Disclaimer:
Rating:
R - for language, adult content, suicide attempts and sexual scenes later to come. NO LEMON. I repeat, NO LEMON. I don't like to go that graphic with sex. I prefer it to be left up to other's imaginations. The closest I'll ever get to a lemon is what you'd see in a romance novel by Carla Neggers (she's not very graphic, well, at least not in the novels I've read by her, that's why I like her).Author's Note:
I don't exactly know at what point in the show my character comes in. I just put her in wherever. But take note, there are a few changes. Such as, Shelby and Scott are not a couple; they never were nor will be a couple. I'm sorry. I like them as a couple too, but I want him with my character. I love Hayden Christensen. He's so hot. Ahem! Anyway… Feel free to criticize my story and tell me if you see anything wrong with it. I'm not one of those wimpy little girls who's gonna start bawling just because someone found something wrong with her story or just didn't like something about it. If I see fit, I might change whatever it is that I did wrong. If not, stop reading or just bear with it. Without further ado, here's my story…KYLENE'S POV
"Kylene, get out of the car."
"Fuck you."
Those were the last words exchanged between me and my dad the day he dropped me off at Horizon.
I had been sitting in the back seat of his Mercedes, trying to stay as far away from him as I could possibly manage. It had been hot that day. Humid, actually. By the time we'd reached the parking lot at Horizon, I was sweating and my legs were sticking to the cheap leather interior of the car, and the ride itself had been most unpleasant. Dad had actually made an attempt to "bond" with his daughter—an attempt he hadn't tried in a while. Actually, truthfully, he was just trying to distract himself from the long drive from Illinois to Horizon. At first he tried asking me stupid questions he already knew the answers to, but when I made the obvious clear, he moved onto to subjects and events that had long since gone by and didn't want to be brought up again. When I told him off about that too, he'd had just about enough of my "attitude" and started criticizing me and ridiculing me and telling me about everything he found wrong in my life. I just ignored it though, having been used to this sort of thing for months now.
It was such a relief when we finally got to Horizon and I was able to relieve myself from that hot, smelly, disgusting car. And I found sitting in that small, stuffy office with two other people named Peter and Sophie, who were obviously counselors here at Horizon, talking about me and looking over my files much more pleasant than sitting alone with Dad while he tried to have a conversation with me (well, that is, until me and Dad got in a fight in front of them…).
The meeting had been brief. Peter and Sophie seemed like nice people, and I was very surprised when I first met them. We sat and talked for a while and looked over my files, but they never asked me about my problems. No, they seemed to avoid that whole subject, which I was relieved for. The other shrinks I had gone to had asked me right away, as soon as I walked in the room and sat down on that damn couch-bed thing. "What's wrong?" "How can we help you?" "Can you tell us what happened?" (But always after the first meeting, I never came back.) But with these people, that seemed to be the last thing on their minds at the moment. Which, I suppose it was, since they were supposed to be concentrating on getting me settled in and everything. But still, the fact that they didn't peg me with questions made me like them all the more. And now, thinking back on it, I feel a little guilty about how I acted towards them during our meeting.
"Hi Kylene, I'm Peter Scarbrow," the tall dark haired man had greeted me as me and dad walked into their office. "And this is Sophie Becker." He gestured to a pretty blonde woman with big blue eyes sitting beside him behind a rather large desk.
"Hi," I'd said blandly, dropping my bags to the floor and sitting down in one of the chairs they had set up in front of the desk without waiting to be asked.
"And Mr. Johnson," he'd directed towards Dad. And Dad had put on his fake "I'm a good father, really, I am" act. But I couldn't really tell if Peter and Sophie bought it. They were very reserved people, I noticed. They didn't make their emotions very evident, and usually I'm pretty good about reading other people's emotions.
"Uh, we have your files here and everything," Sophie said after they'd finished their little introductory chit-chat, taking a familiar looking manila envelope out from one of the drawers of the desk. She opened her mouth to say something more, but I cut her off.
