"There is no dark side in the moon, really. Matter of fact, it's all dark. (The only thing that makes it look light is the sun.)"

— Pink Floyd.

—-

They get engaged around the age of 23; the right time everyone thinks. They're young and oh so beautiful when they walk holding hands through the streets of the city that shines so intense, so dazzling. She is the woman of his dreams, everyone can see it from miles as his face lights up with her laughter.

(even more light, you think.)

They are young and youth knows it all. So Lea saves for months to buy a ring that is simple, but fits perfectly on her finger. You're the first to know the news that makes everything definitive.

("I'm going to propose to her, Isa. I had to tell you first")

You remember it was a Tuesday, it was four in the afternoon, and the sky began to cloud up because he gave you the news, and you didn't know well what do with yourself for the rest of the day.

—-

You could never hate her, you think. Not because Lea loves her with all his immense heart, no. You are selfish enough to do it, but you love him and the smile he wears when he speaks about her leaves you a burning feel on the chest.

The truth is that he never put you aside when they started dating. You continued being Isa and Lea, he still threw an arm around your shoulders and kept smiling at you in that fucking unfair way.

So you don't hate her, you hate yourself a little bit, and the universe a lot more. But not her, and although his happiness doesn't make you happy, his smile squeezes your heart as it did when you were young.

—-

He proposes on a Sunday because Lea hated Sundays, but if she accepted then it would be his new favorite day of the week. He tells you all the details before doing it, that are not many because Lea is more of improvising. You were always the one of the schedules, so you try to put some order in his head.

Lea thanks you with a strong embrace and then goes running to her. You feel like you could cry but you don't

He calls you hours later laughing like the idiot he is, and Lea doesn't need to tell you how it went. What he tells you is how she kissed him while laughing, to stop him from taking the phone to call you immediately after the 'Yes'

This time you cry a little, but only a little.

—-

If you told Lea that you love him, he will say that he knows. Because he loves you too.

(But not like this, never like this.)

—-

You're not a coward, you say to yourself often. In fact, never considering telling him was your only grand gesture of altruism. Not even when he was single you thought about doing it. At that time you were fifteen and having him as a best friend was enough.

(it's still enough.)

One time you thought you were confusing things, until you dreamed with of laughter vibrating on your neck, your name Isa, Isa, Isa on his lips, his hands undoing the eternal moon jacket and the yellow handkerchief on the floor. You woke up painfully hard and with things clear. He shouldn't know.

Now when you see him walking beside her, so damn happy, you know. Your sixth sense wasn't wrong, if you had said it before, you would have deprived him from this, this that is happiness and joy. Heaven on Earth, stars and suns. You were always the moon, the only thing that made you look bright was the sun itself.

And it should be your biggest pride, because how much willpower you had to have to not kiss him before.

To not kiss him when he bumped his forehead with yours and said: "Don't look like that, Isa. Everything will be fine; we're together." And the "we're together" echoed in your head and below.

—-

The wedding is programmed one month in advance. Lea says "Why should we wait?!" and has you walking the entire city in search of the preparations.

Then you remember the day you both met. When you didn't talk to anyone, much less to him but he insisted on sitting next to you and drawing dogs in all your books. "I heard you like dogs" and you were just children, what could you know.

When you get drunk you try to yell that you wish you had never known him, but your voice cracks halfway through. What a big lie that is.

—-

So you go with him, because you also said that you two would always be together. He notices your bitterness, everyone does. You suck at lying and always had a bad personality, Lea believes that it is because of having you walking for hours in search of the perfect flowers, so he says with an apologetic smile:

"Thank you for coming with me, I don't know what I would do without you"

And you say that he is an idiot and that he will have to invite you something later, but you don't know either, you have no idea what you would do without him.

You both spend the afternoon trying on costumes, he always had an awful taste to dress so the bride in person gives you the responsibility of finding something presentable for him to wear.

(Damn he looks fucking handsome with the black suit.)

And you really laugh when he insists on trying on a dress and then taste wines and taste the cocktails.

"Who eve eats shrimp"
"People with good taste"

And it is almost, almost, like a normal afternoon between you two, having fun even. Almost as if you were still teenagers, as if sometimes you were still thinking of telling him.

But when he says goodbye and leaves you at the front door you realize that no. Never again.
—-

It's a job to get used to the idea of them getting married, it requires effort. The fact that you're the best man is an extra factor. You constantly repeat that in a couple of years you will laugh about all of this, not because you stopped loving him, even less because you found someone. Simply because that's life, the natural course of things. You will be a successful professional and will go with him to drink wine on weekends, to talk about the old days. You will even send their children expensive gifts ("Two! A boy and a girl." She agreed. "The other day we were thinking of names and—")

A part of you will always be resentful because you are jealous, envious and selfish. A part of you will always be spiteful. A large part of you can't even lie. But you're obnoxious anyway and Lea ne ver, ever suspected.

(Sometimes you get the impression that she knows, but covers you well. Perhaps this is also why you don't hate her.)

—-

They marry on a Monday.

That was the second day that Lea hated the most, and now he is going to love it. That's the way his logic works, you know it well. Now there are no more days to hate, nothing in the universe to hate because you had never seen him so happy.

Your best friend is getting married on a Monday, and you accompany him since early in the morning because that's what friends are for, right?

He looks nervous trying to settle the best he can the red matte of hair, brushing it with his fingers again and again .

"Lea, I don't even know why are you nervous. She is not going to leave in the lurch."

"Are you sure she didn't change her mind and found someone with more money?"

"I'm sure, Lea. Somehow she likes you poor and everything."

"Isa you're the best, seriously. I know you don't like weddings, but here you are."

"There is an open bar." But then you add: "Also, not every day my best friend gets married."

Lea laughs and everything vibrates when he does. "Lifelong best friend."

You fix the tie with a resigned sigh and for the first time in hours he is silent. This is a moment you will never forget, in his wedding day you approach him and his hand brushes yours when you remove it to adjust the tie of the suit you chose. You both fall silent for some unknown reason and that second is perhaps more intimate than anything. Because he looks at you with a smile, and you just look at your hands, your fingers doing the perfect knot. The fingertips on the fiber of the fabric that fits him so well, it's his big day and under all the bitterness that the unrequited love carries there is a bit of joy for their happiness, at least a bit.

"Thanks" he says in a whisper that comes too close to your ear and, when you lift your head his smile is breathtaking.

"It's nothing" you answer, and his eyes remind you of a cool summer evening, leaning next to each other under the same tree of always. This, this is something that nobody will ever take away from you, even if everything changes, it's yours forever. The simple reminder of the happiest days of your life.

And that second lasts forever. Lea hugs you tightly, you can feel him moved and you return the embrace burying your head on his shoulder

"Isa, you're the best friend I could have wished for."

"You too, Lea, you too. "

Then you finally understand that maybe this is what love is about.