Three names, one man
I feel as though inside there lives three of me. There is Umbra, the dark, shadowy, willing to do all things bad and feel no sorrow or regret. There is the good me who desires the best and wishes to do all that is good. And for him I have yet no name. And there is Daniel, me, a mix of them both, although in what amount I never know. My biggest struggle is bringing balance to myself, to make Daniel to be in control, to make Daniel the one who decides who is in control. All too often I stand back and allow the dark, the shadow in my life to come to the surface and take control, to run my life, my thoughts, my mind, And while I will admit that inside I feel a bit of excitement when to the shadow I lose control, I know that is the darkness in me that feels that way. And after all is said and done, when again to control I return. I look again and see all that was done, and realize what was yet to come. I know what I wish to be, I know what I wish to do, yet the shadow inside stands to strong for me to overcome alone. Yet in the face of all that is dark, there stands one with me beside. The Lord stands strong inside me too. And against him no evil, no shadow can stand. For he is the light, the way, and over Death, Hell and the grave he has overcome. To his will I must surrender, and that I do find hard. For I desire control over self, and self desires not to be released. For inside I know great power lies, yet when of it control I lose, I fear the results the power brings. For this I fear surrender of control over myself, yet self is a sinner. Thus while I seek control of self, I also know that if self controls self, there is no control. Yet with all this knowledge I still fear to surrender. Yet to lose control is to gain it, for if to God I surrender, then to his will I give over. For though his will I want to do, I still hesitate to give control to he whose will I wish to do. In all these things I ask your help. Lord help me to surrender to you, and kill the shadow in my heart.