"Can I see it?" I asked. "I've seen that folder passed around so many times, but I've never actually seen what it has to say about me," I said sarcastically and put on a fake smile.
The Sophie woman hesitated, taking a second to glance at Peter before handing me the folder. I opened it and took out the papers it contained. The first paper was just a basic status sheet:
Name: Kylene Johnson
Sex: Female
Age: 16
DOB: April 15, 1986
Father: Alex Johnson
Mother: Heather Clark Johnson (deceased)
Legal Guardians: Rachel Campbell (stepmother)
Grade admitted: 11th
Issues: Manic depression, suicidal attitude, drug and alcohol usage
"Ha, issues," I murmured to myself, laughing quietly, all the while only partially listening to Sophie and Peter go over the rules and regulations of admitting me there and the rules of having visitors and going home on vacations and such.
Background information: Lives with father and stepmother in Illinois. Has no siblings. Attended Anderson Community Academy in Chicago, Illinois. Honor student. Issues began taking place shortly after biological mother died in car accident. Signs of depression started days after accident. Was caught doing drugs and alcohol three weeks later. Grades started slipping, quit extra curricular courses and dropped out of basketball. Started showing suicidal attitude four days after that.
I frowned at reading the background information. I felt like a scientific specimen or something to that effect. They were so blunt about the information they gave.
The other papers were hospital records and such, phone numbers and addresses and notes from previous shrinks I've had. "Yeah, that pretty much explains me," I said once I finished looking through the papers.
"Is everything all right?" Peter asked me.
"Yep," I replied, leaning back in my chair. "Just peachy." I put the papers back in the envelope and handed them back to Sophie, who set them on the desk before her.
"Okay, so we have your records and everything," she said. "Um, do you and your father have any questions?"
"When can I leave?" I asked before Dad could say no, knowing that he would have if I hadn't spoken up.
Peter and Sophie exchange glances at each other. "When you graduate from here," Peter said.
"When will that be?"
"Your senior year."
"What?" I asked, incredulous. Dad had said nothing about me staying here until I graduate from high school. That's two school years including this year. "I thought I could leave as soon as I'm 'cured'," I argued.
I watched Peter give Dad a look. Obviously they'd talked about this before and I'd been left out. "Yes, well, the only other way you can leave earlier than that is if your father takes you out. And your father has paid for you to remain here until the end of your senior year."
I turned on Dad, now pissed. "You what?" He's promised me that I could leave here as soon as I was better. He'd told me that this was my last shot, and if I made it I could go live with Aunt Flora and everything would be okay again, and now here he was dumping me off at this place for two years.
"Now, honey, we talked about this," Dad said, trying to cover up his embarrassing screw up.
"Don't call me honey," I snapped. "And no, we never talked about this. You never said I'd have to stay here until I graduate from high school."
"Well, it is a school—"
"Would you like us to leave you two alone, to talk things out?" Peter broke in, him and Sophie getting ready to leave.
"No, there's nothing to talk about," Dad said sternly, his eyes on me. "She's staying here, and that's final."
"Fuck that," I growled, my temper raging. "There's no way I'm staying here. No way in hell." I stood up to leave, but Dad grabbed my arm, squeezing tight. I winced at his strength and stopped in my tracks.
"Kylene Rebecca Johnson, none of that. You're staying here and that's that," Dad hollered, and for a minute I knew fear. Whenever he used my full name I knew that wasn't good. I felt myself literally cringe, and I looked over at Peter and Sophie to see their expressions.
They both looked a little stricken at the scene we were making here, and I noticed they had their attention focused on where Dad was holding me, the grip he had on me. Dad must've noticed too, for he dropped my arm like it was on fire and backed away from me. I saw his face turn a bright shade of red right before he started edging towards the door, preparing to make his escape. "Well, I must be going," he stammered quickly, making excuses so he could leave, something about work and traffic. "Call me with all the information later," he said to Peter. And with that, he whirled around and made his exit.
