lemon blossom (discretion)
It was a matter of discretion, Sujini considered, as she dragged her eyes away from Dam Duk and his beloved. What she wouldn't give to melt into the wood, or seep into the earth like water. Alas, she was mot permitted such mercies. Quite the opposite, Sujini had to wait on them. Both embarrassed at witnessing an intimate moment and enraged at her heart for constricting painfully in her chest, Sujini tried to banish the images that filled her mind. She could picture with perfect clarity their heads bending close to one another. The whispers were carried back to her by a gentle breeze.
Discretion was the key, the young woman reminded herself. Her part had already been assigned to her and pondering incessantly on outcomes she would have rather had could do nothing for her. If anything, wishful thinking only served to embitter her. Her lips pressed in a thin line, determination sweeping through her. She would not allow herself to fall into such traps her heart inevitably came upon when she though of Dam Duk and the priestess.
Her horse nickered softly, effectively distracting her from those musings. She patted the beast's shimmering mane, the reins held tight in her other hand.
sweetbrier (simplicity)
Wine and honesty and just the hint of something hidden were things both he and Sujini could deal with. Dam Duk was patently aware of the weight of her head on his shoulder. Such unpretentious mannerism had always stood at the very core of their friendship. Her earlier unease and those unspoken fears that lingered on the tip of her tongue felt unnatural. Sujini was not supposed to want the difficult life that followed should she become his queen. Yet she'd asked to know his feelings on their potential marriage and the fact that it fell through. Now more than ever, he tried to grip that simplicity.
She was doing it all for him, he knew that much. All that Sujini had ever done since they'd become friend had been for his comfort. But he would lose her should he take her to wife. Plots would be sown around her. In the end the net would tighten around her, becoming a trap. Her light would be destroyed and no one would be accountable but him. And yet, if she had accepted the offer of becoming the Julno general's daughter, Dam Duk would have wedded her. This was far from the ease he sought. The weight of her leaning on him, and all the gesture implied, plunged both in the opposite of simplicity.
anemone (anticipation, unfading love)
Anticipation built within him as he ducked a blow launched by his opponent. Soon, the man would let his guard down. It was a common mistake, widely encountered. Dam Duk threw in an attack of his own hoping to rattle the man's balance. The outcome was a satisfying one. Even better than he had anticipated, the king managed to catch a weak spot in the soldier's defence and his adversary was on the ground in the blink of an eye.
Later on, after accepting the congratulation he'd been given, he looked around for Sujini. His heart stilled for one horrifying, seemingly endless moment. Then the familiar rhythm returned, along with his breath. The dread he felt was pushed to the back of his mind, into one of those corners he avoided as best as he could.
The question spilled from his lips. "Where is she?" Because, Sujini being herself, tended to retreat into a hidden corner, preferably with a bottle of wine, when night fell. Normally, Dam Duk would join her. However, these past few days she'd been escaping through his fingers like sand. Business had kept him from searching for her, but her absence chaffed and he could not ignore it any longer.
bellflower (disappointment, loss)
The sharp pain was unexpected, like a punch to the gut. Dam Duk had to force his body to keep still as he learned of Sujini leaving. He raged against the cruel destiny that seemed to want him to fall to his knees. Even more he seethed at the assumptions the people who raised Sujini spouted.
"How can you say that she must be killed?!" It grated on his nerves, the very thought of her out there on her own. Oh, Sujini could look after herself, he had no doubt. The problem was that she had set out with the specific task of finding a place in which to die.
Disappointment was only a small part of what he felt. Nausea was another. How could he have not known she would try something foolish? Heavens, she had come to him in tears. That, all by itself, should have alerted him that she needed him. He'd stood there listening to her lie through her teeth about those tears, blaming them on excess of alcohol on her part. Dam Duk had been so sure she would come to him with whatever problems she faced. Not for a second had he though she would actually leave.
honeysuckle (devoted affection, bonds of love)
Next he saw her, thing were much the same and they weren't, at the same time. Almost a decade had gone by from that night on the stair. It had been nearly ten years from the time he'd felt her head resting on his shoulder. Still, the bonds held. Dam Duk felt his heart quiver at the sight of her. He'd missed this familiar stranger that stood before him with wide, soulful eyes.
Instinctively he gathered her to his chest, his entire world narrowing down to her. There had been pleas; she had begged him to let her go. She asked him to leave, stating that they could never be. In reply to all those reasons had his arms wrapped around her. "My palace is wherever you are." It had been more than a simple declaration. He was a king, yet he'd give it all up for an hour of peace with her. Just for a short while, he wanted to know what it was like to enjoy the presence of his beloved, and bask in her glow.
