Hi, everyone! I know I haven't written anything for a long time...school got busy, and then I suddenly lost my muse. Anyway, here's the first chapter of my first story for the Naruto fandom. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Edit: I changed the references of Itachi as Sasuke's "aniki" to "nii-san". Based on what I understand of the Japanese language (which is actually very little), "nii-san" is more endearing, whereas "aniki" is simply the term meaning "big brother", with no real endearment behind it. This would also make sense, since Sasuke switched from calling Itachi "nii-san" to calling him "aniki" after the massacre. If I am wrong, could someone please correct me? Thank you!
"You're going to have an otouto soon, Itachi!"
Itachi blinked once. Then he blinked again.
Dimly in the background, he heard kaa-san talking on about how it was great that he would no longer be an only child, how he was sure to be a wonderful nii-san, and how his otouto was so lucky to have someone like him to look up to.
Someone like him? Why would anyone want an innocent, pure being to look up to him, a shinobi who had already seen so much bloodshed, so much violence, so much death? How many nights had he woken up in a cold sweat, remembering the dull gazes of the fallen, and hastily glanced down at his hands, affirming to himself that they were clean and not covered with crimson that wasn't his? None of the dead had perished through his work, he knew: he had been too young; but he had seen the aftermath of countless battles, had seen tou-san and his elder cousins come back, exhausted and wounded and their eyes were dead even though they weren't dead and he wanted to make it all stop but he didn't know how and there was blood on their clothes and their weapons and their faces and there was bloodbloodbloodblood-
"…And tou-san and I thought that we would name him—Itachi? Are you alright?"
Itachi jolted out of his memories with a start, looking up to see kaa-san kneeling next to him. He had been so caught up in his memories that he hadn't realized he was clenching his fists so hard they were shaking. She gently placed a hand on his forehead. He closed his eyes and willed himself to relax. There was no need for kaa-san to worry about him, not when she was pregnant with his new otouto. She should be more concerned about herself, about the fresh new life inside her, not her world-worn, haunted son—older son, he corrected; he wasn't the only son of Uchiha Fugaku and Uchiha Mikoto anymore.
"You don't look too good, Itachi. Are you tired? Was school okay?"
"…"
"Itachi?"
"…I'm fine, kaa-san."
"Are you sure?"
"…"
"…Come here, Itachi."
He felt kaa-san wrap her arms around him, pulling him close to her. For a moment, he tried to resist—I'm dirty, I'm tainted, he wanted to scream. You'll be contaminated by the darkness that is in me—that is me, and then my otouto will become tainted and dirty too—but he ultimately didn't and let her hug him. In those few moments before he finally had enough and gently pried himself out of her grasp, he pretended that he was like any other six-year-old boy, fresh and wide-eyed about everything, as yet untouched by the dirtiness of the world.
It was quite fascinating to watch kaa-san's ever-rounding form over the next few months. Itachi never told anyone, but he was amazed by the thought that shinobi, who were routinely harbingers of death as part of their job, could produce life. That the bodies which could cut and slash and stab were also perfectly capable of holding and nourishing frail, feeble innocence.
Sometimes, as he learned (learned was not quite the right word; his sensei swore that he already had an innate knowledge of everything that was taught him, and didn't that make tou-san proud) to throw shuriken and kunai, to set traps with ninja wire and explosive tags, to slice through an enemy (he hated the word) with a tanto as efficiently as possible; in other words, how to bring about carnage and destruction, he would retreat into his mind, think about what his otouto would be like, and pretend that he did not just hit the target on the dummy's chest straight on.
Would Sasuke, for that would be—no, was—his name, have soft hair, like he and kaa-san did, or would his hair be more stiff, like tou-san's? How would his laugh sound like? What kind of food would he like to eat when he got older? What kind of activities would he enjoy doing?
Those were the kinds of questions Itachi liked to ponder when he thought about his otouto, and he would sometimes talk them over with kaa-san. She would listen and offer her own suggestions, her own hopes and dreams. He always felt closer to kaa-san when they had those talks.