And without thinking, I pushed past him and bolted out the door, leaving my bags behind in their office. I ran to the car, got in the back seat and locked myself in. Dad, Peter and Sophie came running out. Dad was pissed. His face was beat red and his eyes were nothing but tiny little slits. I felt another twinge of fear as I watched him from the car window. I knew he wouldn't hit me, especially in front of these people. He usually only hit me when he was really drunk, or on rare occasions when I somehow managed to get him really, really pissed off and he lost his temper. But still, he could get really scary when he was mad.
Dad just looked at me for a minute without even speaking. He was breathing heavily, his nostrils flared, and trying to control his temper. I could feel tears beginning to sting my eyes, and I bit my bottom lip in an attempt to control them. I looked Dad straight in the eye and I told him exactly how I felt at that moment. "I hate you," I told him through the tiny open crack in the window, my voice shaky as I spoke.
His expression didn't change any as he stepped up to the car and tried to open my door, but found it locked. "Get out of the car, Kylene," he said.
"No."
"I said get out of the car, Kylene," he repeated.
"No!" I screamed. "I wanna go back home. I wanna go live with Aunt Flora."
"You can when this is all over."
"No."
"Kylene, please," Sophie begged. "Come with us. We can discuss how long you'll stay with us later. Maybe we can work something out."
That was all bullshit. I knew it was. I didn't move.
I watched Dad's expression change from just pissed off to dangerously pissed off. "Get out of the car, Kylene."
I felt a tear escape my left eye, and I bit down on my lip hard, closing both eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming. Knowing that I was loosing this battle, I unlocked the door and got out of the car.
"Fuck you," I said to Dad, putting as much hate as I could muster into it.
He ignored me as he got in the car and then drove off. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see Sophie. She gave me a sympathetic look and led me back into their office, Peter following closely behind. "Are you all right?" she asked once we were back inside.
I nodded but didn't say anything.
She cleared her throat. "I know you don't want to stay with us, Kylene," she said, speaking softly, comfortingly. "But, really, we're not so bad. Once you get used to things and accept them, time seems to fly by. If everything goes well, you should be out of here in no time. Okay?"
I looked up at her, and her face was so sincere and her eyes were filled with such honesty I couldn't think of anything else to do but agree. She gave me a small smile and patted me on the back.
"Welcome to Horizon," she said light-heartedly.
"Thank you," I said, my voice a little cracked up.
"Well, now, let's see if we can get you settled in, hmm? You'll be with our group, the Cliffhangers—"
"The Cliffhangers?"
"Yes. I'll get one of the girls to show you around and get you settled into a dorm, all right?"
I nodded and went to grab my bags that were sitting on the floor, but Peter stopped me.
"We'll have to check your bags first," he told me.
"For what?" I asked, confused.
"For drugs, alcohol, anything you might be able to use to harm yourself."
"What the hell is this?" I asked, suddenly angry again. First they wanted to keep me here for two full years, and now they were going to go through all my belongings? I felt like I was going into a prison more than a school/rehab thing.
"Just a basic procedure," he explained. "We do it with all the kids who first come here."
I glared at him but didn't bother to put up an argument. I'd had enough arguing for one day. Without saying another word, I turned to Sophie and let her lead me down the hall and out a back door leading to the outdoors. We walked around outside for a while, all the while she filled me in about Horizon, what it was like and what the rules were. I only paid attention to about half of them as I was looking all around me, checking the place out. This whole place just screamed campground. We were surrounded by thick forest and tall mountains. There were only a couple buildings. There was the main office building, and Sophie pointed out the mess hall and the girls' dormitory and the boys' dormitory. Most of the classes took place outside, she told me. And in the woods is where they went hiking, rappelling, canoeing, wind surfing, hang-gliding, and kayaking. I felt a little better at knowing about the outdoor activities. I'm an outdoor kind of girl, so that easily pleased me. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad, I'd thought to myself at the time. Maybe if I just treat it like it was summer camp or something, I could get through this easier.
We finally met up with someone who went here, and Sophie called out to her, "Daisy!"
