Pairing: RuSen
Archive: +crucifixum+. Zero Hour. Fanfiction.net
Summary: Because love isn't always perfect. Because hate is so powerful. Because pain is so strong. Pain- as unforgiving and ancient as the world.
WARNINGS: Heavy angst. Psychotic Rukawa. Shounen ai. Yaoi. Turn back. Now.
diSClaImerS: Not mine. Not yours, either.
by Aki Midori
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Listen grimly as he wails: pain dark and trembling
across the deep, remembered ages-
pain as unforgiving as ancient as the world.
-Eclipse. Jose Neil Carmelo Garcia
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-
Beautiful.
Like a deep red rose in the prime of its existence. Like splashing colors of the glorious sunset. Like the waning moon on a chilly autumn night. You're beautiful.
You're mine.
Oh, no? What was that, you say? Release you? Why would I do a juvenile thing like that, my love? Why should I let you go? I've got you right where I wanted you, Sendoh Akira. You're not getting away.
You'll be mine.
Forever.
No?
Are those tears? Beautiful. They're shining, Akira. They suit you. Here, let me wipe them off your-
For the love of- Stop struggling, dammit!
Now look what you made me do! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hit you. I love you, Akira. I really do. It's just that... please don't cry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
What? You're sorry, too? Okay... let's forgive each other. No, I won't cry, anymore, Akira. But I still won't release you.
Why?
You're asking me why?
Fuck you!
Because you'd just cheat on me again! Who's that man you were with last night? Koshino? Sakuragi? Mitsui? Maki? Who, Akira? Tell me. You're always going out with them behind my back. You're always cheating on me.
Fuck you, it hurts! I love you!
Let you go, they tell me. I won't, though. I want you so bad. I can't live without you. I love you so much, it kills me everytime you go away. They don't love you like I do, Akira. Now aren't you lucky? You're cheating on me, yes, but I still love you.
I forgive you, Akira.
See? I'm caressing your face lovingly now, aren't I? So smooth... so beautiful.
What's that I see in your eyes? Fear?
Let go of the knife? Why? The knife's beautiful. It'd be more beautiful if it's tainted with red. Here, let me show you. See, Akira? See the red edges? Red's beautiful, is it not? Look at my arm. So pale, so ghastly-
A wonderful contrast against the dripping crimson.
Ah, crimson... dripping down my arm. Oh. You've got blood on your face, too. I'm sorry. But see, Akira... red is so wonderful.
It's the color of my love for you.
Pain... It hurts, Akira... Here in my heart. Why do you always hurt me? Am I not good enough for you? I tried to be everything, Akira. I did everything for you. I gave you my everything- my heart, my soul, my body. Was it not enough? What would want, then? My blood?
Here, Akira.
More blood for you. Here. They're all yours. All yours.
I'm yours to take.
I'll give you everything.
Just....
Just don't hurt me, anymore. Please. Don't go out with those people, anymore. Don't touch them, anymore. Don't smile at them, anymore. It hurts, everytime I see you come home in the middle of the night, smelling like someone else. It hurts, everytime I see you smile at them- like a promise of the night to come. It hurts, loving you.
Do you love me back, Akira?
Yes?
Then why?! Why do you hurt me so?
You're sorry? You're sorry!? Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Blood everywhere. Pain everywhere.
And me- I feel like I'm suspended above the ground. I feel lightheaded... My arms outstretched to kingdom come, head bowed low, pride thrown away, heart on my palm- yours for the taking.
It's what you do to me, Akira.
I love you.
Why are you crying? I just told you I love you. Your tears aren't shining, anymore. They're red. Why are you crying blood, Akira? Are you hurt, too?
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," you say over and over again.
Ssssh... Stop crying. Please stop crying.
Here, I'll hold you in my arms. You'll be safe here.
We'll be safe here.
o.wa.ri
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18 October 2003