He was careful, however, to never bring up the subject with tou-san. Not that tou-san wouldn't talk with him about little Sasuke's future; it was just that he always focused on the shinobi side of things. At night, when Itachi would overhear tou-san and kaa-san talking about Sasuke, it was always the kind of questions tou-san used when determining the strength of a shinobi.
How old would Sasuke be when he entered the Academy? When he graduated? Who would be a good choice for his jounin sensei (there was no doubt in tou-san's mind that Sasuke would pass the genin test)? What chakra nature would he hold besides fire?
Everything was always about what Sasuke would do, would be capable of doing. It was never about what kind of person he would be. Seeing as tou-san was the head of the Uchiha clan and was therefore supposed to be focused on building up the clan strength, Itachi supposed that he could understand where all this was coming from. It still pained him to think that, even before he was born, Sasuke already had his feet set for him on the path of the shinobi. He would never get the choice to live a life other than that of a killer. Purity was destined for corruption from the very start, and it hurt him to think about it.
When he told this to his cousin, Shisui frowned and leaned back against a tree. The two of them had been practicing shuriken jutsu at one of the Uchiha training grounds, and Itachi had taken advantage of the privacy to broach what was on his mind.
"So…you're worried about the future Sasuke will have to face as a shinobi?"
"I am."
"…I see."
"Do you think I am wrong?"
"No, no…well, not really."
Shisui straightened and began to collect the shuriken scattered around the small clearing.
"I think it's more a matter of perspective."
"Perspective?"
"Yes. You see, you worry over Sasuke and the path your tou-san wants him to walk because of your definition of what a shinobi is."
After collecting all the shuriken, Shisui sat down next to Itachi.
"To you, a shinobi is someone who kills and harms for the sake of his village. He is nothing but the angel of death, an assassin. Am I right?"
"…" Itachi wordlessly nodded.
"I don't blame you for thinking this way. You didn't fight in the Third Shinobi War, but you saw what it did to your family. In war, the role of a shinobi is a particularly bloody one. However…"
Shisui turned to face Itachi.
"Have you ever thought about the role of a shinobi in peacetime?"
"They represent their village on various requested missions…"
"…? Is something the matter, Itachi?"
"Shinobi represent their village on various requested missions," repeated Itachi firmly. "But…"
"But what?"
"Even then, they still have to kill."
"Itachi…you know that not every mission handed to a shinobi involves killing."
"D- and C-rank missions, no. Possible killing only happens from B-rank missions, and they are almost a given on A- and S-rank missions. And that's the problem!"
"What is it? Itachi?!" Shisui became alarmed as Itachi stood up and began to pace the clearing.
"I…I don't want to kill! I don't want to fight! That's never going to happen, though. Shisui-nii…I'm six. I'm in the Academy and I'll probably graduate in the next few months. I'm touted as the clan prodigy—and I'm also the heir! Tou-san and the others expect me to climb as high as is possible…and that means that I will become a high-ranked shinobi, with most of my missions involving bloodshed of some kind. Shisui-nii…I just can't do it!"
All throughout his talk, Itachi's voice had grown louder and more passionate. At the end, it broke off with a sob.
"Itachi…"
Shisui walked over and put an arm around his younger cousin. Itachi turned and buried his face in Shisui's shirt, which soon became damp with the boy's tears.
"…I'm sorry, Itachi. I didn't know."
"…"
"But you know, you're not completely right."
Itachi froze in the elder's embrace.
"First, although you will graduate soon, you will be on a genin team for some time. The only missions you will get are D-ranks, with the occasional C-rank thrown in. And it will stay that way for some time: you know there is a minimum number of missions that the team has to go on before the students are allowed to enter the chuunin exam. The higher-ranked missions will only come after you become a chuunin."
"…" Itachi had quieted considerably by then.
Shisui smiled and continued rubbing comforting circles in the younger boy's back.