The girl whirled around at the sound of her voice, her shoulder length brown hair snapping around her shoulders at the movement. She was just a little shorter than me, with dark eyes and a pretty, round face. In fact, I thought she was very pretty. She looked like your typical, normal teenager dressed in baggy khaki pants, a gray ¾ sleeve T-shirt and a pair of Adidas sneakers. "Yeah?" the girl called Daisy asked.
"This here's a newbie, she'll be joining our group," Sophie said, gesturing towards me. "Kylene, this is Daisy. Daisy, this is Kylene."
"Hi," we both said in unison.
"Do you think you could be her buddy for a bit, help her get settled in and maybe show her around?" Sophie asked.
"Sure," Daisy said cheerfully, offering me a friendly smile.
Sophie left and Daisy and I started heading off towards the dorms. "So, you just get here?" she asked as we walked.
"Yeah, just a few minutes ago, actually," I replied.
"Ah. Where you from?"
"Illinois."
"Chicago?"
"Yeah…how'd you know?"
"Lucky guess." She shrugged. "So you a city girl?"
"Not really. I hate the city."
"Oh, then you'll love it here. Surrounded by woods, mountains, the only people around you are the people who work here and attend this place."
"Joy," I said sarcastically.
Daisy let out a light chuckle. "You sound so pleased to be here." She was trying to lighten my mood, but it wasn't working very well. When she found this out, she decided a different approach. "Well, don't worry. I was the same way when I first came here. But once you get used to everything, things aren't so bad."
I was getting sick of hearing that, 'Once you get used to everything, things aren't so bad'. "Is that seriously how you feel about this place, or do they tell you to say that to the 'newbies'?"
That brought another laugh out of her. "No. Well, I mean, this place isn't perfect. It's got its ups and downs. It's like a regular school mixed with a rehab and wilderness camp. It's weird, really. The school part, well, you know, sucks. That's just how school is. And…the rehab part is…well, it's hard…" she trailed off on that subject, seeming not to really want to talk about it, "And the wilderness stuff can be fun. I like the outdoors, but I'm not a very athletic person."
I couldn't help but smile at her personality. Although, I couldn't help but feel like there was more to her, a deeper, darker side that she was hiding. But still, she was my best friend at the moment. She was helping me forget about what happened just minutes ago.
"What are the people like here?" I asked her, forcing myself to become involved in the conversation so she wasn't the one doing all the talking.
She wrinkled her nose in thought. "Some are nice, some aren't so nice, ya know?"
"Yeah," I agreed, nodding.
By then we had reached the dorms, and Daisy led me inside. I realized it wasn't like regular dorms. The rooms were rather large, meant to hold a lot of people, I'd guess about four or five to a room. And they didn't have beds like I'd expected; they had bunk beds instead. Daisy showed me the rooms, the bathrooms and where we took showers and stuff. "You'll be staying with our girly group," Daisy said as she led me into one of the rooms.
"The Cliffhangers?"
"Yep. But the boy Cliffhangers are in the boys' dorms, of course."
"Who are the other Cliffhangers?"
"Well, let's see. There's me, and now you. There's Ezra, Auggie, Shelby, Scott, Jules and Kat. And you've already met Sophie, and I assume Peter. They're our counselors."
"Where are they now?"
"It's lunch time right now, so they'll all be in the mess hall. I was heading over there right before Sophie caught me. Wanna go over and meet 'em and maybe grab a bite to eat?"
I didn't feel like meeting any more people at the time, nor did I feel like eating anything, but I felt bad for disturbing Daisy's lunch, so I agreed to go. We walked over to the mess hall, and I was greeted with the sounds of numerous kids sitting around talking and eating, some still walking around, getting their lunch as we walked through the door. She led me over to a table at the far end of the room, where a group of people was sitting at.
"Hey, guys," Daisy said, making our presence known. "Newbie here." She turned to me. "Kylene, this is Ezra." She pointed to a boy sitting at one end of the table with dark, wild, curly hair, dark eyes, thick eyebrows and a warm, friendly face, who in turn said to me, "Hi."
