Lost Desert Flower
Jessica held the dress up in the sunlight. She remembered the day the Duke Leto gave that dress to her. It was the last birthday gift he gave her before they left Caladan. Jessica folded it carefully and placed it within the bag. A dry breeze flew through her room. She walked towards her window to glimpse at the horizon towards the setting sun of Arakis.
"Mother?," someone said. Jessica turned towards the door. Her little daughter Alia stood there with a questioning look.
Jessica knew exactly why Alia had come to see her. Behind those glowing spice blue eyes was an accusation. Little Alia Atreides, whom her brother Paul had dubbed St. Alia of the Knife, stepped into the room and awaited a response. Jessica shivered, then felt awkward. This was her own daughter, and she was afraid of this little child. Then again, she was a child only in body. On the inside was something completely different. Though Jessica tried to deny it, even to herself, that was the real reason she wanted to leave Arakis. Before her stood a little monster that she had created. Because she kept her pregnancy secret from the Fremen, as if it were some sort of shame, she condemned her daughter to a lost childhood, to being awakened in the womb, cramped as if she were buried alive, and emerging a full adult.
"Yes, Alia?" Jessica finally responded.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm returning to Caladan. I've been away long enough."
"You intend on going alone?"
"No. Gurney will go with me." Jessica felt Alia's gaze deepen. "What is it you really want?"
"You're leaving me here," Alia accused, "and you have no intention of returning. Ever."
"How could you say that?"
"How could I not?"
"You are just a little girl."
"I am not a child!" Alia's outburst frightened both of them.
"You are only four years old."
"I may be a child in body, but I am a woman in mind. I have numerous lives to prove it. I know things that you could only dream of, things you don't know you are ignorant of."
"What do you want me to tell you Alia?"
"Just admit the truth Mother. You may fool yourself, but everyone else sees the face you are hiding."
Jessica forced herself to remain calm. "It is better for you to stay here with your brother. That is the truth."
Alia lifted her eyes as if contemplating Jessica's words. "Given the alternative, perhaps you are right." Before Jessica could respond, Alia turned on her heel and walked out of the room. Jessica noticed how Alia held her head high, as if Alia were exiling her. Jessica knew what Alia was telling her, but she would not allow herself to think it. She returned to her packing. She felt like a robot, as if her soul had been stripped away.
Alia stood in the hallway. She stared over the balcony across Arakeen. In the distance, she saw the ship that carried her mother shoot across the air and head for outer space. She closed her eyes and considered what Caladan was like. She wondered what it was like to live on a world where water was as common as air, where bodies of water stretched so widely that the other side could not be seen, where it was so abundant it fell from the sky. She then opened her eyes, and again saw the endless desert of Arakis. She pretended not to know why a single tear fell from her eye.
Alia broke from her thoughts when she heard voices and footsteps approaching. She quickly recognized them as Muad'Dib and his trusty shadow Stilgar. She stood still in the hopes that they would not notice her. Their steps and voices gradually grew louder. Alia stiffened when she heard them suddenly grow silent. She could sense her brother staring at her back.
Finally, Muad'Dib called out, "Alia?" She looked over her shoulder. "What's wrong?" he asked. Alia merely shook her head. Then she began running down the hallway. Muad'Dib lightly touched Stilgar on the arm. "Go on. I will meet up with you later."
Stilgar opened his mouth as if to protest, then thought better of it. Muad'Dib watched him continue down the hallway alone. Then he walked in the opposite direction. Though he didn't watch Alia run off, he knew exactly where to find her.
He walked to her room and opened the door slightly. He could hear her sobbing inside. He opened the door the rest of the way and crept to the side of her bed. She was stretched out across the bed with her face buried into her pillow. He sat on the edge of her bed and placed a hand between her shoulders.
"Leave me alone!" Alia screamed. Her voice was muffled by the pillow.
"Not a chance. You led me here. I know you wanted me to come." He grabbed her arm and pulled her up. Alia snatched her arm away.
"I am not a child!"
"Yes, you are, Alia."
Alia straightened her back. "I am more adult than most people in this whole palace. I'm definitely more mature than that whining wench Irulan."
"Alia!" Though Muad'Dib's voice sounded stern, they both knew he wasn't serious. "That is a terrible thing to say. It's true, but it's still a terrible thing to say." The comment managed to bring a slight smile to Alia's face. Muad'Dib suddenly changed to serious tone. "It's Mother, isn't it?"
The smile instantly faded. "She thinks she can just run away, and everything will be all right. I cannot make such a decision. She will pay for this. She left me here all alone."
"Come here." Muad'Dib picked her up and set her onto his lap. "You are not alone. You will always have Chani and me."
"How could she do this to me?"
"What do you mean?"
"I know what everyone thinks of me. They stare at me and cringe in fear when I speak of the forgotten past. They whisper behind my back. They call me 'Abomination' and 'Accursed One.' It's all because Mother took melange while I was still in her womb."
"If I had known the water she had taken that day was full of melange, I would have convinced her to wait. I did not know until after she took the first swallow."
"She has destroyed my future."
"Not as long as I'm here." He wiped a tear from Alia's face. "This is no way for a proper Fremen child to act. You waste your water." Alia wiped her own face. "Do not worry about Mother. Chani and I are your parents now."
"I am not a child," Alia repeated.
"No," Muad'Dib relented. "You're not. You never were."
