm Andrew, here for the slayer of Vampyrs."

"Slay…Oh, you mean, River?" Mal realized, speaking the words slowly. "That's right. Hold on, now, and I'll get her. Albatross!" He bellowed at the top of his lungs, "Your…" Pausing, he looked to Andrew to explain his relation.

"Watcher." Andrew offered proudly.

"Your Watcher is here!"

"Technically Watcher Junior because I'm not yet certified." Andrew corrected. "But not to worry, I watch lots of young girls."

"What exactly is it that you do again?" Inara wondered out loud, but they were all thinking it.

"You know, get food and drinks, fight evil, stuff like that." Andrew explained casually, as if the former and later were equally significant.

"Mmm, I see." Mal responded in an amused manner. "And Jayne? He treat you alright?"

"He was magnificent!" Andrew praised boastfully, and smiled admiringly at Jayne next to him, who seemed to perk up at the compliment. "Like Captain America and He-Man rolled into one." He described, and then a contemplative look crossed his features. "Except, a lot more grouchy. Plus, he doesn't like it when you pretend with his weapons."

"I thought you said you weren't gonna bring that up?" Jayne grumbled out of the side of his mouth.

"Silly, silly, mercenary." Andrew started slowly, stalling for words. "Everyone here knows I am in fact referring to the arsenal…Oh, look !" He exclaimed, thankful for the sudden appearance of River on the walkway above them. So, he was just a little scared of the big guy.

"Hello, little one." Andrew greeted as he waved up at her. "Are you ready to engage in training that will test your strength and endurance above and beyond what you ever thought possible?"

Gripping the railing, River blinked down at Andrew with her large, dark eyes. Instead of answering the question directly, she cocked her head and spoke in an even tone. "Human decomposition begins approximately 4 minutes after death occurs. A Vampires' death is instantaneous and therefore less gruesome. They don't believe in the undead, but I do." She finished with a smile.

"They will soon, my friend. They will soon." Andrew reassured awkwardly, and then turned his attention back to the group, lowering his voice to a nervous whisper. "That chick's kinda creepy."

"Little, old, River?" Zoe exclaimed in astonishment, slapping Andrew on the back. "Not to worry, kid. Just don't make any sudden movements and you'll be fine."

Inara put her arm around Andrew's shoulders and steered him towards the guest quarters and away from the instigators. "Don't pay any attention to them." She comforted. "River's pretty much harmless."

Jayne snorted and called after them, "Have me an 8 inch gash that says otherwise!"

"She's only ever hurt Jayne." Inara quickly amended. "But she can read his mind, so I'm sure there was ample cause."

"Oh, good. I mean, I think Jayne can handle himself. He's pretty strong. And also…never mind. Do you guys ever travel at the speed of light? Because that would be bad-ass."

Southern Italy; Earth-That-Was/Is…

A cool breeze drifted lazily through the open window of the Italian villa, the billowing curtains causing golden light to flicker and bounce abstractly across the space.

Andrew hardly noticed as he lay atop the covers of his narrow bed, stuck in a hypnotic daydream. Staring at the comic he held in his hand, he continued to longingly outline the many over-exaggerated muscles making up Jayne Cobb's physique.

"Andrew." A faraway voice half called, half demanded.

Even now, he could hear the mercenary addressing him by name instead of his usual affectionate epithets, such as boy or dipshit. Also, he sounded slightly more effeminate.

"ANDREW!" Bethany tried louder this time, sticking her hands impatiently on her hips.

Andrew startled and sat up, a rush of jumbled, nervous words spilling from his lips. "There's-no-secret-plot-to-take-down-the-cell-within-I-swear."

The young girl wrinkled up her face. "Huh?"

Andrew turned his head and looked directly at the slayer standing in his doorway. "Oh." He muttered awkwardly.

Then, in an attempt to regain his composure, he lifted his chin and made his voice sound as authoritative as possible. "Slayer, Bethany." He addressed coolly. "Please state the reason you've disturbed my quiet time of self-reflection and meditation."

The freckled, mousy redhead looked straight at the brightly colored comic book in Andrew's hand and rolled her eyes. "When are you coming down, Andy? The girls have been ready for over an hour."

Cocking her head to the side, the girl popped her gum and continued. "Personally, I don't see the benefits of an entire session dedicated to the how-to of witty banter, but some of the newbie's are eager."

Well, little one, you see, it's not all chop-chop out there." Andrew explained patiently, and reached a hand up to brush the over-long curls from his eyes. "Stakes and stones may break their…" Pausing, he found the right words and self-corrected, "kill them dead, but words will make you look super-cool and edgy."

Bethany frowned. "That's not how the saying goes."

"No matter." Andrew dismissed and stood up. "The great bambina herself uses these methods. You must have faith in the process my young Padawan."

"Whatever." Bethany dismissed and shrugged. "You don't have to get all speechy." Taking a second look at the comic, she changed the subject. "So, who's that anyways? He's kinda hot for a cartoon."

Andrew gasped at the girl's ignorance. "Only the most misunderstood character in the highly acclaimed cult hit but prematurely cancelled series Firefly. People get mad at Jayne for what he did to River and Simon, but everyone makes mistakes. Besides, redemption is hard for people like us."

Returning the comic book carefully to its plastic sleeve, Andrew gave it one last meaningful look, and with a sigh, tucked it securely away on his shelf.

Anyways, he should know first-hand that Jayne wasn't so bad, after all, the merc had protected him that night in the desert, long ago, in the future.

Rough Chinese:

"Jue si wang jiang yao wo de!" - His death is going to be mine.