SHOWER FANTASIES

Bakura: I just happened to catch some of our favorite Jak II characters in the shower with my video camera. Needless to say, I will be in hiding after I publish this to save myself from Jak's destructive goat power he will probably unleash on me once he finds out I know what he does in the shower…

I don't own anything.

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Tape 1: Keira

Keira's bathroom is surrounded by lots of pink frilly hearts, teddy bears, and smells sickenly of too much perfume.

Keira: (singing) I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie World. Life in plastic, it's fantastic. You can brush my hair, undress me anywhere… Huh? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! COLD! COLD! COLD! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! HOT! HOT! HOT! (sigh) Just right. I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie World…

Tape 2: Daxter

Daxter: Oh Tess.

Tess: Daxter.

Daxter: Tess.

Tess: Daxter.

Daxter: Tess

Tess: Daxter.

(this continues on for about 2 hours)

Tape 3: Torn

Torn: Down, in the Underground, you'll find someone true. Down, in the Underground, a land serene, a crystal mooooon. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It's only forever, it's not long at all. Lost and lonely, that's Underground. Undergrouuuuuuund!!!!

(in case you are wondering, Torn is singing Underground by David Bowie. It is featured in the movie Labyrinth.)

Tape 4: Erol

Erol: Damnit Jak! Come back here! I'm not finished washing your… OW! Bad goat! BAD! Don't look at me like that! And don't not talk to me either. Jak! Quit it! Jak, no!

(the curtain pulls apart to show a naked Erol trying to catch a white goat looking creature he has lovingly called Jak since they are now dating.)

Tape 5: Samos

Samos: Ahhhhh, water. The life giving substance of our people. But they take it for granted. Damn humans! But soon that will change. They will no longer push the water and plants like they are beneath them. We will rise up and take back the planet. Soon the humans will bow before us! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

Tape 6: Sig

Sig: Oh my beloved Mr. Quackers. I love you so much. We are kindred spirits, you and I. I wish that you were alive so that I could love you the way you are meant to be loved. Quakers, why must it be that we can only see each other at this time? I want to be in your presence every waking moment of every day. You are the light in my dark dreary soul…

(like the Daxter tape, this goes on and on too.)

Tape 7: Ashelin

Ashelin: Man, what wouldn't I give for a cheeseburger right now. I so want one. And a coke. And I want some candy. Lots of candy. I'm tired of eating all this health food. I want to just drop everything and eat tons of junk food. I want to be fat and happy. Why can't I be fat and happy? Will Torn still like me if I got fat? What if he ended up turning gay like Jak and Erol did? What if he started to like that Ottsel, Daxter? Can you really love an animal like a person? I know when Jak turns into Dark Jak, he looks like a goat. I wonder if he has a tail under his clothes? I wonder if Erol knows? I could ask him. But that would be kind of an embarrassing question. Maybe I could ask Jak to go on a mission and try to turn him into the goat thing and rip his pants off and see. Maybe I should just try to relax. Ahhhhh, relaxing in my tub. Soaking away my troubles and misery. I am calm, serene, so tired…

(next instant, you can hear snoring.)

Tape 8: Jak

Jak: Come on, do it! You know you want to. No! Don't do that! No, that move won't work. Just go gentle. There you go. No, not that one. Pick a different one. Ah, good. That works. Just keep your strategy. Don't let this pressure you. Just keep calm and cool. I'm calm and cool, just breath deeply and let the magic flow into your body like it has me. Trust in your powers. TRUST IN THE HEART OF THE CARDS, YUGI!!!!!!!!! Huh?

(curtain is pulled back, showing a naked Jak watching Yu-Gi-Oh on a small, waterproof TV.)

Jak: What the hell are you doing here?! Come back here!!!!!!!!!!!

(the camera is now showing blurred scenes of Jak's house as I run away from a psycho Jak.)

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Bakura: Well that's all the tapes I could find. Jak caught me and broke the camera but not before getting his tape out. He thinks it is destroyed but we know otherwise don't we.

Now, I am going to hide again, but please review.