Jessica held the dress up in the sunlight. She remembered the day the Duke Leto gave that dress to her. It was the last birthday gift he gave her before they left Caladan. Jessica folded it carefully and placed it within the bag. A dry breeze flew through her room. She walked towards her window to glimpse at the horizon towards the setting sun of Arakis.
"Mother?," someone said. Jessica turned towards the door. Her little daughter Alia stood there with a questioning look.
Jessica knew exactly why Alia had come to see her. Behind those glowing spice blue eyes was an accusation. Little Alia Atreides, whom her brother Paul had dubbed St. Alia of the Knife, stepped into the room and awaited a response. Jessica shivered, then felt awkward. This was her own daughter, and she was afraid of this little child. Then again, she was a child only in body. On the inside was something completely different. Though Jessica tried to deny it, even to herself, that was the real reason she wanted to leave Arakis. Before her stood a little monster that she had created. Because she kept her pregnancy secret from the Fremen, as if it were some sort of shame, she condemned her daughter to a lost childhood, to being awakened in the womb, cramped as if she were buried alive, and emerging a full adult.
"Yes, Alia?" Jessica finally responded.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm returning to Caladan. I've been away long enough."
"You intend on going alone?"
"No. Gurney will go with me." Jessica felt Alia's gaze deepen. "What is it you really want?"
"You're leaving me here," Alia accused, "and you have no intention of returning. Ever."
"How could you say that?"
"How could I not?"
"You are just a little girl."
"I am not a child!" Alia's outburst frightened both of them.
"You are only four years old."
"I may be a child in body, but I am a woman in mind. I have numerous lives to prove it. I know things that you could only dream of, things you don't know you are ignorant of."
"What do you want me to tell you Alia?"
"Just admit the truth Mother. You may fool yourself, but everyone else sees the face you are hiding."
Jessica forced herself to remain calm. "It is better for you to stay here with your brother. That is the truth."
Alia lifted her eyes as if contemplating Jessica's words. "Given the alternative, perhaps you are right." Before Jessica could respond, Alia turned on her heel and walked out of the room. Jessica noticed how Alia held her head high, as if Alia were exiling her. Jessica knew what Alia was telling her, but she would not allow herself to think it. She returned to her packing. She felt like a robot, as if her soul had been stripped away.
Alia stood in the hallway. She stared over the balcony across Arakeen. In the distance, she saw the ship that carried her mother shoot across the air and head for outer space. She closed her eyes and considered what Caladan was like. She wondered what it was like to live on a world where water was as common as air, where bodies of water stretched so widely that the other side could not be seen, where it was so abundant it fell from the sky. She then opened her eyes, and again saw the endless desert of Arakis. She pretended not to know why a single tear fell from her eye.
Alia broke from her thoughts when she heard voices and footsteps approaching. She quickly recognized them as Muad'Dib and his trusty shadow Stilgar. She stood still in the hopes that they would not notice her. Their steps and voices gradually grew louder. Alia stiffened when she heard them suddenly grow silent. She could sense her brother staring at her back.
Finally, Muad'Dib called out, "Alia?" She looked over her shoulder. "What's wrong?" he asked. Alia merely shook her head. Then she began running down the hallway. Muad'Dib lightly touched Stilgar on the arm. "Go on. I will meet up with you later."
Stilgar opened his mouth as if to protest, then thought better of it. Muad'Dib watched him continue down the hallway alone. Then he walked in the opposite direction. Though he didn't watch Alia run off, he knew exactly where to find her.
He walked to her room and opened the door slightly. He could hear her sobbing inside. He opened the door the rest of the way and crept to the side of her bed. She was stretched out across the bed with her face buried into her pillow. He sat on the edge of her bed and placed a hand between her shoulders.
"Leave me alone!" Alia screamed. Her voice was muffled by the pillow.
"Not a chance. You led me here. I know you wanted me to come." He grabbed her arm and pulled her up. Alia snatched her arm away.
"I am not a child!"
"Yes, you are, Alia."
Alia straightened her back. "I am more adult than most people in this whole palace. I'm definitely more mature than that whining wench Irulan."
"Alia!" Though Muad'Dib's voice sounded stern, they both knew he wasn't serious. "That is a terrible thing to say. It's true, but it's still a terrible thing to say." The comment managed to bring a slight smile to Alia's face. Muad'Dib suddenly changed to serious tone. "It's Mother, isn't it?"
The smile instantly faded. "She thinks she can just run away, and everything will be all right. I cannot make such a decision. She will pay for this. She left me here all alone."
"Come here." Muad'Dib picked her up and set her onto his lap. "You are not alone. You will always have Chani and me."
"How could she do this to me?"
"What do you mean?"
"I know what everyone thinks of me. They stare at me and cringe in fear when I speak of the forgotten past. They whisper behind my back. They call me 'Abomination' and 'Accursed One.' It's all because Mother took melange while I was still in her womb."
"If I had known the water she had taken that day was full of melange, I would have convinced her to wait. I did not know until after she took the first swallow."
"She has destroyed my future."
"Not as long as I'm here." He wiped a tear from Alia's face. "This is no way for a proper Fremen child to act. You waste your water." Alia wiped her own face. "Do not worry about Mother. Chani and I are your parents now."
"I am not a child," Alia repeated.
"No," Muad'Dib relented. "You're not. You never were."