"Hey," I said shyly, offering him a small smile.
"That's Juliette, but we all call her Jules," Daisy said, pointing to the girl sitting next to Ezra with long, dark hair, just about as dark as mine, except hers was straight and mine was curly with a few streaks of red in it and was a little shorter.
"Heya," Juliette said.
Daisy pointed to a black girl sitting on the other side of Juliette. "And that's Katherine. On the other side we have Auggust, also known as Auggie," a rather handsome, Italian looking boy sitting across from Juliette, "Shelby," a pretty, slightly preppy looking blond girl, "and Scott."
When my eyes fell on Scott, I was like…whoa. He had wild, spiked up blond hair, tan skin, deep blue eyes, and beautiful full lips. He was gorgeous. Possibly the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen. I can't recall ever seeing a guy with lips like his. They were full—but not too full—and smooth and beautifully sculpted. I bit down on my lower lip, completely oblivious to the fact that I was staring at his mouth, wondering what it'd be like to kiss—
"Everyone, this is Kylene," Daisy said, introducing me last and jarring me out of my thoughts. "She's a Cliffhanger now."
The rest of the gang who hadn't already said their hellos said them then.
"You want something to eat?" Daisy asked me. "Because if you do, I'm heading up now…"
"No thanks," I said, shaking my head. "I'm fine."
"Okay," Daisy said, shrugging. And with that, she turned and departed from us.
Scott scooted over a bit and pulled out a chair for me. "Have a seat," he said, his deep voice sending tingles down my spine. I found that my hands were shaking as I sat down beside him and pulled my sleeves over them, trying to hide them. Damn nerves. I was usually pretty cool about these things, why was this happening now? I just hoped my voice wouldn't be as shaky if he tried speaking to me directly.
"Kylene, right?" the girl on the other side of Scott, Shelby, said.
"Y-Yes," I stammered. Damn it all.
"So, Kylene, did you just get here?" Juliette asked.
"Yes."
"Where are you from?" Auggie asked.
"Illinois."
I was pegged with so many questions I felt like I was one of those famous movie stars being questioned by reports or something. I wasn't used to being the center of attention. I was more used to being one amongst the group, or off to the side, never the center. We talked for a while about this and that, them telling me about Horizon and their general experiences of living here. Daisy eventually came back and joined in on our conversation.
Every now and then I'd steal a glance at Scott, and in turn sometimes I'd catch him glancing back at me, making me slightly blush. Was he attracted to me too? I wondered, butterflies fluttering around in my stomach at the thought. It'd been so long since I was last attracted to a guy, or had a guy attracted me—well, to my knowledge, anyway. But that changed when I saw the look on Shelby's face. Uh-oh. Was she his girlfriend? Or just a jealous on-looker? Still, feeling rather bummed and embarrassed about the whole thing, I forced myself to refrain from looking at him again through out the rest of the lunch period.
After lunch everyone had to go back to their classes, so Daisy dropped me back off at the main office so I could talk to Peter and Sophie about setting up my schedule and stuff. Peter gave me back my bags after finding that there were no drugs or alcohol or razors or anything that I could use to harm myself and told me I was good to go. But he informed me that he'd taken my Nicotine patches and said that I'd have to come by every day to get one. Sophie then sat me down and talked to me about setting up my classes and we came up with a schedule. By then it was nearing three o' clock and I was totally exhausted and craving a cigarette. Sophie said I was free for the rest of the day and I could do whatever I wanted, within reason, of course.
Since I knew that having a cigarette wasn't an option, I opted to taking another walk around the campus. I'd be fine for now. I'd had my last cigarette before I came here. I just started the patch today, though. But it was helping, sort of. After walking around for about ten minutes of walking, my legs and back were aching, so I headed for the dorms and decided I'd unpack my things and then take a nap. I slept for three hours, till about six.