"Second, and most importantly, the high-ranked missions that you get will not all be assassinations. Some will be reconnaissance, others will be collecting information and jutsu scrolls. There will even be the odd diplomatic mission thrown in. I remember one mission I went on when we had to try to convince our previous daimyo to give up his position to the next-in-line without starting a war. Now that was interesting. In the process, we had to use an uchiwa, a sack of dango, and a senbon. Oh yes, and eleven rubber chickens." Shisui chuckled over the memory.
"…Rubber chickens?"
"Ah, I'll tell you some other time. The point is, Itachi, you will have plenty of variety besides the 'find the target and stab him in the gut' missions."
Itachi smiled slightly, and then frowned.
"But…tou-san will expect me to take the killing missions…"
Shisui sighed. Fugaku-san, why must you put so much pressure on Itachi, when he is still so young? "Well, then I guess you'll have to just take them. I do."
Itachi looked at him in shock. "Shisui-nii, I thought you didn't like killing, either…"
"I don't."
"Then why…?"
"Because I have a reason to take them."
Shisui pulled back from Itachi and looked him in the eyes. "Itachi, I take them because…Let me ask you a question. Itachi…do you see me as a heartless killer?"
"…No, I don't."
"Even though I've killed so many people and destroyed lives with these hands? Madara, our ancestor, did many of the same things I did. Am I the same as he?"
"No, Shisui-nii."
"Why?"
"…Madara did everything for the sake of his revenge. You…"
"…Exactly. Itachi, it's not what we do, but why we do them. We kill, yes. Both Madara and I have shed blood. However, Madara, like you said, did so for revenge. I do so…because I want to protect Konoha."
"…"
"I used to wonder what a shinobi was when I found out that I would be expected to live as one. It was not appealing to me to enter a life of slaughter. Then I found out that killing wasn't all I did. And even when I had to kill, it was because I wanted to defend the peace that Konoha currently has. Without taking the lives of a few, the lives of hundreds would be at risk, even if I hated to do it. Itachi…shinobi are not killing machines. They sacrifice themselves for their village…I believe that shinobi…
"Shinobi are the nameless ones who protect peace from inside the shadows."
"…I understand, Shisui-nii."
"Now, let's head back before Mikoto-san starts to worry about you being late for dinner, shall we?"
Itachi would never forget the day he felt his otouto kick for the first time.
He had been sitting out on the back porch after a particularly long day filled with weapons-handling exercises. Despite his conversation with Shisui earlier that month, he was still unsure about the idea of taking lives. Even to protect another life…was it worth it?
"Itachi? Welcome home."
"Kaa-san?"
"Come here, Itachi. I have something to show you."
"…?"
"Just come here!"
Itachi slowly got up and padded across to kaa-san. It was interesting to see her so excited—she was usually calm and reserved.
"What is it, kaa-san?"
"Give me your hand."
Itachi was surprised when his hand was taken and pressed against kaa-san's swollen belly.
"Kaa-san? What's…!"
"Did you feel that?"
"Yes…"
"That was Sasuke!"
"…"
"He started kicking last night…and he's been at it since. He's such an active one. What a difference from you: you were calm and hardly kicked…"
Itachi stood there, stunned. He had known that Sasuke was growing inside kaa-san, but this…this was just amazing. This…it was as if feeling Sasuke's movement confirmed that yes, he was there. Sasuke…his otouto…He suddenly felt a strange rush of an unknown feeling toward the unborn life. It surprised him; he'd never felt anything like this before.
What is this feeling?
"Itachi?"
"…Nothing, kaa-san."
I wish I knew what it was.
"Goodbye, tou-san, kaa-san. Have a good time!"
"Take care of Sasuke!"
"I will!"
Itachi waved as the two adults turned the corner onto the main street of the Uchiha compound. Tou-san and kaa-san were headed out for some time together in town; Itachi believed that they were going to check out a new restaurant that had opened. He was used to being at home by himself when that happened, but he wasn't alone this time.
