On the day his son was born, Sakumo Hatake had a premonition. He watched his son be cleaned and looked over by the doctors. When the child was declared to be in perfect health, Sakumo spent the rest of the afternoon with his wife smiling over his newborn baby. Eventually the sun set and the stars began to emerge. The clouds parted, revealing a crescent moon, and the smile slowly slid off Sakumo's face. As silent as a shadow, the legendary ninja took the child out of his wife's arms and leapt out of the hospital window. The child slept peacefully as his father carried him across the rooftops of Konoha.
Sakumo passed over all of Konoha and carried his son to the top of Hokage Mountain. He stood on the head of the First Hokage, the greatest ninja in all of Konoha's history. With the vague sense of déjà vu that always accompanied the enactment of destiny, Sakumo raised his sleeping child toward the night sky, presenting him to the moon, the stars, and the whole wide world that stretched out beneath them.
"Let it be known," Sakumo said solemnly, "This is my son. His name is Kakashi Hatake. And he shall be the baddest motherfucker to ever walk the earth."
Hiruzen Sarutobi removed his hat and levelled a hard stare at the director of Konoha's Ninja Academy.
"Kaito," Sarutobi said, "You know I have great respect for you and the other trainers at the Academy. You also know that our need for new ninja recruits is extraordinarily urgent given the current state of the war. But you cannot seriously be suggesting that a boy of six is already prepared to enter a tour of duty as a genin outside of peacetime."
"Lord Hokage," Kaito replied, "I understand your misgivings. If it were any other boy, I would never consider allowing him to enter active duty at this age. But this boy is special."
"Why?" asked the Hokage.
"He is Kakashi Hatake," Kaito said, "And I can say with absolute confidence that he is the baddest motherfucker to ever walk the earth."
"Shit," Sarutobi said, "I guess I can't argue with that."
The ninja from the Hidden Stone Village screamed in terror and the red-haired one pissed himself at the sight of Minato Namikaze, the Yellow Flash of Konoha. Minato smiled reassuringly at his shrieking foes and stepped aside. Behind him stood a boy of seven, with a shock of upright silver hair and a mask pulled up over his chin and nose. Hidden farther back in the trees, a young Uchiha seethed while a young female medic-nin looked on with curiosity.
"Wait a minute," a Stone ninja said, "You're leaving this brat to fight us by himself? Do you want him to die or something?"
Minato's smile turned a great deal sharper. He knew what the Stone ninja did not, and a talent like Kakashi's needed freedom in order to grow. The Yellow Flash vanished back into the trees.
"Greetings," the boy child said, "My name is Kakashi Hatake, and I am the baddest motherfucker to ever walk the earth."
All of the Stone ninja laughed in his face. The red-haired one pissed himself again without really meaning to, for his body knew what his mind did not. Kakashi drew the weapon he had chosen for the day, a tube sock stuffed with three pounds of ripe cheese. The Stone ninja drew an array of blades and small bludgeoning weapons. The one with the eyepatch set himself on fire. They charged simultaneously.
The red-haired one pissed himself a third time.
In the trees, the young Uchiha vomitted explosively while the medic-nin burst into tears. Minato winced, but nodded in approval nonetheless.
Fifty-seven seconds later, Kakashi flashed the all clear signal to his squad. He was covered in human gore and several pounds of ripe cheese.
It was the stuff of legend