And now here I lie on my top bunk, staring up at the ceiling, still thinking about today's events, what happened at lunch today mostly. I can't stop thinking about that Scott guy. I can still picture his face in my mind. I realize now that I'd been so wrapped up in the way his face looked that I hadn't even noticed the rest of him. I laugh at that. But just his face alone makes him like a Greek god. It's not right for a guy to be that good looking. He wasn't the pretty boy type. He was definitely masculine, with his high cheekbones, firm jaw and the little dimple in his chin that I find absolutely adorable. But those lips. God, how I love his lips. They were awfully distracting. And his eyes. They were a deep blue, intense. I could get lost in his eyes easily if I looked at them long enough.
I shake my head, trying to rid myself of these thoughts. These are dangerous thoughts. That Shelby girl was glaring at me at the table for the looks I was giving Scott. I can't help but still feel embarrassed about that. I'm a little afraid to face Shelby tomorrow. Will she tell me to back off? I hope not. I guess I'll just have to bear things out tomorrow.
The others seemed nice too. But I can't help but feel the same feeling that there was a deeper, darker side to them that they were hiding from me like I had felt with Daisy. But then again, I decide that's normal, considering all the people here have their own demons, including me, as much as I hate to admit it. That's why they're here, after all, right?
Classes start at eight o' clock tomorrow. Great. I wish I had come here earlier and started off with everybody else. But Dad hadn't decided to put me in here until the last time I really pissed him off, which was about three weeks ago. I recall the fight we had with disgust. It had been pretty bad, one of the worst we've ever had. Not physically, but emotionally.
"Your coach called me today," Dad had said to me after I'd walked in the door after coming home from a friend's house. "She said you haven't been coming to practices for weeks."
I turned my back to him and walked into the kitchen, ignoring him as he spoke to me. He followed me and stood in the doorway. "What's going on?" he asked.
I didn't reply as I went into the refrigerator to get a drink of orange juice.
"Are you listening to me?"
"Yes," I replied finally.
"Then what the hell's going on? She says she's been trying to get a hold of me for weeks and you've been telling her that I'm away?"
"You were, most of the time," I said as I got out a glass and poured some orange juice into it. My words were slightly slurred, but Dad didn't seem to notice.
"That's not the point. Why were you keeping this from me?"
I sighed and braced the edge of the kitchen counter with my hands, still not turning around to face him. "I don't want to do it anymore, Dad. I can't do it."
"What? Why?"
"I have no desire to play basketball anymore."
"How can you say that? You've quit everything else. Guitar lessons, dancing lessons, art lessons and now this? You used to love all those things and now suddenly you're just giving them all up?"
"Used to, Dad, those are the key words."
"And to top those off, your grades are slipping. People are beginning to wonder, Kylene. You used to always make honor role."
Another sigh, this time an exasperated one. "Yeah, well…"
"Well, what?" Dad raised his voice. He was getting impatient. "I'm not too happy with the fact that you're doing drugs too, but could you at least manage to keep your grades up and go to your practices so people don't find out?"
I frowned. "What does it matter, Dad?" I spat. "You don't care about me, you care about what other people think. All that matters is your precious reputation. It was shattered when your wife committed suicide, what harm does your daughter's life going into corruption do to it?"
I heard footsteps behind me and I felt him forcefully grab my shoulder and jerk me around to face him. I raised my hands in front of me in defense. "I told you never to talk about her," he said, his voice dangerously low. He looked at my face, noticing my bloodshot eyes and my pale face. "You've been doing drugs again, haven't you?" he asked, sounding disgusted.
"But you know I'm right," I retorted, ignoring his question about me doing drugs.
"Your mother didn't commit suicide. She died in a car accident."
"That's just what the police say. But you and I both know she drove off that road on purpose."
"And my reputation isn't shattered," he said, changing the subject. "And that's not all I care about. Rachel's worried about you."
"Oh, that's priceless. My stepmother's worried about me, but my own father isn't."