She returned his hold. Dam Duk inhaled her scent. "Don't ever leave me again." Because he could not stand another prolonged absence. Surely, this time around he would fall apart.
pear blossom (lasting friendship)
How could one measure friendship? Was it those moments of fun and frolic shared by two individuals? Did it amount to all the secrets revealed, but kept just between them? Dam Duk shook his head. That couldn't be it. Sujini had done so much more for him. The man took one more look at the letter in his hands. All these years she had been caring for his son, a child he didn't even know existed until not so long ago.
"What can I say to you?" She watched his back with unsure eyes. No answers could be found in her gaze. Dam Duk wanted to reach out to her. He wished he could find the strength to take her hand in his and offer her comfort. The child was more a son to her. She had raised him.
Throughout it all, Dam Duk marvelled at the strength of friendship. For long before being the woman he loved, Sujini had been his friend. "We will get him back." Deliberately he had worded his decision thus. Never would she have to be alone again; not while he drew breath.
In the end, Dam Duk had to acknowledge his responsibility to her and the boy who was as much hers as he was his.
olive (peace)
Settling back into the routine was driving Sujini insane. Mainly because nothing was the same. All the people she had called her friends had changed up to a point. Why, some had married, other already had young. As Sujini could feel the time that had trickled by rush through her veins, she had no peace.
She, on the other hand, had resisted change. Or so she would have liked to think. The undeniable truth was that she too had progressed. No longer a girl, she was a mother to a child not her own. Long before that, when she had no worries on her mind, mothering children had seemed a game. Reality had showed her different and Sujini felt the weight push down onto her.
Peace had eluded her for so long that she'd forgotten what it felt like. She could not rest easy, nor could she fret without reason. She had forgotten that people often made their own peace. Not until old friends talked sense into her did she remember.
Sujini decided that she would take that peace into her own two hands, and mould it into what she wished to hold. Peace, she had forgotten the sweetness of it.
cypress (death, mourning, sorrow, despair)
They watched over the boy together. He slept, unaware of the gazes bestowed upon him. The father bent to brush away a wisp of hair, the mother continued gazing adoringly. Ajik was lost to a world of dreams, ones that both parents prayed were soothing. He'd long stopped feeling any pain. Tears steamed down the woman's face, her hand shakily tracing the path the man had drawn. She couldn't speak, not for fear of stirring the boy.
His son burned, feverish and sickly looking. Sujini would catch his eyes every now and then with a pleading look. Her despair is a quiet thing. She looked lost and frightened. The physicians could do nothing, nor the priests. So, Dam Duk had no choice but to wait. Perhaps this was punishment for breaking Heaven's chains around them. Or maybe it just was, with no explanation whatsoever.
"Oh, my darling," Sujini murmured softly. She pressed her lips to the child's forehead. Then to her man she glanced. Come morning, three would become two. Her heart ached with the knowledge, but it was lodged firmly into her soul. "He has to return where he belongs." The words brought only a small measure of comfort. For what could soothe the pain they felt, bent over their child?
eglantine rose (a wound to heal)
Those first days were the hardest, Sujini recounted. Wherever she looked she kept expecting her son to appear. He didn't, of course, but she kept hoping and hoping, and thinking that if she wished it hard enough the boy would be back in her arms. Those first days, her tears could not be stopped. Sujini cried and begged, and it all went unanswered. The Heavens themselves could not give her back the child she'd lost. He was well beyond the reach of any, resting with the true mother at long last. Oh no, Sujini would never see that child again.
The healing process was long, and not without pain. And Sujini knew that a heart broken, however mended would carry scars. Hers had been torn to pieces twice, her scares numbered more than the stars in the sky. She would heal, and like many other wounds this one would stop bleeding too. It was a matter of time, and patience. All wounds healed, and all wounds left traces. Some marks could not be seen, they could only be felt, just like the breeze caressing one's cheek. Until that time the pain burned. And Sujini allowed the sting to wash over her.
fennel (strength)
A woman was not complete without knowing love. Sujini had known love for the people who raised her, affection for her friends, then she'd loved the child of her sister as if it were her own. There had come the time to shed light onto a stranger sort of fondness. It was that half-forgotten, half-ignored ache that took over her when she saw the King's shadow trail on the ground. Her heart would become heavy and she would be caught in the moment, unaware of all but him.
Yet she required strength. Each and every kind of love she had experienced before had rendered her heart to shreds. Not intentionally. But the pain had burned her all the same. She needed strength if she ever hoped to be whole.
And then, strength could be found in the oddest of things. The passing cloud swept by a gentle breeze, and the sweet song of birds carried to her ear gave her strength. The slowly dying pain over her loss gave her strength. The way Dam Duk held her hand and smiled at her gave her strength. It was both easy and difficult to find strength, and it was a precious thing to hold.