She Was Never Meant to Win.
Chapter One
By ilovedoodle
I wrote this a while ago, back when I was proper obsessed with THG. I've read through it once, so the grammar is awful and the plots not great either. I just thought I would upload it anyway, it doesn't do any harm. I love Fannie.
Nothing much has happened yet. I stepped off my pedal and ran into the vast jungle behind me, even before the screams of terror and agony started, before I could hear the innocent children being slaughtered.
It has been three days. I have barely seen anyone. The only thing I have been battling is thirst, hunger and trying to stay sane.
It is ok now; I have managed to find a hidden cave near a small pond. It's a stupid hiding place. Anyone could find me here, it's obvious someone would hide here. I almost don't care though, it doesn't feel real that someone would come and murder me. I know they will, this is the Hunger Games. I've heard everyone else's screams, but I just can't imagine my own. Yet.
I can fish and drink from this pond, which is kind of hard considering I couldn't collect any supplies from the cornucopia. Finnick sent me iodine. I have managed, I guess.
Fifteen are dead so far. I keep wondering when it will be my turn.
I haven't witnessed any deaths, yet, but I've heard the screams. I have felt the pain. I have sensed the terror.
I'm meant to be a career; it's a bit of a joke actually, I got a mere four in training. My district partner, Kai, told me he would find me. He told me he would join the careers, kill them in their sleep, steal their supplies and come and find me. So far, that hasn't worked out.
I'm stupid. I don't know why I put my trust into one person who could kill me instantly. It's because I'm weak, I need someone to rely on, to help me because I'm helpless myself. I don't know why I'm here.
I haven't seen Kai's face in the sky so far. He is still here somewhere, but every time I hear a cannon, I pray it isn't him. I've known him since I was young; he is a close friend, maybe more. To lose him would be like my world being torn in two.
As long as I am hidden, as long as I don't get attacked, I'm okay. But nothing can keep away the nightmares.
I close my eyes for seconds, but open them quickly. They are back. This time, they are real though. I hear footsteps, something's coming for me.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?!" he taunts. It is the huge boy from District 7. I freeze in terror. I bite the inside of my mouth until I can taste blood. It's just another nightmare Annie, I reassure myself. But this time, I can't wake up, I am paralysed.
I scream, I try to escape, I tremble. My eyes go wide and I smile, a sad sort of smile to say good-bye to the world, because I know I am going to die. I finally accept that I'm not the same girl as I was before, the one who everyone called brave and happy. I'm not the same girl anymore.
He taunts me patronizingly; he smirks and grins at the terror on my face. I watch as he brings the knife tip against my freckly, innocent skin, as he is about to pierce it open and display my pure blood onto the floor. I continue smiling though, even though my eyes are distant and full of terror. Maybe I am still happy, or maybe I'm just insane, the mad girl.
Then he falls to the floor.
He coughs up blood, and then his eyes go somewhat glassy and vacant. Then my pupils enlarge when I see the knife embedded into his back.
He is dead.
Someone just killed him. It is my fault, I made them kill him! I am a murderer! And now they are coming for me. I cry. I scream to the world 'why are you doing this?!' I don't even bother to worry about whoever killed him. I don't mind if they come and get me, I'm dead anyway.
I curl up in a ball on the floor and cover my hands over my ears, clenching my eyes shut. I sing. I sing a song from my district. I don't bother to run, or hide, because there is no point. I sing about peace and happiness and love. I pull my knees up against my chest and rock back and forward gently, trying to relax myself. My mother sang this song to me when I was little, it reminds me of her.
'They are coming to kill you Annie, they are coming,' a voice inside me tells me. 'They are going to slaughter you first, painfully, then they will get your parents, and your precious little brother. You must run my precious'. It taunts me.
I scream. I can't run, even though I try. I try to be quiet but my fear and pain leaks out anyway. My eyes widen in fear. They are coming.
It is like a million memories flash through my mind, my mother and father, my tiny baby brother, my best friend Lily.
"Annie, it's me" someone says. They don't sound threatening, but it could be an act. I scream as I see who is standing above me.
It is Kai, my district partner. I stand up, and I try to run. I tremble, I trip. He grabs me, I'm sure he is going to kill me. He's betrayed me. We had an agreement.
"Annie, I am not going to hurt you!" he tells me. Lies, he is going to kill me, the Hunger Games is a game where you kill your friends, he is about to play it perfectly. What was I thinking? He volunteered for this, he is willing to kill. He pretended to look out for me so he could kill me. It's obvious now.
I laugh out loud, not because what he says is ridiculous, but because, well, I don't know why I am laughing. Then I scream again, my legs feel weak. I collapse. I give up, he can kill me easily now.
I clench my jaw and prepare for pain. I stay on the floor, frozen with terror. He doesn't kill me; he scoops me up into his arms.
"Annie, we had an agreement" he whispers. Any other time I would smile right now. I can't smile. It is like my mouth is frozen in a line. My eyes glistening with fear. I tell myself he hasn't betrayed me, I don't want to believe that he is plotting something.
I'll trust him for now, so what if he kills me? because it seems like I have nothing to live or die for anymore.
That night, the nightmares were bad. That is a very big understatement. The boy Kai killed, I didn't even know his name. I know he is angry though.
His family come, they torture me. They get my little brother Luke and they get Lily, my best friend, too. They hold them captive. They cut them all over until they are nothing but a bloody mess. They stab them in the back and they fall to the floor, dead.
The strange thing is, I can't wake up. it is like I am paralysed as I watch.
