A/N: Ok, this is right after Spider-Man 2, and Peter and MJ are together and of course she knows who he is. This is a one-shot. BTW, to those waiting for another chappie of Tangled Webs I did not just write this, it's been laying around a while and I just decided to post it. My hands are shaking so bad I keep hitting the wrong keys, so I'll let you get on to the ficlet now.
DISCLAIMER:
I did not create Jameson or Spider-Man,
From these stories I make no money,
I'd simply like to tell a story if I can,
So to sue would not be funny.
Community Service
J. Jonah Jameson walked out of the building of the Daily Bugle fighting back a yawn. He had stayed late because that crazy kid photographer had been late again, but Jameson had really needed those photos. No one but Parker could get photos of the city's resident web-slinger. Or so it seemed.
Turning to his right and walking along the sidewalk toward his car he didn't notice the silken spider string until he walked right into it. Which got him caught in the sticky material. Upon noticing that some of it had caught on his jacket, but nowhere else, he attempted to free the jacket by grabbing the silk strands with one hand and pulling. Unable to get it off, he released the string. Well, tried to anyway. Jameson's right hand was stuck where he had grabbed the webbing.
He threw himself back, but was rewarded only by pain as the skin of his right hand was put under strain, his body weight and the spider silk playing tug o' war with his hand. He sighed, muttering under his breath about menaces and front pages. Jameson continued to try to free himself, but the more he struggled the more entangled he became. Finally another new idea came to him: his pocket knife. He smirked as he produced the item from a pocket on his slacks. Then he tried to cut a strand. And tried. And tried.
The pitiful steel blade was getting Jameson absolutely nowhere. After ten minutes of sawing, stabbing, and chopping at the spider silk he still hadn't even made a visible mark in it. "This stuff's like steel, except it's stronger and more pliable. That web-slinging menace! I'll sue him!" Jameson grumbled to himself as he gave up and took a seat on the pavement. Getting more efficiently stuck to the sticky silk in the process. He sighed and got ready for a long wait.
Several hours later
"There ya go sir, sorry ya got caught in the web," a police officer said as she burned the last of the webbing off of Jameson with a lighter, keeping control of the flame with a squirt gun.
"Yeahyeah." Jameson snapped before rushing to unlock the door of the Bugle. I gotta GO! C'monc'mon, stupid lock! Ah, there! The door unlocked, and he dashed in as if his wallet depended on it.
Several minutes later he relocked the door of the Bugle and headed for his car, this time watching for any stray strands of webbing he might walk into. On the way home, he thought back to those several hours when he'd been firmly stuck in place. Jameson had come up with a way to make Spider-Man pay for that. An almost feral grin came to his lips as he thought about it. He was going to make Spider-Man pay, oh yes he was.
Next Morning
Peter had web-swung most of the way there, but now he was close, and pulled off into an alley. He yanked his mask, gloves and boots off before reaching into his backpack for his normal clothes and pulling them on over the rest of his Spidey suit. He shoved the floppy boots, mask and gloves in coat and pant pockets. Finally he slung his backpack over his shoulder again before dashing the rest of the way to his destination: his first class of the day at the university.
For once he made it there on time, so he was there when everyone was gossiping about Spider-Man, who had once again made front page news. "What's the buzz on Spider-Man this time?" he asked Gavin, one of the few classmates who wasn't always picking on him when he did make it to class.
Gavin waved the paper in his face, and then tossed on Peter's desk. "That goon at the Bugle, Jameson, he's tryinna make Spidey look like a freakin' criminal uh sumpthin. Doesnn know what he's talkin' about." Then he walked off to his own desk, leaving Peter with the paper.
Peter rotated the paper, which had landed on his desk so that it was upside down. He gawked at the headline, which read:
WEB-SLINGING MENACE STRIKES AGAIN!
Then, in smaller print:
Spider-Man has been littering the city for over 2 years- And getting away with it!
Oh brother! Littering? Ha! The front page photo showed strings of webbing hanging from a good portion of the buildings along one street.Uh-oh. Is that what Jameson meant by littering? Peter was suddenly anxious to read the article on this. He thumbed through the paper until he found what he was looking for. What little pigment there was to Peter Parker's face promptly drained.
Jameson was suing Spider-Man for pain and anguish because he had gotten stuck in a strand of Spidey's webbing. He had also convinced the city council (or most of it) that Spider-Man was a litterer and that something must be done about it. Well, on the bright side, MJ will get a real kick outta this one! Oh boy. Spider-Man. Littering. Lawsuits. Yippee.
Spidey's day in court
Spider-Man walked into the court. To the disappoinment of many in the noisy courtroom he didn't rip off his mask and reveal his identity. He made his way to the front of the courtroom. Spidey reflected for a a moment on how hard it was to have a lawyer when you couldn't tell them who you are or where to reach you.