His face was turning a light shade of red now. His brows were furrowed together, his lips pressed firmly together as he fought for some self-control. I was a little frightened. He wasn't very good at controlling his anger. Rachel was good at it though. He truly loved her. He'd do anything for her. All she had to do was put on arm on his shoulder or say his name and usually he calmed down. But she's not here, and there have been times when even she hadn't been able to control him. Times I don't want to think about…
"Don't try my patience," he growled. "I stopped worrying about you a long time ago."
"Right after mom died," I said.
"Maybe even before," he said, taking me off guard.
I couldn't stop the tears that flowed from my eyes. I thought I'd made myself immune to him, to his harsh words. But I found it still hurt. It hurt so much.
"If I could I'd get rid of you right now."
"Why don't you?" I spat, my voice audibly cracking with my tears.
He paused, as if taking a second to think. "Rachel."
"She thinks you still care about me."
"She's a fucking optimist."
"If she wasn't here you'd get rid of me in an instant," I said, more for my own sake to hear than his.
He nodded. "Damn straight. In fact, I think I will."
My tear drenched eyes widened in confusion. "What?"
"I'll tell Rachel I can't handle you anymore. That I have to send you away."
"No…"
"Yes. You remember that Mt. Horizon place I told you I'd send you to if you didn't straighten out?"
Horror struck me. It was what I'd been fearing. No. Not another one of those rehab places. No, please, no. "No, Dad. Not there. Please, don't. Send me to live with Aunt Flora. She'll take me in. She'd be more than happy to take me in."
"I don't think so," he said, shaking his head. "It's about time I punished you for the way you've been acting. And I think this'll do just the trick."
"I wonder why!" I screamed, tears flowing faster down my cheeks now. "Look at you! Look at our family! And you wonder why I'm screwed up!?"
I was silenced by Dad's hand coming into contact with my right cheek, hitting me hard, forcing my head to snap to the side. I cried out as pain shot through my cheek and down my neck.
"Shut the fuck up!" he hollered. "I didn't do anything wrong! If anything it was you and your fucked up mother!"
My bottom lip trembled and I bit down on it to stop myself to breaking out into sobs. I wanted to fight back. I wanted to stand up for my mother. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I was scared, hurt, very hurt. I was scared he'd hit me again. I was scared that if I said anything he'd only say more. So instead, I hugged my arms close and sank down to the floor, buried my face in my arms and began sobbing violently, my back hitching with each sob.
"I'm calling Horizon tomorrow," Dad said, still looming over me. "I'll talk to Rachel tonight."
I didn't say anything. Couldn't say anything. I was so scared, so tired. I felt nothing for this man but pure hate. And right at that moment, and only for that moment, I felt glad that I'd be leaving him and going to Horizon.
----
A tear falls from my eye and lands on my pillow, leaving a little gray wet mark. That had to be one of the worst days of my life, besides the day when mom died. A lot of what he'd said that day still hurt me today. What he said about me and my mom. And even still now, I don't understand why he hates me and her so. Well, me, actually, I can understand a little. I'm the only child he has. The only reminder he had of my mother. But other than that, I don't see why. And mom…what had she ever done to receive such hatred from him?
Thinking about this is useless, I decide, snuggling closer into my pillow. All it's going to do is cause confusion and pain. That's all it's ever done. Just forget it. Try to forget it all. Everything that happened. Mom…
"Kylene?"
I hear Daisy's voice call from outside the room right before I hear the door begin to open. I close my eyes, pretending to be asleep, hoping she'll go away. I don't want to face them again. Not now. Not when I've been crying. I feel the light from the hallway filter into our room and shine over my face. I hear Daisy walk over to my bunk, and then the light is blocked out as I assume Daisy is standing right in front of me.
"Kylene?" she tries again. "It's dinner time. You wanna come eat?"
I remain as possibly still as I can manage, while trying to keep my breath steady, as though I were really sleeping. After a few seconds of standing there and waiting for a response from me that won't come, she turns and leaves, closing the door behind her.
Phew
, I think, letting out a sigh of relief. I sit up a bit to grab the quilt at the end of my bed and pull it over me, preparing to go to sleep for the rest of the night.