They leave, I think I am safe. Then he comes, the boy I killed, he grabs me. Then he gets a log of the fire. He sets my hair on fire. I start to burn, but I can't stop the flames. Then he whispers
"If I burn, you burn with me"
I wake then, my whole body slick with a terrified sweat. I scream, I shake, I try to block it out, Kai comforts me, and tries to keep me quiet. He tells me everything is going to be ok, he holds me and makes me feel so safe. Why doesn't he just leave me to die?
We talk. We talk about our home, our families, us when we were younger. Sometimes I actually feel happy, I actually feel like the old me.
I want to cry, I want to cry every time I think of what's going to happen soon, but I don't, I can't.
We fish, we sleep, we talk, and we try to survive with the one knife Kai managed to steal from the career pack.
I never tell him, but he knows I am thankful for finding me. I know I am going to die, but I am glad I get to spend my last days with him. We grow closer by every second.
It's dangerous, he could be planning to poison me, or find my weaknesses, or maybe it's just dangerous because neither or only one of us can return. But I know he won't. I'm sure I love him.
I never forget where we are though. Cannons boom, sometimes I scream, or shake, or close my eyes and try not to think of who just died. It goes on like this for what seems like forever, when it is only two days at the most.
There are seven of us left, Me, Kai, three careers, the boy from Nine, and the small girl from Six. I wonder who will be next. I congratulate myself for surviving so long; my parents would be so proud. I have lost the will to live though. I don't want to live, but I don't want to die either. My mind is as crazy and messed up as my heart.
I know it can't go on like this much longer, the people in the Capitol are thirsty for blood. We won't be in the safety of our cave much longer, but for some reason, I can't accept it.
Apparently I was sleeping when it happened, because I don't remember anything. I just wake up, and I am slung over Kai's back and he is running for both our lives.
I don't really register what is happening, but I know it's something bad. I tell Kai I can run myself, but he refuses. I know he is right, if he puts me down I will die and probably drag him with me.
I close my eyes, because if I open them and I see why or what we are running from, we will both be dead.
I think of how I promised my mentor, Finnick, and my family and Lily that I would return, how I told them I would try and win for them. I want so badly to return. But if I return, that means Kai dies, and if Kai dies I am even more dead.
This is when I lose it. I need Kai, but I don't. I need to prove to them that I can take care of myself, he is going to kill me soon. But somehow, I can't force myself off his back. I open my eyes and then I see what we are running from.
They look like mutations, lizard-human mutations. There are about five of them, and they are fast. They are hissing something, I can't make it out, and it sounds like Kai's name.
I have to force myself to not scream. I bite my tongue so hard that I can taste blood, I shake and murmur, but I don't scream. I have to say strong.
"Kai, drop me. Save yourself, please" I mutter, clenching my eyes shut.
"No Annie, I could never do that" he pants; sweat pouring down his face and a look of determination glistening in his eyes. I had to do something, it was only then I noticed we were running downwards
"Well then, drop me and roll down the hill with me. We will both die if we don't, you are getting tired and the th-those things are c-coming. If we roll down the hill, we might be able to escape" I say, my voice shakes slightly, but I stay strong. This is the most I have said the whole time we have been here. I am proud. Finnick will be proud of me. My parents and Lily might think I am not so insane; they might have a tiny bit more hope inside them.
Kai does what I say. He looks relieved, he drops me and I force myself into a rolling position. I stop myself from crying. I feel dizzy, but at least I'm getting away.
We are up a tree now; the lizards went after about half an hour of scratching the tree and pacing around angrily. Kai comes over and wraps me in his arms. I cry but I don't know why. The game makers wouldn't just leave us alive, we aren't even dead and we are barely injured. They are trying to lead us somewhere.
They tried to kill us, but we escaped. We cheated death and the Capitol, so they are angry.
We are at the edge of the arena now; right by the dam I could see from the cornucopia. We are lost, but I don't feel lost. I feel a ray of hope, not so afraid.
I don't sleep that night, the nightmares will be unbearable so I force my eyes open. Kai sleeps soundlessly beside me, holding me protectively. he obviously isn't having any problems sleeping. It isn't too bad, I get to think.
I think I do fall asleep eventually, because I wake up to the sound of cannon. It must be about midday, because the sun is shining brightly. I shake, not as much as usual, but I still shake, because someone else is dead.
I need Kai, he will calm me, I can't lose it again. I snuggle closer to him, but all I find is the cold trunk of the tree. My whole body stiffens, where is he? I don't even think about the worst.
I try to say his name, but nothing comes out.
"Kai" I shout, trembling, but I try my best to stay calm.
"KAI" I scream. I tell myself it is ok, but it isn't. Kai is dead
I practically fall out of the tree and land on the ground with a thud. It hurts, but I don't register the pain. Tears roll down my cheeks.
I run, I don't really know where I am running, but I need to find him.
"Kai, Kai, Kai, WHERE ARE YOU? Kai, Kai KAI, KK-III, I NNN-NNEEDD, YY-OO-UU! Don't leave me, ppp-lleeassee" I scream.
"NO, NO! YOU TOOK HIM FROM ME, YOU TOOK HIM, I HATE YOU" I scream, I cry, I break down on the floor and I shout for him over and over again. I don't care if anyone finds me, they took Kai. Tears drench my face and clothes.
Then I hear it, it is slightly muffled, but it is close. It is shouting, and it sounds painfully familiar.
I stumble through the forest, sniffling slightly and tears staining my cheeks. I hear more screams, screams for me. I break into a run now, I trip over roots littering the jungle floor, but I carry on. I need to get to him.
I'm running faster now, putting all my strength into running towards the noise. It's then when I break into the clearing.
"Why hello little Annie" It's Jet, the huge boy from Two, and he has Kai pinned against a tree, a machete pressed against his throat.
He walks towards me. This is where I die.
Because I was never meant to win.