Aunt May didn't know Spidey was her nephew, so she wasn't there. Harry wasn't talking to Peter yet, being torn between brotherly love and his hatred for the wallcrawler that had killed his father, so he wasn't there either. But one important person in Spidey/Peter's life was there. Mary Jane Watson. She was smiling supportively at him, and that almost made up for the absences of the other two.
The judge must have gotten fed up with waiting for things to settle down, because he then brought his gavel down on his table with a mighty, resounding WHAM! Red-faced with impatience, the judge screamed, "EVERYBODY, SHUT UP! COURT IS NOW. IN. SESSION!" bringing the gavel down (a little lighter than the first time) again with each of the last three words. Calm once more, the judge sat down in his chair. Making it apparent that he was, in fact quite short. His eyes were almost level with his table. "Now, let's get this started. I would like to finish soon, as I have a very hot date tonight."
A little taken aback by that, Peter felt his eyebrows go up. This midget had a lot of guts. Maybe to make up for his obvious lack of height, Peter thought, grinning.
"Alright, now, Jameson, this is the third time this year that I have seen you in this courtroom and we haven't even had Valentine's Day yet. So, let's see, this time you're whining about Mr. Spider-Man's webs. Why? Ah, I see, here it is. So, you're proposing that--" The judge was rudely interrupted as an explosion split the air, and a jagged, smoking hole was blasted through the thick, sturdy wooden French doors of the courtroom. A dark, somewhat familiar silhouette could be seen through the smoke. As the smoke cleared, Spidey began to recognize the silhouette. He gasped. It can't be! He was dead! Wasn't he? Wasn't he?
The Green Goblin stood in the hole, fists on his hips, in all his shiny green glory. "Spider-Man, I am here to avenge my father!" Spider thought about it for a moment. Gobby used to be Norman Osborn, his only child was Harry... Holy radioactive strawberries! Harry has followed in his father's footsteps to become DUN DUN DUN the next booming voice GREEN GOBLIN!
"But Har- I mean, uh, Gobby! Remember all the good times! We used to be like brothers!" shouted Spidey, waving his arms like a six-year-old on a sugar high.
"And now we will FIGHT like brothers, Brother! MUWAHAHAHAHA!"
Spidey scratched his spandex-covered head. "You mean we're gonna tackle each other, shout insults, and not mean any of it?"
Silence.
"Could you repeat that in English? I don't speak imbecile," Gobby replied.
Had Spidey not been wearing his mask, those in the courtroom would have seen his face turn red with wrath and indignation. "HEY, I am the one who got you through highschool science! If it weren't for me, you would not have graduated! So WATCH who you call an imbecile, PAL!"
"Imbecile! Imbecile! Imbecile!"
"That's it buddy! YOU are gonna be dead meat!" Thus ensued a chase around the courtroom. Our spandex-masked hero chased the Goblin all over the room, until the judge decided he had had enough.
"ENUUUUUFFFFFFFF!" screamed the judge, red-faced again. The chase stopped instantly. "RETURN TO YOUR SEAT, MR. SPIDER-MAN, AND MR. GOBLIN, FIND A PLACE TO SIT UNTIL THIS HEARING IS OVER!" Both did as they were told, unwilling to anger the midget judge any further. The midget calmed, and sat down. "Now, where were we? Oh yes, Mr. Jameson wants Spider-Man to do community service, for littering. Well, the way I see it, Spider-Man already does community service by helping the police with this city's crime rate, and saving the city. Mr. Jameson, you also said, and I quote, 'someone should have to clean up that mess the web-slinger always leaves behind.' Hmm... I agree. Someone should have to clean up the mess."
Jameson grinned triumphantly; Spider-Man sighed with resignation. Great. Another task to add to my already-crammed schedule. Might as well kiss what little sleep I do get goodbye, Peter thought.
"Since you are so eager to see the mess cleaned up, you can do it, Jameson." Sputtering attempted protests, Jameson looked like a fish out of water. "Better get going, Jameson." The judge smirked as the plaintiff walked sullenly out of the room. "Goodbye, court is adjourned." To himself, "And I have a hot date to get ready for."
Spider-Man followed Green Goblin out of the courthouse to continue their fight somewhere, and Mary Jane went back to Peter's apartment.
Somewhere else in the city, on top story of a skyscraper, Jameson was on his hands and knees, trying to reach a piece of webbing at the end of a flagpole with one hand, a garbage sack clutched tightly in the other. "I hate heights," he muttered when he accidentally looked down. Just then, Goblin zipped past him on the glider, followed closely by Spider-Man. Jameson glared at the wallcrawler. "I hate Spider-Man." Spider-Man webslung again, wrapping another sticky silk strand around the flagpole Jameson had just freed. "I hate my life."
END.