Digging into my mind, my memories
Forgive me, Mother.
I've dyed the carnations red
Red with the blood you've spilled
My blood, your blood, our blood.
Is it even appropriate to call you "Mother"?
Isn't a "Mother" someone who loves and caresses
One who cares for their young.
No. You are not "Mother".
You are just a woman who fed and gave me water.
You never loved me.
(Forgive me, Mother.
I dyed the carnations red
Then they turned to spider lilies.)
Love
Love is a word full of empty promises
Promises of hope and kindness.
Kindness and love go hand in hand.
All good things are nulled in the eyes of death.
There is only death.
Kindness and love are as empty and blank as death
His pale fingers
The whiteness of the moon
(Forgive me, mother
I have dyed the carnations red
Red like the blood of our ancestors)
Death is all there is.
Father died the day I was conceived.
You died the day you brought me into this life.
I died the day I was born.
Death is merciless.
Death will take those who's time is up
And he'll make empty shells of those who died early.
I am a shell.
(Digging through my mind it hurts me
These pliers only add to the pain)
Jason got what was coming to him
So did Rize.
(Forgive me, mother)
These carnations, and these spider lilies
They've been dyed with Hide's blood
With my blood
Your blood
I don't know love
(Love is a word of empty promises.
It promises hope and kindness)
I only know pain
My face is a mask
A mask of happiness
These pliers add to the pain
My feelings are pain
Pain
Hatred
Fear
My mask is happy
That's not me
For all I know is pain
(Forgive me, Mother
I dyed these flowers with our blood
The blood of our ancestors
The blood of my friends.)
Arima-san
He said ghouls are monsters
Don't trust ghouls
Don't trust monsters
I take his words to heart
Therefore I don't trust myself
For I am a ghoul
I am a monster
Does he know that's what's happened?
(Forgive me, Mother
I've dyed these flowers red
This is my sin)
If I do not know love and kindness
How am I to mentor these Qs?
These children
Who am I to them?
Urie hates me.
Saiko thinks of me as "Mother"
Tooru idolizes me
Shirazu follows me
But who is "me"?
Haise Sasaki?
Ken Kaneki?
No
No, I'm neither of those
Then who am I
I should make a new name
One that fits me
I am ruthless
Having left behind Arima-san's saying
I am stoic
I have no emotions
I am death
I am the Black Reaper of the CCG
(Forgive me, Mother
These flowers are dyed with the blood of my enemies)
Arima-san
He is gone
gone from this world
There is no next world
Are you proud, Yoshimura-san?
Eto is gone
Disappeared
She's not dead
Takatsuki Sen is still writing her books
Yoshimura-san
Did you know?
Did you know that I'd be the One-Eyed King?
I rule Aogiri Tree now
No longer am I a dove
A creature that goes against my existence
(Forgive me, Mother
My sins return in the form of red flowers
Flowers I dyed long ago)
I am a ghoul am I not?
Or am I human?
This still haunts me
Like the body of Shirazu
That last time I saw him
His corpse
If I were truly Death he'd still be alive.
Is this love?
Did I love the Qs?
I am still scared
I am still in pain
Every day I think
I think about what it would be like if I used my Kagune against myself
I think about what it would be like if I let it
wrap around my neck
My torso
Squeezing until I snapped
I want to die in style
I have found life in Aogiri
I am no longer a shell
(Forgive me, Mother
These flowers bring my death)
Is this what it feels like to run out of time?
(I don't know love
I only know pain)
I've lived a life I did not want
the life of a lie
A pose
A dream
The truth
The truth came last
The digging stopped
The centipede is dead
Eyepatch died when he fought Arima-san
Arima-san..
I miss you
Help me
I'm in pain
I'm scared
Hide
Touka
Yoshimura
Nishio
Shuu
Arima
Akira
Urie
Tooru
Shirazu
Saiko
Aogiri tree is gone
I am no longer a king
I am dying
I'm just going to sleep for a while
Maybe I'll wake up
No
I'll stay asleep
It's my time
I have a meeting with Death.
It's cold here
It's wet
No that's me
I'm crying
How long has it been since I really cried?
Too long
Ken
Shiro
Haise
Reaper
King
After this, they will not exist
Is this happiness?
I am...
I am happy
I'm smiling
My eyes are closing
I am content with the way I'm dying
Digging, digging through my mind my soul
I can feel it coming back to haunt me again
The Centipede is back
He will not let me die
I'm screaming
I'm begging for it all to just be over
FORGIVE ME, MOTHER
FOR MY SINS HAVE NOT BEEN
WASHED FROM THIS EARTH
THE FLOWERS HAVE BEEN DYED RED
RED WITH MY BLOOD
MY RC CELLS
YOUR BLOOD
RIZE'S BLOOD
HIDE'S BLOOD
SHUU'S BLOOD
THE BLOOD OF MY HEART
THE BLOOD FROM MY DISMEMBERED FINGERS
THE BLOOD OF THOSE I DID LOVE
SHIRAZU IM SORRY I WASN'T THERE
FOR YOU IN YOUR FINAL MOMENTS
I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO DIE ARIMA
ARIMA I LOVED YOU
I LOVED THE QUINCKES
I LOVED AKIRA
I'M SORRY AMON
I DIDN'T WANT TO KILL YOU
Your blood will stain my hands until the ends of time
Those who I have killed
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT JASON
This would never have happened if you hadn't taken me from Anteiku
THE DIGGING HASN'T STOPPED
MY EYES ARE BLEEDING
MY FINGERS ARE FALLING OFF
I'M CRUMBLING
CRUMBLING TO THE GROUND
DIGGING MORE AND MORE
THE CENTIPEDE IS EATING MY MIND
MY SANITY IS LEAVING ME AGAIN
I'm laughing
more and more
laughter rolls out of me
like the thunder of a menacing storm
One thing before I go
(My finger snaps like an old, dry branch)
Answer me this:
WHAT'S ONE-THOUSAND MINUS SEVEN?!
Hello! I hope you enjoyed this. I wrote it a few months ago but have decided to bring it from Archive Of Our Own and put it here and on Wattpad. Reading back through it I've decided that it's a mix between the anime Tokyo Ghoul, the manga Tokyo Ghoul and Tokyo Ghoul :Re, and a little bit of my own interpretation. I tried my best to go through most of our dear Kaneki's personalities in this and thought it was giving good insight into maybe what he would be thinking.
Please leave your opinions and tips in comments I'll really appreciate it, and have a good time.
Thanks for reading!
~Wolvesbane01