Variables – Certainties

Dust gathered in canyons and hills under the toe of Renton's boot. The cloying smell of oil and grease and hot metal swelled in his nostrils. Nirvash's empty eyes stared forlornly down at him. How long ago had it been when he would have guffawed at the mere mention of a feeling, thinking, learning mech. Yet when she…in the months after the Second Summer, sitting in his copilot pod had been unbearable. The vacancy swallowed him, dragging on his stuttering heart and twisting the tightened spring of guilt in his gut. He could hardly bear to touch the LFO now, reduced to crouching stonily beside its wheels.

Hilda and Matthieu came and went, launched and returned. Linck flicked rolled straw wrappers at him from the hangar steps. Gidget draped a blanket across his shoulders while Moondoggie patted Nirvash sympathetically. Talho came once, armed with a bowl of some pureed, chartreuse concoction and a stern scowl.

Today no one came. The hangar was quite and Nirvash shifted on its stand. A heaviness hung in the air, thick and wet with anxiety. Some mechanical force unhinged Renton's legs, drifting him toward the rusted metal staircase and through the still halls. Intercoms crackled intermittently, spitting static nonsense that meant nothing to Renton's muted ears. He stumbled with his mouth half-open and eyes lidded heavily, guided by some inner Compac drive. A shrill buzz rang in his ears as he turned a corner, nearly colliding with a pale Mischa. Barely sparing him a glance, the doctor strode purposefully down the hall and out of Renton's existence.

Metal in our mouth, warm and liquid. What a horrid face he makes, twisted and hateful yet we love it love it.

Our shoulders hurt, our frame is fragile he used to be so delicate with us. Was he holding this back? Poor boy.

There was a crowd. Shouting. Holland must be here, and Talho, but the voice belongs to neither. Why is this hallway dark? Mischa came from here, Renton knew. What was that buzzing?

On the bed. Dominic and…who? A terrifying smile, like a wound splitting her face. Unfocused eyes but…could it really?

"Renton," the bleeding skeleton on the bed murmured, twisting away from her assailant and reaching feeble arms to the silhouette in the doorway. Holland whirled, his face a shifting puzzle of surprise, anger, and fear. Talho nodded sharply to Hap, who wrestled a baffled and shivering Dominic off the bed. Renton made no move either toward Anemone or escape, merely staring blankly at the scene laid out before him.

"Holland, maybe you shoul-"

"Renton!" Anemone repeated urgently, stretching her strained arms toward him, nearly toppling over as she leaned her body across the bed. "Renton Renton!" The eerie smile was wiped from her face, replaced with a mixed expression of concern and absolute devotion. Her addressee hesitantly took a step backward and a strangled, droning sob wrenched from Anemone's throat.

"Kid!" Holland barked, moving to intercept Renton from his escape route. "She's talking to you!" A muffled whimper or grunt slipped through Renton's lips. He slowly turned to Holland as if just recognizing he was there.

"Renton…" Anemone bleated weakly, her arms sinking to the mattress, a single drop of blood nestling in the crook of her left arm. "D-don't…Renton…leave."

Dominic, Holland, Talho, and Hap were gone. The door had closed with a disappointingly soft click, leaving Renton in the ravaged room with a weeping, laughing, bleeding, amalgamation of beauty and terror.

"Ren…" it whispered, crawling to the edge of the bed and reaching for him again. Pulled by the same unfamiliar force, Renton staggered to the mattress, letting the delicate pale arms wrap around his waist. A low, metallic hum tingled through his skin as she buried her face into the fabric of his jacket. The maddening buzz in the room lowered to a dull, barely audible tickling of the eardrum. Light shifted across the girl's hair, fooling Renton's eyes, radiating an icy green.

"I've missed you," a voice that tore through every pieced-together sinew and nerve of his body whispered. Feeling his knees give way, Renton clutched Eureka's shoulders, back, arms; embracing her as if the heat flushing through his skin could melt the two of them together. Choked gasps tore loose from his body, scraping past unused vocal chords in sheer, raw desperation. "I've missed you so much." The thin ridges of her ribs shook under his arms and Renton took her face in his hands, outlining every curve and corner and smooth inch of skin with his fingers. Mouth flapping mutely, he tried vainly to speak, lungs creaking as they fought for air amidst the emotion flooding out his eyes.

"I can't-"

"No!" he managed to croak, pulling her close again, eyes frantic and darting around the room like the very air around them would steal her away. "No, please!"

"I can't," the vision in his arms hummed, muscles going limp in his hands. The minty shine faded from her tangles of hair, leaving a coral pink nest of strands on the stark white bed. Renton released her, watching Anemone – not his beloved – crumple across the mattress. A cold chill drenched his neck and spilled down his spine as Renton turned, opened the door, and floated silently down the hallway of questioning eyes.