A/N: This is silly. And stupid. Yay!

I hope you enjoy all these stupid things going around in this dork's head.

God, it was cold. God.

The tips of my fingers were completely and utterly frozen, and they felt numb and stiff as I tried my fucking best to handle the ropes of the 3DMG gear. To make it even harder, it was raining – and my coat that was supposedly going to keep me all warm and cozy was drenched through and did less than nothing to maintain my body temperature.

Why do we have to do training in this miserable weather, you ask?

Because:

"The titans won't stop attacking just because it's raining or a bit chilly! You guys are soldiers – you must be ready for battle on any day and in any weather!"

-Erwin Smith, Commander of the Scouting Legion (Captain Eyebrows)

But yeah, that's the reason why I, Eren Jaeger, along with the rest of the squad, were whizzing around on these slippery 3DMG gears face-planting into trees because we couldn't fucking see a single damn thing with the sun completely covered by those depressing grey clouds that dumped buckets of rain down into our eyes which really didn't help either.

Oh, and to make matters even better, it was so fucking cold that the ground below us was covered in fluffy white stuff called snow (they look fluffy but actually they're hard as shit), and the rivers are frozen rock solid which really, you know, added to the simply intense thrill of training on this fucking cold miserable day.

I sigh sadly with great enthusiasm and dodge another clump of narrowly missed trees. I look around the forest, wondering where the next titan target would be. I haven't seen one for ages. And speaking of not seeing things, I haven't seen any human beings for ages either.

Perhaps a little problematic.

I shrug it off and immediately smoosh dramatically into a tree (ow) but then manage to shakily keep going, grimacing at my sore nose. I feel so sorry for it, really, having to deal with all these assaults. But seriously, I know this isn't really the time to be feeling sorry about my nose.

The sky was getting even darker than before, and I really couldn't see much more in front of me than shadows of trees. And I still haven't seen anyone.

Maybe I should go back.

But by now I've ventured a little too far into this forest and adding the fact that my sense of direction was pretty much shit, I really didn't know which way I'm supposed to go let alone which way I go to go back.

Uhhh this is annoying.

I spot a nice looking branch to stop on and land on it, my arm coming up to grapple onto the tree trunk so I don't fall off. What I didn't consider was that the entire tree was pretty much a freaking ice cube and that my feet and my hand would just decide to slip right off so I go toppling down like 50 feet to the ground where I'll probably smash my head open like a watermelon.

Yeah hahahaha shit.

The freezing wind's whistling in my ears as I fall, but I'm not listening to that because I'm trying my fucking best to get my stupid 3DMG gear to get me out of this fall, but unfortunately its tangled or its stuck or something because I'M STILL FALLING.

This is really not what I define as fun.

I hit the ground just as I realise that I didn't actually hit the ground but the fucking frozen river, which chose to crack open under me as I land so I didn't just skid around on the top but I was dunked under into the fucking cold water. It hurt, yes, but the cold from the running river underneath the frozen layer pretty much numbed everything for me anyway. Before I could grab onto anything decent to grab onto which was certainly not the slippery frozen ice on top of the river which was in truth the only thing there was available for me at the moment, I'm swept beneath the ice sheet and into the fast current of the river.

I took a breath before I forgot that I couldn't actually breathe in the water which was a shame, really, seeing as my lungs were quite free of oxygen and quite full of water now.

Great.

The last thought I had as I felt my mind numbing along with my body was that maybe patients should get dumped in this river for a bit before their operation or whatever rather than getting all that expensive anesthetic because seriously, this shit works great.

Oh hey. I'm back!

And I'm somehow not that cold anymore! Double win for Jaeger, I guess.

Maybe the afterlife is pretty warm or something because I'm feeling a big snug over here.

I shift a bit and open my eyes slowly to be met with a roaring flame right in front of me, and my heart malfunctions as my eyes snap open.

Oh fucking no what did I do wrong in my life? God forgive me, please, what did I do to end up in hell?

I attempt jumping backwards away from the fire but my body's not really responding to my orders and I only manage to do a lazy shuffle before I collide into a body behind me and I yelp.

It must be Hades.

"Will you fucking calm down?"

Hades' voice sounds oddly familiar.

I turn my head around just as I feel something wrapping around my waist, and I find corporal's grumpy face looking down at me scornfully.

Corporal?

"Wait, you died too, corporal?" I blurt out before I could stop myself and screamed internally as his glare bore into my face. I wave my sluggish arms in front of me in petty defense. "Sorry sorry I'm sorry-"

Corporal gave something between a sigh and a grunted 'dumbass' and pulled me tighter against him, adjusting the blanket that I hadn't realised was wrapped around me.

I really couldn't make out the situation here.

"So, um." I twisted my head around to face him again. "So I'm not dead?"

"Brat." Corporal glowered at me and I quickly turn my head back in fear of him biting my face off or something.

"So can I assume that I'm alive or-"

"Yes." He sighed loudly, clearly annoyed as he slumped his head onto my shoulder and grinded his forehead into it. It kind of hurt.

"Oh, okay, just er wanted to make sure." I stammered, shifting uncomfortably. "So, um, what am I doing here-"

"You." Corporal's angry grunt shut me up promptly. "You were leisurely floating down a fucking frozen river. And you were freezing your butt off but you were just taking a nap or some shit and I had to get in that fucking river and get your sorry arse out of the water."

Oh. Well.

"I'm sorry-"

"You fucking well should be."

"I didn't mean to fall in-"

"I fucking hope you didn't."

I stare uneasily into the fire. Okay. He's pissed. And me speaking really wasn't making anything better.

Probably be best to just shut up.

We stay in awkward silence for a while. All I could feel was the heat from the flame on my bare feet and the rise and fall of corporal's chest against my back, oddly comforting and calming.

After a bit, I cautiously open my mouth. "Um, thank you for saving me." I say, "It must have been cold-"

"Fucking hell it was."

I closed my eyes.

Ahh dammit. I should've just stayed quiet-

"….But I'm glad you're okay."

I open my eyes and stare into the fire grimly before I realized what he just said. I try to turn around but he had his arms around me tightly, practically holding me into place.

"You fucking scared me. You were in that river for over an hour; if you were any ordinary human you'd have been long dead."

Thanks.

"And your lips were sickeningly blue and you were barely breathing. You looked like a decomposing dolphin."

Thanks.

"But anyway. I'm glad you were fine." He said quietly, and I felt a set of warm lips on the back of my neck. The heat traveled all the way to my face and I was left with a face the colour of a tomato and no words to say.

"C-corporal…"

"Hm?"

"It's a bit… too hot now."

It could totally go to a lurvly sex scene from here :D but idk, up to you guys!