it was a lovely tuesday morning molly weasley was out degnoming her gardens
"get out of my garden you hairy fuckers" she shreekd. arthur walked in and fussed over a hurt gnome he gave him a hello kitty bandade. bitches love hello kitty bandaids.
harry watched professor binns teach the history of magic passed a note to lavender brown and asked her to pass it on to hermione but lavender was a complete idiot and opened the note
"im flattered harry but im dating won won" she said.
"what?" harry asked. he saw that lavender was smiling pervertedly with the note open in her lap. it was a drawing that harry drew himself it was a drawing of the back of hermione naked but it wasnt colored so lavender thought it was of her
"holy fuck" he shouted "you little shit i told you to pass it on to hermione" he slapped her
sirius black was in broom closet 45 fucking susan bones the hufflepuff he had escaped from azkaban he was just too badass for those damn dementors the only reason he was in there for so long was cuz he...
...fell in love 3 but she died and he was now hungry for sexual satisfaction
dumbledore wiped away a tear with the special cream silk handkerchief embroidered with alternating crimson and bright red fleur de lis designs around the beige edges custom made in india given to him by his illigitamit daughter Lula
dumbledore was sad because mcgonagall dumped him for professor snape
dun dun dun
lula blushed as peter pettigrew kissed her hand he had undergone a ton of plastic surgery and was going through a special ed class for socialization so now he was like a total hunk lula kissed peter on the cheek
'i guess you could say things are getting pretty Sirius now" peter purred huskily into her ear, being the sexy little minx he was. 'i'd like to meet yiur parents' lula frowned she was ashamed of who her parents were.
'do you really love me petey do u really really love me' she asked quietly
'of course i do sarah' he whispered but of course lula had to be a complete dipshit and didnt notice thta he called her sarah.
`i have to tell u somethign" she said 'my father is dumbledore y mi madre es ...'
peter stopped her peter hates dumbledore that old man knows too much for his own good 'avada kadavra'
aw i guess we'll never be able to know who dumbledore hooked up with
peter's special ed instructor viktor krum (he didnt have much for his future when he had a quidditch mishap) stood behind peter "now now peter thats not a way to deal with anger were you even listening during my chapter three lesson two lecture? do you WANT me to give you an F, dipshit?! DO YOU, you cock-sucking duckfucker?!'
peter suddenly ravished krum's lips and calmed him down. yea, peter's just charismatic like that
you might be interested to know that peter passed his special ed class with flying colors
lily and james were in the gryffindor common room james made it to second base 'way to go prongs' lee jordan said while wolf-whistling. he does that a lot. lily hexed lee. that turned james on even more.
if lee jordan and sirius black hooked up their ship name would be siriuslee black
hehe
pomona sprout was being seduced by a mandrake in greenhouse 2. the mandrake really didnt want to be replanted and it was smarter than the others
lily luna potter kicked james sirius potter because he took her jelly bean. james sirius potter lost his leg in that fight but he fought hard and courageously a true gryffindor
btw lily luna potter got sorted into hufflepuff. james and lily disowned her like what the heck hufflepuff is like the special ed of hogwarts
remus lupin was in werewolf form in the forbidden forest he was humping a few mushrooms. hehe a mushroom orgy. werewolves do weird things like that. fenrir greyback prefers practicing kinky things on banana trees
snape was singing to minnie to sleep 'hey jude dont make it bad take a sad song and make it better remember to-'
' i love john lennon! how did u know" minnie exclaimed.
snape got mad. "omfg what the hell minerva paul mccartney sang lead in this song get your fucking facts right, bastard! i cant friggin believe that you cant tell apart john and paul's voices!"
fred droppd his quidditch glove in the toilet "fuck."
"hi' fleur said to bill. 'you should get waxvac. it's only fifty galleons. don't hurt your ears with cotton swabs no more. with waxvac-" percy killed her.
"no soliciting in the corridors" percy said. bill beat him up and ten years later married fleur's little sister gabrielle
the end