Walking over to the new crib in the master bedroom, he leaned over and picked up his otouto. Sasuke stirred, opening his eyes to see who was holding him. Itachi smiled, walking out of the bedroom.
"Well, Sasuke, it looks like we have the house to ourselves tonight."
Sasuke blinked, made a face like he couldn't quite decide whether to fuss about being taken away from his nice, warm bed or to smile at his nii-san for the kiss on his forehead, and finally decided on closing his eyes and going back to sleep.
Itachi chuckled and made his way out to the porch. The weather was nice; it was warm, but not stifling hot, thanks to the breeze that was making its way past the main Uchiha doorstep. The moon was out, too, in all its glory. Itachi liked the moon, admiring the pale calmness that it always showed. No matter what it saw, what atrocities, it always managed to keep it all hidden inside its calm façade.
Sometimes, Itachi wondered if he could ever be like the moon.
"…Hmm?"
But something was wrong with the moon tonight. It was still as pale and calm as ever, but it seemed to hold an edge of warning, like something terrible was going to happen…
Perturbed, Itachi sat down on the top step and leaned back against one of the supports, cradling Sasuke in his arms. The Yondaime Hokage was the Hokage with the biggest heart. All the shinobi and citizens of Konoha were family to him. He was also immensely strong (and quick, too, if his nickname of Yellow Flash was anything to go by), perfectly capable of dealing with anything, so…why did he feel so uneasy? Frowning, Itachi closed his eyes, taking in the peacefulness of the night around him…
A flare of strange, foreign chakra…an icy cold darkness…
Itachi's eyes flew open. What..?
"I feel something ominous…what is it?"
It feels like pure evil…tou-san…kaa-san…I hope you're safe…
"Waaahh!"
…Apparently, Sasuke had felt it too. That, or he was disturbed by the discomfort that he felt when Itachi had jolted upright from his previously reclined position.
"Now, now…calm down, Sasuke…"
And now Sasuke is awake…and fussing…and of course tou-san and kaa-san have to be out…What's going on?
"Waaahhhh!"
"Don't worry, Sasuke…"
It's that same feeling again…What…what is it? "I do so…because I want to protect..." Shisui-nii…is this what you meant?
"No matter what happens…"
It must be.
"I'll always protect you."
Like a flash of lightning, Itachi was struck by clarity. He now knew what he had felt when Sasuke kicked against his hand for the first time. It was protectiveness. Why he was so worried about tou-san's choice for his life. He didn't want anything bad to happen to Sasuke…ever. How he knew that he would do anything…anything for Sasuke.
Because I love you.
And even though the kyuubi was tearing up Konoha (although he didn't know it at the time) and he didn't know where his parents were or if they were safe (they were rushing back to the compound and arrived to find Itachi with a now-calm Sasuke sitting serenely on the front porch) and nothing would ever be the same for the Hidden Village in the Leaves again…
Itachi smiled.
Author's note: I know that some of the themes I put in the story may be confusing, so here's a clarification:
1) The way Itachi thinks and talks. He may seem like an adult in the way he reacts and communicates with people, even though he's only six. The reason for this is that Itachi, according to the Sandaime Hokage, "had the reasoning abilities of a Hokage at seven." It would only make sense that he was already very mature when he was six.
2) Itachi's extreme aversion to the shinobi lifestyle initially. Remember, this is a kid who saw what the Third Great Shinobi War resulted in when he was four. That could do a lot to a kid's mind. He doesn't stay in that kind of thinking, of course, thanks to Shisui.
3) Shisui's age. We're never told in the manga or anime just how old Shisui was when he died. He would have to be older than Itachi, since Itachi was recognized as the clan prodigy, and strong as Shisui was, he would have to have taken longer in reaching his status. Plus, Ao from Kirigakure said that he had fought Shisui before. I combine the two and put Shisui as six, maybe seven years older than Itachi. In this story, he is like a big brother figure to Itachi (which is why he calls him Shisui-nii).
That's all for this chapter...see you for the next one!