Before you read this, there's something that you need to understand about me. I'm 18 and have clinical depression. I'm on 3 different meds to keep me from being…well, the nicest way to describe it would be as 'a total bitch but worse' I suppose. Starting in 4th grade and up till my sophomore year in high school I had NO friends. Sure, I would occasionally hang around w/ one group or another, but none of them were actual friends. I've had to fight for every bit of happiness that I've got.
So when one of my friends, who I've only known for about 2 months, tried to tell me how to live my life THAT pissed me off, especially b/c he told me that this site has become my life and that if I didn't take a break then I was going to end up as some loner who only has friends online that I've never even met. So I asked him what the fuck was wrong w/ liking to read a lot and wanting to get away from all the shit in the real world. I told him that I lived w/o any type of friends for YEARS and that I did do stuff other than read. Then I told him to pray that he never knew what it means to be alone. B/c unless you've lived through being alone Alone, you can never understand what it really means.
Disclaimer: If I owned AF then Artemis and Holly would have kissed a LONG time ago and there would be a book devoted totally towards them actually getting PAST first and second base. In fact, they would probably have struck home by now. –grimaces- But, b/c he's young, it would have to be sometime after the 6th book.
Oh well. Onto the story that wasn't even supposed to be a story.
Alone is not something that is easy to define. Hell, I'm not even sure that it CAN be defined. Not in words at least. To most people, when someone says they are alone it means that nobody else is near them. But they would be wrong. Both of them-the person that says they are alone just because nobody else is nearby and the person who thinks they know what is meant when someone says they are alone.
No. No, when somebody thinks they are alone just because they have nobody by them they're not 'Alone'. They are 'by themselves'. Something that is very different from being Alone.
Like I said before, Alone is not something that is easy to define. A simple way to define what it is like to be Alone would only take two or three words.
Pure hell or pure fucking hell, depending on how you look at it. A more eloquent way to define Alone would be this.
Alone is not when you're by yourself, when you don't have anyone around you. No, often times you are not by yourself at all. And that is just part of what makes it so painful. Because you're not the only one that hurts. Others hurt to. Because that's what it is to be Alone. When you are surrounded by people who love you and want to help you, but no matter what they do, no matter how hard they try, they cannot reach you. They can't help. And because they love you, it hurts them, kills them inside, that they can't make it better. That they cannot make the pain go away or take it into themselves. All they can do is stand by and keep watch as you break, and sometimes they can't even do that because it breaks them too. And sometimes it's because you have built a wall that is so high and so thick that even if someone managed to see through, which is a rare thing, all they would see would be pitch blackness. A black hole is sitting there, waiting to swallow them whole. And then sometimes it's because of both of those things. Because when you build a wall that's unbreakable to everyone except for you, the one's that you love and that love you will try and break it anyway. And in the process they will, without doubt, end up breaking something in themselves.
"Artemis?"
But sometimes, sometimes there's that one person that by some miracle manages to worm their way in through the almost nonexistent cracks in that unbreakable wall that's around you.
"Artemis, did you hear me? It's time to go."
The boy, now a young man, shut the laptop and stood up, a small, very small, smile gracing his pale face. He turned to the door where the voice had come from and the smile grew slightly.
"Yes Holly. I heard you. I'm ready. Let's go."
The elf girl smiled back at him and he followed her out the door, closing it behind himself after he flicked the light off. Together they walked down the stairs to the group waiting for them in the dining room.
And once that one person is inside with you, there is no escape. Because by the time you realize that there is someone else hiding in the darkness with you, they are already breaking down the walls surrounding you. And no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, nothing can stop those walls from crumbling and eventually collapsing around you. Then the light is shining on your face and there are people that love and care for you all around you and they can reach you again. And you smile and laugh and are happy again.
And then, when you look around and that one person that managed to worm their way through the cracks in your wall is still there, smiling softly and holding tight to your hand, you know for sure.
You are no longer alone and you never will be again.
A/N
I gave this story a happy ending, but the truth is that not everyone gets a happy ending and those that do never stop fighting to keep that ending. They can't b/c if they don't fight for it, it fades away and those walls come back up, stronger than ever. This story is dedicated to anyone with depression or who has ever been Alone.
R&R please! Flamers don't be to harsh please. But I will accept them with grace! I want to know the truth whether it's good or bad!